Just What the Hell Did I Get Myself Into? (Grubby & Unity)

I'm gettin' nowhere fast. This place is a fuggen maze. I don't know how long I been hoofin' it but it's gotta be hours by now. The buildin's looked trashed and exactly the fuggen same, don't know how I'm gonna find my way back. Good thing I kept my territory marked. Naw I didn't piss on all the fences I could find ya fuggen ingrate! I carved my likeness in'em, so now if I gotta find my way back I just follow the shaved gorillas in the wood. Easier than a hobbit after a couple beers. Seriously those broads are easy, too. The sky ain't changed a bit neither, still that mass of black dark bullshit. Fuggen Plane'a Shadow, who the fuck even came up with the idea? "Let's make our own reality but make it fuggen dark and fill it with some goddamn weirdos". That guy needs to get a fuggen lobotomy to fix his fuggen damage.

So's I'm doin' as I did before and stickin' to the rooftops but I'm startin' to get tired. Been at this all night I think, a gob can only run so far 'fore he starts to feel it in the soles of his feet. I'm fuggen starvin' too, could really go fer some trail bread or a nice stew. Who the fuggam I kiddin'? I'd eat steamed shit with a grin on my face right now. Thinkin' I should start huntin' rats, it ain't like the fuggen place ain't filled with'em or nuthin'. I wanna stop, just wanna take a damn seat, lay my hands back and scream at the sky "YOU CONFUSING SHIT DICK SUMBITCH WHY THE FUCK YOU FILLED WITH FREAKS!? GO SIT ON A PECKER YA GODDAMN DARK PIECE'A SHIT!" but I don't cuz I'm dumb but I'm not fuggen stupid or nuthin'. I'm just tired and hungry and sick of all this stupid shit. And my balls are itchy.

...

...okay they ain't itchy no more but the other stuff haven't changed none. I ain't got much of a choice. If Hildebrandt wants to find me he's gotta use a scryin' spell or some other magic bullshit, I told him I might not be back for about a day anyway. Time to make camp, I'll work somethin' out. Always have, always do, and fuggen always will you hear me? I finally take a stoppin' point after clamberin' my way most'a the way up one'a the shit shacks that looks like a wizard tried buildin' a birdhouse with nuthin' but gumption, a broken wand, and about 40 pounds of LSD. ...I gotta admit I do like the fucked up houses, they're the fuggen simplest things in the world to climb. Have I mentioned that yet? Well I'm sayin' it again, this place is a goddamn rogues playground. This place'll work alright enough. The windows are dark and I ain't hear nothin' even after a minute, nobodies probably home. I clamber up to the third story and surprise surprise, the window ain't locked. Not like any strange green assholes gonna climb up here and invite themselves in, nosir.

The place is just as shitty inside as it is outside, covered in dust 'n shit. Looks like no one's been here for the better part of a year, there's some kinda weird fungus growin' on the baseboards, mold coated in shit coated in more mold. Perfect. Means no one ain't gonna bother me. All around the ground there's tidbits and trinkets of Azmodeus fuggen knows what and I don't fuggen care, but there's some clothes that smell like old people just lyin' all over the floor and spillin' outta the closet on the far wall. Looks like a bed to me, better than the roads or the hard floor. Ya gotta enjoy the little things even if the air's clogged with spores and liquid rancid I don't even wanna know. So's a pull out my pipe and strike a tindertwig. Might as well get my ass ready for bed.

What a pleasant day its been. There is always so much going on in this strange, broken down community. So many different people of different shapes and sizes. People who walk different, others that talk different, some who act different and many more who taste different. Tsshehehe. There was nothing more fun than to watch the sleaze bags at play. Oh how they fought. They were so strange. Nothing like those back home, they were all dull. They went about their daily lives as if there was no fun or joy to be had. Sometimes she even believed them being chased, giving them that fear and terror was doing them a favour. Give them something to do. Unity knew at least she'd prefer that then to just be forced into a strict pattern of never ending chores. Urgh. There was nothing worse!

Today she had quite a few great encounters already, she had watched her brother hunt down some common druggy. Relishing in the fear and terror that shook his whole body to the bone, the twisted look on her brothers face when he was enjoying a hunt. There was very few things that brought her more pleasure. After she went exploring alone, watched two gangs get into a fight over some strange metal that honestly she wasn't sure what it was. Though at least three of those fighting she managed to catch the last shocked look of despair as a knife dug into their spleen and they fell, never to draw another breath. Tss. She would had probably had a good feast after they'd left if their blood wasn't all poisoned. That was one shameful thing about this place, too many of the people here took those strange substances that caused their blood to rot. Granted if she was desperate it'd do, but honestly she didn't see the point of it if she had easily obtainable critters to feast on instead.

