High 'n Low [Shun]

Posts : 1664 Join date : 2014-05-22

That silence was pretty much disturbing. Shunnosuke closed his eyes, waiting for something. Anything. Waiting so much that again this anxiety raced his heartbeats again, reliving the moment they had the "decisive talk". Giving it a careful thought, perhaps that confession was a bad idea, after all. Sharaku stated right from the start that he was troubled when it comes to such things due to his violent past, okay, Shun got it. The emotional side of the always so smiling and well-behaved Sharaku came to surface and...Shun liked it. Perhaps more than the perfect façade the man put in every occasion. What befell after was simply more than Shunnosuke expected, a perfect night end to such an imperfect day. He felt pretty...used, yes. But mostly, disappointed not at Sharaku, but himself, at his own penchant for being emotive and getting carried away by his own hopes.

''I...''

Immediately Shunnosuke opened his eyes and turned his head in the man's direction. Again, waiting for something. Anything.
...And again, Sharaku said nothing. Instead, he changed the direction of his sight to somewhere else. That made Shunnosuke even more lost than before. Why was he hesitating, anyway? It's not like everything the man could say would anger Shun in any way or upset him more than he's already. If anything, it would just sink the idea that, regardless the younger's desire, his longing for the older's reciprocate feelings wasn't possible. That was, in his mind, already a reality he had been trying to deal with inside, so what else is left?...

— Then, say it. — Shunnosuke, still facing Sharaku, glanced at him more fiercely than he could intend, although his tone was pretty...soft, not-imperative tone. Perhaps he still had hopes to see where this would lead to, but unless they're both honest, this wouldn't go anywhere but running in circles. He couldn't demand Sharaku to have feelings for him, he knew that, but he could very well demand honesty. — I want you to say it. Whatever you have in mind right now, I can bear up. You'll make this more messy if you don't take your chance and be honest...as I've always been to you.

Subject: Re: High 'n Low [Shun] Sat Dec 27, 2014 4:31 pm

...He was so done now. Sharaku had really, really, wanted to avoid this, but apparently, he failed pretty bad. Not even surprising. He could perhaps attempt to lie, but he had already flailed enough and nothing good would come of it. That he already knew. What he still didn't know was whether he could actually say anything. This was...different. He had pushed Hyde around, because he could still legitimately say he just didn't know at that time. Thanks to the combination of Hyde's drilling, and Shun's words, he had realized something he would probably rather have not if he had the choice.

''Honesty..can be painful, you know that..?'', he would mutter weakly, his head hung low. ''I don't think you want to really know what's on my mind right now...but if this is what you want to hear...'' He was unconsciously clenching his hands into fists by then. He really didn't want to. This wasn't what he signed up for when he came here. And if Shun thought mess couldn't be worse, then he was wrong.

''I think..It'll be the easiest to begin with the thing that started this. What you want of me...I don't think it's entirely impossible...but, I don't know how. You see, I've never even as much as attempted to be with someone based on feelings. Up till now, I had never stayed at one place long enough for it to even be plausible to try and get close to anyone. I think, I really haven't been in a close relationship with anyone yet...maybe except for my parents, but even from that, I only remember a bit here and there by now.'', he would sigh as he shifted in his seat briefly. ''I sort of want to....but, it's like having a million piece puzzle and not even knowing where to start putting it together.'' He..did. But there were so many things wrong with even trying.

He would be silent for short while, gritting his teeth together. That first part wasn't really hard. He was aware of that for a while...he just thought he could somehow solve it. ''I....don't think that's the main problem here though....'' Because, fact was...he didn't really believe it could work himself. How....? He seemingly couldn't keep it in line no matter what he did. When he tried to say something, he more often than not ended up offending someone with his words. On the other hand, when he went along, he both felt bad, and ended up having people grill him about not engaging enough. No matter which way he played, he ran into a wall at some point. It took him a while to realize this...but after a few times, there was no way to deny that anymore. He originally thought he just had a problem with getting along with others...which would explain why did he occasionally blow at someone. Like getting snappy over Hyde's antics, that one time with the glasses guy at the restaurant, or even when he argued back against Shun all of a sudden. That wasn't it, however.

It wouldn't explain just why did he always end up feeling bad about what he did, no matter what the situation. He only got it now, when Shun claimed that it wasn't his fault...and yet he couldn't bring himself to stop thinking otherwise. Hyde had been somewhat helpful too, but the redhead had focused moreso on the fact that he wasn't having fun...that was not the main problem, it never was. It only came from it, in a way. He really was a fool wasn't he....? Truth was, that..the main reason why he choose to be aloof, to pretty much not care...was just so he wouldn't have to face the result of saying something dumb...he was pretty much just trying to make himself feel better by not caring. And he did it mostly subconsciously...which is why he didn't realize right away.

