A Lonely Lunch [Katsu/Cecil]

It hadn't been long, but Cecil had already discovered that he really, really hated lunch at Seven Stars.
...alright, not quite. He wouldn't say he hated it. But it was far and away the most miserable time of day for him.
The tables filled up, people chattered away, everyone took the time to talk with friends...except, you know, him. Sat on his own, eating listlessly as he's stuck behind the impenetrable field formed by everyone else. Old friends who came together to the academy, new friends getting to know each other since they have the chance, mixed groups brought together by common friends who were now trying to integrate - all sorts found their way to the cafeteria when it was time to eat. Which was great for them, it really was. It just...

Cecil sighs. I wish I could do that. Be like that.
...why do I keep coming here? I'm already aware enough of this not to need the reminder. Do I feel like I have to torture myself or something?
This wasn't doing any good. For all he tried not to, he couldn't help but notice everything going on around him. He could find somewhere else to eat, but...
Cecil lets out a low, bitter laugh. I go anywhere else, I'm going to be stuck alone with my thoughts. God knows I don't need that.
Then go speak with them.
...oh, yes. There was him now too. Give it a fucking rest Ankou. You and I both know I can't.
Whether you can or cannot-
SHUT. IT!
Cranking the volume of his earphones up a little higher in a futile attempt to shut out both the haunting voice in his mind and the rising din around him, Cecil continues to eat alone, occasionally casting a miserable, resigned gaze over the fuller tables around him.

Lunch time. Normally, Katsu decribed that time of the day as "quick". When asked for why he always ate that quickly (which never happened, but he had the answer ready), Katsu'd reply by saying that he took cram school back there in Japan and had grown way too used to gulp down the food and leave. That was a small part of the truth. A very small part.

Fact was, Katsu wasn't particularly popular at school, due to most people seeing him as rather arrogant and pretty depressing, due to having such a cynical streak and some traces of nihilism. Nihilism was important, but not enough to let it devour you. The knowledge that nothing had an intrinsecal value was in fact important, but it essentialy would led you nowhere. But that was enough to make Katsu close himself to most of the school's populace. Normally he'd just sit, eat and leave in such a short spam of time that it'd almost be a miracle if someone caught a glimpse of him actually eating. But...

"Huh? Cecil?" Katsu asks himself a little louder as he spotted someone who looked like Cecil eating alone. Yes, that was him. Katsu went to his table and sat in front of him "So... You okay?", he asks, noticing how... fragile... Cecil seemed to be.

Isolation on these thing wasn't enough to keep him blind to the world...not such a bad thing. Let him know when someone was speaking to him. Pushing away the miserable feeling and layering on a plain, laid-back look, he plucked out his earphone and looked up at whoever was in front of him. "Sorry, could you say that a-" Cecil seems to startle as he spots Katsu in front of him, a look of shock on his face.
"-gaiiiinnnnn..."
Immediately, he seems to perk up a bit, a little tweak to his lips. "Hey! Sorry, I ah...didn't notice you there." He rubs at the back of his neck, eyes drifting. "So...what did you just say again?"
For all the smile on his face, it doesn't fully reach his eyes. It was nice to see Katsugiya again, but his dire mood just wouldn't lift so easily.
Not that it was particularly obvious to Cecil himself. He was just unaware enough to let him think he was fine now.

"I asked if you were okay", Katsu repeats "I mean... You seemed to be in a bad state, Cecil. Are you feeling something? If that's it, I think I can fetch a taxi to take you to the hospital... Or at least to your house.", the japanese finishes the sentence, seeming worried with Cecil.

"Plus, I know it may sound... Sudden and awkward... But aren't friends supposed eat together at lunch time?"

Cecil shakes his head quickly, waving his hands in front of him. "No no, I'm fine, I'm fine! No need for that! I'm fine. I'm..." He takes a long breath out, letting his hands drop. "I'm fine."

As Cecil processes those last words, he falls silent.


A wry smirk creeps onto his face. He actually thought of him as a friend...
Life creeps back to his tone, filled with a dry humour. "I guess so. But you know how it is. Couldn't see you anywhere, so..." He scoffs, shrugging. "What else can you do?"

Katsu smiles for a brief second.

"It was my fault this time. I was taken aback by some doubts I had about the class and was asking the teacher some question in order to, y'know, prevent me from failing any subjects. Man, to be kept here even after we graduated would be so humiliating...", he laughs in a slightly embarassed tone.

Katsu wasn't any psychologist, but he was able to tell that Cecil was having some harsh thoughts and was trying to distract him from that line by doing his best to have a small, carefree talk with him.

Cecil simply waves off the admission of fault, thinking nothing of it. "It's fine, don't worry about it. Doing well is more important than meeting up with me here." He sighs, still smiling wryly as he does. At least he was actually making the effort to do better. Just look at him, stuck spinning his wheels.
For a moment, the front falters, doubt leaking through in earnest.
Just as soon, though, he's back to how he was before, though a little more thoughtful. "...have you got any dreams, Katsugiya?"

Katsu noticed that. The moment where Cecil's mask cracked and Katsu had a small glimpse of what was underneath...

"I... Like art. Painting, writing, craftsmanship... You know, these things. And I do spend some of my time crafting and creating. I like the idea of creating something that people would like to see and I'd like to follow that path."

Katsu says in a rather deep voice. He never really shared his personal dream, except to his father, but hey, Cecil was his friend and if Katsu couldn't speak about his plans for his future with a friend, with who else he would?

