Sand & Snow [Hyde]

Subject: Re: Sand & Snow [Hyde] Thu Feb 26, 2015 5:37 pm

Hm. Sharaku would turn around to face Hyde with a narrowed look. So that's how it was, right? He was going to end up arguing with everyone at this rate, wasn't he? He wasn't even surprised anymore. It wasn't the first time it came down to this. Of course, he knew it wasn't okay, but it was getting harder to avoid it lately anyway. Maybe he should just get used to it. Not that such a route would help any, but what was he to do..? He simply couldn't balance things, and he couldn't deny that. He just went from one extreme to another more than he'd like...there was a reason he tended to avoid close relationships in the past, aside from the obvious things. With someone he barely knew, or only met a few times, he could keep up a face, but the more he hung out with a person, the harder that was. It wasn't possible, really. And this was what it ended like eventually. He had figured it out already, but didn't have a solution yet. And who knew if he ever would.

It probably wasn't going to be much different this time either. ''Considerate.....?'', his tone was dull. ''I'm still struggling to understand how people keep wanting to do that, when they do not even know how the other person feels. Honestly, I don't know anymore either. You were confused as to why I declined. When I brought it up, you went and talked it off. That's what I was refering to. Besides, I never asked anyone to try and be considerate in the first place. What good it does me, when I don't know someone is actually trying for that? They only end up complaining that I'm not appreciating it. Not like this is the first time.'', he'd say, his expression going blank.

''And you're right. I won't deny that. I flip out. Happy? I'm surprised everyone takes so long to even notice. I can't stay consistent.'', he'd state somewhat bitterly. ''And no, it doesn't make me feel better. The opposite, even. Nor am I doing it with that intention. In a way, you could say that this is the one thing we're similar in. Just in a different shade of the matter. I do act impulsively. Maybe even more than you do at times. It's simple. I react too sharply to things that rub me off in a certain way. Whether it means lashing out, or showing a complete disinterest in the matter. You could say it's a way of defense. I bounce things back on instinct. And I can't say I can really control it right now.'', he'd say, through gritted teeth. ''Generally, I try to keep up a facade so people don't notice. Bet you didn't realize. Usually, it works...with people I don't get very close to, that is. This is why I've never been good with close relationships. I end up chasing people away, because I fluctuate too much. And trust me, getting stressed by all of this 'world goes to hell' deal is not helping me any. It just gets worse.''

He would turn around again, looking up at the sky, instead of the redhead. ''Does this enlighten you now?'' Maybe this would work at least a little. Dancing around this subject has only caused more hurt so far. And he was tired of it. He wasn't sure he explained it the best, but even he wasn't completely sure how to put this. Would that satisfy Hyde? Who knew? He couldn't do much more right now.

Posts : 4801 Join date : 2014-01-13

It because that we are friends that I would want to do something like that. I mean, look at my track record. Does this even sound like something k would naturally do? I’d admit, I’m sometimes too caught up in my own ideas that I wouldn’t pay attention to the most of what anyone is saying or what goes on. I can admit that, it’s a bad habit. But if I am around a particular person or a group of people that I’m really close to, I try to adjust and chance that. You don’t have to appreciate it, I don’t care. It’s my own choice to do so, you don’t ever have to appreciate it but at least you know why now. I wasn’t talking anything off. “

Hyde would then go off to comment on what Sharaku explained to him. “Yea, I guess you could say I’m enlightened. We are similar in instinct, but I guess you hold back a lot more than I do. The fact that you would decide to put on a façade means that you would rather be anything other than your real self, that’s not something that I would do regardless of how I felt about someone or a situation. If it rubs you off in a certain way, isn’t it simple to just explain why it does instead of lashing out or pretending that you don’t care either way. Talk to me! It’s hard for me to listen sometimes, but I would listen to you at least. “

Hyde would then kick a pebble that he found on the sidewalk. “I’m not going anywhere sharaku, so that’s something you don’t need to worry about. Once we save the world and get our lives back, maybe we could finally work on your “close people communicating” skills. That’s why it’s always good to have faith, things will turn around.

