Morning Light [Mae]

Subject: Re: Morning Light [Mae] Tue Apr 05, 2016 2:58 pm

What he said made sense. In that regard, yes she was indeed better off than he was. "Well... you've reached out to me once... That's a start, right?" She replied with a warm smile. "Well, better late than never! I'm sure you'll find yourself a good partner to share your life with in due time. I believe in you." Indeed she did believe that he would succeed with that.

"Hehe, true." It was nice, sitting here and talking with Sharaku like this. She could forget about what was going on with the islands, even if only for a short moment, before being thrust back into the harsh reality they found themselves in at present. "Yeah... that's like asking for trouble, really. Not only the trouble the machine itself could cause... but just think about what great lengths people would go to try and get one for themselves..." That just didn't sound good at all... The chaos that could insue from that was staggering enough, even when just talking about taking the time machine from wherever it came from originally...

"Oh, come on now, don't sell yourself short." Mae said with a slight frown. "Sure, you didn't do everything right... but those things you did right were very nice. You're a great guy, Sharaku. Don't forget that." A timid smile donned her lips as she finished speaking. Luck aside, he had been very nice to her for the very short time they had something... Sure, he wasn't perfect, but then again, neither was she. "How was I lucky, though?" She raised an eyebrow, sort of curious.

"Hahaha!" Mae actually laughed quite cheerfully for once, something she hadn't done in a while. There was just something about this that was funny to her... It was just hard putting a finger on exactly what it was. She regained her composure after a short while, however, and just in time for when Sharaku spoke up again. "They are... Did you have something in mind...?"

Subject: Re: Morning Light [Mae] Tue Apr 05, 2016 4:00 pm

Did that really count? ''Except that you were the first one anyway. I kind of already knew your intentions, so it's a little different.'' When you're getting strong vibes poking you all the time, it's not that much of an effort. You already know you won't really fail that easily. ''Maybe I'll start growing gray hair first. I'm quite good at making people dislike me instead of the opposite.'' Or at least not like him enough for things to have a chance of going in that direction. The worst part? He knew exactly what his problem was. Alas, things don't fix themselves with the wave of a magic stick. Reality rears its ugly head at the most unfortunate moments.

He would hum in thought. He couldn't blame people for sometimes hanging onto the past too much. It's very easy to do so. And yet, it can be one's own undoing. What has been in the past, doesn't necessarily have to be the same in the future, as hard as it is to not think that way. ''It's ironic how much people obsess over the past at times. It sounds much more viable to spend time bettering the possible future instead of imagining what could have been....'' Not that looking back is always a bad choice...just, not for everything. Certain things are better left as they are.

''I'm...'', he would furrow his brows slightly, before just giving up on trying to say something. Instead, he would turn his attention towards the question, as it was easier to respond to properly. ''You haven't seen me interact with other people before much, have you? If you had, maybe you'd know what I mean...'' It was true that the two of them were mostly on their own whenever they met, perhaps with very brief exceptions. He'd cross his arms over his chest. It would seem that he was having a hard time answering this for whatever reason. Maybe...''Say...What would you say about me based simply on the way I speak when we're having a conversation?'' An odd question indeed, but she'd only find out where he was going with this once she gave an answer.

He'd make a puzzled face when she started to laugh all of a sudden. Technically, he had been joking, but that wasn't exactly a very nice joke, was it? He'd say nothing however. Not that he could even come up with something plausible to say. ''Not really...I didn't plan any of this...'' He didn't even know for sure whether he was actually going to talk to her before he saw her. Much less had an idea as to whether it would end on a positive note.

Subject: Re: Morning Light [Mae] Tue Apr 05, 2016 4:39 pm

"In a way, yeah." Mae replied. His following set of words caused her to give him a slightly troubled look. "Sharaku... If you don't mind me asking..." She began, a light frown making it's way upon her face as she kept on speaking. "Why do you look at yourself in such a negative light...? I..." She stopped for a brief moment. "I don't understand it..." Sure, he was far from perfect, as everyone had their flaws. But that wasn't an excuse to keep looking down upon oneself. Perhaps that was the issue all along, when it came to how he dealt with people? Was he afraid of hurting other people's feelings? Hence why he kept to himself for the most part? "You're a nice person... I just... It doesn't seem right..." He needed to overcome that fear, if it even was fear to begin with... And she'd be with him every step of the way.

"Yeah... It doesn't make sense. But really, wouldn't you want to be a normal human...? Without all the un-necessary responsibilities that you carry? I know, you've bonded with your shadow, and all that, so I can't exactly blame you for wanting to stick together now... but if you got the chance to return to normal... and live a perfectly normal life after all this... would you take it?" Such a heavy question to ask, but... she felt like she could ask him that at this stage, and expect an honest answer from him. Unlike Mae, he couldn't really control what he looked like, and judging by how much he's changed physically over the last two years, it was only going to get worse from here... That much, she knew.

"Cutting yourself off again, are we?" Mae said with a light chuckle, as Kayle poked his cheek. "Oh, Come on now. Finish what you started." The little girl had a wide, yet very friendly grin on her face, as she patted Sharaku on the shoulder. "No, I guess I haven't..." Mae said with a light huff. "Kayle seems to like you... so that's a good start. She can be quite picky when it comes to older people." Indeed. If Kayle was being supportive of someone she just met, then that was a good sign. Sure, she was friendly most of the time, but going out of her way to be supportive towards someone she had just met was very rare... Perhaps it was only because Mae was there though.

