Once Again [Mae]

Subject: Re: Once Again [Mae] Wed Feb 24, 2016 7:30 am

"W-What do you mean by that?" She asked nervously. Too cute for her own good? She didn't really know how to feel about that one. "Sheesh." She puffed up her cheeks again. Maybe she shouldn't have restrained herself, but now, there wasn't much she could do about it, unless Sharaku really asked for something more. As things were now, it was nice enough.

"Well, yeah, obviously." Of course, no one was happy and considerate all the time. Quite frankly, judging by what he was saying earlier kind of proved that in a sense. You couldn't like everyone, as much as one could try, there were always those people that got under your skin somehow. That's just how life was. And that's not even getting into the shadow aspect of things. While she didn't like violence, she could resort to it if necessary. She could shoot fire from her fingertips with little to no effort, so... she wasn't defenseless. "Hehe. We all have our quirks, and I wouldn't necessarily call that a bad thing." Had he been less forgiving in that aspect, they probably wouldn't be talking like this right now... In fact, he could've pushed her away a loong time ago, and Mae would've understood why. And yet, he didn't. He gave her a chance to redeem herself. And that was something she was truly grateful for.

"So... what do you wanna do...? Go watch a movie? Eat somewhere fancy? Dancing?" Stereotypical date stuff were the first things that came to her mind. She would let him choose though. Or at least come with suggestions. Something they could both enjoy.

Subject: Re: Once Again [Mae] Wed Feb 24, 2016 8:06 am

He would purse his lips slightly. Sheesh what? He meant what he did. What was hard to understand about 'being too cute'? Did he really need to explain something as starightforward as that? Technically, there were a few hidden meanings to it too, but he didn't want to turn the talk towards that now. That would be too much in lieu of the current situation. As said before, explaining through words wasn't his biggest strength. And he couldn't do much else at this point, based on her own reactions and actions. Which admittedly frustrated him a bit, but he would leave it be for now. ''I meant what I said.'', he would huff.

Hmph. Maybe. Maybe not. Quirks could also be on the bad side. Not everything was okay just because it fell under being a quirk. You had to make some distinction between what is okay, and what is starting to border with not acceptable behavior. You can't be too lenient, or people will easily walk over you and do what they want when they see you accept almost everything. Either that, or figure out why they do it, and decide how much it justifies doing such. ''It's not always about 'quirks', but if that's what you want to say.'', he would smile somewhat wryly. Habits and quirks aren't always why people act a certain way.

He would frown slightly, scratching the back of his neck. Go watch a movie? Most likely a bore. Fancy food? Ehh, he prefered to avoid restaurant food most of the time. Nor was he a big eater. Dancing? Maybe, but that would mean going to a crowded place, and he wasn't very interested. So on and so forth. He would just strike out almost anything that came to mind. Most activities didn't make him jump for joy, really. In general, he hardly cared about what. Conceptually speaking. It wasn't about that at all. ''Probably doesn't matter. Anything.'' As long as it went fine. He kind of didn't get what he originally wanted from this all anyway. It went in a completely different direction, starting with her assumptions at the beginning.

Subject: Re: Once Again [Mae] Wed Feb 24, 2016 8:35 am

"Hehe, alright." Her facial expression softened a bit. "I guess that's what I am then. I can't really help it." She replied with a soft giggle. "I guess I just... wanted to take it a bit slower..." Better be safe than sorry. "Now that might sound a bit weird since I just asked you to kiss me mere moments ago... I guess I was just taken up by the heat of the moment then. That's not to say I can't be a bit more... rough." Swept in by the heat of the moment... happened to her alot lately, it would seem. Perhaps she was a bit more impulsive than she originally thought. Or perhaps it was something Sharaku had brought out of her?

"You could've shut me out completely back then... And I would've understood why, and moved on, albeit a bit of time would have to pass first, but you didn't. You gave me a chance to redeem myself... And for that, I'm grateful." Mae replied with a shy smile. "So, I guess in that case, the quirk isn't bad... certainly, it could be in other situations, but..." She fell silent afterwards, not really knowing where she was going with this...

