What is Expected [Susan/Julius Lamecia NPC Thread: Afternoon]

The businesswoman made her way through the Class Zero annex building with a relatively purposeful stride. Eyes forward, scowl present, and much deeper than her normal frown she wore she was out to Mars. There was a light to her eyes in this scowl and there was intent to that. Something had to be done. But at the back of her head chewed apprehension. In a sense Susan had defied orders by not doing this earlier, b-but for good reason. She had to go back and visit the hospital. Luckily or unfortunately for her another incident occurred involving a suspected Psyche Terrorist, most unfortunate of all she had to leave again without getting treated and she would not be back if this kept happening. Her head would heal naturally and with iodine and proper cleaning, but she would not seek official treatment for a number of reasons. Mostly because after all this she felt as if her time was being wasted. Susan only hoped this answer would be acceptable.

As she approached the door of the classroom she was aware the Prince would be in her hand wavered before knocking. Her heart began to race. She could not shake the feeling that somehow she was in trouble for needing to appear, even given her valid complaints she would be making. And to the Prince of Endymion who she had so curtly wrote off yesterday. But not showing at all would be much, much worse despite her apprehension in speaking of anything of this nature. Despite appearances Susan was a passive person. She liked to be left to her own devices and to do as she would without interruption. Unfortunately this was reality and certain things needed to be discussed, this was merely inevitable. At least she told herself that. Susan knocked twice and cracked the door much as she had done before in her trial.

The Prince was alone in the classroom looking through the case files accumulated over time. Try as his corps may in their effort to rid the City of supernatural crimes, each day popped up a new one every time to take the place of the case files they've completed successfully. It was always a busy moment for the Cadets and there would be little rest for the City's shields. His purple hues scanned through each file with careful consideration. It would be hours past until nightfall that he would do this until a knock alerted someone's presence.

He smiled at Susan's arrival and gestured her over as he put the files away into the desk's filing cabinet for the time being. His smile was friendly and disarming for someone who remained composed most of the time. But there was something to it, concern. A kind of concern for her. As Susan got closer enough, the Prince began to tent his fingers together in front of his face before leaning over the desk.

"Y-yes sir..." The short woman softly closed the door behind her as her Captain instructed her to enter. His smile did nothing to calm her nerves. Susan was accustomed to such smiles. It was the smile of someone dealing with a child, handling her with kid gloves as if she warranted the special treatment. She would much rather be up-front about this in its entirety than to beat around the bush and act as if this was a normal way to be interacted with. It bit at something at her core though most things did these days. Susan had a bad luck streak and she was finding herself angry at most things recently, even the smallest slights she would pay no mind to would needle away at her.

The businesswoman hesitantly approached Julius's desk, cloistered in her coat and hands full of her things from the classroom before. She would remain standing until otherwise instructed, fidgeting where she stood. It was a... surprisingly minor relief when he wanted to get down to brass tacks. Susan found it much easier to operate on a professional level than a personal one. Of course he would be interested in what Director Avaritia had said, she was aware that he was also playing this political game which she found herself often thrust into.
"W-well, sir, n-nothing out of the ordinary. A-although noteworthy out of the ordinary. She was... as placid as you had met her and wished to sort things out as expected. She warned Terui of the consequences of his behavior herself and sh-she asked me why I became a Cadet to which I gave... a-an acceptable reason..." Susan intentionally left this vague. Prince Julius already knew her reason, she had told him in her trial. And it was incredibly embarrassing and unfitting of her station, reasonably she did not wish to communicate it to too many people. He was aware that she did this to fill a void in her life, to do something important with it, but that did not stand well to scrutiny.

"I-I informed her I enlisted for the challenge. S-sir. B-but these are all the mundane aspects of what were said, not to go beyond what was not said." Susan swallowed and cleared her throat a little, raising her hand holding the thermos a little higher to her chest to keep her beating heart still.
"She knew about the attack on the acting studio, sir. And she knew of Terui before anyone present could communicate that. A-and who I work for in the civilian sector, she seems well informed. I do not know what she wants from you sir." Susan let that last bit slip. The short woman was extrapolating information as she often did but she had no need to be as cordial as she was. Anyone protecting their station would have asserted a more fiery dominance but Director Avaritia was nothing if polite. Because she was playing her cards. Susan clutched her arm in anxiety, struggling to take even breaths but making the effort to do so. She would say nothing of her interactions with Terui unless asked. At the moment it was irrelevant.

