Plan B (Telos) Ready to be Graded.

Character Name: Telos Techne.
Quote/ETC:


The Biography

Birth Name: ASSW Model T-3105 (Telos)
Aliases: Telos Techne.
Gender: Male.
Age: 12 (Material Age), 17 (Chronologically, 5 years as a program, 12 years since being put into his body).
Day of Creation and activation: 10/9
Arcana: Star
Place of Residence: Sunlake Palms
Academy Semester: N/A
Class: (We'll fill this in once you're approved. This will be your class in school)

Sorority: N/A

Part/Full Time Job: Killing Demons and Shadows, and all related hostile entities.

Appearance: This (currently): http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/998/220/a73.jpg (Minus the deception symbol on his cane). He is 6ft, 3 inches, and about 450 pounds. Don't let his old looking appearance fool you either, he doesn't really need his cane, as a matter of fact, he uses it to fool enemies into thinking he can't be that much of a threat when he is. The red eyes are a nice warning sign as well, but also a potential giveaway that he's a robot, but he claims that they're color contacts if asked.

In orgia mode, he releases his limiters, and his eyes start glowing a dark red color, and certain other parts of him actually glow visibly red as well from overheating (his chest, and though you couldn't see it under normal circumstances, his hands and legs).

His creator is a young woman with purple hair, about 5 ft. 6in, and weighing a little over a hundred pounds or so (don't ask about that or her age, unless you want to be on the receiving end of something fierce). She looks like this: http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/aceattorney/images/5/5a/KaguyaModel.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20130927001814

Alternate Appearance: When summoning his persona, he wears its mask, and changes significantly, gaining a layer of white and gold armor, as well as blue eyes, serving to further mask his appearance (the armor has no effect in combat whatsoever, other than for aesthetic purposes).

Personality:
Pre-ED:
Telos was brilliant, and much more light-hearted once, and he could best be summed up as a thinker. As the (constantly-improving) Magnum Opus of the incredibly brilliant Doctor Victoria Stein and her team of scientists, he was also known for his incredible strength (a fact he attributed to two things: his creator, and his irregularity). He had a high regard for his creator, to the point where he found himself in love with her (she never seems to notice it, though). He was constantly the sort of person who was just brimming with optimism. His only real flaw was that, save for his creator, he was feared for his strength.
However...

Post-ED:
Now, post divide, he has become a battle-worn soldier in demeanor, cynical, pragmatic, ruthless, cunning, and terse. But he's getting older and older, and while he is able to do maintenance on himself, he cannot upgrade physically any more without outside help. He also usually doesn't like working with other people, considering them burdens, and tends to lose his temper quickly with most others if they screw up. However, recent events have forced him to reconsider this, and finds himself reluctant to, but surprisingly willing to make friends again.

Ultimately, though, deep down, he is troubled by how well he's taken to killing, and fears that he might not be able to stop even once he's done, and that he himself might just become one of the monsters he's trying to stop, especially in the eyes of others. He doesn't let it show publicly, though, knowing that he just has to focus on doing what he must, and that if he lets it cripple him, he loses. He still has the same problem he did in his youth with many fearing him as well. He also fears a repeat of what happened that night potentially reoccurring to him again, causing him to become extremely protective of what few friends he may have, hoping to save them from the same fate.

His creator was a kinder person than him now (and that's not saying much compared to him, so, meh) but very tolerant, and intelligent. She herself didn't  talk much about her past, but it was not a good one, from the implications (she always changed the subject when it comes to that, suddenly announced she has to go somewhere, etc.).

The Potential


Strengths: (Anything your character is skilled in, such as Martial Arts/ Drawing/ etc? You are allowed a maximum of five strengths and a minimum of three. Inhuman strengths will only be active in Orgia Mode.)


—Strength Name: "As you humans would say: 'I don't fall for the same trick twice'. You see, I learn, and assimilate information faster than you. Or most of my kind, for that matter."
—Description: Telos never makes the same mistake twice, and tries not to make any at all, if he can help it. This translates as to where he earns twice as much intelligence points than usual.


—Strength Name: "I was forged in fire, born strong... and it shows when I show my true might."
—Description: Due to being (as he puts it) 'forged in fire' which grants him a significant boost (a.k.a, a 5% boost) to Dex. during the duration of Orgia Mode.

