Last regrets[ Sharaku]

Posts : 4801 Join date : 2014-01-13

Hyde was laying on the grass he felt motionless like a corpse. He felt empty he felt alone. Though, if he felt those things, why did he call for Sharaku to come? Would he care? Would he pity Hyde?” ……….” Hyde lost his smile, he really did. He didn’t know what to do with himself, or anything of the sort. The heartache only ad the shadow stronger and he knew that because of Oki, he has to go even sooner than most. It’s because he allowed her to have that much control, he allowed her to have that effect. But it was only because he loved her..
Hyde gave Oki full access to his heart and emotions, and she crumpled it just as easily. “ Hyde waited…he laid there, looking at the clouds” ….” The only message that sharaku received was a request to come to the penecia park. Though, even Sharaku could feel the vibe, the feelings that was different than the most of hyde emits, the feeling of sorrow.

Subject: Re: Last regrets[ Sharaku] Thu Jun 18, 2015 5:13 am

Hm? Sharaku kind of didn't expect Hyde to want something of him so soon after that little face off from before. Then again, the redhead rarely followed his style of common sense. Maybe that's why. What was up this time around? That, he had no idea. But seeing as he wasn't busy, he had no reason not to go. Besides, he had no problem with an argument, were another one to happen again. It would be Hyde's call, to be honest. ''What is it?'', he'd ask with a raised eyebrow as he approached the redhead. What was he doing on the ground? It was frankly hard to assume Hyde's intentions with how jumpy he normally was. It was usually not even worth trying, so he'd just wait for Hyde to tell himself. That was probably the best bet in this situation. Or in any situation involving the redhead.

Posts : 4801 Join date : 2014-01-13

In Hyde strange trance, he would open his eyes and look at sharaku. Oh, hey,,,, hey, raku chan…” The reaction was slow and unnoticeable to most. But to sharaku, it might mean something, since Hyde was jumpy. “ You showed up……” What else could Hyde say at this moment? What did he want from Sharaku in the first place. Sharaku was a busy man, Hyde was sure that he had a full plate of things that he had to do besides coming over here to the park in penecia. Though, Hyde wasn’t saying much, or so Sharaku would think before Hyde opened his mouth again, but he couldn’t form the words to speak. Hyde just made a very sad face.

Subject: Re: Last regrets[ Sharaku] Thu Jun 18, 2015 4:12 pm

''.....?''

Last regrets[ Sharaku] UWlKEAj

So..? ''I did, yes?'' Saying he showed up was kind of just stating the obvious. That didn't explain anything. What was he supposed to do here? He could see Hyde was acting mopey, but what did the redhead expect him to do, when he chose to say nothing? He wasn't capable of pulling information out of his butt. Hyde would have to say something for him to respond in some way. A sad face was not going to enlighten him. If Hyde actually wanted something out of him for real, then he would have to elaborate. ''So?'', he would raise an eyebrow. ''I hate to break it to you, but I am not a mind reader. I can't know what your deal is if you only give me silence. Or do you want me to go try making assumptions from nothing?'' He could, but that was almost impossible to pull of when it concerned Hyde. And he wasn't really in the mood to do so. He was too tired for drama that really wasn't neccessary. Not over something as stupid as that.

Posts : 4801 Join date : 2014-01-13

Oki dumped me...... " hyde would say simply as he sat up and ran his hands through his hair. "I dont feel like myself." a little at a time was given to sharaku for the moment, but he was still talking nonetheless. "I guess its not really her loss, i mean...a guy like me..."it was quite windy in the park for the moment

Subject: Re: Last regrets[ Sharaku] Fri Jun 19, 2015 4:50 am

...Okay? That was a bit unexpected. If only because Sharaku wouldn't think that Hyde would come after him with love problems. What good was he for that? As for the rest of it...he could have seen it happen. Oki was under the Angel that was in the place that wanted the redhead's head on a silver platter. In theory, staying together would eventually get one or even both of them in trouble. That...and he knew Oki in a different way than Hyde. Considering what Oki was, and its mindset..it was hard to tell whether it was actually a bad thing for Hyde to get dumped or not. He doubted Hyde even knew as much as the fact that Oki had been an experiment just like him, and what were the consequences of that. Nor did he seem to know its involvement with San Malarus. It didn't even feel like those two were ever an actual couple to begin with. Not on a closer level. Most likely, Hyde was just a bit too lovestruck for his own good. But..what to do with that? He found the notion hard to understand. He didn't really let himself fall that deep. Not anymore. After all, he knew how it hurts when people you trust or put faith in betray you, even if not in a romantical sense. It was one of the main reasons why he was sometimes standoffish towards others.