The point wasn't that he didn't like or care about other people....it had never been about anyone else...

....He...simply just...hated HIMSELF.

He didn't want to really do much....because he was actually afraid that he'd just make an idiot of himself. Because, when didn't he..? It was either that he upset people by picking wrong words...or upset them by not doing enough and appearing apathetic. It never worked right. At least, Hyde was capable of getting back into his cheery self even when he messed up. Him? Sure, he didn't say anything...he swallowed it up...but that did not change the fact that he felt really bad about it..either right away or a while later, when he realized what he did.

How was he supposed to like someone in this way...when he didn't even like himself? That he didn't know. He was really at wits' end by now. It probably could have been worse...seeing as he didn't have a problem with things like his appearance...or what he was. That, he was fairly okay with. It was more so a mental thing. He couldn't do anything the way he wanted to anyway...and it hurt. Both himself, and others as well, when he messed something up...

...Back to reality, however, he would be quiet for a bit after his words...before he ended up shaking his head, as if he was trying to clear his thoughts. Though, it wasn't really helping. This wasn't going to go well. ''I...look..even with all that...I don't think...I can be what you want..even if.'', he would mutter, gripping at the edges of the bench hard, his head bowed low enough so that Shun wouldn't be able to see his face through the hair. ''I don't...really get you. I may be an idiot, but even I can see that I'm just upsetting you with the whole matter....I..I don't see w-why do you even..still put up with me...what's t-the point in trying if I just let you down all the time...'' By now, he was somewhat shaking. He really couldn't take this.

He would eventually look up at the younger, at which point it was obvious that he was crying. He was such a mess. ''I..myself can't believe I can..make it right...I-it doesn't matter....''

''I...just hate myself for being such an idiot............''

''......''

Posts : 1664 Join date : 2014-05-22

Yeah, he knew very well that honesty could be painful. Perhaps not in the meaning Sharaku brought up, as their experiences were pretty much different, unequalled, but...he had issues with honesty enough to understand why Sharaku could make that remark.

Once again, Sharaku said he doesn't know how, causing a sigh to slip out of Shunnosuke's lips the moment he heard it. Nothing new, he was well aware the man felt like this from their previous conversation and honestly, it wasn't something so hard to learn as to pose as an impedance. If anything, the teenager was growing tired of listening to it over and over again. Sounded like an excuse, although he knew it wasn't the case...or was it? Sharaku says he'd give it a try, and the moment after he says he doesn't know how to. For someone with initiative amd ambition like Shunnosuke, that indecision — as he read it — was nothing but a nuisance.

In any event, the teenager remained silent, not voicing any rebuttal yet, limiting his actions to listen carefully to everything Sharaku said...until the man began shaking. Shunnosuke's eyes widened a bit, a bit impressed, and it was not before Sharaku could lift his head back to eye-contact that Shun would understand it. Why was Sharaku crying again? This time he didn't exploded all the emotions kept inside nor was he trying to hurt him by being sarcastic this time, and he wouldn't do it to Sharaku anyway. Sure, if the boy was once oblivious to whatever flaws the young man had, the past few interactions would do him the favor to open his eyes to his humanity rather than keeping the infatuation veil.

The teenager held his face between his hands — pretty much the same time as he did in the club, occasionally waving his thumbs upon his skin to dry his tears away —, drew their faces closer...and kissed him. While his eyes were too tightly close, almost as if the boy was somehow making effort, and probably the way their lips were connected wasn't even the most pleasant or romantic, it didn't mean it was less affectionate. Unless shunned to some distance, Kurosawa would remain for some time attached to Sharaku, only to slowly move away once he came to senses that the kiss lasted longer than it should.

— You may hate yourself but I lo-- — He refrained from saying that word, giving a small break to that conversation. Perhaps the weight of it would only make things worse on Sharaku's side. After all, that L word is a strong one...and they were both weaks at their own way to use about it. — ...but I don't. I don't hate you. And if you allow me...even if you don't like me yet, we'll figure this out, these "puzzle pieces", both of us. But if not, then... — He loosened his grip on the man's face slightly, although not yet releasing him. Just...not holding him as tightly as before. His lips were mildly opened, as if something would come out of them at any moment: — ...I'll just let you go.

Subject: Re: High 'n Low [Shun] Sun Dec 28, 2014 5:17 pm

''.......?..''