"From the way you speak...? From my experiences with just how you speak and act towards me... I'd say you're a nice guy... I really mean it." She hopped down on the floor next to Kayle. "That's fine. Do you want something to drink? Coffee? Tea?" She'd ask. He was technically a guest here, so that should be fine... Jack got his tea here whenever he visited, so Sharaku getting something shouldn't be an issue.

Subject: Re: Morning Light [Mae] Tue Apr 05, 2016 6:29 pm

When she pulled the question, he would sigh, looking somewhere to the side. It wasn't like him to talk about this, and normally, he would have played it off as him joking. It's much easier that way, and he rarely talked about himself to that extent when he wasn't stressed out or downright snappy thanks to a conversation gone wrong (which wasn't even that uncommon). It usually took some emotional high for him to get talkative over such a matter, and that was majorly because at that point he didn't quite care as to what he was saying...until he already had. And he definitely wasn't really saying what he should be in such cases. It was much harder for him to say something when he didn't have anything to fuel it.

''I guess it's not right......'' He wasn't quite stupid. He knew well that this wasn't okay. And he kind of just dealt with it for the most part. Yet, it was causing far too much trouble for him lately...''...but I've always been this way...I can't just stop...'', he'd close his eyes, going quiet for a few moments. It seemed like he was fighting with himself. ''...how would you deal with something you don't know how to control...?'', he would open his eyes slightly, giving her a sad look. Might as well try to explain if he already roped himself into this...and well...he knew he kind of had to do something about this before it went really bad, as much as he'd love to pretend it wasn't getting there.

''I'm sure you wonder why I'm not having much hope when it comes to my relationships with people...well, I simply don't. I...it's not like I dislike anyone...but I don't do good with people. It always comes down to the fact that they expect something of me, whatever it is....and I just feel like I can't. I know it's stupid, but I never really like anything I do...'' People just couldn't see through him, or interpreted anything he did in a very different way. ''Maybe I'm not trying to go after anyone because I know I don't deal with this well. When people push me or get insistent about something, I tend to snap. That's why most people that had the chance to get into an argument with me don't like me much. I can get aggressive. When I feel bad, I end up stomping on others. I...think I do that as a defense reaction. It feels good to prove someone they're worse than you...for about a second anyway. But I can't help it...and I only feel worse afterwards either way...But it seems the only way I know how to stand up against something is to push back.'' How many times had that happened already? ''I don't really like myself much. I never have, and I tend to only make it all worse when I have to interact with someone else. You say I'm nice...and I don't know...maybe I am... but I feel like half the time I only do it to feel better about myself and while it doesn't really work for me...it's the best I can do.'' At this point he was just staring somewhere at the ground. ''So maybe I just have a slight problem. That's why....but it makes for nice jokes at times....'' When he managed to pull them off properly that is.

''No.'' This one he was actually decently sure of. ''I may be no good, but I don't really want to be someone else than I am either. I don't have a problem with not being normal...I think I wouldn't know what to do with a normal life anymore. I wouldn't be myself anymore. There was a time when I considered it, but it's not for me. Who knows...maybe I've actually come to like being the odd one out...'' He wasn't quite against being different. This is who he was, and honestly...there's no saying what would become of him, were he to somehow be normal. He didn't think he could really handle dealing with that.

He would shake his head a bit. ''Does that matter? I don't feel like finishing that.'', he'd frown with a somewhat dry tone, before letting up and just laying back on the ground fully somewhat uneasily. He didn't find this funny. ''Age makes a lot of difference, you know?'' He tended to be calmer around kids for the most part. They were much easier to deal with...as long as it wasn't some brat. He would snort lightly. ''I guess I'm good at playing it then. On the other hand, nothing lasts forever.'' On that note...''Not sure...I feel like I'm just going to be sick if I do that...'' Not after all this. He certainly didn't feel too great, and it's not like he had slept a lot during the night either, preceeded by a long day before.

Subject: Re: Morning Light [Mae] Thu Apr 07, 2016 6:59 am

Mae sat there, quiet while listening to Sharaku. As for the question he asked her... she really wished that she had an answer ready to give... one that could help. "The... first thing that really comes to my mind is... asking for help. If it's a problem you can't solve on your own, maybe someone else can help you find a way to tackle it properly? Of course, tackling it is something you have to do on your own... You know what they say. "If there's a will, there's a way." It won't be easy... But if anyone can do it, it's you, Sharaku... I believe you will succeed in overcoming it." Mae closed her eyes with a slightly confident smile on her face.

Her expression saddened somewhat when she heard the rest of Sharaku's words... "You... feel inadequate? Like whatever you do is simply not enough?" She asked slowly... She could already tell that no one else knew about this. If they did, he wouldn't have these kinds of problems to begin with. "Well... it's natural for you to push people away when you know you won't get along well with them in the first place. It's not good, however... And... It's something you have to actively change if you want people to like you more... I'm not saying you have to be the most social person on the planet. That's just not who you are. But... At least try... If someone really ticks you off or rubs you the wrong way... you just have to bite the bullet on that one. I know that deep inside, you care for these people. Show them that. Show them... the side of you that I've seen." That sure was a mouthful... "I'm afraid that's something you have to solve on your own... I can assist you, sure... but you have to be the one to take the steps forward."