Afterwards she had stalked something in-between the two. Some strange creature that had the face and tail of a rat, though it stood up like a person. Granted it was slouched, but it fascinated her beyond believe. Unity wished to had tasted it's blood, though she was far too curious on how the being acted to interrupt early before the creature unfortunately disappeared from site into what she could only presume was its home. That was actually why she was here now, deciding to take refuge in a nearby abandoned tower, it was the perfect spot to keep her hundred eyes out for when the being finally left its home once more. The musky old building had plenty of places for all fifty of her hive minded bats to perch happily, keeping multiple sightlines around the building in question whilst keeping herself out of sight of anyone else who may still be claiming this shit hole as their home.

An hour or so had passed by peacefully, or as peacefully as the Slums got. There was the odd gunshot in the background, people shouting down below. Though no one was disturbing Unity in particular. How boring. The vampiric creature was all but about ready to leave, she could always find the strange rat being another day to stalk and sitting around like doing nothing this was beginning to bug her. Though... Mmmm, what was that noise? Keeping all of her small bodies completely still, each bat would focus its hearing to the strange scrabbling noise they could hear. She was sure she knew that noise, it was a noise she had heard quite often. A noise she was fond of, a noise that would hopefully lead to some fun. Yes, yes, yes. Come closer. Closer to us my darling, we are ready. Ready for you to show your face. Ever closer nooowww, aannndddd... STRIKE!

With a sudden fluid motion, one of the many bats would make its presence known. Darting elegantly down it's shadowy claws made visible that snatch round its pray before her teeth quickly sunk into the creatures neck and drained it of its life. Lifting its head back up with a fanged grin, wrapping her under lip through her mouth to lick off the remaining blood that stained her mouth. The bat would hop back away from the rat that had made its futile attempt to scurry its way across the smutty buildings floor. It's attention being suddenly grabbed by a strange smell that wasn't present within the room a moment ago. The small creatures bright white eyes would suddenly twist round to lock with that of a strange, crocked nosed green... Thing. There was still not a word she had decided on of what to call the strange people that she met here, the word alien worked she supposed. But that was too plain.


Regardless, during her dead focused attempt to hear out and snatch up a quick and easy meal, somehow she had failed to notice this new comer enter. How intriguing. Though this game of staring had to end at some point, and Unity was eager to get the chance for something fun to do. Seems it landed right in her lap. "Well. Well. Hello there greeny. Didn't hear ya come in. Tssheheh." The tiny purple bat would take one hop closer to the new comer, tilting its head to one side as it's focus was taken by the pipe in its mouth. "Aww, just like the rest of the scum in these parts. Why you all have to go dirty your blood with that filth. Such a waste." The bat would shake its little head, all forty nine of Unity's other parts keeping silent in the rafters above, all now with their eyes closed to keep themselves even less likely to be noticed. Had to have some trick up your sleeve incase this guy wasn't friendly after all. Hopping from one side to the other, Unity would inspect the creature in full. He was a small one, that's for sure. Not that she could say much whilst like this, though the real question was... "So how'd you get your arse all the way up here, huh? Don't see no wings on you, nor a real reason why someone would bother to put the effort in to climb this high. Nothing but molding woodwork up here, Tsshehe. You should learn how to make better use of your energy." She'd offer in a sarcastic tone, baring two huge fangs for her size as she grinned. Oh what fun will this one bring.

With a slight snicker followed by a fanged grin, the bat, which happened to be the embodiment of Unity's calmness, would sit amused with the strange and quite honestly smelly green creature. Polyphons were a strange race, one that came in the form of many separated creatures that could come together to form one conscious person. Though when apart, even if they all work in tandem and are like a hive mind controlled still by one singular entity. Each of their splits held one personality trait close to them that they were forced to always show themselves as. So it mattered little what old rag clothes was saying to the creature, threaten it all he liked, tell it to leave or even insult it. This particular part of Unity would always be seen as calm and collected.

"Oh now, now. We were not trying to annoy." The bat would continue, despite the clear clues that the old fart wanted to be left alone. "Simply we seem to find ourselves sharing the same place of rest. Hm? One does not simply barge their way into a place they do not own without the least of expectations of finding someone else living there, no? We merely were being friendly, perhaps you didn't deserve as much. Tsshehehe." With a piercing snicker, the bats bright white eyes would seem to shine for a moment as they looked the potential meal up and down once more, shaking its little head in disappointment. That was, until the grizzly mans words caught its attention once more. "A flying carpet you say? Such a thing we've never heard of. Though your tone shows that of, what did that one guy call it... Sarcasm. So we suppose it would be unwise for us to believe such things without observational proof. Tssheh. We merely care for observation, is what we do best. Though it is never fun without a little... Context."

