Study til Sore [Tomomi/Cecil]

There's a small glow of satisfaction in Cecil's chest as Tomomi starts to laugh, but soon it withers away into concern as Tomomi tumbles from his seat. "Hey, hey hey hey, Tomomi! Are you alright? Come on...!" He rushes over and helps him back up, looking at him with open worry in his eyes as he curls up into the seat. "It's alright, alright...calm down. Deep breaths...deep breaths..."

As he panicked, the boy was... Aware of Cecil being there. But what exactly he was saying was difficult between the hyper ventilating and the curling up. Right now, Tomomi was trying so hard to not listen. To not be here. But the reassuring tone of Cecil's voice was there, providing the single thread of solace for the boy right now as he continued to try to slow himself down, gasping as if a fish out of water, trying to calm down if not for himself, but for Cecil - this must have been embarrassing, right?

A couple more seconds of heavy, brief breathing, and then slowly, in shaky and rasped breaths in heavier but deeper breaths, Tomomi finally seemed to be at least moderately calming down, not yet fully alert, but at the very least not in the midst of a major panic attack. Beyond his breathing though, voice barely louder than a whisper, Tomomi muttered, tears welling in his eyes. "I-I... I'm sorry... Sorry... S-sorry... Thank you... Sorry..."

Throughout the whole process, Cecil remains by Tomomi, hand on his shoulder as he continues to give assurances to the stressed and panicked boy. His heart wrenches as he starts to tear and apologise, grimacing in recognition of a friend going through an all too familiar state of turmoil. Swallowing down, he turns his lips into a wry smile, gently shaking him a little. "Hey, hey. No need to apologise. Nothing to apologise for. Though I will say you're doing a startlingly good impression of me on a bad day right now. Been working on that one?"

The physical reassurance provided by the hand was grounding, Tomomi staying curled up but lifting his head up somewhat. Slowly, he began to listen to Cecil, nodding his head gently with a sniff to signal his attempts to stop crying. At his smile and jest, the Japanese boy gave a wry smile of his own with a surprisingly dry laugh for someone normally so soft and gentle in tone. "Haha... Right... I uh... About being a food critic? Um... Maybe not with that voice, unless you uh... Want casualties?"

Gently placing a hand to his chest, Tomomi let out a long exhale, shaking his head gently. "I know you said not to, but, um... Sorry about that... I uh... I guess my anxiety just uh... Just had a build... Build up... So yeah... Um... Thank you..."

For a moment, Cecil looks confusedly at Tomomi as he tries to figure out the response he was given and how it related to what he said, before rapidly covering it up with a more neutral expression as it occurs to him that Tomomi might not have properly gotten what he had said - or at least, misinterpreted it. "I'll try not to kill anybody with silly voices in future."

The blond squeezes his friend's shoulder and smiles warmly. "Seriously...no need to worry about it. Stuff happens."

Slowly, the boys eyes opened properly, and although Tomomi kept his body curled up, his eyes seemed more... Alive, and his posture more alert of the world around him. With a sluggish movement he began to nod, an arm slowly reaching in front of him to grab his lemonade and take a sip, the tears which had rolled down his cheeks beginning to dry at this point. A bitter smile, small, spread across his lips as he slowly and methodically forced himself to sit up a bit to better be able to breathe.

"O-okay... Okay... Okay... I got it... Thank you... I... I'm okay... I'm okay..."

Of course he wasn't actually okay, but, the last thing he wanted to do was worry Cecil. He'd taken Cecil here to make him stop worrying! The last thing Tomomi wanted was to be detrimental to his friends health and mental state.

The blond breathes a small sigh of relief as Tomomi starts returning to life, slowly coming into to motion and reengaging with the world around him. He takes his hand away as he starts shifting into a more upright position, letting out a quiet breath as Tomomi starts brokenly uttering assurances of his wellbeing that only told the opposite story. "...I don't think you are. Come on, Tomomi...I pull this stunt myself enough. We don't need two of us pretending we're alright when it's not the case, and I think the denial suits me better." He grins. "So, come on! You're the smarter one of the two of us with all this, no need to repeat my mistakes!"

He meant well. Truly, Cecil definitely meant well. And Tomomi tried so hard to think on the fact that Cecil meant well.

But to hear Cecil talk to Tomomi as if he were better than Cecil? That... That hurt him so much. They'd gone through a fair bit together hadn't they? Did... Did Tomomi really seem like the sort of person that would feel better hearing Cecil talk bad about himself?

The answer was, in reality, no, and the boy began to quickly revert to how he was previously, now resuming the water works and lack of speaking as he curled back into a human sphere.

shit shit shit shit shit shit shit SHIT

He'd fucking done this.

He'd set Tomomi off crying again.

Tomomi was doing better and he'd fucking ruined it, just like he was sure to eventually!

"Tomomi, Tomomi...come on, come on, listen to me. Listen to me...listen to what I'm saying..."

Wasn't that the problem in the first place?

"Focus on my voice. Focus on what I'm saying, what you hear."

Pffft. I thought you were trying to make things better?

"Just...just listen to me...please."

Just shut your trap before you make things worse.

