The One Who Runs: (Ready to be graded.)

Subject: The One Who Runs: (Ready to be graded.) Wed Jul 27, 2016 7:42 pm

The One Who Runs.
The One Who Runs: (Ready to be graded.) Latest?cb=20111107092905

"Speed is a state of mind-learn to accelerate!"

The Biography

Birth Name: Axel Laureate Allen.
Aliases: Running Man.
Gender: Male
Age: 22
Birth Day: November 11th.
Arcana: Emperor
Place of Residence: Vista Square.
Evoker: Mental Shackles
Academy Semester: Graduated.
Class: None.

Sorority: None.

Part/Full Time Job: Former athlete, now Motivational Speaker for Hire.

Appearance:

Axel (Default State):

Axel is 6ft. tall, and weighs 195lb. He has blond hair, and distinctive blue eyes, said to be almost an electrical blue. He wears a white coat with a blue shirt with a red tie, brown pants, and black shoes with a belt, as well as a distinctive golden engagement ring. He also carries with him a fairly advanced phone, and the outfit is formal, but also easy to run in (and comfortable, too).

Personality:
Axel is a kind and courageous person, willing to help anybody he sees that needs it for a good cause, even if it means him being late to events. He is highly sociable, a thing others see as surprising considering what happened to him during the divide. (He tells them it's therapy if anyone asks). His charisma allows him to bluff many, or otherwise redirect the conversation if the topic is the events of the divide.
People would also describe as a person determined to see things through to the end no matter what, that he always keeps getting up no matter how badly life throws things at him. He is also tolerant others... usually.

He is also a very sensitive person, especially when it comes to loss. This is one of the few triggers he has, as making light of death and such is something that will cause him to react irritatedly. The other trigger is anything involving him being insulted about his courage (and definitely don't call him a chicken). Both are one of the few times one can see him actually angry.

As a motivational speaker, he becomes surprisingly serious during his speeches. Though he occasionally makes a joke once in a while, he is otherwise incredibly stoic during this. This a habit picked up from his athletic days, where he would tend to be completely focused on the race, and usually nothing else.

He has his flaws as well, though. Mainly being impatient, easily manipulated, impulsive, and being prone to rushing things and peer pressure. These flaws were always there, but became especially prominent after the divide, where he became vastly more irritable ~~(and who can blame him considering what he suffered through?)~~.

The Potential

Strengths: (Anything your character is skilled in, such as Martial Arts/ Drawing/ etc? You are allowed a maximum of five strengths and a minimum of three.)

—Strength Name: "My mind is in a constant state of acceleration, always thinking, never ceasing!"
—Description: Axel has an incredibly quick mind, allowing him to think at high speeds with utmost accuracy. This translates as a 15% boost to Pmstr.

—Strength Name: "I hit hard and fast. Try me."
—Description: Due to taking constant boxing lessons over the 5 years after the divide, Axel is capable of making two dex attacks each turn in combat due to being incredibly fast.

—Strength Name: "My body is on the level of an Olympic Track Star's! I really just am that fast!"
—Description: Axel was once an olympic-level Track athlete, and still keeps training as such. As a result, his legs are in extremely good condition, making him a well paced and fast mover. This translates into 2x distance travelled per dungeon post.

—Strength Name: "I took boxing for a reason, ya know."
—Description: Axel's quick body became strong in both halves in terms of strength. This translates to a 15% Ppstr. boost. in combat.

—Strength Name: "I'm a motivational speaker. Of course i'd be good with people!"
—Description: Axel is extremely charismatic, meaning he starts at rank 2 charisma.

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((A floating Strength is a strength you've gained inRP. For example, if you were on a Kendo team for some time, you'd naturally know Kendo which is where this strength would come in. However, be aware, it will not be as strong as any of your actual strengths and is a small plus)

—Floating Strength Name:
—Description:

Weaknesses: (You must have the same amount of weaknesses as strengths. These weaknesses pertain to you and not your Persona. IE: Physically Weaker, lack of attention span, etc.)

—Weakness Name: "Demons?!?! Here?!?! Why those... they are going down hard, and fast, and i'm NOT backing down until they are!"
—Description: Axel has a deep hatred of demons as a result of the divide, meaning that in PvS. combat, he cannot run away without persuasion from a teammate that has a social link of 5 or higher. (The player convincing him to run rolls 1d2, succeeding on a two, to see if it works).