Subject: Re: Sand & Snow [Hyde] Thu Feb 26, 2015 7:27 pm

...So? Sharaku would frown at all that, making a move to pace back and forth in a small area. ''I get that you want to try being nice. Still, what is the point when you don't know what I would even want...or anyone on the receiving end for the matter? I've attempted so before, and got brushed off myself, because I apparently assumed wrong in some way. It's too damn controversial at times. I wonder why it's even worth trying. Helping out and being considerate sounds awesome, but only up until the point when it blows, because the other person doesn't see it as any good.'' He honestly didn't understand the sentiment. How can you be successful in such, when you don't know what it is that your target is after? Usually, it just brought out more arguing for him. Maybe he wasn't lucky at all.

Though, when Hyde made to comment of being one's real self, he would snort, breaking into laughter soon after. ''Bingo. And how would that....benefit me? Do tell, Hyde. I happen to make my relations with people worse exactly when I let things be, and act the way I am. Speaking of that, isn't it precisely you sticking to your own ideas that gets you in trouble? Naomi's mad at you for doing what you chose to do on your own. How does that make life any better...?'', he would scowl in bemusement. ''And trust me, explaining it would be much better. If I could. I have a mess in this. Sometimes, I can't even explain my own feelings to myself, therefore I just blow when it gets too much. Either that, or I push away in some way or form. I don't exactly do it intentionally most of the time, but I don't have a solution that works.'' The hell if he knew why. It just happened. Technically, many times he shouldn't even get irritated, or worked up by a situation, but he just did. Color him blind, but he wasn't capable of figuring it out as he stood right now.

''I'm not even worrying. I'm used to being on my own anyway. So, if it were to happen, I'd live with it. Though, I do sincerely wonder how would you want to work at it. I'd end up frustrating you so much you'll be the one to blow off steam in the end. Because if what I initially said makes you react the way you had, this will be like mixing gas and fire. This isn't that simple. In case I had snapped hard enough, I could have even hurt you.'', he would state with a quite indifferent shrug, as he continued pacing about.

Posts : 4801 Join date : 2014-01-13

I guess that’s the whole thing about it, we never know what anyone truly wants. When we ask them what they want, we might not get an answer. When we try, it might not be what they want. That’s just how life is, the majority is a hit and miss for the most part, and sometimes you might not even be able to get one in under your belt. You don’t necessarily give up when it turns out that way, you tackle it from another angle, or you believe in the ability of that person to handle themselves without prying into their lives. I guess it’s the most we can do, let sleeping dogs lie .” Hyde didn’t think of any of his actions to be meaningless to say the least.

“Look man, all I said was that being yourself and taking down the facade is far more important for you to be able to live as yourself. If you do, it means that the people that are still around are the ones who are willing to go through it with you and are readily accepting who you are in the first place. Naomi’s mad? Ok, I already accepted up to the point that I think it’s natural for her to think of me badly. I really wish I was that kind of person who could dislike someone up to that point, but I’m not. I don’t have it in me, I’d much rather fall on my ass trying to fix things and find an equal stand point instead of apologizing for who I am. All I ever been doing was apologizing, and I’m honestly tired of it. However, that’s the point of making adjustment in order for my personality or actions to not clash so much with the others, it’s a lot better that a façade. I want to be around people that would like me for me, and I would try to change for those people in order to not be too much of a burden to them, and change for myself as well. Isn’t that what you want too? Being able to have someone around that knows the real you and doesn’t care regardless? “

Hyde felt differently about sharaku’s point of view. “ Well I guess we are different after all. I could live with that loss too, even though I would of lost a best friend. It would have been painful, memories of hanging out with you would have been sad and agonizing, but I would still live of course. But there are some thing that your heart won’t forget. But you know what…. That’s fine … I’m glad you are like that…. i borrowed time anyway…. So it’s good to know that you’ll be fine. “ It slipped out, but hyde didn’t care much. The wild card power was definitely useful, but it could spell his end. Oh well..

