Nerves Always Get the Better of Me (open)

She could almost swear that she heard people whispering about her.

Nanami Himura shifted, straightening out her new uniform which she felt was too tight around the throat and too short at the skirt. She had to tug and pull to keep herself looking half decent, and she could hear them all staring and whispering. Nervously, she glanced around her to see the swirling masses of students and teachers, like wisps of snow being blown about by the wind. What an apt description. She would have to keep that description for later.

For now, she looked about, lost and confused. She didn't know anyone here, and she wasn't sure that she wanted to get to know anyone. They all looked so lean, so healthy.... and here she was struggling to keep her shirt from riding up. It was a good thing she brought her jacket with her. She shrugged herself into it and shuddered happily at its warmth. And for some reason, the little voices of paranoia die down with it. Now Nanami feel more inclined to trudge through the snow to get to her classes, though she really didn't know where they were.

She jumped slightly, but relaxed when she saw a somewhat familiar voice. "H-hey there Kano-san. Uh... yeah. I just started today. Even made my own lunch." She smiled and held up a boxed lunch that seemed to be for two people. "Yeah, I got most of the recepies from the internet, but I know how to follow directions, and it seems to have come out okay." She paused and shifted on her feet. Her legs were really cold.

"I-If you want, maybe we could find somewhere to eat it together." Her eyes bulged and she shifted uncomfortably in the snow. "N-Not that I think of you like a lover or anything! You... You just seem like the kind of person who eats heartily, and it seems like you need something to eat for lunch. I noticed that you don't have anything like a lunch." She saw everything about him. The little details came together, from his slightly worried expression to his hunched shoulders and hand over his stomach. Most wouldn't know. She would. She has to know these things. She wouldn't be a good writer if she didn't.

"Uh... that came out wrong. Just- Here." She held up the boxed lunch. "J-Just take it. You can give the box back to me after school. I'll try to stay here for a while after school, so... Yeah. Take the thing already, my arm's getting tired."

He took the lunch. Good. He took the lunch, stop making it awkward for you two! Like she could. She didn't know him, her facade had already been blown and he seemed like the type of guy to hate it when people smiled falsely. "I'm just a first year here. I don't need a tour or anything. I have a map of the complex and my classes are all near each other." She rummaged through her bag until she pulled up a map with circles and somewhat sloppy notation on it. "Besides, it's not like I'll be doing anything extra-curricular, unless there's like... a writing club or something." Stupid! The cold was making her brain not work. She didn't want to reveal so much about herself to Kano-san, but... he seemed like the kind of guy you could depend on. She just had to stop being herself.

Nanami looked to the ground, and muttered something into her chest. Something derogatory about herself, before she picked herself up and smiled. "I hope you enjoy the lunch, Kano-san," she said sincerely as she shoved the map back into her bag, thew the latch on the front and threw it over her shoulder like a teenaged punk. "I have to get inside before I lose feeling in my toes. It's too cold out here for my tastes." She was wearing long, white fuzzy socks though, reaching almost to her knee. Her shorts came down to her thighs and she had on a somewhat long skirt, but she was still too cold. Even the jacket wasn't helping her situation. Hopefully, she would beat an exit before he commented about the slander she spoke out to herself and wouldn't stop her from walking away even if he did want to ask her something.

There was a literature club? Wait, how did he- of course stupid. You asked about it. She grit her teeth against one another and forced the smile to come out instead of some more bashing of herself. "Uh, yeah. Lately I've been having trouble with some of my work and I was thinking about joining. I'm sure if I ask the faculty they can point me in the right direction. I don't need hand holding, promise." She laughed, but it sounded forced even to her ears. She was a writer, why couldn't she act like one of her characters? Aria, or Asa, or any number of others who were confident in themselves? Maybe she should join drama too.

"Uh, I'll be hanging around the first floor all day, so anytime after school would be good. I'll probably stick around until you give it back to me, though, because that's my only bento box!" She laughed again at her own stupid jokes and sighed when they reached the warmth of the school building. Now she was getting too hot. What the hell. "But you don't need to worry about me and eating. I'm pretty sure I can buy something with..." She opened her bag and felt around for her coin purse, before looking into it and seeing about three hundred yen. Right, she had bought that hot coffee on the way to school. "Eight hundred some-odd yen. Don't worry about it. I need to lose the weight anyway."

She shrugged off his kindness. He was probably just saying that to get her to like him more. He seemed like a nice guy, but now there were doubts in her mind. Was he really just saying all of that to get her to like him more? She shook her head to get the cobwebs out of her head. Innocent until proven guilty. She had to make more friends that just two people and whoever was online in her little writing club.

"Nah, I'm good on money." She wasn't going to take his just because. "And it's less about beauty and more about wanting to be able to walk three kilometers without having to stop every fifty or so meters." Not that she believed herself. She was just going to continue to wallow in the dirt and mud like the pig she was, never rising above her station as a useless loser. Besides, he probably didn't care. He was the epitome of men's beauty. Strong, athletic and lean. A little tall, and a little undermuscled, but he could easily go on the cover of some magazine. Or star in a doujinshi. Either way, Kano-san was her polar opposite. She could only one day dream of looking a quarter as good as he did.