"Sharaku... Just stop..."

Mae said, her eyes hidden behind a fringe of her hair, before she hugged him. "You're not a horrible person... You've done some very nice, and to be frank, noble things over the course of time here on Azores. You gave me a chance... You followed me back home from Penecia, despite how long it was of a walk to get there. You've supported me ever since we first met. Friends or not... Stop looking at your flaws and mistakes, and start looking at the positive things you've done. You've been helping people all over the islands... saved countless lives. You're very important to me..." She took a deep breath before continuing.

Morning Light [Mae] - Page 2 2306D44D530371271C6F8B

"I'd take a bullet for you, without hesitation."

He could easily tell by her expression that she was indeed serious. Taking a fatal blow for him was something she'd really do without any hint of hesitation. Hopefully it wouldn't come to that, however. Mae had a feeling Sharaku wouldn't approve of this, but that's how she felt. Once the topic was shifted, she'd move away from Sharaku, sitting now in front of him on the carpet.

"I... see..." Well, that gave her a little bit more insight in how he felt about his powers. Gotten used to it, and all that. Had she expected a different answer? No, but she had hoped it would be different. But in the end, she couldn't remove it from him, even if he wanted her to. That was beyond her capacity as a Persona user. Was there any other way to reverse the process?

"Alright..." She felt there was something important that he had wanted to say at first, but changed his mind. Mae didn't pursue this any further. That was a secret he probably was better off knowing himself anyway. When it came to dealing with Sharaku, one had to be patient... Maybe he would tell her in due time, but as things were now, it was probably for the better not to push any un-necessary buttons. "Heh, yeah. It does." Sometimes kids were easier to deal with than adults. Their way of thinking was much less complex... but not all kids were easy to deal with. Most of them could be quite a pain on some occasions. "Oh, I... see..." Mae replied. He certainly looked very tired. "If you're tired, there's a vacant room upstairs you can borrow if you want some rest..."

Subject: Re: Morning Light [Mae] Thu Apr 07, 2016 9:01 am

''Whether I can or not is not really the decisive factor. I despise asking for help regardless. I prefer people do not know, for all that it really comes down to when they do…is them constantly reminding me of what I already know. If there’s something I don’t need it’s some sort of pity. It’s only humiliating when people fuss around you and whatnot.’’ He’d actually rather do things like this on his own. It was much less stressing than putting up with someone that is ‘trying’ to help. 90% of the time, they just agitated him more and made him feel like an idiot. He didn’t trust people’s help when it came to this very much.

He’d pinch the bridge of his nose with a thin frown. ‘’Yes? No? Maybe?’’ Ugh, how to even answer this. There were times when he truly wished reading minds was a thing, so he did not have to painfully attempt to explain himself in understandable terms. Because often he felt like he sounded very illogical anyway, despite trying as well as he could. ‘’You see…there’s a difference between what I feel and what I think. It’s not as simple as that….’’ The lovely part of that was the fact that the two were basically opposites. It was probably why he kept flipping back and forth. One moment he wasn’t up to anything, and then another he sounded like the most confident person in the room. The nerve of that. Human minds are sure really complex, eh?

Golden eyes would flicker. ‘’Not quite. Regardless, I can be social. I just don’t like groups. I do better one person at a time. Alas, I think not even you know me for all I really am, but I’ve never been quite interested in letting people read me like a book.’’, he’d give her a half-smile. ‘’…I’m not really asking you to help me. I just figured you ought to know since you were asking me. I don’t intend to have people solve things for me.’’ Him telling people was not equivalent to giving them a green light to attempt helping him. Not really. In the end, he would always stand his own way, regardless of what they would do or say. All he’d want is for them to listen when he felt like talking. That was more than enough. He was a strong individualist and following others’ advice was a hit or miss when it came to it. He’d likely dismiss if it didn’t feel right to him.

‘’Stop what?’’

He’d give her a wry smirk. Despite all that, he was rather stubborn, which could be seen as odd. One could wonder. If he thought so badly of himself, why did he still have a certain flair of confidence about him? Perhaps there was more to it in the end. Or perhaps there wasn’t, and he was just weird. Who knows. At any rate, he wouldn’t protest against the hug, although he wouldn’t hug back at the moment, spending the time on thinking instead. ‘’I don’t really think I’m horrible. Not necessarily. But it does feel like most people expect a little too much of me for whatever reason. It’s like I’m people’s work mule because they think I can handle whatever is thrown at me on spot, while they flail around. And I hate to fail, so I end up trying to prove I can do it. Then everyone complains when they don’t like the result or whatever, and piss me off completely.’’, he’d frown to himself. ‘’Perhaps I’m just starting to have enough of it all. Maybe I need some sort of outlet so I don’t take it out on others…’’ Meh. Maybe that would work…?

‘’Also. You know very well I wouldn’t agree with that. You have your own life to live, and there’s hardly a reason for you to give it up for me. When it comes down to it, I’m fine with death. If it has to happen, it will anyway, sooner or later.’’

He didn’t seem to be extremely shaken by it, but he sure had something to say. He wasn’t very fond of people claiming they would throw away their lives so recklessly. Saying it is one thing, but it’s different to actually face such a situation.

Blowing away a few strands of hair from his eyes, he would give her a questioning look. ‘’Do you? Either way, the answer would always be no. Would you choose to get rid of your Persona if you could? I’d say it’s a similar concept.’’ Sure, maybe a Persona didn’t actually affect one’s life as much, but the base concept was the same. Would she want to do that and live a normal life?