Sharaku was rather stunned at that moment, definitely not expecting that kind of reaction. Why..? Right then, he was scatterbrained enough to not do anything except for sitting still and letting Shun do what he wanted. He did close his eyes, but that was that. In a normal situation, he had no problem doing this kind of thing, but he was a bit off the chart right now. He didn't know how to react...he was too busy figuring out why did Shun do that in reponse anyway. Or so he was trying. It wasn't easy to think like that. Either way, he wouldn't push the other away, even if it was taking too long. It's not like...he had a reason to. While he was confused more than he wanted to be, it wasn't neccesarily unpleasant. He'd object if Shun bit him or something, but this ....was probably okay. He would have to sort it when he cleared his mind enough, however.

When Shun pulled away and started speaking, he would open his eyes, blinking a few times to clear his vision, still a little blurry from all the wetness. He would listen silently, until the younger was done...opening his mouth as if he was going to say something, and closing it again right away. He was...just conflicted right now. What did he really want...? As he had said before, he did want to try...but on the other hand, he didn't want to cause trouble for the other. Sadly, in this particular case, a middle road was not an option. It was either one or the other. Choosing was hard. There was no way he could do both. He would swallow thickly, giving the younger an unsteady look. ''I..do want to try. It's just...that I don't want to keep upsetting you....I don't think I'm easy to handle....'', he would mutter eventually. If Shun wasn't holding him in place, he would probably have turned his head away to look somewhere to the side, but as it was, he remained staring straight at the teen with a slightly unsure gaze.

Posts : 1664 Join date : 2014-05-22

Shunnosuke opened a thin smile through the corner of his lips. Yeah, perhaps he could agree that Sharaku wasn't easy to handle, yes...but was Shunnosuke easy himself, in first place? He knew the answer very well. Plus, the problem wasn't that Sharaku wasn't a hard to get along person — he is. It's just that, to Shun's eyes, his distant personality and indifferent demeanor could be an obstacle, like nothing is important enough for the man to express a more caring side of his.

— ...What if I like challenges?... — He snickered a bit nervously, still having a grip on Sharaku's face. Although he was trying his best to make the situation less awkward on his side, the teenager was somewhat anxious, his heartbeats racing once he realized, in that tiny moment of intimacy, they were very close to each other. — ...okay, this is uncomfortable. We're not even dating and I'm feeling bad I made you cry this time again. Am I really that bitchy...? — Stifling a short laughter, Shunnosuke lowered his gaze to any point that wouldn't be Sharaku's face. He already knew the answer, but still...realizing that could perhaps be a sign that Sharaku wasn't the problem at all...

Subject: Re: High 'n Low [Shun] Sat Jan 03, 2015 12:51 pm

Eh..? Did Shun view this as a challenge..? Sharaku didn't even know what to say to that. That option hadn't even crossed his mind, to be completely honest. ''Do you...?'', he'd ask, trailing off faintly, though his gaze was much more steady by now. He never really broke down for too long, even if it was bad. Besides...on second thought, it wasn't like he could do much about this. As it was, he wasn't getting anywhere. Time to stop fiddling around.

Though, his eyebrows would draw in a semi-confused frown when Shun posed his question. First, what did the fact whether they were dating or not have to do with feeling bad? He didn't really see a connection between the two. Second, what was the definition of bitchy in the first place..? He wasn't even sure what did Shun want to hear. If he straightforwardly said yes, then he would be a bit of a jerk. If he said no..well, would Shun believe he was saying the truth..? It did seem that the younger considered himself so at least on some level. The way the question had been posed suggested so. ''That's..hard to answer. Everyone acts like a jerk once in a while at least. What would define a person as bitchy..? Maybe you are, maybe not. But if I were to call that everyone that goes and makes someone feel down, then most people would be so.'', he'd answer with a light sigh.

''That aside, you needn't feel bad. I think I'll be fine.'', he'd add after a moment. Perhaps he would. There probably was a way out of this. He just needed to see whether it'd work. Time would tell. But meanwhile, he wasn't planning on letting this happen again either way.

Posts : 1664 Join date : 2014-05-22

...
That was definitely not the answer Shunnosuke aimed for. He didn't even want to make Sharaku feel down for something he said, he just expressed his views on their...whatever their relationship could be called. It did, however, say a lot about Sharaku's views on the whole matter and, to Shunnosuke, it was clear that the man saw him as a jerk. "Once in a while", but one, and the "maybe, maybe not" indecisive part was just a way of not stating it clearly. Did Sharaku think the student would bash him for such opinion? He wouldn't; instead, he took pride in his "bitch" status, for real...except when Sharaku sounded like it was indeed a negative trait of his personality, although the teenager didn't recall actually acting like it to him. More judgements...guess some things can't be changed.

