Want to hang out? (Cecil / Tomomi)

...that explained a few things, to be honest. Well, the anxiety disorder thing did, anyway. He still had no idea what could possibly been linked back to the vitamin deficiencies, so there was only so much that could tell him right now.
"Right..." He chuckles awkwardly. "I'll be fine. It's not that bad, though...well, more lemonade might be nice." A few more crisps found their way to his mouth, providing him simple flavour and characteristic crunch. Oh, how easy it was to eat these things...
He pulled his hand away from the bowl before he could get too tempted.
"Well if we're saying, I, ah...have a diagnosis of my own, if you haven't guessed. Affects things in several ways, and ah, this can be one of them. A too-quiet room's become a special kind of hell." He shrugs. "Don't really make a big deal of it...just a thing of life. Always will be."

For a while he sits in silence, still tempted to hit the music for a bit but resisting for sake of facade, determined to not give Tomomi as much to worry about. A relaxed expression settles on his features in this time, as to better to exude the ease he wished to portray.
He knew he should really be forthcoming with this stuff, especially after prior talk of sharing troubles with friends, but...this wasn't anything worth worrying over in his mind. So it was something he wouldn't allow anyone else to.
Eventually though, a little smirk creeps onto his face as a thought occurs, and he thinks to try his hand at family tradition. "So, how many languages do you know that you can curse in on reflex?"

Listening, Tomomi simply looked near Cecil, being sure not to look directly at him as he talked about his own thing, simply holding his drink in his hands near his lip as he listened. At the pause, the boy took a sip at his lemonade, nearly spitting his drink out at the question and having to cough a moment as he was caught off guard.

"Ah, um... Well... I technically shouldn't know as many as I do, but, my mother was... A bit vulgar on the job sometimes, and so I happened to look up what she said sometimes if she wouldn't tell me... So... I'd say, six languages. Japanese and German are the two I find easiest to swear in, followed by English, then Greek, French, and Spanish, since those were the countries my mother worked in. I'll um... Confess it wasn't the best habit I picked up, so, I try to avoid swearing... I guess I got a bit over excited in the game, so, um... Whoops?" At this, the boy laughed, before shaking his head. "If you want, I could um, teach you one or two so you can use them with reduced risk of getting in trouble? Although, um... Thinking about it, anyone that did find out would probably get you in trouble so um... Never mind..."

He couldn't help it - Cecil bursts out laughing as Tomomi nearly does a spit take. It was beyond a satisfying reaction, especially when it was one he basically couldn't draw from the only two people he'd dare do this with normally.
"Duly noted. If I ever hear a pile of foreign curses, I'll investigate." Laughing a little, he goes for the crisps. "Don't worry about it. It's how you use the words than what you say."
"Not like anything terrible was meant by it, right?"

Cecil leans forward a little. "So...what do you know in Greek? If you're really worried about someone knowing, I figure that's the least likely." Now how would he take this...?

Nodding and taking another couple of crisps, the selection beginning to run low now, the boy replied to the question. "Yeah, I generally only ever use swears in reference to mistakes I make, or things going wrong, since using them about other people is... Kind of mean? Anyways, the only swear in Greek I know is Malakas. Like many non-English words, it has multiple meanings, and depending on the situation can even be used positively, like the affectionate calling of a friend as an ass hole? It doesn't really have a direct translation, but, the closest it has in its rude variation is the swear, um... What was it... Wand cur? I'll admit, I only really know two or three English swears... It's some swear that's common in the British Isles though... So, it's often used in reference to a person, either affectionately, such as Pou ise re maláka, which is roughly 'Where are you friend?', while Mi gínese malákas is a demand of 'Don't be an asshole'... Um... So, um, there's a bit of foreign language for you I guess? Um... Use this knowledge wisely?"

Cecil listens attentively to the expansion on the topic of foreign swears, and chuckling at the explanation given right until Tomomi gives the translation. From then, it was possible to see the individual stages of his mental process on his face - from confusion and dawning realisation, to reflection and recollection, at which point Cecil finally breaks out into a fit of giggles.

They slow eventually, but in the even as they die down, Cecil doesn't expound further on his reaction.

"Ah, ahaha...oh, man...that's...ah, aha!" His laughing fit kicks up again for a bit longer before he gets a hold of himself and shakes his head. "It's...it's 'wanker', not 'wand cur'...oh, man..." He settles into a smile that soon turns wistful, snickering occasionally. "Do...do you know what it means?"