"Anything, huh..." She thought for a moment... Honestly, staying here, and just talking was relaxing, in a way. And he had invited her here to begin with... suddenly going someplace else would be nice, but in the end, perhaps staying was the right call. She would slowly sit up again, inching a bit closer to Sharaku before she snuggled up towards him ever so slightly. "I guess just being here with you is good enough for me..." She said, her voice sounding quite content, as she closed her eyes. "No need to do anything super extravagant..." She did have an idea of an activity they could try later. Cooking... But she wasn't paticularly hungry right now, so that would have to wait.

Subject: Re: Once Again [Mae] Wed Feb 24, 2016 9:19 am

Yesss, slower. But this wasn't even about that, really. It didn't have to always circle around kissing and activities related to that stuff. He wasn't looking for that specifically right now. Not at all, even though he probably wouldn't protest greatly, depending on what it'd be. Still, it wasn't all he thought about anyway. There was a lot of other stuff he could think about doing, and it wouldn't have to be actually related to that. ''It's not about that....''

''Doing that would have helped me none, really. Or anyone, for that matter.'' She wasn't a bad person, or someone who would consciously keep dragging others down. So, it wouldn't be fair of him to shut her out because of a mistake. Not unless she kept repeating it, and not learning from it at all. Because there was a limit of some behaviors one can take without it hurting them in some way or form. He hardly thought he did something special. If in this age, not condemning people on spot is actually worthy praise, like it's a big deal...it's kinda bad, ain't it? Shouldn't people be more accepting in general? You should be able to at least approximately see what is just a misstep, and what is a bigger issue that can't be left alone.

He wouldn't protest against the snuggle, but he would stare ahead in thought, not very focused for the moment. Well...he had nothing against staying in, but he wasn't certain what she wanted to do. Nothing extravagant. So...what? For some reason, he was just feeling restless. He didn't really want to sit and talk. That would mean a big emphasis on the talking part, and he didn't truly favor it as much as she did. Unless it caught his attention and interest quite well. This was a bit too passive for him. He didn't particularly enjoy running his mouth a lot in majority of cases, in comparison to other stuff. He honestly didn't know what to think right now. He would just sigh lightly.

Subject: Re: Once Again [Mae] Thu Feb 25, 2016 10:02 am

"Hrm..." Things were getting a little bit... awkward here. So, time to switch subjects. Namely... "Speaking of nothing... How's the cat?" She asked curiously. She had only heard Sharaku complaining a bit on Kage's actions when he was off in the kitchen, finishing that cake. She never saw the cat much before, and she wanted to change that somewhat. Liking animals in general, getting aquainted with the cat might be something worth trying.

"Well, just with my experiences, some people have a hard time to truly forgive..." And grudges could last a long time with some. "I mean, in that circumstance, it might be a bit more common to stop associating with someone who just... went behind your back." She knew very well what she did was wrong... That night had just started off poorly, and it only went downhill from there. But there really was no use dwelling in the past. And with that, she dropped the subject.

"Well... I had an idea of something we could do later. Would be kind of moot now, but... hey, it's something." She started after a couple of minutes spent in silence. "How about we go cooking or something? I guess we could go shop for some ingredients and whatnot." That might seem a bit out of place, but it was certainly better than sitting around and doing nothing. Besides, she had never seen him cook before, so that was gonna be fun.

Subject: Re: Once Again [Mae] Thu Feb 25, 2016 1:09 pm

''??'' That was kind of random. Was there a reason to change subjects all of a sudden? Not that he minded a move on, but this was a rather weird jump. His cat had literally no connection to what they've been talking about up till now. It just felt like an awkward attempt to change topic on spot. To him at least. ''He's just fine.'' What do you really say to that? He couldn't read cat moods like a pro, so he wouldn't be able to give a very detailed description anyway.

Hm. Well, he couldn't say he forgave people easily. Not at all, as a matter of fact. He remembered well as to what people have done to him, in case they have. There's a difference between truly forgiving someone, and letting them have a second chance, despite how you might feel about it at a given moment. ''Everyone lies or does stupid things here and there. If cutting off contact whenever someone does it was the go to, then most of us would probably be quite lonely. Not shooing someone away doesn't equal forgiving them afterall. It's simply not jumping to immediate conclusions and judgements, for you can never know their motivations right away. Real forgiveness takes time.'' And certain impressions can go a long way. He might be lenient enough with people, but he was no fool. He was watching still.

