The one decisive time [Sharaku]

Posts : 1664 Join date : 2014-05-22

…This was awkward. In so many levels, for so many reasons. How long has he seen Sharaku since the last time? He didn’t even know. Last time didn’t go as expected as well. It was an awful meeting, to be completely honest, and while back then he felt like Sharaku was the one to blame for the disaster of the encounter to the point Shunnosuke preferred to make time for his lousy and aristocratic grandfather rather than spending time with Sharaku, now the teenager felt like he could understand the older better. There was so much to tell and explain the teenager felt like he was losing it at the wait time. His hands twitched nervously, either interlocking or tapping against the table in a repeated and impatient rhythm. Sharaku received the message, didn’t he? He hoped so. For better or worse, the teenager decided to just stay at the referred place, a well-known distinguished café, the same he invited Hyde for. Perhaps it was a good place for a renewal, there was no telling. How would Sharaku react to Shunnosuke’s changes? They were there, and they were far from being superficial. More than cutting his hair shorter and regaining its natural, deep brown color, Shunnosuke felt different within, and that’s what he intended to show. But overall, the true reason for that meeting was far from being himself. If there was one thing he learned with everything — and everything meaning whatever have happened in the last year up to this date — is that not everything is about him. That said, he could only hope Sharaku would listen and perhaps believe in what the formerly blond teenager had to say…

Subject: Re: The one decisive time [Sharaku] Mon Aug 03, 2015 8:00 pm

This was, in many ways, rather surprising. As far as Sharaku remembered, the last time, Shun was quite eager to spend time with his grandpa instead of bothering to hang around him. Which was one of the reasons why he would not really expect the younger to want to meet like this. What exactly for? Frankly, he wasn't sure he understood all this anymore. Shun seemed to have some problem with him almost each and every time they met up, apart from a few rare exceptions. He had a hard time figuring out why did the teen keep at it still, if so many things bothered him. It was like going back and forth all the time. Ah well. Despite the confusion and all, he was not the type to purposely ignore someone, unless he disliked them very much, or had a good reason to not follow through. The only thing that remained was to hope it would stay away from anything remotely frustrating this time around. He kind of did not desire more dramatics as it was. Everyone was full of them lately, due to how the world was proggressing forward. Lovely indeed.

At any rate, time to see what this is about, yes? Eventually, he would make his way to the place, a bit lost in thought as he went. Well, until he caught sight of the one who invited him...Alright? It was a bit unusual. What was with the hair? New trends or something? He remembered that Rita cut her hair too not so long ago, though she kept the color. Though, he hadn't even asked her about it yet. He just noted the difference along the way. Interesting, perhaps. On the other hand, he did look a bit different as well. If that golden tattoo on his arm counted as such. But it did get him looks sometimes, as he tended to wear sleevless stuff, like now for example. Hm. He still didn't know why that even happened, but he wasn't complaining too much. As much as he never planned on legitimately getting tattoos.

All that aside, he would shrug the differences off for now, keeping them in the back of his mind for later, as he approached the younger man. ''Hi.'', he would greet simply at first. In a way, he perhaps acted a bit different lately himself. At least, those that knew him well enough would most likely be able to notice something. ''It's been a while.'', he would give the teen a half-smile, as he opted to stand in front of the table, not sitting down yet. He was still curious as to what this was meant to be.

Posts : 1664 Join date : 2014-05-22

Upon listening Sharaku’s voice, Shunnosuke’s mind was elsewhere, staring with a downed gaze. There was so much going on his mind right now he could only notice further presence once Sharaku was close enough. He hasn’t changed a bit… except that now he’s tattooed, the kind of thing Shunnosuke couldn’t really moderate the intensity of his stare at. Quite odd, indeed; definitely the kind of thing that doesn’t suit Sharaku’s dandy style. On the other hand, perhaps the man was trying a different outlook in life and maybe that’s reflecting in his outfit? In any event the student would lift his gaze to his face, a shy smile changing the depressed look on his face. — Yes… quite a while. — A brief moment of contemplative silence and he noticed that staring for too much and too long wasn’t probably the best idea for a reunion. — Won’t you sit? Please… — He made a delicate gesture for Sharaku to sit wherever. There was another available wooden chair in front of him, anyway. Other than that, his posture was rather tense and quite insecure. Sharaku’s reaction was far from the ideal. — I’ve just ordered something to myself, it might take a while for the waiter to come. Do you feel like ordering something or…?