He would close his eyes with a sigh. ''So I see.'' Though he still wasn't sure what Hyde expected out of someone like him. ''Though...how long were the two of you together to begin with..?'', he would shake his head. ''You say it wouldn't be a loss because it's you. What do you even know about Oki..? Tell me that. I have a feeling you don't really know that much at all from the way you react to this. Do you know who, or what Oki is, and what it is doing within this mess? If you two were actually a honest couple in the first place, you should know things like that.'' This might be a little hard on Hyde right now, but he had to ask. Because it honestly seemed like Hyde was moping over what was never really a serious thing to begin with.

Posts : 4801 Join date : 2014-01-13

For a while…. It was an unorthodox start but from what I heard, fate happens in the strangest ways. You don’t necessarily count the day when the days that go by become all the more enjoyable” Hyde smiled, but that was only because he thought of her. He was smiling at her memory, the way her presence used to make him feel, all warm and fuzzy inside. Though, his face went back to being neutral once Sharaku started to spit out doubts. “I know as much as I need to know, and the thing was to know more along the way. I don’t think the game of 21 questions is a good conversation starter for someone you fancy. Things…naturally took its course. “
It was self pity, Hyde couldn’t help but to feel sorry for himself at this point. “I know who she is, don’t say “What”, that’s disrespectful. She was hurt in the past, she doesn’t like experiments or scientists much. She never told me what angel she sided with, I had to hear that from you instead. But now that I know its San Malarus…. It kind of made me feel like I did this to myself……”

Hyde was silent for a moment, but then he continued. “Hey…. Can you tell me what your first love was like? That moment in your life where you tried to pursue a real relationship with someone for the first time?

Subject: Re: Last regrets[ Sharaku] Fri Jun 19, 2015 9:36 am

Well. ''I don't really count days in general.'' Sharaku would shrug faintly. ''I just meant that the lenght which it lasted before you broke up does sort of say something about the kind of relationship you had. That's all.'' It wasn't like he really needed to know exactly how many days and hours had it been. He was just interested in an estimate to have a better view of what was going on here. Hm. ''Not saying it is. I'm just wondering. Because when one has a close relationship with someone, it makes sense that the person would know them well, and the same in return. Yet, it seems that I know Oki better than you, while we are only acqauintances. That strikes me as somewhat strange.'' It wasn't really about playing 21 questions..was it? If you cared about someone, it would make sense that you tell the person things about yourself? In case Oki really saw Hyde as a potential love inerest, why did he know more details than the redhead? It didn't really add up.

He would roll his eyes faintly as Hyde berated him about the use of pronouns and the like. ''It's disrespectful when the other person doesn't like it. Oki told me it doesn't identify with either gender. Even calls self it. What am I to use then? Though, I wasn't really refering to that anyway.'' And it wasn't the point of this conversation either, was it? ''I'm not sure whether what you did actually matters too much in this equation. I do believe that the fact that Oki serves that specific Angel may be one of the reasons why you ended up like this. But I don't think it's the only one either...'', he would trail off for a bit, trying to decide how to put this. ''It's...I think that it would be problematic between you two even without that...it would just happen later on. What Oki told me about how it views this incident, and what it wants to accomplish. I'm not sure you'd like that kind of view...To be honest, since you already mentioned experiments, I'd say Oki is even more broken that me, and that is in a way an accomplishment...'' Though, not really in a good way. He could handle Oki's darker moments, but they sure did not make him happy. And somehow he doubted Hyde would be really for the 'ends justify the means' kind of policy.. if the means were to involve even possible suffering of innocent people.

He would give Hyde a blank face at the following question. ''There is...nothing to say. Maybe that's why I can't really understand how you can get attached to someone so fast. I've never been in love with anyone yet. Real relationship...I don't think I even know what that really is. In a way, I've tried recently..but it isn't working. I don't feel anything of the kind.'', he would close his eyes with a sigh. ''You see, I'm not good at getting close to people easily. Not anymore. I used to care much more in the past, but it only ever got me hurt. Not for the same reasons you are now...but the pain is similar in any case. After several times of that...I don't really trust people to get too close to me anymore..and doubly so when they don't sit well with me.'', he would shake his head. ''Maybe I just haven't found the right person yet...or maybe I can't even at all. I don't know...But so far..everytime I've dealt with any kind of lovey dovey stuff...it only served to stress me out more than I normally am...''