"As expected, nothing really escapes her gaze... If that's all you talked about with her, then there's no problem. I was worried if she was trying to rope you into something... It's a habit she has when she wants something." The Prince sighed as the Cadet answered him. He wasn't surprised that Avaritia knew about all of this. She always seemed to have her finger in every pie for the most part. How much did she know and how little does she see was something the Prince was always curious about. But that was of little consequence immediately. "Now that's out of the way, I've been having my concern for you for a while now, Susan. Don't worry, you're not in trouble."

Prince Julius Lamecia confirmed what the skittish woman had assumed, that Director Avaritia was using this as leverage for political reasons. Again, Susan would make another assumption and gather that this would be to gain favor with the Endymion Royal Family of some sort, likely in order to be granted freedom of restrictions or made certain promises. She examined this from the Director's rather sweet approach, attributed to being in a position of power with something to gain. If anything she should have been outraged and, if she so desired, could demand the services of Class Zero or to be granted an understanding of immunity to certain repercussions. Director Avaritia was playing social chess. The timid little woman expected to be contacted by her in the future, either directly or indirectly through her company.
"Th-that is still too early to tell, sir, I was given that impression. I doubt the past incident will be the end of things..." she speculated. But Susan did not go too far, she was here to answer questions and speak when spoken to, it was not her job to inform the Captain right now. Just a small force of habit.

The older Cadet shivered when the Prince mentioned his concerns. He had said she was not in trouble. He was wrong. She was not being punished is what he may have meant but Susan was very much so in trouble. Her career was in trouble, her chances for promotion where in trouble, her reputation was in trouble. She was able to see so much farther than the immediate future and every little action had consequences. Susan could not afford to be seen as unfit in any sense of the word. Her teammates may not trust her if she were to visit a psychologist and it could impact her ability to direct Cadets if they could not give her this trust. Between herself and someone like Maria who had no hangups such as she did she would be the one always more valuable for promotion, and again and again in the future every step of the way, always a step behind. A flawless blank slate compared to an impressive work but noticeably marred. Everyone would choose the slate. That was why she was under immense pressure to perform, if she could not fit the mold she would have no choice but to become too valuable to be overlooked.

She did not wish to speak about anything of that evening for a multitude of reasons. Her heart began to race as the thoughts entered her mind. On her own misgivings and the fear she had felt. The last attack she had seen coming and failed to warn anyone about, the one that had taken down her team. Or how she fled valiantly like a true hero worth looking up to in order to save herself, to allow someone else to take care of the problem. It was... strategy. She knew that no matter what, no matter how hard she fought, what she did, how she approached the situation, no matter what she would not have been able to defeat "T". It was purely statistical and she tried to accept that, to distance herself from the feelings of guilt and disappoint... but they had won in the end. Because she was a pitiful coward. Just as she was five years ago. Her face visibly paled as she closed her eyes, chest rising and falling as the terror from that night crept in.

"Ye-....N...N-no, sir..." she nearly affirmed, shrinking into herself with her disobedience. "I-I visited the hospital yesterday to do just that. W-well to have my wound looked at, but I wanted to speak to my primary caregiver for opinions. Th-this was when my personal tablet was hacked into by Psyche Terrorists, your si- ...Princess Serenity should have it and the footage I took from my phone for forensics, I-I was not able to make an appointment, th-the delivery of this evidence was more important..." Susan chewed on the inside of her cheek. Honestly she did not want to go back and would not if she couldn't avoid it. She would not pretend to be "fine" because she was not nor would she reaffirm her status of "fine" because the Prince did not want to hear it.

Julius found himself frowning at her answer. A Psyche-Terrorist forced a cyber-attack on a Cadet? This bode ill. A visit to Serenity would be necessary, but since his sister didn't notify him, the analysis probably didn't amount to much. Despite it, he still didn't seem keen to her response. "I see. I will discuss this matter with Serenity. But right now, I want to focus on you. I want you to make a periodic appointment and attend them. Our jobs as Cadets require this more than any military or law enforcement agency due to the nature of our work. Which I'm sure you'll agree by now. Not only because of this, but because you are one of my more valuable co-workers in this corps."