Subject: Re: The one decisive time [Sharaku] Mon Aug 03, 2015 9:46 pm

While Sharaku did take note of the staring here and there, he wasn't particularly bothered by it right now. He couldn't really tell what was on Shun's mind either way, and as long as it stayed at that alone, he had nothing to guess from, and therefore, nothing to really say about it. Besides, inquiring about it would probably be a bad move to do right away, even if it was something he wanted to do. So he just continued looking back at the younger until he said something meaningful. ''I suppose so.'' He was going to sit down regardless, just perhaps take a bit of time to do it. But might as well now. It's not like there was a difference in the end. He just felt like not sitting right away, that was all.

''Ahem, it's fine. Maybe later on.'' He never ate much anyway. Nine times out of ten he didn't even finish what he had ordered, so it was often not worth it. He had time to decide anyway, no? Unless this was about to be a really short meeting, but he doubted that. There would be no point in calling him over just to gave it be over really soon. That aside however...He would look at Shun contemplatively. It did seem like the teen wanted something, but was taking his time with it..? But he had no idea what. ''Anyhow, to what do I owe the pleasure?'', he would ask eventually, cutting the possible silence short. For now, he was simply curious. Well, and hoping that it wouldn't be anything extreme.

Posts : 1664 Join date : 2014-05-22

Right. Cutting straight to the chase. Shunnosuke would have guessed that Sharaku wouldn’t want to spend time “beating around the bush”, as he’d say. Rather, he liked things straightforward, as always. That wasn’t Shunnosuke’s style, and even after his past experiences, it is still hard for him to aim for what matters once certain topics are brought up. This was one of these topics. — Well... — He snickered shortly, shifting his gaze to the menu lying on the table, avoiding visual contact. Glancing directly at the man’s amber eyes would only make it hard to explain what lurks within, and the last thing Shunnosuke needed now was hesitation. Eventually he’d reach there, with a bit of patience from the other side.

— I don’t know how to put this, so I ask for you to be tad patient. I promise it isn’t something to argue about this time. — He muttered, in a bashful fashion as if he was embarrassed to speak about. Organizing the memories, explaining it in a reasonably understandable fashion without making it overly complicate and erasing the meaning the whole event had for the teenager wasn’t the easiest of the tasks. Whether Sharaku would expose a reaction or not, Shunnosuke would wait to see before giving continuity to his speech: — A while ago… I’ve received a message in my cellphone warning me about a place called Velvet Room. I’m not sure if you ever heard about it, and I’ve been there barely three times by now. Naomi and Alphonse were also there once, so you might want them to fill you in. —Without changing positions, he looked to Sharaku’s face in a brief instant before averting gaze exchanges again. — In short this place is some reflection of our subconsciousness, likely. And those who are invited are users who have some sort of pending intimate business, and apparently I’m one of those who fill the requirements. — He sighed with a very short chuckle. There wasn’t anything funny in the tale, to be frank, but laughing at his own face made it seem less awkward, if that’s even possible. — I can’t explain it exactly, but in this place we meet people who are, in a way, very important to us. And... you were there. At first I thought it was truly you. Something seemed off, but it was indeed your image in front of me. Your voice, your height, your posture, everything. But I should have guessed, after being there twice, that whoever I saw was an image of you, not the real you. He said my name in one day more times than you have ever done in all these months… — Another short pause, enough to let it sink and to allow the teenager to recover from his blatant melancholy. Memories were still fresh and vivid in his mind. Memories of what the fragment of Sharaku has said. — The “Sharaku” I met there has said some things about me, about us, things that really hurt me, but… I don’t think he was lying. And now I need to hear from your mouth, so please...be honest with me... — Once he was done staring at the closed menu’s cover, he finally glanced back at Sharaku. Expectations high, though he tried to not make it obvious his heart was racing in anxiety. This was a pivotal moment and everything Shunnosuke said up to now was just an epilogue to whatever words that were visibly choking the teenager's feelings back. He promised to act differently, and he has barely started, right? So, no turning back now he's gone this far. — ...Have you ever thought I’m only using you…? Do you really think I'm in "this" by sham?