Posts : 4801 Join date : 2014-01-13

“W-what? Shes….what? What?” Hyde didn’t know what to say as he just shook his head in amazement. I don’t understand, is this real life right now? You keep saying what because what I might love not even be a person? He looks like us, she talks , like us breathes like us and even bleeds like us. But now you’re saying she called herself it?” Nothing was making sense, this was news to Hyde. “ I don’t know….. I don’t know why you know all of these things and I don’t….. but… Hyde looked down, he felt a bit surprised and shunned at the same time. There were so many things Oki didn’t tell him. “ This incident? Oki’s Views? You even know her dreams and I don’t? “ Hyde felt helpless, and be really didn’t know what to do with himself.

“I don’t think any of you are broken. You’re still whole and you’re still sane, if that counts for anything. As for the pain of heartache, if you felt this seven times over, I could see why it could change you and harden you. It’s a terrible feeling, and its hard to get rid of. How did you get over it? Or did you?” If there was anything Hyde didn’t address, just telling a guy that his girlfriend is an “it” with some credibility can really torment him. "I don't know what to do Sharaku..... i......." Hyde rubbed his eyes, he was trying not to tear up.

Subject: Re: Last regrets[ Sharaku] Fri Jun 19, 2015 4:15 pm

''?'' Sharaku was about to say something at first, but then he remembered that Oki hadn't actually told Hyde before. Figures. So that was why. One more thing to add on top of the pile. ''That wasn't exactly what I was implying. Oki is a person nevertheless, just different. Most people don't understand the notion, but those that choose to be neither gender or both do exist. Everyone is different. It's the same as when you have straight and gay people. It's a thing. And if that's how Oki sees itself...well, you can't do much about it.'', he would shake his head. ''The last time we spoke...Oki told me that it chose to play female with you since you assumed it was. Probably either did not want to have to explain or thought you are straight and wouldn't take well to someone who isn't necessarily just female. You seem like the type that wouldn't want to have a guy as an actual lover for example, though it's just a guess.'' It was hard to say as to what Oki's actual thought process about this was. Because, Hyde would have had to learn anyway if they stayed together. He would frown when it came round to Oki's views. Well. ''...Sort of. We got into a bit of an exchange on that. Maybe it's good that you don't know. I don't think that you would really agree either.'' Maybe it would be for the better in the end. Once Hyde got over it.

He would smile thinly. ''I don't always feel sane to be honest, but I'll take that.'' It was somewhat up to perception. ''...I've learned to just take it and keep moving. It may not be easy to do, but letting the pain get to you too much can mess you up..'' Well, it still did to an extent, but when you found a decent way to counter it that worked for you, it was at least slightly better. He would sigh, crouching down to be on a better level with Hyde. ''You pretty much have two choices. Hold your head high and keep walking. Or you can give in and be depressed over it. Though, I wouldn't really suggest the latter...once you start moping, it's hard to stop. Been there before.'', he'd say, looking at the redhead thoughtfully.

Posts : 4801 Join date : 2014-01-13

I honestly never heard something like that before. It doesn’t bother me too much, its just a bold statement to make, that in itself.” Though Hyde shook his head at Sharaku. “Love is love, it usually just sneaks up on you. You Dont necessarily decide who you fall for when feelings are involved, feelings ae just…strange like that. But when you act on your feelings, you accommodate, so regardless of what oki was in any sort of gender…. I would of still…..” Though Hyde was curious about the exchange Sharaku got into with oki. “ I know you don’t have to tell me, but could you? What was her dream? Is it bad? Did it involve hurting people or something?
Hyde looked at sharaku as he mentioned the two choices. “ You know, I might have to pick the first one if want to live. My shadow popped up, and this depression and heartache is making it worse. I think a lot more worse than it has to be. I have to fight soon; it’s going to be my turn this time. “ Hyde would then shrug. “And my birthday is at the end of the month, I guess getting dumped was my present or something.” Hyde would then swallow hard. “ If I didn’t let her touch my heart, could I ever say that I was close to her? I guess the risk of having feelings for someone is the pain that comes along with it when things happen, but that’s only for people who thought it was worth it. “ Hyde ruffled his hair again. “ You know, that was my first relationship…

Subject: Re: Last regrets[ Sharaku] Fri Jun 19, 2015 7:05 pm

((OoC: Um, on his app, you have written that Hyde's birthday is on January 9th, you know? It's like April/May inRP time now. How can it be at the end of the month? It should have been a few months ago already...))