Tomomi remained curled up in a ball. He could hear Cecil, but... If he responded, would Cecil think that talking down about himself was the right thing to do? Would it belittle what Cecil was? Tomomi's mind was clouded with doubt as he struggled to think of what action to take, struggled to work up the energy and will power to try to feel better. Still, he couldn't keep quiet... He couldn't... He couldn't just let Cecil hurt himself like this! He could rest after... Take a couple of hours at home to panic to himself... But first... He had to... He had to work up the effort to help Cecil, even now.

"Please..." The boy muttered beneath his breath, moving slightly to grab at Cecil's sleeve and gently tug at it. "Please don't think so low of yourself..."

It tore away at him. Ruthlessly. The knife twisted, cut and gouged within, hacking away painfully. He knew Tomomi didn't exactly like the way that he thought of himself - that he wanted it to change. But the here and now told even more than that - it hurt him. He had been driven to tears by the simple expression of what he knew to be a harsh truth about him. Or...what he felt was so intrinsically true.

To a part of his mind, it reaffirmed that all of it was something to be hidden. Buried deep, pressed down, kept under lock and key so nobody else would ever know. That was hard to deny, and he was almost certain that he would with everyone else. But another, frustrating little voice told him that it wasn't enough. That as long as he held these truths, they would eventually come to rise again, and yet another person would be subjected to it.
Worse, that Tomomi would still know, it would still hurt him, and that even if he managed to convince him otherwise somehow (which was unlikely anyway), he'd eventually ruin the illusion and it would hurt him even more.

...he knew the smart thing to do was to remove himself from the equation. It'd hurt for a bit...but they'd move on eventually.
It would hurt a lot, though. For both of them. It would be difficult, and painful, and...he honestly wasn't sure whether he could really bear it.
Worst of all, he didn't want to. It was utterly selfish and he cursed that, but he wanted this. He didn't want to let go.
So at that point, the only responsible thing to do was to delude himself too until he believed just as much as Tomomi did.
...or go a step further, and prove that Tomomi actually was right.

His head hurt so much right now...everything was spinning.
He didn't know what he should do.

No, no, he had to focus...Tomomi. Tomomi. "...I meant it, you know. -wait no hold on-!" He groans. "Look, you have a better grip on what's healthy behaviour, and it's not a crime to acknowledge that, alright? I'm not letting you tear yourself up trying to put on a front when you've already chastised me for the same." He shakes his head, and squeezes Tomomi's arm. "I'll try, alright? No - no. I promise. This will change. Alright?"

Oh god, what the fuck did I just say?!

Cecil's new words resounded in Tomomi's mind. Hard. A moments awkward pause came as Tomomi took in what his friend had said, letting every bit of the silence allow him to try collect his thoughts. The sound of his crying stopped. The sound of his heavy, panicked breathing stopped. Tomomi fell completely silent.

Then, with not a word of warning or sign beforehand, he turned, hugging tightly against Cecil and hiding his face as he wept and cried, evoking an image one might consider a replica of a child reunited with a parent after not seeing them for a long, long time. A sort of clinging of not wishing to be abandoned once more, and to not risk losing what was held.

Then, as he realised what he was doing, Tomomi let go, curling back up. "Um... S-sorry..." He muttered, letting go of Cecil entirely and now looking back down at the floor, hoping he didn't just make things worse again.

A brief shock overtook him. He didn't move. Couldn't. It was just something out of nowhere. Something he'd utterly failed to anticipate.
Then, he took Tomomi in his arms as well, content to let him get it all out of his system. He knew he was drawing eyes, that he had the whole time, but he just didn't really...care. This was far more important, and if anyone else wanted to demean this or his friend, then they could answer to him.

...well. I guess I'm going to have to live up to it all now, aren't I?

His gaze is impassive as Tomomi pulls away and he releases him, before slowly he smiles warmly again. Reassuringly. "How about we finish up here and get going?" He grabs his lemonade and downs it in one, snagging his partially eaten cookie. His voice comes out in a rasp, but he muscles through it anyway, holding onto the comforting sentiment. "This place is getting a bit stuffy. Let's find somewhere more comfortable, you think?"

The sudden hug was a surprise, Tomomi's eyes going wide - or at least, wide for Tomomi. The whole thing was emotionally shattering, yet at the same time, reassuring, and Tomomi found himself without words, just giving a small smile in their place. As the two stopped hugging and Cecil suggest the two leave, Tomomi gave a small nod, taking one final sip of his lemonade before shakily getting to his feet, and grabbing the remains of his cookie.

"I uh... I agree... Um... Where? Oh, and uh... Don't forget the cookie... The cookie did nothing wrong... Oh, wait, you were... Uh... Ahead of me on that one... Hehe..." The boy muttered, before turning to Cecil and offering a bit of a childish smile, both cheeky and emotive, pained but joyful.

"I don't know. See where our feet take us - I do that a lot myself." The tension in Cecil's body eases as he sees the expression Tomomi is making, and he takes another bite of his cookie as he starts letting his feet idly place themselves one before the other without any mind for where he might end up. "I'd ask if you had any ideas, but it feels like you might need a bit longer."

He looks ahead, head dipping slightly as he gives a long sigh. "...I really can't believe I said that. It isn't something I'd have ever imagined coming out of my mouth, but there it is." His gaze goes off into the distance, eyes on something that isn't quite there. "No idea how I'm going to do that..."