"Wait, you're in Student Council?" Oh man, now she was getting into it. Beautiful AND smart? Next thing that she knew, he was going to invite her to his house in Nokawia. She didn't think she could handle it if he was beautiful, smart and rich. She wasn't any of those things! Why was he hanging out with her again? What did he want from her? A really ugly friend so he could pity? Or have her stand by him so he looked better in comparison? She didn't think she could stand it if those were the cases.

Oh. So that took him from athletic and smart to athletic and powerful. Powerful enough to be beating bullies up by the truckload. At least, that's how her mind interpreted that. In either case, he was on the Student Council and held sway over her stay here either being comfortable or miserable. Now she knew that he was just using her as an excuse, a scapegoat, something. He didn't really want to be friends with someone like her. Nanami smiled, even as her heart broke for no reason.

"You fight bullies? But doesn't that get you in trouble? I mean, unless you wear one of those fancy armbands, I bet it does." She looked to the ceiling, contemplating her next thought. As they passed various people, she saw how popular he was and her heart sank even more. Athletic, powerful, popular. Was there anything that this guy didn't have? Maybe a girlfriend? But he probably had girls tossing themselves at him every day. Damnit. For some bizarre reason, she wanted to lock herself in a bathroom and cry, long and deep until she could put her mask back on, keep her distance and hope that he forgot about her. At least their friendship could end on a more positive note. Just... let it dissipate into nothingness. That would be best. It was still early in the friendship, just let it end here.

"Why me?" Huh? Why had that come out of her mouth. She didn't even want to say it, but it was like she was a train wreck. Once she got going, she couldn't stop herself. She was weeping on the inside as she moved through the hallways. "I mean, obviously a lot of people know you and you know them. Are you hanging out with me because I'm new? Or is it because of my physique?" Nanami Himura's body stopped to look at him, but her spirit wanted to sprint off into the distance, order a lot of sushi and cry until the rice made it all better. The only thing that kept her from doing so was curiosity. How would he react to this sudden confrontation? She looked to his body language for her answer.

(My laptop broke, so that explains why I couldn't post for a few days. >.< It's not fixed, though, but I figured out a way to post. >>.<< )

Fighting bullies was sort of a good way to put it. He didnt always fight them, sometimes the student code of conduct helped him take down the bullies. He did a lot less fighting that the other members did. He didn't like fighting them, he always believed that they would come back with a vengeance.

He would clarify what he did for her. "I don't actually fight them all of the time. Usually I just haul them in and make sure that they get in trouble for the horrible things that they do. I think at this point, though, I ended up making myself known by the teachers, so if I do end up forgetting my armband, they'll know. Hopefully that never happens."

Then he heard Nanami say a very random phrase. "Why me?" It took him off guard a little to hear that. The reaction wasn't that intense, since he was usually a laid back and mature person, but it was odd that she said it. She asked him why he was hanging out with her. She seemed like she desperately wanted to know. Genji wanted to tell her the truth about it, so he answered her. His posture wouldn't change. "You want to know why I'm hanging out with you? I mean, yeah, I want to make sure that you're all right because you're new, but you're also pretty cool. At first, I was a little put off by your nervousness, but then we actually started talking and you seemed like a pretty cool friend. Then you gave me your lunch, which was really nice. Why wouldn't I give you the time after you did that for me? It's kind of rude not to. It's just what friends do, right?"

There was probably a deeper reason, but it wasn't anything that Nanami expected. The want of friends was a deep burden on his soul. He feels so isolated without them. Now he was asked to spill the reason. Of course, the true reason didn't even appear in his mind. He accepted that he was lonely a long time ago. It gave him his Persona. It didn't solve the problems, but it was empowering to accept them. He didn't want to have Nanami think that he was using her. He really wasn't, but at the same time, he was. Friendship is weird like that. Whether the friendship is genuine or not, (In this case it was.) friendship is all about using the other person and expecting something in return. But he did want to be friends with her, setting all of the stupid psychology stuff aside.

((Oh jesus, I'm sorry. I hope your computer feels better. Maybe you could go to the library? They usually let you use the computers there for free as long as you have a library card.))

She honestly didn't expect him to respond so quickly, nor so... heartily? It was heartfelt at any rate. Quite touching too. And... she believed him. She felt like she could open up to him like a brother... or a lover? No, it was wrong to push oneself onto a senior. He probably had a girlfriend. Right. It didn't seem like he was lying about what he said, and so, she would trust him with it.

Nanami smiled at Kano-san, the most truthful smile she had ever smiled at him thus far. They were still a little bit into this relationship, but she already felt comfortable in this friendship that they were cultivating together. "Alright. I believe you, Kano-senpai." Well, he was. She just hadn't known until then that he was older than her. She looked down and shifted on her feet, blushing a little because god was she silly. "Uh... sorry for accusing you of just using me. Guess I'm a bit paranoid that way." An insidious thought popped into her head, just to mess with her. 'What if he's lying?' it asked. She wouldn't contemplate that just yet. She was supposed to be making friends, and if it was with someone who was lying and using her, so be it. It would be the first friend she had ever made that wasn't online.

Her head jerked up as the bell rung to start the day. Crap! Where was her class again? She scrambled for her bag and made a weird noise when the paper ripped. Some sound between a dying whale and a foghorn, if those noises were coming out of a five year old. Why...? Why was this happening to her of all people? Why? And on her first day too...? The girl felt as if she was going to go insane.