...how about no? This was in part why he had a certain dislike towards making some things official quickly and whatnot. It makes you pressured to uphold what you just agreed to, and while he wasn't scared of commitment to things, he still liked to do as he wanted in most cases. She was already planning date activities here and the like, while he wasn't even thinking about that to begin with. This 'what are we gonna do later?', was just not his style, unless it was necessary. Having suggestions about what to do thrown towards him too frequently was quite capable of irritating him. Sometimes he felt like he was just too easily annoyed by little things that most people find on the more insignificant side. He simply liked his own management of time. Which was very likely to be a problem in relationships, unless someone could make him want to give in. He would give her a look, trying to not appear too grumpy for the moment. He honestly felt more interested while they were playing around, instead of this. ''I don't know....''

Subject: Re: Once Again [Mae] Fri Feb 26, 2016 2:06 pm

Mae curled up on the couch, hugging her own legs as she spoke up. This... wasn't really what she meant with that at all. She wasn't tryingt to make things seem... official or anything. Just his tone of voice told her enough that this was the time to back off. "Honestly... I dunno what else to do then..." Was she just better off leaving him alone? Was HE better off without her? The latter question was probably the more relevant one. She wanted to be with him, but she had to take his thoughts into account way more than her own. "I-I'm sorry... It was a stupid Idea of mine..." Right now, she honestly felt it might be better if she just... left him alone. Not precisely a great feeling... She had ruined everything. "..." She looked away from him, out the window, to hide the tears that started gathering in her eyes. It was all her fault. Why couldn't she have kept her mouth shut in that moment earlier? It was all thanks to that moment right there which caused all of this. "I-I'm so sorry about all this..." She began, her voice shaking, as she slowly stood up, and headed towards the door. "I s-should be going now..." As she passed him by, a small teardrop splashed towards the floor as she made her way past Sharaku... He was free to stop her if he wished. If he didn't, all he would hear from her as she left was a quiet "G-Goodbye." before the door slammed shut behind her as she ran back, tears flowing down her cheeks. She had failed. Again...

Subject: Re: Once Again [Mae] Fri Feb 26, 2016 3:19 pm

What the? Honestly, now she was just confusing him. Not so long ago, she was like 'no need to do anything extravagant'. Then she went off making suggestions immediately after, and now she's getting all mopey. He didn't even do anything. Was it that horrible that he wasn't super interested and chipper right now? Just, like, what? She kept going up and down. One moment, she's jumping into things, then saying it's fine to take it slow, and in the end, she's upset when he is not going at her pace. What was he supposed to make out of this? Sometimes, he could hardly deal with his own moods, and people around him going from A to B in seconds themselves did not help it at all. He was just uber confused in the end.

It wasn't even that he had a problem with her ideas. It was the situation and all. He kind of knew why this didn't appeal to him much. The entire progression. She was just too easy. So much that it felt dull to him. This was something that didn't change since the past. She would jump in and dream of the future so easily and whatnot. So soon after they met up again, as if it was just a simple thing. It wasn't that he disliked someone showing interest. Not at all. But he wanted some sort of challenge at least, in some way or form. Not just, 'Oh, I have feelings. Let's go and be a couple'. No offense, but even a hook up at a bar may take more time to start being all into it. He valued honesty and all that, but he also liked to play around. And not just some occasional cutesy stuff that lasts a few seconds. Be more interesting and make the other side actually want to give effort in chasing you, instead of just throwing yourself into someone's arms the moment they say they may be willing to try it out. Maybe before they even properly say it, apparently. He didn't really work that way. Extreme willingness to go ahead put him off in a way. You can show interest in someone without being this compliant and easy to get. What's there to even try for?

...and then it ends in this, because she suddenly decides that her efforts aren't good enough? Well, more like...her efforts were not really suited for someone like him. Sure, he could be nice and all those things, but he did have a certain wild streak. He didn't want a cute ball of fluff stuck to him too much. Perhaps she was a bit too nice and gullible for him. They had a few things in common, but it would seem that there were also quite a few that matched badly. Speaking of things. What is crying and running away going to solve? He didn't even say anything that would confirm she had things to apologize for, but she was already bawling like it was the end of the world right now.

He would huff, getting up, before moving around to stand in front of her, blocking her way. This wouldn't do. ''What are you upset about? I said nothing about your ideas being stupid, so why are you apologizing for everything? I don't get this....'' He wasn't even angry. More sad if anything. And confused. Why was she reacting so hastily anyway...?