At the sudden burst of laughter, Tomomi was both surprised, but most prominently, pleased. This was what he wanted to see: his friend, happy. Even if Tomomi's mispronunciation was the source of the laughter, the sight of joy was something that brought him joy as well. It was just a happy moment. As Cecil corrected him and posed the question, Tomomi took another sip of his lemonade, as if to temporarily avoid the question, before deciding to just go for it, and boldly answer...

"Nope! No idea! Mother shouted it at some clients down the phone, and that is all I know."

That was all it took to make Cecil burst out laughing, right at that instant. He laughed and he laughed and he laughed, uproariously and without restraint, until he doubled over and started to wheeze.
He couldn't help it, he really couldn't. It wasn't just what he said, ohhh no - it was the way it was said, bold and clueless as to the meaning behind it all as he recounted a beloved parental figure yelling it down the phone. He couldn't help but see the mirrors and parallels to it all, a humour in this situation both lighthearted and crude and incredibly dark in places.

He laughed until his lungs were done and laughed a little longer, a near silent whisper that almost seemed painful as it wracked his body and led him to wobble and drift.
The fit ended after too long with harsh inhalations in the form of sharp gasps, his form overtaken by the need to reclaim the air it had voided and too little replaced. He found himself stuck in a cycle of hungry and violent breaths, as his chest heaved and body shook.
Even as he passed the point where his needs were fulfilled, he never stopped hunching over, taking ragged, halting, choking breaths that sounded suspiciously like something worse.

As Cecil's laughter went to the extreme, Tomomi's joy turned into concern, with Cecil practically collapsing in laughter, and suddenly struggling to breathe. Practically leaping from his seat, the boy ran over to Cecil's side, crouching down to be roughly eye-level as he began to speak in an attempt at being calm and quiet, focusing to try and stop his panic from getting into his voice, resulting in a slow, almost methodical speech. "H-hey... Um, Cecil, can you hear me? Try to slow down your breathing, and if you can hear me, try to sit up straight. It... Is best if you sit up straight so that you can open up your air ways and breathe properly, so, please try. Do you need some water?"

Cecil's eyes glisten with a wet sheen.

"Ha ha, ha, hey, there's, ha, there's no need to worry, hey?" He sits up, a warped rictus on his face trying to pass itself off as a wide smile. "S-see? There's...there's..." He chokes. "Nothing wrong. A-A, aha, absolutely nothing wrong! I'm...fi-hi, fine."
"N-na-ha, nothing, nothing to...to worry about...nothing at all..." He rakes his fingers through his hair, hunching over a bit again. "Nothing you need to, ha, worry about..."
He took more choking breaths as he let the statements sit, unable to say anything else without letting those subconscious words he'd meant all this time finally rise to the surface and fly from his mouth.
I'm not worth worrying about.

As Cecil tried to reassure him, all Tomomi could think was that it was worse than he initially thought. Standing up, Tomomi ran off to the kitchen in a near sprint, stumbling over his chair before getting to the kitchen and pouring a quick glass of water, ready for when Cecil was in a state to drink it, and then returning, setting it on the table and going over to his friend. Upon seeing that Cecil was hunched over again, the boy gently nudged at Cecil's chest in order to guide him back to sitting upright. "Try to slow down. Deep breaths, one at a time. Don't focus on anything other than your breathing right now, and try to get yourself back to normal, okay? It'll be okay, but, please try to listen to my voice and take your time getting yourself calm. Don't try and talk until you've, um... Gathered your breath, and if you need to speak to make a request or anything, gesture with your hand that you need to speak, okay? Just, um... Keep up right like that, and focus on breathing, okay?"

As Tomomi damn near legged it out of the room, Cecil's head jerked up to follow the motion. "H-h-hey, what, are you, there's no need to-" He swallows. "No need to-" Oh, who the fuck did he think he was convincing? Nobody. Ab-so-lute-ly nobody.
Pathetic.
When his friend returns, Cecil allows Tomomi to reposition him so he's upright once more, trying to follow the instructions and calm down for his sake.

In and out, breath in and out...
But the tension doesn't leave his body.
In and out, breath in and out...
He had to remember then of all times, didn't he?
In and out, breath in and out...
His eyes were getting wetter again. He drags a sleeve across them.
In and out, breath in and out...
Bury.