Subject: Re: The one decisive time [Sharaku] Tue Aug 04, 2015 9:07 am

Well, waiting wasn't really a problem. Sharaku didn't mind that, as long as it wasn't a completely worthless one. He would remain mostly quiet for the moment, even though there was something he could say in regards to the argument idea. But for now, he decided it wasn't really that important. He'd rather hear what was this about first, because the way Shun put it, seemed like it was supposed to be quite important. ''Fine with me.''

Hm. Not what he expected, but he did know what the teen was talking about to an extent. Naomi told him a few things, but he never got details of what it meant. Hyde did mention about Alphonse, but was so all over the place back then, that he honestly didn't even remember what had been said anymore. That, and the redhead kind of ignored him when he asked for a clarification. Therefore, it stayed at that. He would frown a litte though. Well, yes, he did remember something about people being there, but no one had bothered to explain it to him exactly. On the other hand, he knew he couldn't even go in there..so maybe it didn't matter? Not that he really understood why. Just because he was somewhat different than the rest? He would probably never find out at this rate.

He would look ahead a bit blankly for a moment. ''Hm. Well, if that helps...I can't even go to that place, so you can remember it's not possible that I'd hang around for real.'' Not sure if it would be of any use to the younger, but might as well. Though, knowing how these strange things went, it wouldn't even matter in the end. When the other asked him for honesty, he would not say anything, simply waiting for what the exact question was. If it was something he could even answer. From what he heard, he could assume whoever Shun met there was a fake. The question was....whatever it said..there was no proof whether it was real or not.

He would furrow his brows slightly, tapping his fingers against the table thoughtfully. How was he to answer something like that? It wasn't easy. He didn't really have a straightforward answer to this. Yes, but also not completely. He wasn't the best at explaining, apparently. ''Yes, but also no.'', he would state eventually, after a moment of silence, still sort of debating as to how to go with this. ''You see, it was fairly obvious that the main thing you cared about was status and how rich a person was. I know that your first reason to go after me was mainly that. You wouldn't have if I didn't look the part. You always wanted the best, and the things that pleased you, rather than the possibly harsh reality. So in that manner, yes, because you were trying to make me be someone you would be happy with the way you want it to be. On the other hand, if it was the only thing you truly cared about, you wouldn't have stayed around through all this. Because you could have easily just looked for some high-class guy to go with instead because they would be easier to handle, which you did not yet. Then again, I don't know what you do in your free time, but I don't think you did, at least. So I am aware it's not only that, but yes, there were times when you made yourself seem like you were in it only for you alone. I can't deny that.'', he would elaborate, looking towards the teen. ''Does that answer your question well enough?''

Posts : 1664 Join date : 2014-05-22

Huh? Shunnosuke was fairly surprised. So Sharaku couldn't enter the Velvet Room or meet the attendants? Odd. Does it have something to do with the nature of his powers and the influence of the shadow attached to him or...? In any event, that was not important for the conversation, it was just some random fact he dully noted for further references. And in light of Sharaku's posterior explanation, it really didn't matter. Perhaps Alphonse was right when he said everything in that place is a twisted version of the subconscious reality, and Sharaku confirmed it when he partially denied what the fragment of his self has said. Shunnosuke was relieved the man at least understood that he wasn't completely frivolous, materialistic and superficial. However...he proved the teenager wrong: the fragment wasn't lying. Not at all. Though part of it was twisted to a bad direction, in essence it was true and the real Sharaku confirmed it. — ...I see. — He said, unsure of the next step. It was like a punch in the face, a bucket of cold water thrown right over him. His expression couldn't deny that he wasn't disappointed with the answer given, regardless of his efforts to face it with maturity, like the adult he's about to become. Shunnosuke admitted to himself that perhaps he was overly attached and obsessed with the idea of owning Sharaku's affection rather than earning it. The thing is: how to admit it aloud? How to explain it to him when he was the one to blame?