Subject: Re: Once Again [Mae] Fri Feb 26, 2016 3:42 pm

He stepped in the way so hastily that Mae bumped into him right as she was on her way out... This both did suprise her, and yet it didn't at the same time. Of course he would be confused... Where to even begin...? She was confident that he would at least understand where she was coming from if she explained herself, but that would not necessarily improve the whole situation. Not at all... It could make things even worse than they were previously. The fragile little woman stood there, staring blankly at her feet as the tears kept rolling down her cheeks, as she did her best to avoid looking at him. She felt so guilty over all this... It felt... wrong. She stood there for about 20-30 seconds in silence before finally speaking up. "S-Sharaku... I ruined e-everything..." Mae started, still avoiding his gaze. Her voice was very weak, and her body shook somewhat. "Y-You invited me here, gave me c-cake and was generally just being n-nice..." At the moment, she wasn't even thinking about what his thoughts of her would be after this. Everything just sort of... fell out. "W-when you pushed me o-over there... I-I lost c-control... c-control of my own feelings a-and... a-and..." She took a shaky breath before continuing on. "I-I blurted out s-something really stupid! I ruined e-everything from t-that moment on... It's my fault." After that, she finally looked up at him. "I-I told you something I s-shouldn't have... and then I... I..." She took yet another quivering breath before finally finishing with "I pushed things too far! I've failed you... I've even failed myself..." Her gaze would then return to her own shoes, as she kept on quietly sobbing. "I-I don't deserve you... I never o-once did... and I n-never will..."

Subject: Re: Once Again [Mae] Fri Feb 26, 2016 5:34 pm

He would keep standing where he was, listening to her quietly, letting her say all she wanted first. Interrupting wouldn't help any at this point. And he wanted to know what was this about anyway. Once she was done, he would tilt his head slightly. He understood in a way, but he was still a bit confused over her train of thought. Well yes, her approach wasn't the best, but that was mostly because it wasn't one that worked well for him. Someone else might take to it much better than him. There are many kinds of people out there. It wasn't completely her fault. It was just a clash between what the two of them liked in regards to this...but that happens. Doesn't mean you failed badly. A true fail would probably be if she managed to piss him off and did something that is actually stupid in general. What she did could be taken in many ways. As a standalone, it wasn't stupid. It was just different, based on who you did it to.

He would sigh lightly, reaching out a hand under her chin, making her look up at him. ''Why is it that you think so? The real issue is that the two of us don't seem to have the same idea about how to work relationships. You didn't do anything really bad. It just doesn't really work on me. Does that mean you fail? No, that just means we are different. You don't have to cry about that. I'm not mad about it. No one knows the right way to behave around someone. And even if you did...going against yourself won't make you a happy person. That's why we all search for someone we can be ourselves with, isn't that right? You don't have to literally deserve someone. What matters is that it feels right for both sides.'' She couldn't keep being this hard on herself. She would make it worse for herself that way. Why feel like you failed, when you are the only one? He didn't really share her sentiment afterall. ''You're just fine as you are. Some things don't work out, but it doesn't need to be your fault just because. Believe in yourself.''

Subject: Re: Once Again [Mae] Sun Feb 28, 2016 8:55 am

Mae remained silent, listening to his words, as she looked at him. "I... I guess you're right..." She eventually said, wiping her own tears from her eyes and cheeks with the sleeve of her own shirt. Despite how happy and such she was on the outside, in reality, Mae's confidence was very brittle in places, and some things could shatter it immensly easily. Especially things like self-doubt. Disliking to pin the blame on someone else, she usually took the blame for things that were never even caused by anyone to begin with, even if it caused her greater harm than necessary...

"I really can't live like this..." She said, looking at her soaked sleeve. "I... guess I'll have to move on. From both you... and Charles, in that way." She of course wished to remain friends. "I... just don't want something like this to happen again. And this was supposed to be a fun day..." Well, not much she could do about that now, is there? Saying she was sorry this happened because of her though wouldn't solve anything. It would just... start a vicious cycle that would never end. She had to put her foot down. "Things... really didn't go as planned..." She said with an apologetic look on her face. "If there's anything I can do to make up for this... let me know."