He paused a moment to examine her closely. She was timid, just like as always. The fear and the guilt on her face, they were a familiar sight from a certain Cadet and little sister he knew. It hit a little closer to home than he wished. The Prince mulled over this fact. He wished Serenity was here to tend to this situation, but this was his responsibility. His corps, through thick and thin. Julius carefully began to ask Susan this.

The businesswoman nodded at first, becoming more comfortable with the direct lines of questioning and taking care of mission until the reason she was here came up and caused her spine to tingle. Though she knew why she was there Susan did not wish to broach this topic, regardless if Prince Julius happened to know a lot more about her behavior and reasons for being than the majority of Cadets did. It was difficult to admit to your boss you were incompetent, the negative impact could not be denied.
"Y-yes sir," she stuttered briefly. Like it or not this time was a direct order, failing to follow up with this would have yet more consequences and they would not be overlooked as they were this time. Susan was well acquainted with the implications, Mr. Thornton was much the same way with his demands centered within compliments.

Of course she was valued, she continued to perform. But it was apparent that she was carving herself into the wall, creating her niche as usual. The timid woman could not fit in with the other Cadets but she still remained exceedingly useful, so she would receive special treatment as she always had. And these were the empty pats on the back she was accustomed to. History never fails to repeat itself. That was why she was here today. She swallowed hard as he looked her up and down, to think she would be desensitized to this by now. Susan shrunk further away from his judging gaze, idling nervously as she chewed at the inside of her cheek. That is, until he asked the most pointed question he could ask.

"I-I-I- ...i-it is..." Susan did not want to spit it out, to admit she was struggling. To imply she was having difficulty would imply something was wrong. To imply something was wrong would imply she was not good enough, despite his praise. But she could not lie to him and say nothing was wrong or dart around the issue, he would see right through her and would not relent.


Susan stammered quietly through her words, glancing away and withdrawing as much as possible, her voice cracking a few times. Speaking plainly yes, there was a stigma attached to this. Whatever the reality was she would still be seen in another light as someone who needs to attend therapy while others do not, and as someone who is less well-suited as a Cadet plain and simple. It was optimistic to look for help and receive it, to show strength in knowing when you need to ask for it and wisdom to help yourself when in need. Those were fine ideas on paper, but this was the real world. And an anxiety-ridden Cadet that cannot control her Persona will always be seen as inferior to her peers, no matter her contributions. The short woman took deeper breaths in order to quell her own nerves. She did not need to be seen as an emotional wreck, too.

He quietly and carefully listened to what Susan had to say. The stammers and the uncertainty were something the Prince was used to by now working with her. But her concerns were quite human. Seeing how she started out as a Cadet on her night of awakening, this was an inevitable topic that needed to be brought up. Julius couldn't blame her. Most of the Cadets right now were rather well-suited for the job than people from mundane lives were used to, especially when they started out. It made him thank that he had some Cadets that were used to the rigors of this work. "If you were unfit, you wouldn't be here right now, Susan. No one's looking down on you. Perhaps it'll be surprising for you to hear. But Cadets such as Shiina Tsurinai failed their first mission to capture their first Psyche-Terrorist and this was in a team. And yet you managed to help capture Serah and T in your short time with us. Does this mean Cadet Tsurinai should be pulled from duty? Do you think we should look down on her for that? Should Maria look down on Shiina for this?"

The Prince waited for that information to sink in for a moment. A Cadet with such high distinction and power than her managed to fail their first mission. And yet Susan has not even failed a single mission so far, like Maria. He knew what the answer would be, so he continued to speak.


If she were so afraid, then Susan could easily head back to the civilian life. He had so many painstakingly dreadful phone calls from her boss. It was only a mere annoyance that the Prince was willing to bear. But that was unrelated. "I said this before on the night of your induction, didn't I? You will have help as long as you reach out for it. You are a fellow Cadet of this City. Someone who put their lives on the line to protect the lives in Endymion. No one should look down on you from that point."

