Why are you here? (Sentinel)

Somehow, Naomi always managed to find herself back inside the church. Then again, since it was a religious place and not a tourist trap, she could usually find times where it seemed to be abandoned. Usually, that was when people were in class or at work. For her, it was the time to drop by and have no one there to bother her. She took her usual place but refrained from pulling out her tablet. For once, there was someone else here at the same time she was. She would sit and pretend that she was praying, buying her time until the person left. It was a bit longer than she thought it would be, but the person did eventually leave. As soon as they were gone, she would pull out her tablet and check her inbox. She had been getting a steady stream of people asking for her services, as of late. Some of them were repeat clients. Thankfully, it seemed as if most of the jobs were of the legal variety and those that weren’t exactly legal were of the loophole variety. Girl had to make a living somehow, and this was her best bet. She didn’t have many other skills, unless the other world had a job for her. She doubted that. It was a hard, cruel world out there. That didn’t bother her though. She just laughed it off and started responding to the requests she could get done just by e-mailing the person.

The android looked before Notre Dame II, a wonderful cathedral made after the one found in Paris. Human creativity was truly astounding considering what they made with rather primitive tools and mathematics. Granted, even the android had to admit that he was here because of that creativity. He was surprised he found himself here, however he was meeting a babysitter who set up a time to meet Sentinel here, he was quite a bit early, but better that than late. He wanted Maria back in his care as soon as possible! He decided to explore the cathedral while he was here, what harm could it bring to further understand this place? Not to mention it might lead him to an answer.

After all the church was described as a place of love, and was a place where attachment reached its peak...marriage. The doors would open up as the android entered, and surprisingly enough he saw someone he wanted to speak to that person being Naomi! The android approached her, "Greetings, Naomi. I did not expect to find you here." he said allowing her to know of his presence, and the android would stand next to her. "What brings you here Naomi?"

She was just finishing up a reply to one of her clients when she heard a familiar voice coming from the entrance of the church. It was Alphonse. She had to do a double take, since she never thought he’d be the kind to show up to this place. Then again, neither was she. She had to quickly turn off her tablet when he started walking over. She didn’t need him figuring out what she did for a living. She’d give him a playful grin as he sat down, “I never took you as the religious type, Alphonse. Come here often?” She avoided answering his question, since she was a bad liar and she didn’t feel like telling the truth. That could lead to a downhill spiral of questions she didn’t want to answer, “Never mind. I guess you don’t have to be religious to come here.” Goodness knows she wasn’t.

The android noted that she dodged his question, but considering how she had her tablet he figured that she did not hear him. "Eh? No, I'm not, I'm just meeting Maria's babysitter here. I'm extremely early...it seems as though I miscalculated." The android said before looking off in the distance. Though when she mentioned not being religious to come here, he nodded. That was true considering how it was supposed to be a place of strength, protection, and finding one's self. Though he found it odd that he encountered Naomi in such a place, but it was oddly fitting to the question he wanted to ask. Was this the concept of fate that humans mentioned in their texts and articles...that seemed likely given the general definition of the term.

After a few moments, the android looked toward Naomi, "Naomi, I have a question for you." The android said with a tone that sounded a bit unsure. If he wanted to do his best to protect Maria then he had to ask these questions, and given his relationships with his friends were his best support system. Not to mention if he understood his powers correctly, the android was supposed to build stronger relationships. Maybe that was the hint? The answer to his questions could be found from his friends? "What motivates you to protect those who you hold dear? I understand that this is an odd question, but it is something that I have been wondering about since our mission."

When Alphonse said he had a question, she would look at him and smile while tilting her head, “Shoot. I can answer anything. And if I can’t, the internet can.” She would hold up her tablet to make her point. She knew some things, but not everything. She wasn’t a genius, just good with what she did know. Her mood would change suddenly when he asked a personal question. She normally didn’t have issues with answering questions about herself, but this was a question about her motivation. It was a tricky one. She had many things that motivated her, so it was hard to nary down. If it came to those she held dear, however, “Do I need a reason to protect the people who are close to me?” She would answer it with that question, “The people close to me are people I care about, so protecting them is only natural. I couldn’t imagine not protecting them.”