— I may have placed upon you the responsibility for something that is solely up to me. It's not your fault, it never was. But I was feeling excluded once I transferred to Zela, and at home...well... — He took a breath, noticing the change of direction. No, that's not what he wanted to say, he didn't want to place the blame on something and someone else for his past mistakes, that's not what he called Sharaku over for and hardly that would solve anything. — I have also met my father and my mother there... Well, not my real father and mother, of course, they were representations of my parents, just like your image, but they helped me understand my family better. Upon that, I could decide what course of action is the best to take. — Once the topic wasn't "them", Shun and Sharaku, anymore, the teenager could lift his head and face him again. — Do you remember back when I visited you in your apartment? We talked a bit about it. I was too embarrassed and centered in my point of view to understand what you meant when you advised me that I could do something about my family. And... I did. After the Velvet episode, it took me a few days to take action. Somehow, my family noticed I've been acting under the weather rather than my usual self and they asked me why. Back then, I kind of lost it and for the first time, I felt like they were truly worried about me. Even my mother. — Hints of melancholy adorned his smile. — ...You were right. You've always been. I could have done something on my own before. When I faced all the illusions of the dearest ones, they told me I shouldn't feel obliged to fix everything with everyone, but at the same time, it's not all lost. I wanted to believe that. And though I shouldn't, I couldn't not feel obliged as I realized I had my fair share and something could be done if it was within my range. It wasn't easy for both sides, far from that, but in a way, things will start to change at home. — His fingers interlocked and for a tiny moment Shunnosuke bit his inferior lip, downed gaze again in his struggle. Weights lifted from his heart were making the teenager far anxious than when he decided to keep it to himself. — ...my parents will divorce. It'll be hard to see my father leave home, and my grandparents were far from satisfied. I'm still talking to grandpa that leaving to his adult daughter the control of her own life is what a parent should do. Of course he isn't easy to convince, more concerned as to how it'll affect the company and our public image, but it's probably for the best. As for dad...he'll return to England, his homeland. I don't know when, but...I know it's soon the divorce documents are settled. — Shunnosuke's voice volume lowered and was starting to crack, though the teenager wasn't crying yet. No, he was fighting hard to be strong and do everything right this time. He was strong to fight his other self, so he could be strong to face his family and, more importantly, Sharaku.

Subject: Re: The one decisive time [Sharaku] Tue Aug 04, 2015 2:01 pm

Allright...but Sharaku was still a little confused about it. Actually, a bit more than before. It's not that it wasn't nice to hear that Shun's impromptu trip helped him deal with his parents...but what exactly did that have to do with him right now? He wasn't the best person to come after support of this kind, and he frankly didn't know what to say. What could he say? Did the teen ask him to come here to tell him that? He wasn't sure what the reason for it would be, taking in mind their last few interactions. He had no reason to meddle in Shun's family business in any case...so hearing about it like this just made him confused about what to do.

He would close his eyes for a moment. ''I suppose..I should congratulate you? Don't get me wrong...but I don't know what to say? I can't really meddle with your family business for real. And..it's always been your call. I remember that you didn't listen to me yes...but I am not really upset over that. Whether right or wrong, it's up to you what choices you make. Whether others like your decision or not is another matter altogether. But I can't really blame you for anything. Even I make mistakes.'' This was way harder than it should be. He was simply drawing a blank on how to respond. There wasn't much to say to all that...