—Strength Name: " My combat software is designed to do maximum damage to shadows and demons whenever possible."
—Description: Telos can attack twice with his soul bound in PvS. combat.

—Strength Name:
—Description:

—Strength Name:
—Description:

-----
((A floating Strength is a strength you've gained inRP. For example, if you were on a Kendo team for some time, you'd naturally know Kendo which is where this strength would come in. However, be aware, it will not be as strong as any of your actual strengths and is a small plus)

—Floating Strength Name:
—Description:


Weaknesses: (You must have the same amount of weaknesses as strengths. These weaknesses pertain to you and not your Persona. IE: Physically Weaker, lack of attention span, etc.)


—Weakness Name: All but emotionless to others.
—Description: Telos comes off as emotionless to many others, thus, he only earns half as much expression points than usual.

—Weakness Name: "Ugh... used up... too much power... downside of being born with a little extra... you have a little bit more to lose."
—Description: Telos suffers a 5 % dex. penalty for 4 turns after Orgia mode ends.

—Weakness Name: Relentless to the point of being reckless.
—Description: Lately, Telos has become more and more stubborn in combat, refusing to flee once he has begun combat with a shadow/demon (or a similar entity). A teammate with a rank 5 or higher can attempt to roll 1d2, succeeding on a roll of two, to snap him out of it.

—Weakness Name:
—Description:

—Weakness Name:
—Description:

-----
((A floating weakness is one gained in RP. It could be a fear you inherited during RP, or an injury that hinders your character. Some can be temporary while others can be permanent.)

—Floating Weakness Name:
—Description:



Soul Bound Weapon: (This is the weapon you'll be able to summon to your hand while in combat. This weapon is special for your character specifically and allows you to fight Shadows without the need of summoning your Persona. This can be anything but a Gun (Or gun related weapon))


Weapon Name: Celsius Cutter.
Weapon Description: A sword that is held quite comfortably by Telos, it's blade glows with a brilliant blue color when held, the blade itself is made of sharp steel that is more than capable of slicing apart many things. The blade length is about 5 ft, 6 inches.
Weapon Image: http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/legendsofthemultiuniverse/images/b/b9/Starsaber.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20140330174900
Weapon Attack Type: Slash
Weapon Element: (Leave this blank. Only special weapons obtain an element behind its blows.)

Side-Arm Weapon:

Side-Arm Name: Fusion Cannon
Side-Arm Description: A rather large gun that to Telos, he can use as comfortably as a pistol, it packs a powerful punch. It looks like a long black cylinder, and on one end, the part where the blast comes out. Unlike it's namesake, however, this version of it fires bullets, not energy blasts.
Side-Arm Image: http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/tfumux/images/4/4c/Fusion_Cannon.png/revision/latest?cb=20140624191256
Side-Arm Attack Type: Gun
Side-Arm Style: Revolver - Single Shot - Accuracy is increased by 20%. Consumes only one type of ammo per use. Can shoot only one enemy at a time.


The Background


History:
Even by ASSW standards, Telos was "born" strong. Created by the brilliant doctor Victoria Stein, and her team of scientists, he was her magnum opus, and soon found himself in love with her (despite her being his... mother, of sorts. She created his body, which took a total of 5 years to complete, the time of which he spent as a program during that). However though, he never could find the time to confess, from constant tests, upgrades, and the like (and she never seemed to notice either, even when it was clearly obvious).

The day of the Eternal Divide would be the first time he would have a chance to be truly alone with her (as per a request to be field tested with only her supervision in an area where he could confess). And thus, he finally planned on doing it (the previous week being spent downloading as much as possible on the subject of confessing, amongst other related things). However...

The demons attacked while he was in one of her off-site secret labs for a routine diagnostic scan (done after the field test). When they heard something outside, the two went to investigate.

Caught by surprise by the attacking demons, he had little to no chance to react, and was quickly overwhelmed.
And right before his eyes, the person he cared about the most was ripped to shreds. The demons, seeing his reaction, and begging for them to kill him, sadistically decided to spare him, enjoying the look of despair on his face. At this point, at a mental limit, he walked into the lab, sealed it, and collapsed in a heap.

It was several months before he woke up in the lab again, changed forever.
Upon automatically updating his information databanks as to what had happened, he decided to devote himself to the complete extermination of demons, and all those who used them. And if he had to kill humans in the process to accomplish this... so be it. He would do it without mercy.
This, he decided, would be done in her, and in the name of all those who suffered in the Eternal divide, and no more would suffer from it's aftereffects.