Like that. Just as was said. Everyone has a dream. Something they strive for, something that drives them.
Beautiful, really.
He felt left out.

"That's...pretty cool." He nods. "How'd you get started on that? I mean...well, it's pretty easy to get started once you know what you wanna do, but what led to that in the first place? What was the spark?"

"It was my father.", Katsu began "He did his best in order to encourage me to follow my dreams and do my best in order to make the world a slightly better place, no matter how little I alone can do.", pause, "I began developing my interest in arts and crafts after an arts presentation back there in my old school... I participated and... Crafting a clay vase may not be that impressive, but it felt awesome to me... And everybody who standed by said it was really good. I was just a kid, but that left an impression on me... Since then, whenever I had free time, I did my best to occupy it creating something... People destroy so easily, so I thought I'd do some good for the world if I... you know... Actually created instead of destroying..."

Katsu sighs. He never had talked about himself so much to someone else and it felt... weird. Like he was in a dream where he was talking to a psychologist while wearing fine clothing and in the next second, finding himself naked. He felt... Exposed.

"Does... that make any kind of sense?", he sighed again before deciding to keep talking.

"And you, Cecil? Do you have any dreams you'd like to talk about?"

Cecil smiles...almost wistfully as he listens along, following Katsu's every word with rapt attention. This...this was a window into someone's life, right here. A glimpse of what was, who was, and the things that could be. Sure, he couldn't hold a conversation for the life of him...
But he sure felt fine listening.
"...yeah. That makes a lot of sense." He laughs softly to himself, a strange and yet fond expression on his face. "I say a clay vase is impressive indeed if it can inspire a person. Sure, someone else might not see it the same...but all it takes is one, doesn't it?"
"...to make things for the world instead of tearing things down. That really is beautiful."

His expression doesn't change as the question is turned on him, but the sheer honest sentiment behind it seems to wither. "...honestly, I wish I did. Idea's come up recently, and..." He sighs. "I guess I don't know what to think."
His piece spoken, he falls silent, still with a strange look on his face.

"You just need something to inspire you", Katsu said, "Using your own words... A spark."

"And yes, we need more creation rather than destruction and I want to help it. Perhaps your wish could be the same, Cecil", the white-haired one says. "I mean, most people find their true desires and talents sometimes on a whim by mere chance. Why it wouldn't be the same with you? Maybe we can find something you wish to do. I don't remember who exactly said it, but I know someone said 'Find a job you like and you'll never work in your life'. I'd like to help you with that Cecil... I mean, only if you feel like sticking with me 'till we find your inclination."

Cecil tilts his head to one side, giving a half-shrug. "Yeah. I guess."

"..." Cecil remains silent for a bit, looking as Katsu's words...not surprised him, but weren't expected by him. Like he was dealing with something unfamiliar.
Taking a deep breath, he closes his eyes, thinking silently. When they open again, they open slowly, and while he doesn't particularly seem happier in the end, Cecil does seem more resolute. He turns his hardened gaze on him, fixing him with pools of dark green. He smirks, but while lightened, his tone isn't joking. "If I feel like sticking with you? Come on...that isn't really a question. You've never given me a reason not to want to." Whether he'd done the reverse was more up to debate...but that wasn't the important bit here. "Thing is here...you know you don't need to do this, right? I mean, I know we're doing this now and all, but...we've not exactly known each other that long. Even if we had...you don't have to, you know? Nobody's making you."
As Cecil looked on at Katsugiya, there wasn't any sort of expectancy. Not a sign he was expecting rejection, not an eager hope he'd follow through. It was more like he had little expectation at all, for better or worse.
Above all else was just a firm question of if he meant this...not free of potential disappointment, but free of judgement if he found he wasn't up to it.
What was his place to judge? It was his life. Nobody else had to get into it if they didn't want to, and especially not if it would burden them.
Even if that meant staying lonely a while longer.

"I know.", Katsu answers with sincerity on his cyan eyes "I know I can just stand up and leave, after all we've just known each other for a little while.", Katsu said, with seriousness in his clear eyes.

"But I won't. I don't have to just leave you to your problems and I said I wished to make things better, no matter how little I can do. The world has tons of bad things already, so striving for something good is always welcome and never enough. And then, nobody's making me do it, but at the same time nobody's making me don't do. I have the freedom ef decision. And I choose to stay here with my friend and help him overcome a problem. What species of friend i'd be if I chose to leave you in a time where you need someone by your side? I'd never forgive myself and become a hypocrite of my own creed. Plus, I'm not the kinda guy who abandons his friends when they need help."

Katsugiya's tone is dead serious.

"So I'll stand by your side, Cecil. And I won't budge an inch from my decision."

Cecil continues to stare down Katsugiya...
Until a smile spreads across his face.
"I'm gonna hold you to that, you know." He laughs. "Damn, friends already...I walk in here a week ago with everyone else, not a single person I know along with me, and look at me now. Well, no, look at us now. Credit where credit's due and all, couldn't have done it without you." He grins wide, running his fingers through his hair.
"So...ya fancy yerself a dream maka', do ya?" Cecil's voice suddenly shifts to a goofy, and quite honestly terrible accent. "Gonna take this guy righ' 'ere an' show 'im the stars that light 'is path? Well good luck ta ya buddy, cos' ya gots yerself a loooong road to be walkin'!"
A second passes, and it's at this point Cecil can no longer maintain a straight face and cracks up, face in his palm. "Jesus Christ, what the fuck was that!" He cracks up again, face buried in both hands. "What on earth am I doing...!"