Study til Sore [Tomomi/Cecil]

The school day had ended, people had flowed from the doors of Seven Stars, and many of them would be out enjoying themselves or otherwise living their lives. Others stopped by the library for some study, helping to better themselves.
Cecil, however, remained longer than most if not all of them. As had become a custom each day, he worked several hours after his lessons had come to an end.
No breaks.
No rest.
Just work.

In...perhaps, twenty minutes or so, he would have to leave. It would be about then that the last of the clubs would be finishing up, and the librarian would be ushering him and any other soul remaining in the area out. He knew it was coming soon - the librarian was starting to recognise him, and he honestly had trouble figuring out what was going on in their head.

Til then, he worked.

As the day came to its close, Tomomi stretched out and prepared to head to one of the only decent places in the academy for him - the library. Jacket over his shoulder and bag on his back, the boy walked through the doors after a brief stop to go wash his hands on the way, having just come from a chemistry lesson. Now in the library, the boy got into the queue for the main desk, waiting in line before getting there to return a book, nodding, and going to find a new book to replace it with.

As he looked however, he found something - or someone - else. Someone far more important than a new book, hard at work studying independently. Thinking for a moment, Tomomi went and grabbed a generic chemistry book, before walking over to the table Cecil was working at, gently placing his hand on a nearby seat and coughing to grab his attention mildly, before speaking. "Hey, um... Is this seat taken?"

At the cough, Cecil looks up from his books, and the fatigued expression borne of excessive study in prior days is quickly wiped away for something more lively. "Oh! No, nonono, no. Go ahead, sit down." He chuckles weakly, and looks away. "I really didn't want to be stuck alone studying again..."
Shaking his head, he starts work again on the maths exercises he'd been working on before Tomomi arrived, eyes flicking to that stack of books beside him and drawing a long sigh out of him. Thank god for Tomomi. "It's good to have you here. Wasn't expecting to see you honestly...didn't spot you all the other times I was here. What're you doing here?"

Setting his bag down next to the chair and putting the book he'd just picked up down on the table in front of him, Tomomi smiled and nodded as he took his seat and listened to Cecil. At the question and statement, Tomomi merely shrugged. "Uh... Well, I'm usually here to be honest, but I don't tend to stick around... Ironically, for a library, I find it too noisy to study usually, so, I just tend to come in, take a book or return a book, and do the work at home... What about you? I mean, you look exhausted... What're you working on that has you looking so worn out? Maths?" The boy added the latter last minute, having glanced at the book in front of Cecil.

Tomomi receives a thin smile from Cecil as the boy shrugs. "I just usually tend to have my earphones in...they don't really care about me listening to music as long as I'm the only one to hear it." He pauses, clearing his throat. "I'm...not sure what you mean, anyway. I'm fine. Maths isn't that bad." He shakes his head as he jots something else down. "I've not been working long. It'd be ridiculous if this had tired me out already."

Paying attention to what Cecil said, Tomomi focused and thought. The thin smile... As Tomomi had been getting to know Cecil better, he'd grown to feel bitter sweet at the sight of those. It was like a sign that Cecil wasn't okay, but also not terrible and on the breaking point of panic. The boy let out a light exhale, sighing to himself as he thought through what the best way to talk to Cecil in this situation would be. Calm down Tomomi. Something has to be on Cecil's mind, but don't force him straight up.

"So, anyways, what are you working on? I mean, um, if it's not something private anyways... I mean, I know the work is hard at times, but I didn't think the work assigned was something so difficult for the need to, well... Work as often as it seems you are? Oh, but uh, don't let me distract you..."

There was a terrible creeping feeling as Tomomi noted his observations. He'd wanted to keep this on the quieter side from his friend, but...it seemed he wasn't doing that too well. "I...just said. Just...working on Maths. I have some catchup with Isla Class after that...I wish there was more history in History." He gets a few more answers down as slowly, his pencil stills. "...what do you mean? Working as often as I am?"

Right. Careful time. The wrong word would... Upset Cecil. The last thing Tomomi wanted was that. All he wanted was to make sure his friend was okay, and be able to offer help if needed.

"Well, um... Last time we met in the library together, you weren't really... As busy or as um... Intense with the work... Did they increase your work load or something? Because, um... That wouldn't really be fair, and it's important to, um, pace yourself and make sure you're not going to get yourself worn out from doing the work stuff? And uh... Is there anything I can help with? Because, um, if you are hit with a higher workload, I can help if you want..."

...oh. That was it. He'd...noticed a difference.
Not that this surprised him. He'd taken the immediate excuse to remove himself from his own work the moment it had presented itself. By contrast, the piles he'd stacked up on the table were a pretty big difference.
"No...that isn't it. I'm just...trying to pick up the slack." He chuckles weakly as he sets his pencil down, looking over to Tomomi. "...I'd been doing well enough with class and work, but...not well, really. Good. Great. It's...not enough. And I'm so far behind...I wasted a lot of time." He shrugs. "So, I...guess I'm making up for it now, really. Catching up. Making sure I knew what I should have early. Making sure I know more than that."