Subject: Re: Sand & Snow [Hyde] Thu Feb 26, 2015 9:04 pm

''Yes, and missing hurts. I've actually done that a lot before in the past. I wasn't as outward as you, but I tried. I almost always ended up worse than the person I was trying to help. I've had enough. I don't like seeing people down, or feeling bad, but I'm not necessarily willing to get myself done in over it. Even when I attempt these days, I end up with recoil more often than not. It's tiring.'' For one, Sharaku couldn't take backlash forever. That was one of the reasons he often played things off as much as possible. The more stressed out he was, the worse he ended up acting towards others, without intending to. Was there even a correct way?

At the next part, he would close his eyes in slight frustration. ''Oh yes. And how is what you're doing different? Being yourself means being so at all cost. Trying to adjust and change for your friends, so you don't clash as much equals changing who you really are. What's the difference? I simply attempt to act in a more tolerable manner from the start, so I don't have to fix things after I make people hate me. It requires change in both of the paths mentoned. Besides, I do not purposefully intend to get close to people I meet, so it works better for me that way. It just...happens sometimes, like with you and the others. By that time, starting to act differently only makes me look like a bigger fool than I already am. I dislike the feel of that, among other things. Yet, I apparently can't seem to make things be the way I want them anyway, so whatever.''. he would sigh. ''And technically yes, I suppose it would be nice to have someone that doesn't care, but by the time I'd find someone like that, it wouldn't matter. People being spiteful on the way simply hurts.'' Simple as that.

He would finally stop moving around to look at Hyde intently. ''Yes, we are different. I thought you knew that by now.'', he would say, his tone a bit cool. ''And I did not mean I'd be perfectly fine with that, but one thing I know is that nothing lasts forever. Sometimes, it's better to just let go. I don't intend to forget in case such happens, nor am I capable of doing so. Still, if for some reason...it is for the better, then I'd rather that than suffer. Being alone isn't the solution either, but it's better than being driven to insanity by someone. And just for reference, I am talking in general, not about you specifically.'' Perhaps, he was acting a bit cold right now, but that was just how he was. He could be either way, depending on what happened if he did not keep a tight control on himself.

Posts : 4801 Join date : 2014-01-13

“Sharaku……. I don’t care….you don’t have to pretend or anything around me. Even when you act like this and explain your case fully instead, I’m able to get behind that a lot more than you just pretending everything is alright or acting indifferently. So here I am, that one friend that doesn’t care, and it didn’t take years on end to find either. So now what then?” Hyde didn’t really know else to say.

Subject: Re: Sand & Snow [Hyde] Thu Feb 26, 2015 11:47 pm

Sharaku would narrow his eyes at Hyde, looking the redhead over up and down contemplatively. He couldn't help it. He was a little skeptical. ''I'd love to beg to differ right now, but assuming will get me nowhere.'' Hyde always claimed to be his best friend, and everything related to that, but what had happened today proved that they could still butt heads quite painfully. That, and the fact that the way he acted often provoked a negative reaction in turn. Could Hyde really handle that? ''I can't say whether I can feel that way about it yet, but feel free to give it a go.'', he'd state, a bit stiffly. ''You're bold to think you can handle me, really, but I won't stop you.'', he would add nonchalantly. Time would show whether Hyde could really not care as he put it, or if this was just words that would prove to be empty in time. All in all, he did not trust people blindly. Nor their words, until he had some tangible proof. He had faced enough pain to not eat everything he heard literally anymore, even if he sometimes wished he could do just that and have it turn out allright. Logic didn't let him most of the time.

''...and now what..? Who cares. At least, I think I currently do not....''

Posts : 4801 Join date : 2014-01-13

Well, I care….. “ Hyde would say as he started to walk. “I guess it’s a good thing that I had a plan b. It’s no great idea or anything, but we can walk along the Penecia board walk, It usually has a petty view of the water and there is this wishing well that some people go to. So…. Yea…… “ Hyde wuld lead the way, regardless of how sharaku felt about the current situation. He could have asked Sharaku if there was anything he would of wanted to do, but asking him anything at the moment didn’t seem like the greatest idea.

Subject: Re: Sand & Snow [Hyde] Fri Feb 27, 2015 9:22 am

''.......''