For the next moments, he would remain mostly quiet, sitting up with a sigh. ‘’No, it’s fine. I’m not as bad as it seems. There’s just a lot going on. Takes a moment to adapt to the pace….’’ It wasn’t as bad. He just needed to get back into this. It’s not like he hasn’t done it before, but it’s been a while. ‘’Anyway…if you really want to get me something, I’d rather something cold, not hot.’’ He didn’t dislike coffee and tea, but he didn’t really want that now.

Subject: Re: Morning Light [Mae] Fri Apr 08, 2016 6:40 am

"I'm sure you can do it, Sharaku." Mae replied with a smile. She had of course expected him to deny any help she could offer... but still, that didn't exactly make her feel any better. The inability to do something helpful in this situation was a small thorn in her side. But if he didn't want any help, Mae wasn't going to force it onto him. That would just make matters worse.

"Oh... I see." She nodded. So, there was some sort of internal conflict going on there? "Could you explain it further? Like... which side wins more often than not?" From what she had seen of Sharaku, it was the former that... well, was the most prevalent. At least with her. From what she had heard of his interactions with others however... it seemed more like the latter... "Oh... Fair enough, I suppose." She was happy that Sharaku was opening up a bit more to her... but still, the inability to truly help pained the young adult somewhat. Perhaps she was getting a bit too emotionally invested in this friendship she had with him... Or whatever you could call this... thing they had. It felt... closer than the average friendship that she had shared with others, even Ayane, and yet... not quite close enough for it to be more than just a friendship.

"I... Just don't like hearing you talk down on yourself like that..."

It was never fun to see a close friend being somewhat spiteful of themselves. Sharaku really was a wonderful person in her eyes. She knew he was far from perfect, but let's be honest here, imperfections are just as important as the good aspects. They shape humans into the inviduals that make up the foundation of society. If everyone was the same, that would indeed be boring. No evolution or progress would be made and everyone... would be the same. "I... I've never seen you like that..." Mae started. "Ah... I see." She nodded in response. "Why exactly do you feel the need to prove something...? You can't please everyone. I'd say focus your energy on those people you are really close to... People that at least attempt to see your side of things. Everyone fails every now and again... We're humans, not gods. And that's okay... I've failed a number of things in the past... sure, it's never fun to be seen as a failure, but we have to learn from our mistakes, and move on, stronger, and wiser than we were previously..." For instance, she now knew not to be too eager when it came to relationships. It just never worked out. And while Sharaku was a nice man that she did like, Mae had to move on from that one. She... didn't want to dissapoint him, and herself, any further. Really, it was her fault this situation arose in the first place, and she did whatever she could to at least fix the relationship they had before the day she danced with him... Getting rid of all this tension between the two. That was her goal, so they both could move on with their lives as friends, rather than an awkward couple that never made it. "Maybe...? It's not really good to bottle up feelings for too long, either. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm always here for you."

"..."

She remained quiet at his answer. She already regretted telling him that... She should've kept quiet on that subject, really...

"I... can live without them sure... but it would be a little empty, yeah." She replied. Going back to her old life was a tad bit difficult now. But hey, at least she had some means of protecting herself. So that's a plus. She had never really disliked her powers, but if they vanished, she wouldn't be happy, unless she had chosen to remove them herself.

"Alright, if you say so..." Oh, so he wanted something cold, eh? Well... "Well... we have some milk in the fridge... and water. That's pretty much it." Mae replied with a light shrug. Which did he prefer?

Subject: Re: Morning Light [Mae] Fri Apr 08, 2016 10:43 am

''Hmmm....'' He seemed to be thinking about something. Whether he agreed with her or not was a question, but at the very least, it didn't appear like he wanted to argue the point. He didn't really see a reason in doing that anyway.

He would shrug lightly. There wasn't really an equation he could use to calculate the possibility and ratio for real. It varied based on many factors. ''It depends on the situation. But usually I use both anyway, unless someone makes me snap. Then it varies based on my current mood, who am I with, and what exactly is going on. I'd say it's about even.'' When he wasn't being constantly aggravated by something, he was good at drawing the line wherever he wanted to. It was more of an issue when things weren't okay. He would tilt his head slightly. ''Did you actually expect anything else of me...?'' By now, she should know well that he wouldn't go and beg someone for help...no matter how bad things really were. It was rare that he would choose to rely on someone seriously, for many reasons. One, he usually did good enough on his own. Two, it was less complicated. Three, he didn't trust just about anyone. At least, not enough for this. And so on...

He would snort faintly, giving her an amused smirk. She sure knew how to be a worrywart.

''Then perhaps you might want to plug your ears. It would seem you're taking it more seriously than me. I can't deny I do have my lows at times, but for the most part, it's just a force of habit. 80% of the time, I don't quite mean what I'm saying. I've actually been told that I sound morbid yesterday, and maybe I do, but I'm not extremely bothered. I could talk a half an hour about killing myself, but it's not like I intend to do it for real. I guess it's better to take my words with a grain of salt, or I'll drive you insane eventually....''

That was something he did a lot. He could talk doomsday all day long, but really, it was just...talking, unless he was feeling extremely low and negative at the moment. He was capable of talking about something casually, without it largely affecting him in reality. And it just so happened that he often gravitated towards the...not so sunny topics. Bad habit? Maybe, but it would be a hard one to shake if he actually tried.