Thus, he still lives in that same lab, having found sufficient instructions and materials to maintain himself (as well as instructions for replacing any already existing parts needed). The government, for the most part, hasn't come to claim him there as technically, the lab is her property. Outside of it, though, he knows that he could be potentially targeted at anytime.

His creator, Dr. Victoria Stein however, didn't like talking about her past much, and even Telos didn't know much, only that in her own words "... it wasn't very good", and leaving it at that. Only her personal records would have all the data, but those are things kept incredibly secure.

He still maintains contact with the rest of his development team, though.

Not exactly sure it's so wise to make another character when you're still new. You should get used to being a Persona User first with Takeru and I guess Henry with being a NC. But, if you insist we'll go with it.

Alt Appearance: You sure you don't want it? The Government will still try to hunt you down anyway.

Strengths:

Quote :

—Strength Name: "I was born with a little extra then others... makes me stronger than them."
—Description: Due to his special, unusual papillon heart, which grants him a significant boost when he is in orgia mode, he can sustain it for one turn longer than usual... but it has it's side effects, and he can only do this once per thread, and it cripples him afterwards even more than usual. (See the corresponding weakness (" A little extra to lose") for the exact side effects).

Nope on this one, sorry. But some superhuman stuff can be fine since it is Orgia Mode.

Soulbound Sword: Give us length for that one.

History:

Quote :

Possibly the strongest ASSW ever created.", she did not disappoint,

Just to be sure. He is not going to be the strongest of them all. You'er still going to be limited to how you RP him and by his stats and skills. Telos, you need to get a hold on your wish fulfillment stuff down a bit.

Quote :

When he... snapped. Something in him... it refused to let her die. He then proceeded to go on a rampage, annihilating them with a strength and fury he didn't even know he had, silent the whole time.

Not possible if he hasn't awakened yet with a Persona.

Quote :

Thus, he now lives in that same lab, now relocated to the basement of her house in Sunlake Palms, doing his new "job" extremely well.

Quote :

She also told him that she had decided to resign as well, wanting to work on him full time (claiming he had been destroyed, and his Papillion heart damaged as she claimed that he had sacrificed himself to defeat the demons) without them interfering.

Lying directly to the government? I doubt that's going to work. They are going to find out and they tend to have eyes everywhere to my recollection. You would want to rework this somehow.

Fixed.

Most of the Strengths and Weaknesses look fine. What I'd do though is make the character make a biiiit more sense. For one, Orgia Mode does not Default an appearance change (with the occasional energy motifs added) without the use of a strength, and even then, it's not going to be THAT drastic. Remember, you're a machine that releases your internal limiters... not some kind of Shape-shifting Shadow.

Secondly, I assume you're talking Material Age and not actual representative age... but I'd like some more clarification.

When it comes down to your background, tone it down a few. You're trying too hard to stand out from the getgo. Just a tip. Watching your own character grow into this admirable hero instead of starting out as one is much more enjoyable for both you, and others.

Remember... this is Persona. It's a series that emphasises the importance of the Journey, and not so much the answer we come to find in the end. Think about that.

Fixed.

The additions of a "Special" Plume can be taken out completely. And your transformation is still rather large. Also, something which I forgot to touch upon in my original grading is that the reactions to other classes shouldn't need to be on the sheet, as you can't determine a character's class just by looking at them. That would make the Cadets' job much easier, and void the use of Alternate appearances, not to mention the Metagaming Issues that it creates as well.

Fixed.

Note that your Side-arm will only fire normal bullets. No Rockets or Energy blasts.

That's the last thing you need to change.

Approved for Use in Endymion.

Telos wrote:

Character Name: Telos Techne.
Quote/ETC:


The Biography

Birth Name: ASSW Model T-3105 (Telos)
Aliases: Telos Techne.
Gender: Male.
Age: 12 (Material Age), 17 (Chronologically, 5 years as a program, 12 years since being put into his body).
Day of Creation and activation: 10/9
Arcana: Star
Place of Residence: Sunlake Palms
Academy Semester: N/A
Class: (We'll fill this in once you're approved. This will be your class in school)

Sorority: N/A

Part/Full Time Job: Killing Demons and Shadows, and all related hostile entities.