As if to make her point, she would turn her tablet back on and go through the pictures. She’d pull up one of her and her mother both in aprons and chiefs hats, with a tray of what looked like hokey pucks (they were burnt sugar cookies). Both of them were smiling, even though it was clear that whatever they were smelling was making them cringe, “That’s my mom. She raised me all by herself. I would do almost anything to keep her safe.” It was part of why she kept fighting, even though at this point it was getting annoying to keep going after Shadows. If anything happened to her mother, she didn’t know what she would do.

The android smiled at the fact that if she couldn't answer the question the internet could, granted numerous studies had proved that you could not trust everything you read on there, especially if it was political. Though when she answered with a question, the android grew a little puzzled, wouldn't there be a natural reason to protect someone whom you care about? However, when she explained herself the android began to understand, so it was the fact that it was so natural that she couldn't imagine not protecting them. Well...those that are close one has a sense of attachment to, right? Perhaps the discussion with Sharaku that he had was right, the feeling of attachment was brought up. It seemed to be fair enough that he could logically say that this feeling of attachment would lead him to this natural desire to protect others.

Granted, that would require him do something so he could feel that...though now he had some reassurance about his actions. He was brought from his thoughts when Naomi showed him a picture, the android smiled softly. It wasn't an entirely happy smile, but a somewhat sad one. It only lasted for a brief moment before it went back to a neutral one. "It is evident that you two are very close. I wish Maria had gotten to spend more time with her mother." The android said, he didn't really have an idea of whatever happened to her mother. She was gone before he was created, all he knew is that the reason why she disappeared was the reason he was built. Maria's father had a fear of something...in fact...upon further reflection....could it have been shadows? No...that's impossible isn't it? It had to be....and until he figured it all out, the android would not reveal that fact to her. All he knew at this point is that she died in an accident at the lab.

When Alphonse’s mouth turned into a smile, Naomi would turn off her tablet again. She could see the sadness in Alphonse’s face, despite his smile. He mentioned that he wished Maria had gotten to spend more time with her mother, “So she’s not in the picture anymore? That would make sense. You’re her guardian, aren’t you?” That made her realize something else, “So she doesn’t have a father either, I take it. So, that would make you her only family?” That was what came to mind, at least, “No offense, cause you seem to treat her really well and you’re probably great family, but she must miss them.” She couldn’t imagine not having any parents. Still, “Then again, you’re a great big brother to her, so she must be happy. It’s hard to explain…” She could tell Maria was happy when she was around her. She was a strong girl.

As the realizations struck Naomi, and she made the connection the android could only nod. She was right with each one of those, he was the only family she had left. Which may be the reason why he wants to learn about humans and what motivates them to greater strength and how they can overcome things to protect a loved one. "Thank you, and no offense was taken, I understand what you are saying. Though you are correct, both of her parents are out of the picture. I am all she has left. Her mother died before I was created, and her father died afterwards. An accident occurred in his lab, I got Maria out, but the time I got back to him...it was too late." Another lie of course. There was no accident, it was more of a murder where Sentinel carried Maria out and properly disposed of the evidence.

He looked toward the altar, and merely shook his head. "She still feels sad, and I can see it. She hides it well from others, but...no matter what I do it keeps happening. I can't seem to keep her happy all the time, her thoughts drift back to what she has lost. It seems logical that humans would focus on the happier times, but....she seems to drift back to those times." He began to rub the ring on his ring finger gently as if the vow he made would offer him some comfort, but it did not. He looked back toward Naomi, "Am I doing something wrong? Have I made an error in trying to make her happy? I feel as though if trying to make her happy was the right answer then she would not be sad...."