''Oh, how I love the moral lessons.'', he would remark in a joking tone. ''But really, I know everyone makes mistakes. It's not really that I want to please everyone. As a matter of fact, some people don't even deserve to have a finger lifted for them. I'm doing it for myself. I like doing the best I can, and so I do. It's more that I hate failing myself, not others. It is annoying when people stack too much onto me, but I get more pissed at myself than them. I just end up taking my frustration out on them, because it's much easier, I guess.'' Well, you have to direct something outwards, right? Besides, what else was there to do? It would honestly be much worse if went as low as hurting himself or such. Now that's definitely what could be seen as unhealthy.

He'd scratch at his cheek somewhat sheepishly. ''I guess? Although that isn't really what I meant. Unless you want to be my punching bag. I meant more like getting rid of some energy, so I can stay calm better. Talking doesn't quite accomplish that. Not normally.'' Talking just didn't make the cut most of the time. He could, but other methods would probably do him much better than that. He simply needed to clear his head on most occassions, and talking...well, it can do the exact opposite, bogging your mind down with even more thoughts and random messes, and while he liked theorizing, taking a break was necessary too.

''Mm? Well, I guess that's something we'll never really agree on.'' He didn't know what her silence meant, but it wasn't all that hard to take a guess. Knowing her, she would be adamant about caring as much as that, even if he kept opposing the idea. ''Besides, you and I are a little different. And I've had this quite a bit longer than you. It's been good 8 years already. Time sure doesn't wait...'' Of course, for the first 4 years, his Shadow didn't do much, but it still had some sort of impact on his life.

He'd blink. Those were some odd choices. ''Milk sounds nice, as much as I'm not sure I need that...'' Technically. Don't they say milk helps you grow up? In which case he should probably stay away since he was already too tall for comfort. Alas, even if it was true, it's not like he had done so much before, and he was still tall af.

Subject: Re: Morning Light [Mae] Sun Apr 10, 2016 4:45 pm

Mae chuckled lightly. "Hehe. No, I can't say I did. Better to be safe than sorry, though." The Sharaku she had known rarely ever relied on others, and tried to be as independent as possible, which was admirable, in a way... It was a bit vexing however not being able to help out as much as she would like to. Not that she showed it... He probably already knew anyway, given her track-record when it came to these things.

Mae raised an eyebrow at his smirk. "You think this is funny...?" She wanted to ask, but didn't, for obvious reasons. She didn't want to push any un-necessary buttons here.

"I do... and you should too. Living like this isn't good for you. One of these days, it might not stop at just thinking about it... that's what worries me..."

Indeed. Even Sharaku could only take so much. "Then what am I supposed to believe? That you're lying to yourself 80% of the time?" She put her hands on her hips, giving him a sceptical look. What was his deal anyway? "It's... far from pleasant seeing someone you care about in this kind of condition... Especially when I... as a friend, can't do anything about it myself." She bit her own lip lightly. To put it bluntly, she felt a bit at a loss as to what she should do. It wouldn't even be much of a stretch to say that she felt a bit... useless, in a way... Not that it was his intention to make her feel this way. Had he been that big of a jerk, Mae wouldn't have even been here with him now, if that was the case.

"I know it's nothing I can do to really help... but it feels like... I've failed as a friend somewhat, you know...? Like, I'm supposed to be here to support you, and I can't even do that right."

She'd reply with a half-hearted, almost hollow chuckle. "One day maybe... Right now, you'd just tear me apart." Well, if that's the least she could do to make him feel better, then maybe that was the right thing to do. But then again, she doubted he'd agree with that. The potential of her getting hurt if he lacked control was pretty high, and she DID NOT want that guilt to be burdening him... He had too much already on his shoulders. Physically injuring someone as close as Mae was to him... that wouldn't be very good for him.

"I... I guess... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything." She replied, staring at one of the paintings on the walls. "Just... forget I said anything, okay?"

"Yeah... I've had mine for about three years now... In March, next year, marks my third year with these powers..." She replied with a light shrug. Time sure had a nasty habit of flying out the window.

"Alright, Milk it is then. I'll be back soon." Mae stood up, and left the area, leaving Sharaku with Kayle for a moment. "So... how did you meet Mae...?" The kid eventually asked after a moment of awkward silence.

Subject: Re: Morning Light [Mae] Sun Apr 10, 2016 6:50 pm

He would huff faintly, leaving it at that. Well, if she wanted to be safe, he wouldn't stop her. As long as she didn't do it way too much. There's always a point past which it starts feeling redundant. Even though he knew it was unlikely she would ever really stop, being who she was.

He would falter a little, closing his eyes with a sigh. ''Doesn't being serious make it only more depressive than it needs to be?'' It kind of felt that way to him. On one hand, he understood something like that could be serious business. On the other, calling it so just made it feel unnecessarily heavy. If he were affected by it that badly, he wouldn't be taking it in an 'amused' manner, would he? He would give her a soft chuckle as he opened his eyes again. ''...as for your concerns, been there, done that. I don't quite plan on trying again, trust me. I already know what's it like well enough.'', he'd pause for a bit, gathering his thoughts. ''I just...like to theorize about things. That's all, really....'' How to even explain? That's just how his train of thought went. He often viewed things in a more abstract way, rather than relating them to immediate reality.