— ...Well then, so be it. — Shunnosuke said, finally releasing Sharaku's face and also a small sigh, slightly disappointed. His attention would then be turned to the piano keys in front of him. — I must admit I'm curious about something...why did you decide to learn piano? Actually, how did you know I can play the piano, in first place? — He didn't recall telling Sharaku about his proficiency in such ability. The only one who knew, of his recent contacts, was Hyde so far and the thought of the redhead blabbering about "how awesome Shun is", although real, didn't even cross Kurosawa's mind in that mind. More important than that: — And why did you choose me?...

Subject: Re: High 'n Low [Shun] Sun Jan 04, 2015 3:00 pm

...That quick? Sharaku wasn't really liking how fast Shun gave up on this. On the other hand, he did not want to start an argument by saying something either. He would give the younger a slightly narrowed gaze for a moment, but ended up not pursuing it further for now. Shun didn't give him enough time to think over this with all those questions. ''Well...'' Where to start with this. ''The second is an easy answer. Hyde has a suggestion for everything. At least I think so. I believe I sort of lost his train of thought when he started talking about making a band or whatever.'' Actually, he was kind of wondering how Hyde knew in the first place..? He didn't think Shun would be telling that around. Then again, Hyde poked his nose everywhere. It wouldn't be surprising that the redhead managed to snoop that out somehow. Hyde was always into something, everytime one saw him.

''As to why...I wanted to try finding something interesting enough to pass my time with. Ended up with this, seeing as I did know how to play to a certain extent in the past.'', he would do his best to simplify. The reason in itself was rather complicated, but this could do, unless Shun inquired more. ''Last but not least, Hyde was already nice enough to mention you. I'd think it's easier when you know the person anyway. That said, I don't think I even have a reason to go chasing after someone else..What good would it do?'' In the end, he couldn't really say this started out easy, but it was still better than seeking out someone he didn't know.

Posts : 1664 Join date : 2014-05-22

Hyde. Figures. His classmate had this penchant of butting in every other people's business whenever it's possible and now Sharaku had mentioned him, it was clear the blabbermouth redhead had probably vomited something about "Shun being an awesome piano player". Yes, he was indeed an awesome player and he liked that quality to certain extent...not enough to make a band, of course. As for Sharaku being able to play in the past, it caught Shun off guard. The guy indeed looks like the type who'd prefer piano over other instruments, giving the fact he danced waltz on a nightclub, but...that didn't make the revelation any less surprising.

— Oh, did you? I'd never imagine. But that suits you just fine. — He giggled a bit at the coincidence. He'd never thought he'd have a hobby in common with Sharaku. And if the man decided to chase him for piano lessons rather than going for a complete stranger's guidance, he should be happy, right? Disregarding the drama section moments before, the whole scenery is favorable for him, isn't it?

— Hm, you know, let me play for you once. I'll allow you to have a glimpse on my skills before actually choosing me as your teacher. — Perhaps he'd sound a bit cocky and prideful even when it wasn't his intention. Sitting straight, cracking his knuckles and releasing a deep sigh, he chose the song mentally...and there he was, playing his melody. The way his fingers moved across the piano keys were precise, gracious. It would help that the song he picked for his little demonstration was rather easy in execution.

Strength:

Once the teenager finished playing, he'd look at Sharaku's face in silence, waiting for an approval.

Subject: Re: High 'n Low [Shun] Mon Jan 05, 2015 1:26 pm

Not really surprising. If Sharaku were in someone else's position, he probably wouldn't have imagined either. It wasn't easy to actually imagine himself doing this. He had in the past, yes, but that was back when he was still a kid, pretty much. It's not really the same. Over a decade changes things, does it not..? ''Well, it was long ago after all. You probably hadn't even seen a piano at that time in the past.'', he would comment casually at Shun's sort of surprised response. That said, he wasn't really bothered by the fact anyway. He himself had been much more surprised when he heard that Hyde played something. That one was actually quite the blow. And he still couldn't see Hyde playing a guitar no matter how hard he tried to visualize that.

''Go ahead then.'', he'd say simply when Shun offered to show off his playing first. He doubted he would want to hightail after hearing it, so what did it matter? He didn't have anything against listening either, so be it. Sure, he did take Hyde skeptically often, but he didn't think the redhead would mention someone in regards to this without knowing for sure. Following that, Shun wouldn't have accepted if he wasn't good enough in the first place. All in all, he didn't have a reason to actually seek a demonstration. Still, he didn't mind. If that was how the younger wanted to start off, he would give.