Appearance: This (currently): http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/998/220/a73.jpg (Minus the deception symbol on his cane). He is 6ft, 3 inches, and about 450 pounds. Don't let his old looking appearance fool you either, he doesn't really need his cane, as a matter of fact, he uses it to fool enemies into thinking he can't be that much of a threat when he is. The red eyes are a nice warning sign as well, but also a potential giveaway that he's a robot, but he claims that they're color contacts if asked.

In orgia mode, he releases his limiters, and his eyes start glowing a dark red color, and certain other parts of him actually glow visibly red as well from overheating (his chest, and though you couldn't see it under normal circumstances, his hands and legs).

His creator is a young woman with purple hair, about 5 ft. 6in, and weighing a little over a hundred pounds or so (don't ask about that or her age, unless you want to be on the receiving end of something fierce). She looks like this: http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/aceattorney/images/5/5a/KaguyaModel.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20130927001814

Alternate Appearance: When summoning his persona, he gains a set of armor resembling this: http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/metroid/images/5/5d/Rundas_PED_CMDL.png/revision/latest?cb=20151122043255 with the visor covering the face, and his appearance shifting to that of something much more alien in appearance.

Personality:
Pre-ED:
Telos was brilliant, and much more light-hearted once, and he could best be summed up as a thinker. As the (constantly-improving) Magnum Opus of the incredibly brilliant Doctor Victoria Stein, he was also known for his incredible strength (a fact he attributed to two things: his creator, and his irregularity). He had a high regard for his creator, to the point where he found himself in love with her (she never seems to notice it, though). He was constantly the sort of person who was just brimming with optimism. His only real flaw was that, save for his creator, he was feared for his strength.
However...

Post-ED:
Now, post divide, he has become a battle-worn soldier in demeanor, cynical, pragmatic, ruthless, cunning, and terse. But he's getting older and older, and while he is able to do maintenance on himself, he cannot upgrade physically any more without outside help. He also usually doesn't like working with other people, considering them burdens, and tends to lose his temper quickly with most others if they screw up. However, recent events have forced him to reconsider this, and finds himself reluctant to, but surprisingly willing to make friends again.

Ultimately, though, deep down, he is troubled by how well he's taken to killing, and fears that he might not be able to stop even once he's done, and that he himself might just become one of the monsters he's trying to stop, especially in the eyes of others. He doesn't let it show publicly, though, knowing that he just has to focus on doing what he must, and that if he lets it cripple him, he loses. He still has the same problem he did in his youth with many fearing him as well. He also fears a repeat of what happened that night potentially reoccurring to him again, causing him to become extremely protective of what few friends he may have, hoping to save them from the same fate.

His creator was a kinder person than him now (and that's not saying much compared to him, so, meh) but very tolerant, and intelligent. She herself didn't  talk much about her past, but it was not a good one, from the implications (she always changed the subject when it comes to that, suddenly announced she has to go somewhere, etc.).

The Potential


Strengths: (Anything your character is skilled in, such as Martial Arts/ Drawing/ etc? You are allowed a maximum of five strengths and a minimum of three. Inhuman strengths will only be active in Orgia Mode.)


—Strength Name: "As you humans would say: 'I don't fall for the same trick twice'. You see, I learn, and assimilate information faster than you. Or most of my kind, for that matter."
—Description: Telos never makes the same mistake twice, and tries not to make any at all, if he can help it. This translates as to where he earns twice as much intelligence points than usual.


—Strength Name: "I was forged in fire, born strong... and it shows when I show my true might."
—Description: Due to being (as he puts it) 'forged in fire' which grants him a significant boost (a.k.a, a 5% boost) to Dex. during the duration of Orgia Mode.

—Strength Name: " My combat software is designed to do maximum damage to shadows and demons whenever possible."
—Description: Telos can attack twice with his soul bound in PvS. combat.

—Strength Name:
—Description:

—Strength Name:
—Description:

-----
((A floating Strength is a strength you've gained inRP. For example, if you were on a Kendo team for some time, you'd naturally know Kendo which is where this strength would come in. However, be aware, it will not be as strong as any of your actual strengths and is a small plus)

—Floating Strength Name:
—Description:


Weaknesses: (You must have the same amount of weaknesses as strengths. These weaknesses pertain to you and not your Persona. IE: Physically Weaker, lack of attention span, etc.)