Subject: Re: Once Again [Mae] Sun Feb 28, 2016 9:24 am

''Then you should decide what do you want to live like.'' Things can hardly change when all you know is that the current state is not okay. But what is, then? ''Perhaps you just need something new. Turning back towards people from before, when it didn't work back then is a bumpy road. If it's this hard for you to handle, then maybe you shouldn't go that route period.'' And technically, he probably needed that too. Running around in circles doesn't work for everyone. He couldn't really do this. It was nearly impossible for him to see anyone he already knew well enough as anything closer than a friend. It just wasn't working properly.

He would raise an eyebrow slightly, as she still tried to apologize, just in a roundabout way. ''Do I look like I really care? Besides, I was hardly planning much to begin with....'' He didn't see a point in her trying to make up for something. That would only get this entire situation more tangled than it already was. It's probably better to just forget it, before it goes places again. Plus, she was just going down the apologize route again, if she wanted to pay back for something that wasn't necessarily her fault.

Subject: Re: Once Again [Mae] Mon Feb 29, 2016 6:51 pm

"I should... but... It's not really easy to do." That didn't mean she wouldn't try. She had to remain strong at least, if nothing else. "Something... new?" She thought a little bit about that... Perhaps that was the answer to her predicament. "That sounds... reasonable enough, I guess." She replied with a half-hearted shrug before wiping the remaining tears. She couldn't look like this anymore.

"I... I guess not, huh..." Oh well, what could you do about that now... "Again... I'm sorry all this happened." Regardless of what he said, she couldn't help but feel guilty over this. Why did things always go wrong? Perhaps... she could use a little help from a psychiatrist or something. Yeah... maybe that would push her in the right direction... to come to terms with her own flaws, and how to best work with them..

Subject: Re: Once Again [Mae] Mon Feb 29, 2016 7:51 pm

Well no, it isn't. He was just...eh, whatever. This wasn't really working. At the very least, she wasn't crying anymore though. He wasn't sure what he'd really do in case she wouldn't have stopped at all. He could try his best, but he was no expert at this. Obviously enough. Otherwise, he would get along with people better than that. No news though. He knew well enough that he pretty much sucked at this when it actually mattered. Either that, or he just had extremely bad luck, but in the end, the result would be the same.

He would just sigh lightly, looking a bit downcast. This kind of stuff wasn't good for him. He didn't want apologies. It only made him feel worse, because it showed how much she blamed herself. And he disliked seeing that. It was a wonder he was still handling this all. Being around too much negatively laced stuff didn't spell anything good for him. There was no way he'd be in an actually good mood for a decent amount of time when everyone around him was brooding or some crap like that. He was affected by the atmosphere way too much most of the time. Wasn't there anyone around with a healthy amount of self-confidence or something (not too much though)? Or did he for some reason attract people that were so easily rattled by little things? If so, then life was pretty cruel. Sometimes he really wondered just how he even kept standing up to this all the time. He could hardly recall an instance during which something didn't go sour, for whatever reason. It was way too tiring. And he hardly went easy on himself anyway, so she was just going to make him feel like he had been stupid to even invite her over in the first place.

''Are you going to keep apologizing all day? You being gloomy only makes me feel worse. I already said I don't mind....'' His tone was starting to sound exhausted by this point. Perhaps he should start minding when people were actually dragging him down with them, even if only unintentionally. Because right now, he probably felt worse than her, albeit for slightly different reasons. Maybe it was made worse by the fact that he had already dealt with enough bad things recently thanks to Shun. He really didn't need more depressiveness in his face. It was hard enough to chew through his own at times...and then he was squished by others' too, and just...

Subject: Re: Once Again [Mae] Tue Mar 01, 2016 4:48 pm

"I... I think it's better if I just..." Mae started, casting a glance at the door. "...go home... I... need some time for myself." Indeed. She could use some solitude right about now. To wrestle with her own thoughts, and how to deal with this current position she was in. Oh well. At least they weren't on bad terms with eachother. Some things just weren't meant to be. This was one of them.

On her way out, she put on her jacket, boots and everything before giving Sharaku a thin smile... "Thanks... for understanding. And that cake was really delicious. Now, take care... Hopefully our next time meeting won't be this awkward..." Pft yeah. This one would be tough to beat on that front... Poor girl. But oh well, you win some, you lose some...

~ Mae Iharu has left the scene ~