...It did sound nice. Too bad he had no idea what song that even was. Well. ''You're good, yes...though, I wonder. I never seen you as much as mention anything related to this. Do you only play for your personal entertainment..?'', he'd speak after a while of consideration, when he noticed Shun looking at him. It was a bit strange. Usually, people would want to show off when they were good at something. It didn't seem the case here, seeing as only Hyde knew personally. And the redhead most likely found out by some random peek or whatever.

Posts : 1664 Join date : 2014-05-22

— Probably not. — He said, with a light chuckle. If Sharaku had his time with piano when he was a kid, considering the age difference, chances are he was right and Shunnosuke wouldn't even know what a piano would be back then.

The following question...he wasn't really expecting for this. And while he couldn't hide his surprise, he kept his smile. Awkwardly, but it was there. It wasn't the most pleasant subject for a conversation, not after the DR moment they had just before. — Sometimes. Sometimes not. Most of it I do in parties and other special occasions when my family holds the spotlight. — That is, when Shunnosuke wasn't trying to affront and to be subversive enough to annoy his family and make them give up the idea of showing off the heir of the Kurosawa company. — Why, should I go around and say how awesome I am when in front of a piano? Or maybe you're just trying to know me better and unveil my little secrets? Hm? — The teenager would comment teasingly, leaning a bit on Sharaku's direction with a mischievous look on his face.

Subject: Re: High 'n Low [Shun] Mon Jan 05, 2015 4:52 pm

Parties. Sharaku was glad he did not have to deal with such in day to day life. That would be both taxing and subsequently annoying. Honestly, he wouldn't want to have to deal with that. Actually, that was a good point. Telling people would draw attention. Too much of that can be tiring. Perhaps it was the easier way out to not boast around. That in mind, he probably wouldn't himself if he were in a similar situation. It'd be headache inducing. God forbid that. ''I see...'', he would mutter, somewhat thoughtfully. He ended up not saying more to that, as Shun chose to poke at him soon afterwards, distracting him well enough.

He would raise an eyebrow slightly, staring right back at the younger. ''That was a secret..? Good to know.'', he would give Shun an amused smile. ''Either way, would it bother you if I did?'', he'd ask back, keeping an even gaze at the teen. The sudden mind game was random, but he would play along. It was always more entertaining than depressing talk.

Posts : 1664 Join date : 2014-05-22

— Oh, but I wasn't talking about the piano this time... — He muttered, stretching his smile. Of course he'd live it at that, keeping the mystery in his speech, a good way to deviate from the direction the conversation was going: drama. Everything he didn't want was talk about the little everyday drama of his life. Not when he could enjoy Sharaku's presence alone in his living room with no one else to disturb.
— No...it would bother me if you didn't. Care to try? — He stayed still after this, without moving. While he was still pretty close to the man, he'd leaving for his guest the decision upon their next move.

Subject: Re: High 'n Low [Shun] Mon Jan 05, 2015 7:58 pm

Ah, right. Of course not. Sharaku figured that last question was aimed moreso in general...well, at least in a way. Point was that having said it right after the previous exchange sort of made it imply that the piano thing was a part of it as well. Seeing as talking about secrets could be taken from several different angles. Hm, nevermind that anyway. ''I'm aware of that.'', he would point out amusedly, before settling on a thin smile at the next comment. Was Shun trying to dare him? He wondered what did the younger expect. Question was, bite or not?

''Try in what way, hm?'', he'd ask, leaning a bit down so they'd be face to face. Well, if nothing else, he could play this back and forth game. Wherever was Shun trying to go with this. He had plenty of time to spare. For some reason, it seemed that the younger was more interested in this than the piano anyway.

Posts : 1664 Join date : 2014-05-22

The proximity was getting more and more dangerous as Shun kept his flirtatious subtle game on. That's something he missed about dealing with Sharaku. The carefree exchange of teasing remarks. Their last interactions involved nothing but mutual animosity, topics related to their current investigation or...emotionally tiring conversations. This time, however, it was..different. A good different. — In whatever way you have in mind. Surprise me... — Shunnosuke replied back, visibly lowering the tone of his voice at the same time his breath would get heavy and tense. If there was a God he believed in, by now the teenager would only pray for his family to not come suddenly and interrupt everything.

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» Can't run from fate [Shun]
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