''But if this means things will get better, then it's for the best, yes? You could still visit your father one day or keep in touch with him somehow if you want to.'', he would look at the teen with a thin smile. ''Things aren't always what they seem to be after all. There is always a way, if we choose to look for it.'' Or at least something to be done. ''Though...'', he would give Shun a slightly puzzled look. ''Why exactly are you telling me this now..? Not that I am not glad for you...but I don't exactly have anything to do with your family personally to begin with, nor would I expect you to call me here to talk about such...?'' How did it go from him thinking Shun was using him to family matters all of a sudden..?

Posts : 1664 Join date : 2014-05-22

...Not quite the reaction he wanted from Sharaku. He was rather excited to think the one that holds his admiration would compliment the changes, which he didn't to the fullest. Well, comprehensible. After so many fights, no wonders their relationship — whatever relationship — stands on thin ice. Shun could understand that, and though the sort of indifferent response was painful to hear and awkward enough to make regretful thoughts run through the student's mind, he sucked it up and didn't complain. — I'm sorry for throwing my life at you like that. It's just I thought you would think of me differently once I explained all the things I've gone through since the last time we met. That's why I sought your company... — Yes, that was partially the reason, for Shunnosuke would still prefer to think of Sharaku as someone he could have by his side at least as a friend, to share whatever accomplishments he achieved. Still, that was not the main one, it was visible he wavered over going further, as if there was more to say. And there was, indeed. The main reason was far disconcerting and hard to spill out: — ...I might move out with my father. — The decision was as sure as his trembling tone. It's not as if the teenager hasn't been pondering over it for a while, though. It depended on a lot of factors, namely the importance he dedicated to his own ambitions and the ability to deal in time with the calamity state Thesis and Ananke have put Azores to. But once that gets solved...who knows? In the mean time, the waiter arrived with Shunnosuke's order: a simple cup of tea accompanied by a slice of pretty, highly decorated strawberry cake. The young man placed the dishes in front of Shunnosuke and politely wished "bon appetit" along with a permission to depart, which he did shortly after.

Subject: Re: The one decisive time [Sharaku] Tue Aug 04, 2015 5:25 pm

Sharaku would just sigh, leaning against the table. Well, very nice, yes...but was he expected to change his opinion of a person on spot and act accordingly to it right away? What did Shun expect of him? He barely just processed what he had been told, had almost no time to really think on it, and the teen already expected him to think of him differently? That was a bit overboard in general. And adding to it..he was far from the type to turn his opinion around in the matter of a few minutes. Hell, not even days. He needed to think on it first, and decide whether it was worth a big turn around or not. But he tended not to...not the way Shun wanted it. Even when he did alter his thoughts of someone, it wasn't truly all that noticeable, unless they paid him a good deal of attention to catch something. ''I'm sorry, but things don't happen with a snap of fingers. You can't expect me to rework my thoughts about someone like that in the span of a few minutes. I barely had the time to proccess all that you told me. As with other things, something like this takes time. And words alone don't solve everything so easily at the last minute.'', he would huff faintly. ''Besides, it's not like I dislike you for real. I never did. Just because I disagree with someone's views and actions, does not mean it's the end of the world.'' It didn't mean he didn't care at all. But some things never changed. Shun still seemed to want to see results fast, if he expected that out of him here and now, right after listening to all that.

He would blink at the second part. So that was it? Well...despite it being out of the blue, it wasn't entirely surprising. Once, Shun had already mentioned that he would possibly move away for his carrier and all. This was just a different perspective of the same result. ''Well then, good luck with your life if you do decide to do so? No one's really holding you here. If you actually want to go, then do.'' Honestly this was just starting to feel awkward. He had nothing against the teen, but he also didn't know how to respond to statements like these. Yes, so he was being told...but he felt nothing that would warrant him acting in a certain way. It was Shun's decision either way, not his whether he would say he wanted him to leave or stay. And as a matter of fact, he was simply neutral. That couldn't be helped right now.

That said, he would cast a look at the food the other got, remaining silent. He still didn't get the serious purpose of this, unless Shun truly expected him to be all yay, and act different after hearing those experiences. Wasn't going to happen so simply.