''I...no, that's not it...I'm not trying to lie, but I'm not really serious either...I don't know how to explain this...'' He really didn't. And he supposed she would never truly understand either way. Maybe if she could actually have a taste of how he felt about this, but that wasn't possible. Just like it wasn't normally possible to read minds. They both had different views on the matter, and it's not all that easy to fully get where another person is coming from. You can't see inside them. Bowing his head down, he would remain silent for a few moments. Thing was, he knew why she was worrying, but...what was he supposed to do? It's great to care, but how effective it really is when you keep missing the point too often? In the end, he sort of felt bad for having to let her down. Still, he couldn't just accept help he didn't quite need simply to make her feel happier. That was rather counterproductive.

''Look...I appreciate your effort and all you're trying to do. Yet, everyone has individual needs when it comes to this. You shouldn't feel bad only because you can't do all those helpful things you want to. It's not your fault, but I simply do not require that much fussing over me. You can't quite approach everyone in the same way. The word help can have many forms.''

He'd give her a soft smile, stepping closer to her and pressing a finger to her lips briefly as if to silence her.

''So hush. You don't have to be hard on yourself because of that. If I wanted straightforward help, I'd ask for it. I can promise you that. If being a support is what you're after...all I really ask is for someone to be there and listen to me when I want to talk. There's no need for some grand solutions. I just want to know I'm not alone. That is enough for me. I can find my own way. I always have. It's only sad to watch people trip over themselves trying to be helpful in ways that don't necessarily have a real impact....''

Whether she took that to heart or not was her choice, but he did all he could. He didn't want her to bash herself for not being useful, but she was the one who had to accept that she did not have to do crapload of stuff to be considered so. Sometimes, less is actually more beneficial than a lot.

He'd blink when she retorted towards his punching bag comment, before staring at his hands for a moment. ''Heh...that's what it is, isn't it? I'm too strong for most people...I've got it proven yesterday too...'' He had knocked Oki out with one single strike after all. It took minimal effort to accomplish that, but he didn't quite find himself being proud of that. Having a lot of power is great, but he had never truly strived to be that way. What's the point of being able to destroy almost anything, when it makes people scared of you...?

''Don't.'', he'd mumble with a slight shake of his head. ''So we disagree on that. What's wrong about it? I'm not going to like that kind of view, but that doesn't mean I think less of you. You weren't rude to me, so you don't need to apologize for having your opinion on something. Come on. I won't break in half just because we don't always see eye to eye.'' He wasn't going to just pass over that one. Not like he was asking her to go and argue with him to no end, but neither did she have to act like she did something really bad by saying what she believed in.

''Mm....'', he'd just make a slight affirming sound at her statement. Three years was a decent amount too, in a way. Although he didn't really know how it felt to have a Persona, and how different it actually was from his condition.

''Alright...'', he'd nod as she went away. He would have probably gotten lost in though if the young girl hadn't spoken to him soon after. He would turn his gaze to her, humming lightly. ''We met for the first time back when she first came to Azores almost three years ago. She accidentaly bumped into me at the subway station, and I ended helping her out a bit since she was new to this place....'', he would trail off, thinking. Well, her and that blue haired boy, who he didn't quite get along with all that much. That part was somewhat irrelevant to the current situation though... ''Actually, she seemed to have quite the habit of bumping into people back then. We met the same way the second time as well..'', he'd chuckle faintly. Good 'ol memories...?

Subject: Re: Morning Light [Mae] Tue Apr 12, 2016 5:40 am

"Well... is this really something to joke around about?" She answered with another question. Sure, she could get behind his point of view, but some things were better off not being joked about... "...Can you promise me that...?" She really didn't want him to dissapear from her life. It... just wouldn't be the same with him no longer living. Sure, she could probably get used to it after a while, but if he did off himself... she would be mortified for a very long time, perhaps even feeling guilty for not being able to stop it. As for how many others that cared about him, she didn't know, but... they would probably be quite sad. Hopefully she wasn't the only one to mourn, should Sharaku actually die... She wasn't as strong as she would've liked, and bearing that sadness on her own would most likely crush her... It wasn't a matter of whether she could get used to a life without a Sharaku... it was moreso dealing with the emotional problems that came with his passing that would cause problems.

Perhaps this was something she would just never understand. It wasn't much of a stretch to say that her friend here was a walking, breathing paradox. He had so many qualities about him that constantly contradicted eachother, making it hard to truly understand what he was like... at this point, Mae wasn't even sure if the Sharaku she had gotten to know was the "Real" Sharaku... Did it bother her? Not as much as one might first think. Sure, it was a bit of a bummer knowing that there was something about her that prevented him from just being himself, but at the same time, she liked the Sharaku that she had gotten to know, and thus, it didn't bother her as much. An interesting thought though. What was he really like?

She listened to Sharaku's next set of words carefully... What he said... relieved her somewhat. Eased some of her worries about just not being enough. She had previously employed a "One-size-fits-all" kind of mentality when it came to these subjects, and now what Sharaku told her did... change something in her. It wouldn't be evident right away, but the words certainly hit home.

Her cheeks blossed up lightly as his finger pressed up against her lips... what was he doing? This was just... something she hadn't exactly come to expect. Physical contact like this was not exactly new, but considering what had transpired earlier that week, perhaps it was just her nerves acting up or something. She didn't make a single move however. She only stood there, listening to what he had to say... as best she could anyway. It was a little bit hard to focus with someone's finger quite literally in your face. "I-I see..." She replied with a shy smile... Now at least she knew how to deal with this stuff when it happened again. Just being willing to listen was good enough.