Listening, Tomomi continued to think, being careful about what his next reply would be. Wow, thinking on the spot like this was... Difficult. But, as he heard from Cecil, he frowned somewhat, before trying to remove that expression from his face to avoid being disheartening. So, it was... Another instance of Cecil doubting himself?

Shaking his head, Tomomi spoke, voice softer than even his usual softness. "If good or great aren't enough, then... Well, um, what is? You can't break and destroy yourself to try and catch up when you've already been doing well. If you can reach higher, do, but don't wear yourself out for it. Nobody's perfect, and anyone that expects perfection... Well, that's just a sign of being wrong, I guess? Do you need specific grades to achieve something? Because, if that's not the case, then, well... Um... Who are you trying to prove yourself to? I mean, um... Well... Uh... I think you get it? Hopefully? Um... Geez... Uh... Yeah, so, is it catching up? Because, um, as your friend... Please don't push yourself too hard."

His voice was soft, but Tomomi's words clashed hard with everything his mind was telling him. With all his haunting spectre hammered into him again, and again, and again. "...I'm not doing well though. If I was doing good or great, I'd be fine, but I've been doing basically nothing. It got me by, what I was doing...but it isn't enough just to get by - what just gets me by now will ruin me later. Getting by takes me nowhere, and if I keep getting by I'll go nowhere." He knew nowhere well. He'd planted roots there, set up foundations. Nowhere was where he lived, watching through the windows at his fated place in the world. "...I have to do something. Everything. Doing nothing is what got me here. It's why I'm still here, no matter how much I struggle."

Hearing Cecil's thoughts was always difficult. While Tomomi was an anxious person, Cecil was full of self doubt. This moment was just a reminder of that. Beyond their friendship, they both had problems, and this was Cecil's. Coughing, and allowing Cecil a moment to breathe, Tomomi spoke up and replied, keeping his voice quiet so as to not attract the attention of those in the library. "And what does moving and acting without a goal do... Or, have you found a dream to follow? If you devote yourself to just the path you're given without giving yourself room to breathe, then you'll have no idea what you intend to do... Please just slow down, and not hurt yourself working too hard please? I get wanting to work hard but... Um... Yeah..."

...Cecil seems to deflate after that, slowly collapsing in on himself. Leaning forward and resting his elbows on the table, he buries his face in his hands, fingers grasping at his hairline as he lets out a long sigh. "...I'm wasting my time again." He sits up again, and slumps back in his seat, eyes drifting down onto the pages he'd been slaving over. "...what am I supposed to do? I...don't have anywhere to go. You have the road laid out ahead, and I can't even find the floor."

"...I don't have long to find a way before I fall off the tracks altogether."

It may have been a bittersweet moment, but, to Tomomi, the sight of Cecil deflating wasn't necessarily a bad one. He seemed defeated, but, not broken, and the fact of the matter was, he'd at least slow down now. Still, it wasn't like it was a positive reaction either, something Tomomi couldn't blame Cecil for reacting as.

"Um... I don't know how sensible this sounds in English but, um... If you're worried about falling off the tracks, why follow a track in the first place? You could and still can try to figure out what you want to do. I mean, I only just figured out roughly what I want to do, but, I still don't know everything about it, or even what exactly... Why limit yourself to a set route though? You've got the determinotation to go places, even if you don't see it yourself. I mean, I couldn't put in as much effort as you have... Besides, if you're learning something, even if that something can be seen as a bad bad thing, is the time wasted? It's still learning and improving stuff..."

Rubbing at the back of his neck, the boy shook his head. "That is just my thought though. You could have a different idea, and that would be fine, since it is your life, and so you should decide the route, whether on the floor, or in the sky itself."

Cecil smiles sadly, and shakes his head. "You know what I..." He lets out a weak chuckle, and scratches at the back of his head. "Actually...maybe not. I don't know." He lets his hand fall once more as he looks to Tomomi, closing his books. "You have an idea what you want to do. Even if you don't know everything, you've got enough to let you look into things, delve into stuff and get to the point where you do know everything you need to. I just don't have a clue." He shrugs, and looks away. "Once this year here's up, I'm done here. And...then what? I have to do something. I can't get away with not doing anything. I just don't have that privilege...basically nobody does. Either I end up being a drain, or...I'm gone."

Cecil falls silent after that, making no sounds but those of steady breaths. He felt...colder, all of a sudden, a chill running through his frame. He appreciated Tomomi's efforts, but...they were wasted on him. "...it doesn't matter where you could go if you never go anywhere, Tomomi. The only thing that ever matters is what you do. So...either I have to figure it out in the time I have left, or..." A small, bitter laugh escapes his lips. "Well, I guess it won't matter if it ever reaches that point."