"Why do you even bother?"
"It's not worth your time."
"I'm not worth your time."
"Anyone's, even."
"Can't even-"

As Cecil began speaking beneath his own breath, Tomomi frowned. Was this how Cecil felt? That was... Worrying. Upsetting. As he was breathing heavily, Tomomi sat down, and after thinking for a second, decided what the best approach would be for him. So, he went back to his seat, gently sitting down, and waited, trying to offer Cecil a slight smile, and being sure to wait for him to calm down a bit. Right now though, he didn't want to risk making things worse.

Tomomi had heard that, hadn't he...? He was hoping he wouldn't catch it if he just finally got his mouth to clamp itself closed, but that was just wishful thinking from what he was seeing. They'd heard that. He'd definitely heard that.
Oh, he knew it was bad that he thought that. It definitely wasn't healthy. Didn't make it wrong, though. He'd just managed to let things get to the point that this was the reality of his life, that's all. Fuck, he'd love to delude himself into thinking it wasn't, and often he would. At least consciously.
But this was how things were.
Was it worse that things were like this, or that he refused to tell anyone that could help those times he could admit to it all because it was the sort of thing that bothered people? That they didn't tend to forget if they interacted with you with any frequency? Even with strangers, it still tended to ruin the mood.

It was tempting to curl up, but Tomomi had made a point of him maintaining this position, so he wouldn't do that. Instead, he leaned back with his eyes closed, fingers pushing into his hair as his hand rested on his forehead.
"...all this effort to make sure nothing would concern you, and this happens." He lets out a weak, dark laugh. "Sure, tell the guy with an anxiety disorder fretting over you how worthless you are. Brilliant idea. Be a bonding experience, you know? Nearly bawl your eyes out at something you should be done with by now and confess to this shit after. Make a tradition of it, lying back in these chairs and feeling shitty together. And then when we're done, we go grab something and eat our feelings, it'll be great."

As Cecil seemed to return somewhat to his senses, Tomomi just sat there, listening, before shaking his head, deciding to give Cecil some space for now. Unlike before, and unlike usual, the boy this time made himself look Cecil dead in the eye. It was awkward, and uncomfortable, but what came next, he felt needed to be said.

"You are far from worthless. Especially to me. Okay? It's... It's okay to doubt yourself, but, you are far from worthless to me, or in general. You're my first and best friend. You helped me out, and gave me the first glimmer of hope that there's something happy and comfortable that can be found here other than picking up litter. If you want to make a tradition out of this, then, make it a positive one. It's okay to cry, so, we can make it a tradition of crying together, and letting out the negativity, so that we can keep happy."

Gulp. He would be lying to himself if he said he wasn't nervous doing this. Was he doing the right thing? Was he making things worse?

"I... Yeah, I'm anxious... And right now, I am worried about you. But... I think that's what friends do, is worry about each other, even if there's nothing wrong. I think... Well, um... That's how I plan on doing it... So, yes, I'm worried about you. But, well, you're clearly worried about me too, since you tried to hide it, right? I... I think it's okay to worry."

Pausing and falling into silence, Tomomi gestured to the water. "Try to drink that slowly, replenish any fluids you might have lost from panic and exertion. It's surprising how quickly you can get dehydrated from panicking." As he finished, the boy let out a smile, before offering Cecil a smile - a genuine one, as he tried his best to calm the mood. "So, next time let's go get something to eat, but not for our feelings, but, just because we found a place which does nice black bean sauce."

...a small, wry smile creeps onto Cecil's face, the boy letting out a dry little chuckle. Of course he'd say that. He kind of expected it...it was just hard to accept was all.
Pfft. Him? Bringer of hope? That was a laugh. If he was the one that brought hope to someone, then things really were dire for them.

His thought process crashed out a moment as that thought struck him.
Fuck, how bad were things for Tomomi?

No, stop that. Don't assume things like that just because you're pretty convinced you suck.
Slowly, he took his hand away from his head and reached for the water with it, making an effort not to blow through it in one and setting it back down after having had what he felt reasonable for the moment. "I...I might as well be honest, here. It's nice to hear all of this, but I still can't buy into all of it just yet." He pauses for a moment, glancing away. "I wish I could, though. I would like to. So...I'll try, at least. For your sake, if not mine...until I can do this for my own sake." His gaze flicks up into the corner of his eye as a thought passes by, and he starts to snicker. "Man, I think I just figured out why that little voice in my head gives me such a hard time."