''I've already met two people like that here in Azores. It's just luck, I suppose.'' Sharaku would shrug. Frankly, he did not care as much. People could be what they wanted to be, they just had to deal with the reactions. Well, mostly. It would be off the charts if someone claimed they are a cat or so. ''Well..that depends. Not everyone can just fall for anybody and make it work. You could possibly develop feelings for a person, but when you for example don't find males attractive in that sense, you will have trouble later in the relationships. People come in different types. Not everyone is capable of being completely fluid with their preference. I know a girl that doesn't like men at all, for example.'' Otherwise, the distinctions wouldn't even be a thing to begin with. Sure, some people were like Hyde said...capable of adapting in case they suddenly fancied someone. And then there were those that had a strong enough preference that would prevent them from going after certain kinds of people.

He would close his eyes with a faint frown when Hyde asked about Oki's views. Well...he usually didn't blab on other people, but considering the situation...''Possibly. Oki says it wants to achieve peace in the world. That alone wouldn't sound extremely bad. But it has the 'ends justify the means' kind of approach. So it only cares about the result, not the approach. Therefore..it's just like selfishly wanting to have your view be the one, no matter what others want. If someone opposses, and it causes them to suffer, or be oppressed? That is apparently fine..because what matters is having said peace in the end. Honestly, I don't understand that...being willing to cause possible harm already isn't anything close to peace...'', he would state calmly. ''That's the general idea, at least. And I personally can't say I like it.'' Would Hyde?

''..If you're confident enough about your strength, then you should be able to face whatever comes at you. It may perhaps be an unfortunate time for things to go down, but everyone has a bit of bad luck at times. Some more, some less. I can't say I ever had the chance of getting dumped, seeing as I never even had feelings of that kind for anyone before...but it usually happens to everyone at least once, as long as they live long enough.'', he would look up at the sky. ''Perhaps think of it this way...at least it happened now, not after you've been together for years. It would hurt much more if it was after so long, when you already think nothing can happen. It hurts, but at least you didn't waste ages in a relationship, just to get dumped then.'' That wouldn't have been better, would it? ''And yes...it is always a risk. And it is up to you whether you take it or not. Truth is, one of the couple will always be less invested in it than the other. You can't change that. People's feelings are rarely on an equal level.'' Relationships weren't a walk in the park. ''Though..you can be close to someone without dating them. Friendship for example, can sometimes be even more meaningful than having a lover if done right.'', he would say, looking at Hyde calmly for now.

Posts : 4801 Join date : 2014-01-13

Adapting might sound like a challenge in itself depending on the person you fall for. But sometimes I like to think that the most unlikely the person that you’d develop feelings for, the reason behind that might portray to things that even you don’t know about yourself yet. It could be a reference, and it could also mean that you haven’t met that special person yet that doesn’t follow a type of preference, like my case in oki being……….genderless….feeling are just nonsensical at times..” Hyde had no clue what to make of that art, but he still continued.
His face was a little bit disturbed when Sharaku talked about Oki’s dream. “I don’t agree with it either, the most positive results can have the most horrible approach. Like, world genocide so that we can have a lower population or something. We have to at least care about that, what we d and how we do it to get where we are. Or at least, I lived like that. Or maybe I care too much? It’s a double standard, isn’t that how scientists think? The people she hates so much?” If that’s how oki feels, she should of cut the old man who created Andromeda some slack.
You never had romantic feelings for someone? Well, you pretty much survived an assassination attempt on your life. If you can live through that and the event of the “Worlds creator” coming back, I’m sure you’ll live long enough to experience it too. You know, I want you to fall in love, because, is a great feeling. I think it really is, I just wish it didn’t hurt so much, you know?” Hyde didn’t have much to say towards the other things Sharkau said. “ I guess I can’t have the right to claim who had the 60% and who had the 40% , the one that takes it well doesn’t mean that they loved less, and the one that too it the worst doesn’t mean that they loved more. “ Though, Sharaku said something interesting after. “ Are you speaking from personal experience? Being close to someone without dating them? There was ever a situation where that person asked for more than that? Or is this all just…..hypothetical? What happens if your close friend asks you for more than what you two have currently, could you give it to them? or....would you?

Subject: Re: Last regrets[ Sharaku] Sat Jun 20, 2015 4:42 pm

Well, that was easy to say. But Hyde couldn't know for sure, could he? Yes, the unlikely happened with Oki..but not really? Hyde hadn't even known the truth until after it was over. The redhead was under the impression that Oki was female the whole time. Who's to say his view wouldn't have been at least somewhat different, had he known? Sharaku would snort lightly. ''So you say. Yet, as far as I know, it didn't even play a part in your relationship, did it? The whole time, you believed Oki was female, and it let you do that. Can you say you'd have acted exactly the same, had you known the truth sooner? You fell for Oki, thinking it was female, and you had no reason to think otherwise. Do you think you wouldn't hesitate if Oki told you right away?'', he would look at Hyde questioningly for a moment. ''Then again, I can't say for sure either way. I don't really have a clear cut preference. I do like men more, but I am not against the rest either.'', he would shrug indifferently. He could only try to understand those that went one-way. Would it be impossible for Rita to end up with a guy? He couldn't know, though she would probably say so if he asked.