Posts : 1664 Join date : 2014-05-22

. . .

For a moment, he didn’t say anything. How long it took for him to draft a reaction that wasn’t the merely mix of shock and disappointment on his face, he didn’t know. It seemed like eternity to him, and the thing that brought him back to his senses of reality was, oddly, the cake. The sweet caught his dead stare, and it was better this way. He should have anticipated this coming. While he thought Sharaku was acting downright cold, like he didn’t care at all of what Shunnosuke decided to do of his life and everything said was merely protocolar courtesy, the teen still couldn’t say anything. It was his blunt personality at all, and he couldn’t change the older in that respected. Plus...the given response was a consequence he had to deal with. A reasonable consequence of a disastrous story.

— ...thank you. — He muttered with a downed gaze, still focused on the cake rather than letting his eyes meet Sharaku’s. He couldn’t help but feel quickly depressed at the other’s frankness and think that was a mistake, think what he has done wrong. Now, how was he to avert that? Words alone won’t solve everything, alright, he got that. But he wouldn’t also call Sharaku over there if he wasn’t willing to do more than a fiery speech of redemption. — Yes, England is a nice country. The weather is appealing and I don’t want my father to be lonely like he was expelled from our family. My mother at least has her parents to keep her company, but he has no one else. Once I’m done with Thesis, the corrupted worlds and all, we’ll probably move away together. — His hand was shaking a bit, hardly managing to grab the spoon and get himself a portion of the cake he wouldn’t direct to his mouth just yet. The student managed to lift the spoon a bit, but that’s as far as he would go, soon outing it back on the plate’s corner, carefully. — I don’t mean to rush anything at you. So, if you need time to “process all”, I can respect that and wait.

‬‬

Subject: Re: The one decisive time [Sharaku] Tue Aug 04, 2015 7:10 pm

Sharaku would honestly do nothing. He didn't feel like it at all. It was getting tiring to see Shun always get dissapointed and depressed over everything. That was something he couldn't solve. He had mentioned that he didn't mean this in an actualy bad manner, but apparently such didn't really matter to the teen. And what should he do? It was no use forcing it. He couldn't bring himself to be overly nice when almost all he was getting to see was some sort of depressed face the moment the teen's expectations fell down. It only served as a downer to his own mood after a while. And frankly, he was starting to blank out here. It just didn't feel right. And he still had no idea what Shun's accomplishment with his parents had to really do with him specifically. If what the teen wanted was someone to be patting him on the back, and being extra happy over it...then he should have called Hyde over. He didn't express those kinds of feelings in a very elaborate way, even when he did feel them. And now he was honestly...not feeling anything. Except for the fact that Shun's by now who-knows-how-many th downer moment was making him feel uncomfortable. He was willing to lend a hand when someone was feeling bad, and he was following the moment at the time...but he never knew what Shun really wanted, and too much of the same over and over was too much.

''So it is.'' Was England nice? Hell if he knew. Was it relevant to anything? He wasn't sure anymore either. ''Though, he was the one who chose to move away. So he must know that he will be alone if he does it.'', he would comment matter-of-factly, not finding anything else to say towards the subject. He would sigh. ''Process or not. I still don't understand. What does you finally dealing with your parents have to do with me specifically? If you wanted someone to celebrate with you, Hyde was a better choice. You know I'm not the one for that.'' In most situations, at least. ''Because if you're just going to get upset and depressive again as almost always, I'm failing to see the point. You're only managing to get my own mood down right now, if I am to be honest with you.'' He didn't feel like lying right now, and it probably wouldn't have changed anything either.