Ah, so a night sleeper. This makes sense. Suppose it is the same reason they choose to come up here if its what he's trying to do. Why a place like this though? Does he not have a place of his own to sleep, or was she wrong in the assumption that he didn't live here. It would seem odd if so, he didn't question why we were here at all, surely if he owned the place he would of been more defensive about it. Curious. Though many questions flooded Unity's mind, with the calmness side of her in the lead she would simply sit and tilt her head lightly. Watching the green man from a distance to see what he would do. There was no reason for her to disturb him, then again one could always still be a threat so keeping an eye on him was important and something she was good at. If the man bothered to look back up he'd simply be met by those two piercing white eyes staring at him almost unblinkingly. However after just twenty seconds had passed where no interactions between the two continued, without her focus on keeping the rest of her split selves away, her curiosity side couldn't help but to fly down beside her calmness. The pair of bats both now staring towards the poison blooded man both with the exact same seated pose and look on their faces. Literally as if they were mirror images. Was the strange man really asleep? It was ever so curious.

"Tsshehe. You're quite the strange one aren't you? The way you use your words and the utter crap that spills from your chapped, crooked lips. It is most intriguing. Most definitely a sight our eyes wish to learn more about." The bat would grin and puff out its chest as if to make a point about something. It was clear to her now that this man was lying to her, she knew people do that from time to time to try and protect themselves from revealing too much about their true selves. It was an interesting tactic, one that made finding out the real knowledge locked away beneath the bullshit all the more fun to try and uncover. Oh what games she could already tell this one could bring her, it was almost too much to bear, such excitement hung in the air.

The tiny purple creature would take a single hop backwards as the bizarre creature mentioned that she talked too much. "My apologies." It would begin with a light bow. "We know you simply want your rest, so we will stop talking now. Though for the record, we do not call this place home either. Tsshehehe." It was at this point that all went silent for quite some time, the same time whereby the second of Unity's hive mind flew down uncontrollably. Her curiosity was a handful to control sometimes, every little new thing caught its attention and just wanted to butt its little head in as much as possible. Such was life of a Polyphon, controlling emotions when split apart wasn't something to be easily mastered. Regardless, it wasn't like the new addition wanted to talk much either, it simply wanted to take a look at the strange being with its own eyes. Which was a weird thing again to say the least, they could all see through one another's eyes, yet there was just something more personal about using your own.

Though it seemed as if their observations were cut short as the ugly being decided against his original plans and woke back up, asking her what she wanted. "To observe, simply." The calm bat would reply at first before the curious bat chimed in with her own remarks. "We want to know about you, you are weird, different, we want to know why. See for ourselves what makes you different, explore every possibility, realize your true purpose, expel out all doubt until we know all and to know the taste o-GUF!" Suddenly out of the darkness a third bat had suddenly darted and stuffed the over talkative ones face into the ground, now standing on the back of its head with an annoyed look in its eyes. This was Unity's leadership, the one that seemingly had the most control over itself over any of the others when on their own. It could control the others without having to be too rash towards a certain idea or emotion so genuinely was Unity's best talker in most situations. "Ignore her." The newly arrive bat would scoff, eyeing the goblin in the corner of its glowing white eyes. "We are simply interested in new things. We mean you no discomfort, no harm." Sheesh, this'd probably be easier if she just formed together. Though, as hectic as it could be, this was still proving to be entertaining this way round for now.

"Tsstsstss." In perfect unison, the bats would giggle to themselves and roll their eyes, an amused smirk etched onto their faces. "We will pass on the offer, though how gracious of you to present it in the first place. We thank you dearly for your quaint hospitality." The creatures tone was hard to read, despite there being no real reason for her to actually say thank you for such an obvious jab of an insult into their blathering's, Unity sounded quite honest in her words of thanks. Perhaps it was merely due to how unique this one was, regardless of what they would say to her, they were interesting and that was enough for her. Though as the trio watched closely as the green man cracked and clicked his way to his feet and twirled, they never bothered to move a muscle at all. None of them even blinked as they stared directly at the strange actions being performed in front of them.