He would sigh. ''They do think that way. Which is why I don't understand. Oki seems to believe that the way to fight cruelty is to respond in the same manner. Which, in my opinion...only makes it go in a circle, rather than solving anything.'', he would shake his head. ''I don't get that kind of policy either way. Technically, me and Oki are the same...and I sure wouldn't want to go around and act exactly the same way the scientists who did this to me had. What is the point of that? It's actually sad that someone can be okay with others suffering, after experiencing what it is like themselves.'' He would probably never understand. He could be harsh on people yes, but a bit of punishment for them to realize they've done wrong was fine. On the other hand...letting perhaps even innocent people suffer just because you want to be selfish, and have your idea be a thing? That wasn't so okay anymore. He might be a bit rough around the edges due to circumistances, but he wouldn't go as far. Maybe in self defense...or if there was a severe enough reason. Yet, he would not do it just because he wants his 'candy'.

He would look to the side blankly. ''I am not sure whether I want to myself, however. Relationships in general rarely work for me. What is the point of liking someone, when it's almost sure that they won't really understand you? For me...it's much more likely I'll just get hurt. More than for most people. Maybe I am meant to be a loner.'' Well, he couldn't say he really wanted that either..but which choice was better in the end? Being a bit lonely, or running into 'walls' painfully all the time? He would laugh lowly. ''I think you're actually right on that. Just because someone cries over a relationship, it doesn't have to be relative to how much they actually love the other person. Some people are indifferent. And some are just simply drama queens over every little thing.'' It was somewhat correlated to an individual's personality and how they viewed things in the end.

He would blink. ''Maybe? Didn't mean it that way..but, I suppose I am fairly close to some without having any romantic relationship with them. It isn't like it's always needed for people to be close.'', he would state, before frowning a little at the other questions. ''Not particularly..More like I've had a case of someone wanting more than that right away, without even actually knowing me. Though...it is possible for a friend to end up wanting more. I won't deny that. Would I? That really depends. I could try, but if only one side holds the feelings, it has a very low chance of working out. If I go for a relationship without feeling anything of the sort for the person...It's likely to just end up hurting both sides. A real friend would understand that the feeling isn't mutual, I think, and not push it. Unless they want to risk possibly losing a friend over it...''

Posts : 4801 Join date : 2014-01-13

I guess it would make sense for oki to join san malarus then. They were trying to kill off the persona users to prevent the red storm, something that killed off persona users. That made no sense whatsoever, but the main idea is…. To maintain their peace, they are willing to harm or get rid of people who are deemed as different. The result is peace in that world, but…. I don’t like it.. but it doesn’t matter what I like, I’m not allowed to participate in the event, cant join anyone’s side and I can’t fight the angels anyway. “
Hyde reminded himself of what Israfel said after they saved him, as well as speaking to Goenna. “I guess that’s enough about preference for now, I kind of get the idea that no matter what, there is always going to be a challenge within itself. What you like the least, the most, and somewhere in between. “ Though, Hyde shook his head at Sharaku. “ You have to keep searching? Or maybe it’ll find you instead. But no one is meant to be a loner Sharaku. Not you, not me, somebody in this world, somewhere, are simply waiting for someone like you to show up.”
Hyde would then rub his stomach a little as it rumbled a bit. “Sorry about that…..but… the thing with risk is if the reward is worth the risk. Would people say that trying to salvage your friendship because you didn’t want anything to change between the two of you is cowardly? If your friendship is so precious would asking you out and getting rejected shatter it just as easily? I mean, after meeting the actual angel that created will power, it got me wondering. Does it happen because of the action that’s taken, or at that point, it was because we were willing to watch it detonate at this point? Fight for what you want and protect what you care for. But when you want to advance, you got to break through some walls, like the “friend zone” “ Hyde would then smile a little. “Strangely enough, I’m not too sad anymore. Talking to you cheered me up a bit, somehow….”

» Last Regrets [Naomi]
» Here we go again (Sharaku)
» It's here?! [Sharaku'
» Sightseeing [Sharaku]
» One way or another.... (Sharaku)