The meek woman would still meet his gaze as she was spoken to, she would not be disrespectful in that regard even if she was afraid. Though she was still visibly shaken as he chastised her for her weak thinking, regardless if there was a small degree of comfort in it. Susan did not react well to baseless reassurance and pats on the back or ego stroking, she knew exactly what those meant and how empty they could be. The businesswoman appreciated direct, logical explanations and it did come as a shock that Officer Tsurinai would have failed a mission before. Not for her strength but the versatility she wielded, though she was quite frightening with how dauntless she was in the face of things.
"N-no sir." Doubt still nagged at her despite his insistence to the contrary. For all his reassurance in mission capability Prince Julius lacked perspective of no fault of his own. He saw things from the top down and the situation as it occurred, not among the officers and the far-reaching consequences as she did. Susan was not ignorant to how she was handled and approached, though that may align more with her naturally different weaknesses than the others. Yes, she was a coward and had difficulties dealing with the stress but she also did not fly off the handle or act recklessly, nor did she enter depressive episodes or act arrogantly in the face of the enemy as she had seen with a few others.

And in his experience he found her valuable. This came as little surprise on its own, she had known she would be before she joined because she carried skills that did not fit the model Cadet stereotype. Even now the force was filled with warriors, fighters, people of action, A-type personalities and those unflinching in their resolve. No one like her. No one expected someone such as Susan to join the Cadets and they often questioned that. Why was she there? Simply put, people like her did not join the Cadets. Therefore her skills were unique, and she could use her proficiencies in ways that were important, in ways that mattered more than making money and earning useless trophies no one cared about, not even herself. Though that reason had changed since the other night.
"B-because my work is important, sir." It was much more than a sense of personal fulfillment now that she knew the reality of the Psyche Terrorist and what had happened after the Divide. The Cadets were now at war. War with psychopaths that would bring about the end of everything if they could manage it. Endymion, the world as they knew it again... What is known cannot be unknown, and as much as Susan regretted what had happened to her and wished she had not had to join and experience it she would be steadfast in her resolve to continue. Because she was valuable and uniquely capable in a set of skills the Cadets needed, and the Cadets protected much more than just the city now. But she would not delve deeply into that unless asked for her insights. This was a counseling, not a mission briefing.

As much as she had wanted to believe him Susan still held doubt she would need to swallow. No one should look down on her but they would. This was reality, there were many things that shouldn't happen by principle but indeed they would continue to happen. He could do nothing to prevent people from coddling her or thinking herself less capable than the others. He had said that himself as well:
I am happy that you wish to give your service to the Cadets. But are you sure? Are you fully aware of the risks and responsibilities?
He had doubted her back then much unlike now, but there would be others that doubted her. Every step of the way and at every turn. Despite what should be, stigma was a reality she was well aware of. She was deeply steeped in it. And it was her job to be aware of things like that.

But she would take this as her chance to ask for help as long as he was demanding it happen. She was aware she could not go back to how she was dealing with things, flying under the radar and attempting to solve her own problems, hoping no one would notice long enough for her to fix herself. To keep her damage a secret. It was his right to know what he was dealing with within his ranks. She shuddered, closed her eyes, and take a wavering breath.
"I-I... I-I have not been sleeping. I am afraid of crowds, m-more so than usual. I-I have been wearing my body armor under my clothes in public a-and bringing my gun with me nearly everywhere I visit. I-I have... I have not been to my civilian job since the incident and I-I am falling behind schedule." Susan had almost let slip her more serious issues with this entire ordeal, she was far worse than this. But there was requiring help and there was being problematic. She prayed it wouldn't slip that she had pointed her gun at Azami for wearing his mask and she would keep what she had seen in the physical exam to herself. Rather, what she had not seen, when Cecilia lay bleeding on the floor.

It didn't seem like Julius was getting anywhere with her. Perhaps this meekness was far more than he bargained for. A normal civilian working for the Government, this was certainly a troublesome matter even if she were an useful part of the Cadets. It was a task the Prince would find difficult in comparison to the many Cadets he worked with and perhaps he enjoyed the ease of working with more mentally rigid and strong individuals for too long. The fact that the paranoia was so strong in one of his Cadets felt baffling at the least. He closed his eyes to ponder on what to do. To have civilians join the Cadets, at first he was receptive to the idea. But seeing Groves like this made him begin to understand what Woodsworth was talking about the entire time and why she was so concerned about the recent recruits.