Posts : 1664 Join date : 2014-05-22

Alright, Shunnosuke was really, really trying to be considerate, but...it just isn’t working. What was he to do, dammit? Sharaku’s words weren’t making him upset anymore, but enraged instead. Perhaps he was right, he should have confided such experiences to Hyde. As dense as the redhead could be, he at least had a heart and Shun knew he could rely on his classmate in times of need. In an authomatic reflex, the teen stood up and hit both closed hands on the table, producing a reverberating sound that’d scary everybody who wasn’t yet paying attention to both lads. — ...I can’t demand you to develop feelings for me, and you can’t control mine either. — He muttered, with a hoarse voice; this time, staring fiercely to Sharaku. The teenager had been calm and almost submissive, which is completely unlikely him, and he had his limits. Whether the older aimed for it or not, he crossed a very delicate one. — I called you over to see you. I wanted to show you that I could be different. But still, you don’t even make an effort to walk in my shoes, you don’t even want to think of how this is for me. Meanwhile, I’m doing my best to swallow my pride and try to be understanding. Yes, Sharaku, I might be, indeed, upset over many things. Can’t I have the right to be? Shouldn’t I be after I listened to what you said? I’m not a sponge that absorbs everything and remains the same. I’m a human being trying to deal with things the best I can and I’m sorry if I wrongly thought I could share with you something about my life that’s important and deeply personal to me even if it’s not truly related to you, I’m sorry if I thought you would care, or at least develop a single drop of empathy for what I’ve gone through even after I showed my care for you many times before, I’m sorry if up to now I still saw you as, at least, someone I’d like to keep close as a friend but if it’s not mutual, this will be the last time. And you know what’s funny? You act exactly the same way you criticize, have you realized it? Huh? The other you made me think not everything is lost, but no matter what I do, my efforts, my word, my good intentions, everything is useless to you. So, you know what? Just-leave. If you are so annoyed with my behavior in more ways than one even when I’m trying by all means to do my part, you’re free to go anytime and I’ll never ever bother you again. After all, there are no shackles in your ankles attaching you to this chair. I’d rather if you leave instead of being an insensitive and cruel hypocrite, "if I am to be honest with you". — Shun didn’t like truly to make scenes, but up to this point his voice was unintentionally louder, as well as his breath was out of rhythm. Way to lose his composure. Slowly the teenager sat down; if he was before down for the ride, now had enough already.

Subject: Re: The one decisive time [Sharaku] Tue Aug 04, 2015 9:24 pm

Eh, now Sharaku kind of wished he had ordered something, just so he had a fork to play with or such. He had changed in that regard. He wasn't going to blow up over this anymore. Not when he had no legitimate reason to get all dramatic. As a matter of fact, he was almost way too calm as he stared at the younger. Very well then. Let's see...

''Who's saying I'm trying to control your feelings? I'm simply saying what effect they have on me and asking why is it that you react that way so often, pretty much. Or should I keep quiet? Somehow, that was never the right option either, so I choose to be honest. That's what you asked of me in the beginning as well. Don't ask for something if you can't handle it. That's what I'll say to this.'', he'd state at first, completely unfazed by the table slam. It was fine. If the teen needed to blow off steam, he was free to. As long as he didn't hit him, because then he would beg to differ.

''You're assuming that you know what I really think. Think it's going to help you? I can imagine it to an extent. I know what is it like to go through big problems. But I am tired of this for one. I tried to engage before, as much as I could manage. You always took the stance that I didn't really understand your intentions, and got upset, depressed or just completely dissmisive. And I can't anymore. Nothing I do works, because you always want a slightly different shade. I am capable of empathy to a sense, but I have my limits. And you're doing the same again in a sense, blowing off over how I am not understanding enough. It was never enough for you anyway. I care in my own way, but in the end, it's all about the fact that people see only what they want to see, right? That's how it feels to me most of the time.'' Seriously. Yes, it was true. He was completely aware that the way he articulated things most of the time was not really suited for this, or many other situations. But the way he worked words did not mean he did not care. He just did it differently. And it did often depend on the way the other person was treating him too. With all that happened up until now, it was only harder for him to spit sweet words towards the teen, whether he felt some empathy or not. It almost always ended with him not understanding in some way or form, the moment he slipped up. Like now apparently. If it was to be about how he expressed himself verbally, forcing him to watch his every word to not seem like he didn't care, then he didn't really need this, did he? It was just a broken play. Even when he tried a bit, it was generally not enough.