Was that so? Sharaku would raise an eyebrow impassively, even though he made to follow the redhead. ''Had a plan B you say? I distinctly rememeber you claiming you were out of ideas just before this conversation occured. Am I missing something, or did you already forget what you said not so long ago?'', he'd ask, his tone calm right now, even if he was perhaps acting a bit nitpicky. Just because he had focused on certain details back then, did not mean he had not registered the rest. He just did not deem it useful at that point of time. And he remembered Hyde's 'Well, I guess I’m out of ideas at the moment.' well enough. This was one of the reasons why he couldn't stop feeling skeptical of Hyde's words at times. The redhead had a knack of saying something, and then simply disregarding it later, or turning it into something else. Maybe he shouldn't have cared that Hyde suddenly came up with a plan he supposedly already had when he said it differently just a few minutes ago, but he was in a rather bitter mood right now. Hyde claimed he could handle his 'reactiveness', so he didn't need to bother about that, did he?

On the other mind, he didn't really mind anything that involved walking, so he wouldn't stop the redhead. Right, let's walk.

Posts : 4801 Join date : 2014-01-13

If I wasn’t able to be versatile with my ideas, we would most likely be standing in the same spot that we were arguing in until god knows when. I think it would be better to go for a walk anyway, something simple to clear the mind. I am out of ideas; this is just something I thought up that wasn’t a part of the original plan.” Hyde did have a plan for the day that he thought up while stopping by, something he figured he would do out of obligation since Sharaku was kind enough to invite him out. When they out on the board walk and made it to the wishing well Hyde took out a coin and started flipping it. “ Here’s a thought, for someone like yourself what would you ever think to wish for if you had only one?

Subject: Re: Sand & Snow [Hyde] Sat Feb 28, 2015 1:12 pm

Not the point, but whatever. ''I am perfectly aware that you made this up right now. That wasn't necessarily what I meant. It's the fact that you said that you already had a plan B. The statement that you just came up with it doesn't correlate with saying to have had it prepared long ago. A figure of speech, if you'd want to call it somehow. What you claimed and what you actually did, did not go hand in hand. That's what I was pointing out.'' Maybe a little unnecessarily, but he just felt like it right now. At least, he would make Hyde understand what he was getting at, if nothing else. He didn't truly care much more than that. He just wanted the redhead to get what he was saying at the moment.

...wish? Hm, the problem here was, that Sharaku didn't believe in that too much. Not unless he had some proof of the fact that there is someone that can make it come true. What good does throwing a coin in a well do? It's not like anyone listens to you here. There was probably a better chance with the Angels, if only it wasn't a dangerous task. He would cross his arms over his chest and look upwards. ''I don't know. Maybe a normal life? Who knows. Sometimes, a wish can make things worse than they were in the end.'' What could he gain from it anyway, after all that went through already..?

Posts : 4801 Join date : 2014-01-13

Well….. just call me unpredictable then.” That was Hyde’s overall retort, he was over the whole thing and wanted to talk about other things and get through the day. “If that’s the case about wishes, why do people desire them? With so much of the backlash to be accounted for, why would they put their prayers all on a single coin? Could there be such a backlash in asking for a normal life? Defying your current fate in exchange for one more favorable, but did you ever feel that you had all of this happen to you for a reason.”

Hyde would then stat flipping the coin in succession. “ Now you have a chance to help people with your power, or maybe your presence set the motion for so many things that wouldn’t of happened without you being involved. A simple change like that would make the most difference, but who knows how it would change. Either way, the main point is that even if there is a risk with something, people still desire it regardless of the consequences. Is that human nature? It is it the fearless strive of letting nothing stand in your way for your own dreams and goals?“ After that, Hyde stopped flipping the coin and handed it to sharaku. “ Here, make a wish.”

Subject: Re: Sand & Snow [Hyde] Sat Feb 28, 2015 10:54 pm

Tsk. Whatever. ''Why? Because they want to believe that a single thought will make things awesome for them, without considering the possible bad side at first. Please, there are many naive people who would do anything that seems promising at a first glance. Simple as that.'' Sharaku would snort, just watching Hyde play around with the coin with a narrowed gaze. Really, whether there would be a backslash or not, ultimately, what mattered was the fact that getting your wish to come true was mostly a futile task. If it was a thing, then the world would be a happy place, because people's wishes would be coming true just like that. He wasn't going to bite that kind of stuff.