He finally opened his eyes and examined her again for a moment. There was more resolution in his eyes when he finally came across a decision to make. It wasn't a pair of eyes made to condemn her. But one that wanted to help. Yet at the same time, not even trying to be patronizing either. "Susan, is there anything in this City that you wish to protect? To fight for? I want you to think carefully on this. I don't care about the work or whatever. Set that aside for today. Something that's close to you, you don't need to tell me. What I want to know is if you have that something or someone you want to preserve in the face of all the challenges that we face."

Many Cadets did join out of that reason. Julius knew someone as intelligent as Susan would know of this. But sometimes you needed to hammer this in. That the Cadets weren't all about just self-sacrifice for the City. There were always other legitimate reasons. And sometimes, those reasons are the things that keep you going a little longer. It's not hope, and certainly not any salvation either depending on who you were talking to. But, it was a path that kept you steady and sure of yourself. Sure, you may face failures and they may demoralize you. Sometimes people may demonize you for your choices and it gets soul-crushing. But, a set path chosen by you was the anchor that kept you from going astray, so as long as you remember what it was all for and that applied evenly to new paths.

Prince Julius's piercing gaze caused the woman to shudder despite the
compassion and understanding in it. Deeply ingrained in her psyche was it
that authority was to be bowed to, for those in charge were the rulers of
your fate. On their whims did your life change and one could only ensure to
remain in good standing with he who pulls the threads. It was less to say
that Susan was fearful of Julius and more of his decision, a decision based
on her. To say that she feared her shortcomings. And he spoke of what many
other Cadets joined for: something they themselves wished to protect and
through service earn the power to defend it. Families, loved ones, ideals,
ways of life, the city itself in the name of justice or God. It was a noble
reason if not a little selfish in varying degrees. But... Susan did not join
for any of those reasons and had nothing to protect. Most looked to her and
questioned why? Why would someone so successful ever want to risk it all
to be a Cadet? The truth was behind all her successes... there was
nothing. Achievements were a mask to hide an empty woman, trophies filled a
home in which she lived alone and forlorn, impersonal congratulations echoed
in the void she built for herself. Money, titles, creature comforts,
everything anyone could ever want... but nothing she ever needed. Susan
enlisted with the Cadets so that these achievements, the accomplishments she
always sought to strive for, would finally mean something and then she could
be complete and content with herself at last.

Susan opened her mouth to speak and quickly shut it as the Prince continued,
speaking of having someone to fight for. She had Gabriel and hoped she
always would, he was always understanding of her, accepting of her, and
taking her burdens as his own. It was his nature to do so and she felt
blessed to find someone so compassionate, it baffled her to think of what
was so interesting about her that he would choose her of all people yet it
was part of his enigmatic charm. Susan understood that her and her fellow
Cadets were the only ones holding back the floodgates of annihilation, she
understood the implication and reality better than anyone. And she had hoped
to become that way. Cold. Emotionless. Ruthlessly efficient in her strategy,
unwavering in resolve, unaffected by all her fear and pain and confusion
over her own hurtful moodiness that was slowly eating away at her. She was
only human. She was only human and she was falling apart. She cursed that
intrinsic weakness of hers, emotions she did not understand causing her to
act in ways she was unequipped to deal with when her rationality failed her.

...but it was something she did not consider before. Thoughts had led to
other thoughts and she began to feel guilty about Gabriel, how he always
spoke of thinking of her when she herself was preoccupied with...
this. He had been there for her to be her shoulder to cry on after
the incident. That was when it finally clicked. She was only human, she
could not dedicate her entire being to everything as she had been doing. It
would wear her down. But Gabriel could be there for her. Her rock in the
tumultious sea of hardship. She had not nearly appreciated him enough as he
deserved. The glaring weakpoint in her analysis shone brightly: Susan
considered every possible situation, every development, statistic, choice,
everything... except for herself and how she was affected by it. In a vacuum
she would rationalize it away, but she was only human. If nothing else this
consideration was important for mission success, to stay in capable mental
health if she couldn't face the music that she needed the help, needed and
wanted someone to keep her on her feet and moving.
"I-I... I-I have someone.
Sir..." she answered solemly as she gazed at the feet of the
desk at which he sat. The timid woman's humanity and weakness, that which
she feared, showed through as she wiped her quickly-wettening eyes with the
back of one hand.
"H-He... th-the other day *sniff*...
h-he took me to th-the spa because I-I had said I was feeling
stressed..." her voice cracked. Her breathing started to
shallow as she swallowed the lump in her throat made of a mix of guilt,
fear, beauty, and devotion in an odd tincture she could not ever hope to
understand. But this was inappropriate of her, and she made strong attempts
to keep her composure.
"*sniff* ...I apologize, sir,
I-I do not know why I-I'm crying..."