''You know what is truly funny? You attempt to base my level of caring, being insensitive and cruelty on the way I speak. As if that was exactly what matters. I talk the way I do, because it's the only way I know. I'm not a talkative person, and even when I do feel something, I don't know how to put it in words most of the time. I do try, but it was never good enough for your liking apparently. You say what you tell me or do is useless to me. For the most part, you're wrong. But after some thinking, I've come to the conclusion that we both are looking for something completely else. You want something I can't really give you without pretending. And it's the same the other way around. I could easily claim that you are not doing good enough either, because what you do often doesn't appeal to me. Whose fault is it, then?'', he would say with an even gaze. ''You know, I asked why exactly you told me that to try to understand in some way, because I was confused. But you had to blow over it, as if I just commited a crime here. Can't say you are the best at being empathic either, because you tend to grasp onto the worst possible implication something could have right away, so it's even in a sense.''

''And yes, I am perfectly capable of leaving. You needn't remind me of that. But what was the point of me coming here, if I am to just leave right away? Such a lovely suggestion.'' Oh, he certainly could just leave and be done with it, but he was not the type. Even less than he used to be before. If it was to be a fight, he would not run.

''In any case, do I look like I'm annoyed to you? You wound me by making blind guesses, dear.'', he would state, in a somewhat mocking tone. Oh, he was perfectly fine. Perhaps even a bit amused over how repetitive was this starting to be. But he has decided already. He wasn't going to let this hurt him again. He had better things to do than that.

Posts : 1664 Join date : 2014-05-22

And they ended up arguing again. Well, figures. Upon sitting down, he would gradually calm down over it. There was no use getting worked up, he knew. Getting distressed about a lack of mutual understanding would only revert his case, and he didn’t want that. Enough of fighting. Still, there were many flaws in what Sharaku has said, and now Shunnosuke has controlled his impulses, he could very well point them and make his perception come across, this time in a more careful manner. The thing is...was it worth it? He didn’t even know anymore. He regretted blowing up and letting his rage get the best of him, but could he be blamed for that? Was it entirely his responsibility? He was almost convinced, from everything the man said, that the answer was yes, so how could he not feel gloomy about it? How could he not feel melancholic when Sharaku said “Hyde was a better choice” even though Shunnosuke specifically asked for his company and not the redhead’s? He didn’t get it. Was he wrong in feeling offended? It’s like being denied the right to even share his emotions, and it didn’t sit well with him. There was so much he could say ins response that, when he opened his mouth, a low, husky sound of “nothing” came, leaving his lips in standby motion until he spilled out a single sentence:

— ...it’s probably mine. It always is... — He answered, a very weak smile twitching his lips in an awkward manner. He knew deep within he wasn’t the one to blame, but whatever. It’s easier to just receive the blame in silence and speed the end of this clash, for there apparently wasn’t a way to make Sharaku realize and think on his side of the story. No matter how much he tried, the other party would come back at him and act as if he was merely reacting to whatever the teenager did wrong. And gosh, if everything was a consequence, he must be a really despicable human being, mustn't he? At least that’s how Shunnosuke felt that moment, defeated and humiliated, but well, you can’t win everything, isn’t that what they say? The saying goes as if he should at least be proud he tried up the last minute, but...easier said than done.

— If I’m not doing good enough...then what is good enough for you? What is it you’re looking for? — He finally asked finally, simply glancing at Sharaku with eyes that almost seemed to be pleading for a chance, or pity. Or at least an answer. Upon receiving it, then he would decide on what to do next.

» The Moon's Shine ~ Until next time [Sharaku's Epilogue]
» Boss Rush Time! (Sharaku)
» Back in this place, for the first time. [Sharaku]
» This is the time to get stronger! [Sharaku/Rita]
» The First and Last Time [Naomi/Sentinel/Sharaku]