—Weakness Name: "What I smile is a false smile. Anyone who's seen one can tell."
—Description: The trauma from the great divide left Axel a broken man beneath his mask of confidence. As a result, he only gains half as much expression.

—Weakness Name: "Never... ever... EVER call. Me. A. Chicken!"
—Description: Another result of the trauma Axel suffered from the divide was nightmares that he felt responsible for the death of the one he loved because he ran away. Thus, every time someone calls him a chicken, or something similar, he tends to snap. This translates to an additional 15% chance with being inflicted with rage.

—Weakness Name: "Ugh... not again... damn those drugs..."
—Description: After using his Persona Overdose in battle, Axel must rest for a post as one of the side effects (amongst other ones) is Tachycardia, which disorients him badly.

—Weakness Name: "No... no...no....NO!"
—Description: Axel's PTSD left him one final, huge, flaw: he became extremely susceptible to succumbing to mental ailments. This translates to Axel being unable to take any other actions other than guarding if he is under the influence of a mental ailment (except rage).

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((A floating weakness is one gained in RP. It could be a fear you inherited during RP, or an injury that hinders your character. Some can be temporary while others can be permanent.)

—Floating Weakness Name:
—Description:

Soul Bound Weapon: (This is the weapon you'll be able to summon to your hand while in combat. This weapon is special for your character specifically and allows you to fight Shadows and Demons without the need of summoning your Persona. This can be anything but a Gun (Or gun related weapon))

Weapon Name: Sonic Smashers:
Weapon Description: A set of two caestūs (ancient greek boxing gloves) that are meant to hit hard and fast, fitting for somebody quick who wants to do as much damage as possible.
Weapon Image:

Soulbound Appearance.:

Weapon Attack Type: Strike.
Weapon Element: (Leave this blank. Only special weapons obtain an element behind its blows.)

Side-Arm Weapon:

Side-Arm Name: Hyperfire.
Side-Arm Description: A gold and gray gatling pistol that is moderately sized and surprisingly light-weight enough to not serve as a nuisance to carry around (although concealment is another story). Fitting for someone like him, it fires fast, multiple times, and hits hard (even if it consumes ammo like crazy, thus limiting it's usage).
Side-Arm Image: Here
Side-Arm Attack Type: Gun
Side-Arm Style: Revolver - Single Shot - Accuracy is increased by 20%. Consumes only one type of ammo per use. Can shoot only one enemy at a time.

The Background

History:(At Least 2-3 Paragraphs)
This is Axel Allen. As a child, Axel loved the feeling he got when he ran: Like nothing could stop him, the wind blowing behind him, the force of acceleration and momentum carrying him forward like a rock launched by a slingshot.
Then one day, he saw the olympics for the first time on TV. The torch running and Track and Field events there captivated his attention.
So he decided from a young age that that was what he was going to be. A runner. From there, he joined track teams, quickly (pun unintended) becoming good at it. He took to his studies as well just as quickly, determined to let nothing stop him, grades or otherwise from achieving his dream of one day being an olympic level runner.

The day the divide happened, he was celebrating with his family because he had just received word: He made the olympic Track team.
Then it occurred.
At that moment, what had previously been screams of joy turned to ones of terror as all around him, precious family died at the hands of demons. One by one, they fell, and in that moment, fear made him run away faster than ever before.
By the time he finally calmed down enough to come back, they were all dead.
All except him.

From there, he was angry at himself. Angry... afraid... and with a desire for revenge. It was during those dark days that he met the first new friend he made after the divide: Paolo Bullock, a boxing coach who saw talent in Axel, and offered to train him. Axel gladly took up the offer and began to train over the next five years to be able to fight demons if he saw them.

From there, he also learned to meditate as a form of cool-down, and it was from this he derived his "Speed is a state of mind- learn to accelerate" mindset after several prolonged periods of self-introspection and meditation. He then proceeded to publish it, capitalizing on his previous reputation as a pro athlete, and became a hit Motivational Speaker due to the "Speed is a state of mind" philosophy being seen as a ideal mindset from moving on from traumatic events, something which many had fresh wounds on still.