He patiently waited for her to respond. There was no point in a flippant response since that wasn't the reason for this exercise. It was one that required much introspection and self-reflection. People were weak on their own. Everyone wanted their safety net, few forego such a thing. Those few either had a stronger reason and will to push forward or they were soulless husks that meandered on a road they've forgotten why they were on in the first place, the latter was far more pitiful. The latter was what unnerved Julius. Though rarely do any of his Cadets have such a tendency, it still existed in that few.



But in Susan, it appeared his fears didn't have to be manifested into reality thankfully enough. His features relaxed when she answered. The Prince leaned back into his chair before propping his elbow against the wooden arm to lean to his right in careful thought. He said to her while handing her a tissue from the drawer, "There's nothing wrong with crying. It's a result of all of these pent-up struggles you face. What we all face sometimes. You're human, Susan. Just like all of us. I want you to remember that, even as a Cadet and even as you wield your powers for the City. Our limitations don't have to be our weakness. We can turn them into our strengths from our resolve. We can truly harden it, if we have something to cherish that we want to preserve. That's what being a Cadet means. Do you understand now, Susan?"

Everyone came here for the same reason. Ad nauseam or not, it kept all of them going and it was vital for them. There was too many Outer Rim Cadets he's seen despairing from the rigors of their work. Working with the Inner City made him too lax in this and in that, he had to blame his negligence. "I won't force you to make these appointments. As long as you rely on that someone you mentioned. But if something is bothering you, I want you to talk to me, as your colleague and as a friend."

For the second time, nearly the third she had broken into tears in front of
her Captain and it was shameful. Susan could only be thankful that each time
she had done so alone and Prince Julius had spoken not a word of it. Perish
the thought that anyone else within her team would discover how prone to
crying she was when the walls around her gave way. Though... she disagreed
with the Prince. There was nothing wrong with crying at times, but there was
definitely something wrong with when that was. She would allow herself to
cry but it should be in front of no one save for Gabriel, who she
could feel she could do so. If she could not maintain her emotional resolve
she would need to give the illusion that she could, because these were all
nice sentiments in theory and principle but reality would sink in. She would
be thought weak by her subordinates when she would need to maintain
authority. If thought weak she would be ignored or distrusted. Susan could
not afford to be ignored or distrusted because her orders would be
challenged and she was the strategist. Everyone needed to take her
advisements seriously or it could end in disaster, and for that she needed
that trust and confidence. She did not show she cared with nice sentiments
or close bonding. She showed she cared by dedicating every last ounce of
herself in keeping everyone as safe as possible... and alive. To be capable
and to be seen as valuable was the difference between life and death.

The timid little woman set her briefcase down to accept the tissue
wordlessly, wiping at her face and dabbing at her eyes as she listened. And
she did not comprehend it. It may be because this was new to her, she was
void of close personal relationships and had nothing to fight for nor to
fall back on, she had always fought for herself or for principle. Or perhaps
it was because she did not think it applied to her in the same way. Yes,
one's resolve did affect their ability to perform in combat. To shrug off
wounds, to combat fatigue, to urge onward when everything was wearing you
down... but she was a planner. Not a fighter. This resolve would not help
her formulate strategies more quickly nor would it grant her insights into
enemy attack patterns or anything of the sort. It mattered not how
desperately she would fight for someone, anyone, it could not help her
strategize. That was solely on her own shoulders, her own abilities. And it
confused her as well. Yes, Gabriel could be there for her when she needed
relief and comfort and support but to that end it would be burdening him.
Susan would need to approach this differently because she herself was not
like other Cadets with their fighting spirit and devotion. To an extent...
she believed she needed to disregard her own humanity, to make the optimal
decision unswayed by bias, untouched by emotion. To keep everyone alive. But
it would require further thinking, she was still uncertain. Never a fun
position to be in.