He would scoff at the following words. ''Yes, help people...but I can't help myself. Sure don't see much of a reason behind most of my life than it making a wreck out of me, without asking me what I want in the first place. Wanting things may be human nature, but it is often foolish, when they wish for things they obviously cannot have. Humans tend to be greedy.'' Sure, he would fight for something he wanted when it came to it...but, what good was a wish? In the end, it's do it yourself anyway. He would just stare at the coin when Hyde gave it to him. ''No. I don't see a reason to. That's like talking to air. If that worked, everyone would have their wishes granted for pretty much free. I don't believe in that.'' There was no use lying about that.

Posts : 4801 Join date : 2014-01-13

You got to believe in something Sharaku, the dreams and wishes that you have in your life are a part of those beliefs. I mean a simple gesture of good fortune, health, and happiness. I thought that after having a taste of the spiritual world, you would start to come around towards the fact that these things can indeed happen. “ Hyde would then fond his arms. “As for helping yourself, do you think everybody was able to get by on their own? No matter what, in some shape or form, people had help along way. Helping yourself makes you capable that much I get. But I’m pretty sure that there are people in your life that you could count on.”

Hyde was one of those people, but that was only if Sharaku wanted him to be. With all of this team work and getting involved with each other, some could only hope that it was just more than obligation as soon as they got to know each other. It’s not a crime and it’s not a sin. Even your wish of having a normal life, isn't that something that would take a miracle? It’s all the act of maintaining a single belief on a single coin, and tossing it into the fountain in hopes it comes true. That’s why these fountains even exist, as a form of hope to people or even a gesture of hope. Why dont you give it a try?

Subject: Re: Sand & Snow [Hyde] Sun Mar 01, 2015 8:16 am

No. He still wasn't getting it. Believing in the supernatural had nothing to do with this particular issue. Because a coin was far from that. He could possibly believe some sort of supernatural being having the ability to cause certain things to come true, but this..? What, would the coin turn into a magic problem solver if he believed in it? Most wishes couldn't be fulfilled by a snap of the fingers anyway. Not even by someone who had power. Honestly, he often found Hyde's claims far too wishy-washy. It made no goddamn sense to him. Just because he could believe in things beyond normal human reach did not mean he had no boundaries within the subject. He'd sooner expect the fountain to turn into a monster and attempt to eat him alive. ''As a matter of fact, I don't really trust people. You speak of it rather leniently. Count on someone blindly? Sure, done that a few times. Only got hurt in return. I won't stop anyone from trying to help, if that is what they feel the need to do, but I cannot trust people completely. I've got help from no one when I was down, why should I expect it now? Humans have the tendency to look out for their own self first and foremost. I would not put my life in someone's hands if I have a say in it. Think what you want, but that's how I feel.'', he'd say stiffly, choosing to address the other issue first. As much as he would like to, he never had a very good experience with letting people 'help' him, therefore, he just couldn't bring himself to count on someone one hundred percent.

He would grip the coin hard in his hand, honestly just wanting to throw it on the ground right now. ''You know why? Because I find it STUPID. With a capital S, might I say. Yes, I do believe in supernatural, that I cannot deny. But there's a difference between having faith in things that have been proven, or that I can deduce, and believing in a piece of metal. I'd be damned if I believe that throwing a coin into water will change anything. People do it all the time. When has it ever accomplished anything? Should I hope for something that won't happen anyway? I'm not scatterbrained enough to believe in a fairytale. I don't need empty hope. It doesn't even make me feel any better.'' His tone was sharp. He was rather annoyed right now. If he could, he would probably bend the coin in half.

» Feathers on Fresh Snow [Snow]
» The Sand (open)
» Take a look at the sand! (Vincent)
» A Grudge Against the Sand (Jack)
» Heat and Sand (Jack)