—Weakness Name: All but emotionless to others.
—Description: Telos comes off as emotionless to many others, thus, he only earns half as much expression points than usual.

—Weakness Name: "Ugh... used up... too much power... downside of being born with a little extra... you have a little bit more to lose."
—Description: Telos suffers a 5 % dex. penalty for 4 turns after Orgia mode ends.

—Weakness Name: Relentless to the point of being reckless.
—Description: Lately, Telos has become more and more stubborn in combat, refusing to flee once he has begun combat with a shadow/demon (or a similar entity). A teammate with a rank 5 or higher can attempt to roll 1d2, succeeding on a roll of two, to snap him out of it.

—Weakness Name:
—Description:

—Weakness Name:
—Description:

-----
((A floating weakness is one gained in RP. It could be a fear you inherited during RP, or an injury that hinders your character. Some can be temporary while others can be permanent.)

—Floating Weakness Name:
—Description:



Soul Bound Weapon: (This is the weapon you'll be able to summon to your hand while in combat. This weapon is special for your character specifically and allows you to fight Shadows without the need of summoning your Persona. This can be anything but a Gun (Or gun related weapon))


Weapon Name:
Weapon Description: A sword that is held quite comfortably by Telos, it's blade glows with a brilliant blue color when held, the blade itself is made of sharp steel that is more than capable of slicing apart many things. The blade length is about 5 ft, 6 inches.
Weapon Image: http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/legendsofthemultiuniverse/images/b/b9/Starsaber.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20140330174900
Weapon Attack Type: Slash
Weapon Element: (Leave this blank. Only special weapons obtain an element behind its blows.)

Side-Arm Weapon:

Side-Arm Name: Fusion Cannon
Side-Arm Description: A rather large gun that to Telos, he can use as comfortably as a pistol, it packs a powerful punch. It looks like a long black cylinder, and on one end, the part where the blast comes out. Unlike it's namesake, however, this version of it fires bullets, not energy blasts.
Side-Arm Image: http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/tfumux/images/4/4c/Fusion_Cannon.png/revision/latest?cb=20140624191256
Side-Arm Attack Type: Gun
Side-Arm Style: Revolver - Single Shot - Accuracy is increased by 20%. Consumes only one type of ammo per use. Can shoot only one enemy at a time.


The Background


History:
Even by ASSW standards, Telos was "born" strong. Created by the brilliant doctor Victoria Stein, he was her magnum opus, and soon found himself in love with her (despite her being his... mother, of sorts. She created his body, which took a total of 5 years to complete, the time of which he spent as a program during that). However though, he never could find the time to confess, from constant tests, upgrades, and the like (and she never seemed to notice either, even when it was clearly obvious).

The day of the Eternal Divide would be the first time he would have a chance to be truly alone with her (as per a request to be field tested with only her supervision in an area where he could confess). And thus, he finally planned on doing it (the previous week being spent downloading as much as possible on the subject of confessing, amongst other related things). However...

The demons attacked while he was in one of her off-site secret labs for a routine diagnostic scan (done after the field test). When they heard something outside, the two went to investigate.

Caught by surprise by the attacking demons, he had little to no chance to react, and was quickly overwhelmed.
And right before his eyes, the person he cared about the most was ripped to shreds. The demons, seeing his reaction, and begging for them to kill him, sadistically decided to spare him, enjoying the look of despair on his face. At this point, at a mental limit, he walked into the lab, sealed it, and collapsed in a heap.

It was several months before he woke up in the lab again, changed forever.
Upon automatically updating his information databanks as to what had happened, he decided to devote himself to the complete extermination of demons, and all those who used them. And if he had to kill humans in the process to accomplish this... so be it. He would do it without mercy.
This, he decided, would be done in her, and in the name of all those who suffered in the Eternal divide, and no more would suffer from it's aftereffects.

Thus, he still lives in that same lab, having found sufficient instructions and materials to maintain himself (as well as instructions for replacing any already existing parts needed). The government, for the most part, hasn't come to claim him there as technically, the lab is her property. Outside of it, though, he knows that he could be potentially targeted at anytime.

His creator, Dr. Victoria Stein however, didn't  like talking about her past much, and even Telos didn't know much, only that in her own words "... it wasn't very good", and leaving it at that. Only her personal records would have all the data, but those are things kept incredibly secure.

Unapproved for Edits

Reapproved.