"Acceptance is always a benefited trait of one with mountainous hardships weighing down their past. Seems you do this well, or at least put on a brave face to hide the true sadness and fear that eats at you deep inside. Though whichever one it may be that truth declares its victim, we wished never to pry into such ordeals." The creature would scoff out the last part, almost as if it had been insulted by something. "We told you before that we weren't trying to annoy you, we didn't even want to disturb you at first. We mere watch, that doesn't need to harm you, we left you to your slumbers at peace. We made no noise, no further intrusions. You were the one who got back up. Though quite frankly at this point I must know one thing..." There was an eerie silence that hung in the air for a few moments, the annoyed look turning back to one of a shameless smirk as the sudden glow of near one hundred white eyes opened simultaneously above. The beating sound of many outstretched wings all echoed as one before the swarm released their grips on their perches and as a collective met as one in the space in front of the raged gob. Their forms seemingly melting into one being before his very eyes.


Before him now sat cross-legged a young girl of no older than fifteen, her clothes, hair and even skin seemed to be locked in some kind of greyscale with no colour to be seen at all. Only the now blood red iris's of her eyes bringing any colour to her at all. Her mouth hung slightly agape in a fanged smile as she reached out one arm and gentle ran her finger down the goblins skin. "Tshehe, it is just like leather~!"

A course there's a shitton of'em. I gotta be the unluckiest guy this side'a the fuggen planes. Bet if I played the lottery I'd scratch that ticket, win the grand prize, then get run the fuck over by a horse and cart. Life's fuggen hilarious that way. I'm a 'lil uneasy but I ain't showin' it yet. I done worse. This ain't half as bad as the time I snuck into the Red Guardsmen's barracks an' got caught with my hand in the cookie jar. Now that was a bad fuggen day, lemme tell ya. Still got the scar on the back a my head from that damn morningstar. What kinda shitty ass city guard uses morningstars anyway? Fuggen idjits I tell ya.
"I ain't got nothin' to fuggen hide and I'm fuggen old. I speak my goddamn mind. If I was sad you'd see a sad old man 'stead a this ornery sonuvabitch standin' in my shoes right here," I tells it. Ain't wearin' shoes but fuggit, you get the deal.
"Life's too short to be a mopey piece'a shit. Those woe is me motherfuckers piss me off, fuggen grow a pair and get the fugover it."

I ain't lie a damn bit about that. I get that some folks like to wallow in their damn misery but not me, nosir. If I'm sad I'll fuggen say it, I'll pick myself up off my bruised green ass and I'll keep chuggin' cuz that's what a man does, he don't give up. I ain't got no pity for pitiful motherfuckers, I been in worse spots than most men I met and I ain't fuggen dead yet so the fuggam I gonna be a pussy about it? An' I know these fuggen things wanna get all defensive an' shit about buggin' me an' sayin' they weren't but they ain't get to decide that, I do.
"Y'were fuggen blinkin' too loud. I felt ya fuggen undressin' me with yer eyes, figured I'd make sure my fuggen belt was on tight enough," I fuggen snort. I know, just givin' the damn things a hard time but at the same time you can't just go around fuggen starin' on people, shit makes my skin crawl. Either fuggem, fight'em, or stop lookin', make up yer damn mind.

An' then shit happens. We got a fuggen winner, ladies and germs. Motherfuckin' vampire lord, tee-fuggen-riffic. Ain't the first time I seen that shitton a goddamn bats turns into a person trick, it don't impress me no more. But I'm kinda on edge cuz I didn't bring my damn knife. Whatever. She ain't gonna bite me, I smell like hotboxed asshole with a side'a burnin' oak. Can't think of a damn thing that'd wanna sink their teeth in me. I fuggen pull my arm back when she runs her fingers down it, shit gives me the heeby jeebies.
"Might wanna go wash yer hands there princess, you ain't know where I been," I says as I swipe at my arm like I got dirt on it. Y'know, if I was someone that gave a shit about that.
"'Course it's like leather, the fuck do you expect? I work fer my fuggen bread, I ain't no dainty coin counter." Tell ya this, gob skin's a bit tough like swede but it takes years'a rollin' around in the shit, bakin' in the sun, gettin' scars, yer hands dirty, and just bein' fuggen old to make it as rough as yours truly. That shit's a mark a pride right there. Ain't many gobs get this far, means I'm tough enough to been around the block more than once.

"Aright, let's get this shit over with. I'm an old man, I wanna lay the fuck down," I says. And I fuggen lower myself down on the moldy ass blankets again, puff on my pipe a bit. Gotta tell ya, I ain't scared no more. Pretty sure this thing don't wanna kill me and if it wants to fuggen but me it can kiss my green ass. Alabastor prolly got some paladin shit to deal with that, I'll roll them fuggen bones. Vampire lords work alone anyhow, this one might just wanna fuck with me a bit. I'm okay with that. I'll sneak out durin' the damn day if I gotta.
"Told ya I'm up. The fuck else you want?"