"Oh? What happened?" She asked curiously. Well, that would at least why he looked so roughed up. He had been fighting someone... or something. Well, at least he was doing okay, and judging by how he spoke, it hadn't been a serious battle to the death. Had it been, he probably would've spoken in a different manner about it.

"Mm..." Mae replied quietly with a slight nod. Nothing was really wrong... she was moreso... just apologizing for how she saw things, if that made any sense... And as a pre-emptive 'I'm sorry' in case that did end up happening. Not that she ever showed him that.

"Oooh. That's nice. She's talked about you a lot with me. Always with how much she's looked up to you, and how she always turned to you when she had something bothering her... And you delivered every single time, from what I understand." Kayle started with a smile. "And yeah... I know you two never really got off on the whole... romantic thing... Which is a shame. Now that I've seen you two in one place, you two would've been a cute couple, I think." But then again, what did a 7-year old girl know about love...? Sure, Kayle was a very mature kid for her age, that no-one could really deny, but she did have a tendency of sticking her nose in other people's buissness where it clearly didn't belong. "Oh? is that so? Huh..."

Subject: Re: Morning Light [Mae] Tue Apr 12, 2016 7:22 am

''Don't know. It usually works well for me though.'' Not that he couldn't be serious when the situation called for it. But he would still prefer to not go completely into the gloom if he didn't have to. ''I can promise that I won't try on purpose. No more than that. There's no telling what will happen...'' These days it was dangerous to even walk around. You never know what hits you. Everyone dies eventually, and there's no guarantee that it won't happen tomorrow, whether you want it to or not. He could only make a promise on the part that he had control of.

He would watch her as he spoke, at first not quite doing anything about her reaction. Not until he was done saying what he wanted to, at least. Once he was, he would move his hand to flick her nose before drawing away. ''Do you always get flustered so easily? I'm not even doing anything.'' It's not like he did something actually inappropriate, and that was basically just the typical gesture for when you want to say be quiet. Although, he did do that out of the blue. On the other hand, her getting jumpy was starting to get a little old. He couldn't even do anything about it, lest he'd make matters worse. He didn't like having to hold back and bite his tongue. Of course, he usually wasn't interested in that way, but he did enjoy playing around a bit when the other side was being entertaining. Alas, in this case it was a bad idea. He wasn't really sure what to do with her, to be honest. It probably showed a bit, as he had a mildly disgruntled expression for the moment.

''I had a match off against an old acquaintance. I was looking into the matter of the third side in this mess, like I said before.'', he'd answer with a light shrug. Even though in the end, he was still none the wiser. You learn one thing, only to uncover a dozen more mysteries once again. Sometimes he really wished he did not have to deal with this. He would remain quiet at her next response. There were plenty things he could have said but he kind of didn't feel like it at this point. She didn't seemt to want to hold a conversation on that matter, and pushing it has never done him any good. He wasn't the happiest about the matter, but it was still better than getting into an argument over it, were he to keep talking.

He would sigh lightly, closing his eyes. How do you explain things to a kid? ''One can wish. She and I are looking for different things. I think we would just hurt each other in the long run. It's better this way. I'm sure she can find someone who fits her better, if she tries hard enough.'' Which may be pretty hard for her if she doesn't learn to let go better than that. Running back to the past when you have already been proven that it's not going to work well is just...going to complicate things over and over again. Sometimes you just need to move on, and not allow yourself to hesitate over matters that you shouldn't.

Subject: Re: Morning Light [Mae] Tue Apr 12, 2016 7:53 am

Mae shrugged. "Well, whatever floats your boat, I suppose." They were clearly two different people, with different ways of dealing with things. Not much she could do about it. "That's all I could ever ask for." She said with a light smile. And really, there was always going to be factors beyond her and Sharaku's control at play, regardless of what she did. But at least he wasn't going to take the "Easy way out" in case things got really bad for him.

Mae flinched a bit when he flicked her on the nose. It didn't exactly hurt, but the sensation was so sudden she couldn't really have reacted in any other way. His following words caused her to puff up her cheeks, and frown somewhat, crossing her arms over her chest. "Y-You tease!" It was probably pretty obvious by now that she had very little control over her emotions regarding stuff like this. "Y-You can't just touch my lips like that! B-Baiting me to do stuff... B-Baka!" She looked to the side, obviously embarrased by all this. He was probably just teasing her at this point... Unintentionally or not. Mae wasn't necessarily angry... She was more or less a bit irritated. She had almost fallen for it too... Man, that would've been bad had she failed to control her impulses there. It would probably have ended up just like last time... Ugh. Why did he have to test her like this? "J-Just... don't tempt me into doing something I might regret..." Perhaps she had realised her lack of control regarding these kinds of emotions, and it sort of upset her... because she didn't want her relationship with Sharaku to be ruined. "I... Don't have as much control over my emotions as I would've liked..." With time and effort, she might be able to overcome this... but major changes like these didn't happen overnight. That didn't necessarily mean that he couldn't tease her. He just had to take a different approach when doing so, unless he really wanted to take a risk. Playing with a girl's emotions is dangerous.