"*sniff* ...No sir. I do not
understand," she shuddered as she continued to ease herself
back away from the dangerous guilt and fear that caused her to cry in the
first place, "I-I am unfamiliar.
...b-but I will try to understand." These things always
worked to elude her, Susan's logical mind experienced difficulty in
processing what she felt. Oftentimes she did need to be reminded that she
was a person with emotions too, but to her they were not easily understood.
As long as she knew she could attempt to learn and discover what Prince
Julius meant, yet that would take time. She only just now remembered her
heart was beating and she was not in fact a walking statistical graph.

"No no, sir, I will go to them, I have
said that I would," she would affirm. Even if she did not
wish to. "...th-thank you sir, I will
be better. ...m-may it stay between us that I was... crying... in here...?
O-or that I attend therapy sessions?" she pleaded with a
grimace. That was one thing for certain she did not want advertised, she
would get help but no one had to know about it. It was not any of their
business and only served to detract from how she was viewed as a strategist.
Susan's tears were gone though her face was a little damp and red but that
would fix itself in time if she could only quickly duck out of the annex
building... but she did have something to bring up.
"Sir...?" she began
hesitantly. It was something she had meant to bring up before this visit, to
kill two birds with one stone. Terui and his inappropriate remark. She would
not tolerate sexual harassment in any manner in any way... though she
thought twice. Susan could handle this herself, this was not a matter to
bring the prince into... but it was something to shelve away for
later incidents. In the meantime she would work with Maria, he was her
responsibility. For now she had something she had learned was equally
important.
"Athena Griva. ...does that name mean
anything to you, sir?"

"...Good, that's what I want to hear. Think over what I said, it's important that you reflect on it." He didn't seem deflated at all that Susan failed to understand. She was definitely difficult to get through, but it was compensated for the fact that she was trying. God, she was trying so hard. It was going to be an uphill battle for sure, for both of them. Susan in reining her own insecurities and worries to herself and Julius going into an unfamiliar territory fulfilling his duties. They were both going to need it, but it wasn't impossible at least with this first step they were making right now. "No need to ask, I lack the desire to pass the personal information of my Cadets irresponsibly. Your secret is safe with me, Miss Groves."

He'd find himself raising a curious eyebrow, however, when she asked about a specific Cadet. What kind of connection did she have with one that wasn't very active in the force? There didn't seem anything in the files that suggested any bearing between the two. He didn't bother to mention her rank, there was no need to when it was already stated in the bulletin. And he was sure someone like Susan have already checked it religiously. "Miss Griva? She is a Cadet who has shown success in the start of her career. Why do you ask?"

Susan ruffled slightly. It would be difficult for certain. She had no framework with which to work with, no one to protect until recently and even then she had not considered him until he was brought up. To her it was always about the job, the grander responsibility. As her Captain had said it was them that stood between the world and the ending of it but... at a mechanical standpoint she could not grasp it, at least as far as her responsibility went. Others could urge you to fight harder but the mind did not work that way. It mattered not if there was one or a hundred people at her back, it would make no difference. If she faltered there would be nothing to return to. There would be nothing left. And she failed to see what having something to lose would change about her strategy and methods. It would take thinking, days of it. Uninterrupted. But it would be interrupted and she would need to account for that. Perhaps she could fit meditation into her schedule with all that time she never had.

"Thank you, sir," she sighed. She did not believe he would broadcast her weakness, but when Susan had said "anyone" she had meant anyone. Not doctors, not superiors, not a single living soul or even a dead one. She would do much the same, it was what was expected. Her inquiry was met with skepticism which was not surprising yet she shivered anyway. He had just spoken about the confidentiality of his Cadets, meaning that she was likely not to get an answer. And it was understood that if she was making the inquiry it was incredibly important, she was not known to ask meaningless questions. Susan fidgeted where she stood. She did not feel like speaking about her personal life, at least concerning this. The businesswoman would not share this with anyone but Gabriel but only when she had an answer. She felt he had a right to know. And so did she. God forbid she was comatose and in the hospital.
"Y-yes sir, I am aware," she began, her hands twitching to wring them if they were not already occupied.