All of this, though was before he decided to join the cadets. He wanted to join them so that he could fight the demons that had taken his family. A form of redemption.
However, this redemption would come with a cost...

Posts : 5994 Join date : 2013-10-06 Age : 29

To be completely and entirely honest, adoptable characters should be characters you planned on using yourself, but had to drop it for a variety of reasons and give people a chance to use it themselves if they wished. Not just make it and drop it in front of everyone while hoping someone might use it.

Also you need one more combat weakness. That's all, I hope.

Subject: Re: The One Who Runs: (Ready to be graded.) Wed Jul 27, 2016 8:40 pm

Fixed.

Posts : 1157 Join date : 2015-11-07 Age : 23 Location : Yes

*Ahem*

By the temporary mod powers bestowed to me by moderator Notre Dame, I shall now grade certain aspects of your character, at your request. First off, I can't help but notice you left in the text for alternate appearance despite him being a cadet. You should probably get rid of that, unless you plan on making him a Terrorist.

Now for my first real concern: You're not really describing anything about his personality. In fact, you went on a mini-history rampage here. Re-write this completely, and don't mention his past, only his behaviour in the present. All you're stating is his motives. Tell me about what he likes and dislikes, how he acts around other people, his mannerisms, all that good stuff. You mention he has a very specific philosophy, but you don't mention what that philosophy is. Keep, however, the mentions of him being dedicated, hard working and always striving to improbe. Go into a little bit more detail about those traits if you can. I'd also like to know more about how he hides his real personality under this mask of charisma. In this case, the more tiny details the better. One thing you might want to do is incorporate personality traits mentioned in his strengths (For example: If his mind is always moving fast like strength #1 says it is, then mention in his personality that he doesn't live in the present, and worries more about the future and/or always having something to do.) And the same goes for how his dream is to motivate people. Add that in here as well.

In terms of history, I see you jumped straight to his life in the immediate time before the Eternal Divide. Take your time and tell me a little about his childhood. You don't have to give me his whole life story, just give me the basic summary rundown. "He was born here and spent his childhood doing this or that and maybe he looked up to this person or had this friend..." stuff like that. Now, in terms of the basic meat of his story, everything seems to be fine, but you should remove the part about joining the cadets. He hasn't joined them yet. And that last part, about his powers catching up to him? Please specify what you mean.

Also, I notice you keep alternating between the spellings "Axel" and "Accel" throughout the app. Pick one, if you please.

Anyways, with that said, I leave the strengths and the other things to Jerry. Moonie out.

Subject: Re: The One Who Runs: (Ready to be graded.) Sat Nov 12, 2016 12:50 am

The Strengths Check out. But there are three weaknesses which seem to contradict eachother in terms of reasons for being weaknesses. He's a freaking coward, yeah? A yellowbellied coward who ran away in the face of death. Why would he prioritize fighting the demons that are seemingly the cause of his supposed cowardice? Heck, the name of the Coward Strength (just a minor nitpick) seems to suggest he is not only aware of the fact that he's a bloody coward, he accepts it. So why would he get furious over someone calling him out on being a coward? It makes little sense to me.

So, I'm asking you to give me explanations on why these weaknesses are even there.

Posts : 1157 Join date : 2015-11-07 Age : 23 Location : Yes

Personality and background are fine now. Just fix the titel, remove the unneccesarry texts (like alternate appearance and the "Quote, etc" before the quote, and you have my half of the approval.

*1/2 approved*

Subject: Re: The One Who Runs: (Ready to be graded.) Sun Nov 13, 2016 7:19 pm

Alright, this looks fine, but I'd limit the being forced to guard while inflicted with an ailment to either random chance, or to ailments that aren't rage. If he's more susceptible to going into a flying rage, why the heck would he guard if he loses it to insults and other stuff. Just a minor nitpick.

Subject: Re: The One Who Runs: (Ready to be graded.) Sun Nov 13, 2016 7:24 pm

Approved

» Plan B (Telos) Ready to be Graded.
» The Nobody (Replacement for Telos the ASSW) (Ready to be Graded!):
» Henry the Cadet (Ready to be graded/complete):
» Henry's Initial Persona: Macabre! (Ready to be graded)
» Axel's Artificial Persona: W.D. Gaster: (Ready to be Graded)