"Ah, I see. Did you learn anything new from this aquaintance?" She asked. Now they were getting somewhere. Valuable information, to say the least. "Hopefully we actually got one step closer on finishing this mess..." One step, yes. There was still no telling on how far they actually had to go to reach the finish line. One step out of 10? 100? 1000?

"Hm... I think... I understand..." She didn't necessarily understand the whole picture, but she could at least grasp the concept of a not-so perfect match. She had in fact seen the results of that first hand during Mae's last encounter with Charles about three days prior... Before the demons attacked and all that. "Do you... have faith in her? Do you honestly think she'll succeed?" Kayle looked up at him with slightly curious and also somewhat sad expression. It was really tough figuring out which one of the two was more predominant. Meanwhile, Mae was in the kitchen, a little bit lost in thought about what had just happened. She had clearly said that it was over between them and yet... why was she reacting this way then? Why? Was she in denial? Or was it a different thing altogether?

Subject: Re: Morning Light [Mae] Tue Apr 12, 2016 8:50 am

''Though, is it so bad? For some people, it may actually be better to not be alive. Not saying that it should be the first option one turns to, but sometimes it may be the only acceptable way out.'', he'd remark in a laid back tone. She probably didn't like the idea, but hey. He did promise, sure. It's just that...everyone has the right to choose what they want to do with their life, no? In case they are completely sure this is what they want, wouldn't forcing them to live because 'it's the right thing to do' only make them feel worse..?

''.............................''

For a moment, he would stare at her in confusion, like she just grew a second head. What did he even do? He'd bite his lip slightly, stepping away from her. ''But...I didn't....'', he'd just shake his head, sticking his hands into his pockets. Really though? It was just a finger. She was acting like he tried to kiss her or something. There's a good difference between those two, and he wasn't sure just what was the huge issue. He wasn't baiting her to do anything, really. That's just what she assumed for whatever reason. ''So what? Am I supposed to stand a few meters away from you to make sure I don't tempt you to do something? You act like I tried to kiss you or something. Is a little touch that huge of a problem for you? I thought we already agreed that we're not going there....'' He sounded a little hurt at this point. On that note, what did she expect of him anyway? To always watch his step around her? That would do no help, and only make things twice as awkward as they are. He really didn't know what to do with this. Being himself didn't work well, obviously, and forcing it was always bound to fail eventually...

Hm. Well, he could tell her something, probably. ''There's a group of people that work as protectors for various worlds. They have thirteen members, and it would seem right now their focus is here. Apparently, one of them has betrayed the group and is causing mess instead of helping, which may be what is influencing the destruction that is happening.'', he'd explain simply with a thin frown. He'd let her absorb that first. If she wanted to ask questions though, she could.

He would let out a breath, opening his eyes back up as the girl asked her question. Did he? ''I...guess? I do think she is capable of doing it, but she has a few things she needs to work out before she can. But that's something she needs to do herself, so I don't know.'' He didn't want to try his hand at predictions yet. Whatever he said, it was up to her to to make things work, and is words wouldn't really change that...

Subject: Re: Morning Light [Mae] Tue Apr 12, 2016 9:26 am

"You... do have a point... but what about the others around you? How do you think that makes them feel? It's a permanent solution to what's more often than not a temporary problem... What does ending it early really accomplish, aside from making people around you sad?" Wow, did this discussion suddenly turn grim, or what?

Yet another un-expected reaction on his part, and it made Mae feel really, really bad. Had she known he would've reacted this way, she would've done something differently. It had never been her intention to hurt his feelings or anything... It just... kind of happened. "Sharaku..." She began, looking him straight in the eyes, closing the gap between them a little bit with one step. "It's... not your fault... It's mine... You don't have to stay away from me, not at all..." The regret and guilt she felt over this was plainly written on her face. "I... I'm more angry at myself than you... I say that I've let go, trying to fool myself into thinking that as well, but... I... guess I haven't." She took a deep breath before continuing on. "I just lashed out because... I didn't expect you to touch me like that. I over-reacted, and well... look what happened. It's not that you touching me is the problem... The problem is me... Me not being capable of... letting go. I don't want something like this to ruin our friendship." Her words were honest. "...I'm so sorry that it had to turn out this way... I never intended on hurting your feelings... If there's anything I can do to... make amends, so to speak... let me know, okay?" At this point, she didn't really care what he did with her anymore. He could pretty much do whatever. Even smacking her right over her face wouldn't cause her to complain or lash out at him. She would just take it, because she felt like she deserved it at this point...

"Oh, I see... Well that's interesting. Sounds almost a bit like the angels, don't you think?" Indeed. These people seemed to fill a similiar function. And what's even more interesting is that one of them seemed to have rebelled against the rest... The question was who and why.

"Well, at least she has our support, then!" Kayle replied with a light clap of her hands, beaming brightly at Sharaku. She was indeed hopeful that Mae could succeed... whether or not the pinkette would however was up in the air. Once the two had stopped talking, Mae made her way back with a glass of milk for Sharaku, some lemonade for Kayle and a cup of tea for herself. Her expression still carried a bit of the guilt from before when she gave Sharaku the glass, before finally sitting down herself, not really saying anything.

» Light Studying [Shaun - SQ - Morning]
» Early morning Battle (Isabelle Work thread morning)
» Early morning Battle [Isabelle Work thread morning]
» A Lazy Morning Clean :: Morning Work Thread
» Morning on the ranch[Illumina morning work thread]