Naomi’s face wouldn’t change as she listened to Alphonse explain what had happened to Maria’s parents. She was usually so good at reading a person’s emotions, but Alphonse wasn’t exactly human. She didn’t know if he expressed himself the same way that humans did. However, she would like to believe he did. He seemed human to her. In fact, if she didn’t know he was a robot, she would never have guessed. Because she believed that he did show his emotions the same way, she would do something that was probably inappropriate given that he looked about her age. She pet his head like one would do for a child that was hurting, “I can’t tell when people are lying, just so you know. But… don’t lie to me. You don’t have to talk about it now if you don’t want to. Just don’t lie about it.” If he expressed emotions the same way a normal human did, she was seeing some kind of… pain, maybe anxiety, perhaps regret in Alphonse’s eyes. It was about the subject of Maria’s parents, but she had no clue as to what it may be. He could have been telling the truth and just should that pain remembering whatever happened.

As he continued speaking, Naomi would curl her legs so they rested against her chest. It would make sense that Maria would miss her parents. They are the ones that raised her, after all. A gentle hum would escape her lips as she thought of how to answer his question, “You haven’t done anything wrong. Trying to make someone happy is actually a noble pursuit, but…” She would stop speaking, as if she didn’t want to utter the next words. She would continue anyway, “You can’t make everything happy all the time. We remember the things that are most important in our lives, regardless of if those times are good or bad. You can’t just make her stop remembering them. It would be the same as changing her, because her past makes up who she is now. Instead of trying to make her forget all the bad, make good memories that give her something to move towards.” Despite the serious words coming out of her mouth, she would give a childish laugh, “I hope that made sense, because I’m pretty sure I stole most of it from fortune cookies. Those things are really smart when you think of it. Oh, here’s another one: We know what happiness is, because we are aware of what sadness is.” She was trying to help, but Alphonse’s question was one she would rather not have discussed. She was always trying to see the good in the world and ignore the bad. To help him with this, she was forced to acknowledge that bad things happen. Even if it was only temporary, it broke her heart a little.

Sentinel’s mind froze as Naomi caught onto his lie, how had she known? Was it possible that he had let it slip out through some discrete way and she had put the pieces together? Then again this was not something he could hide forever, eventually the other would pry to know what happened in his past, and this was just the time that Naomi chose to. The android knew at this point keeping it buried would just sow the seeds of deceit and ruin the trust they had…at this point it would be better to come clean. Though coming clean and accepting what had occurred had further implications, and the android suddenly realized why he has been struggling to accept the past. Accepting the past means accepting the last words of Simon Farren, "One day...you will fail....to protect....her. When...that day comes....you will rue what you have done here." The words that haunted the android’s nights and days.  By accepting the events that had happened, he would have to accept those words. He could bear the responsibility  of taking care of Maria, but if something were to happen to her, and prove her father right….Sentinel was unsure of what to do. His facial expression shifted to pure neutral, a desperate attempt to hide the fact that Naomi had struck a nerve that the android wasn’t ready to reveal. However, that sudden change in facial expression would give Naomi all the information she needed, he had lied, but she did not know about what it was just yet. After Naomi spoke about happiness, there would be a few moments of silence and the android’s head looked down at the ground.


“What about lying to keep someone happy? What about lying to ensure that someone would stay be your side so they could have those good memories? Are those okay?” The android asked looking at his companion, the neutral face shifting into one of sadness and despair. He felt all the limiters on his emotional suppressant break down, and for once the android would allow the pent up emotion to come through. While he most certainly could not cry, everything on his face indicated that he would if he was able to.  He then ran a hand through his hair, and leaned back against the bench, “Why am I asking you that when you don’t even know what happened. You have no context to put it into, and there is no point in me hiding it, it would just sow the seeds of distance. You have caught on to the lie, and I shall come forward with it.” There was a pause, and a look of concern crossed the android’s face, he clutched his chest where his fake beating heart was. Odd, was it beating faster than normal? There was no reason his system regulations should have allowed that to occur…is this anxiety? Fear? Despair? Some of the negative emotions that Sentinel was told about? Did he really want to feel these things? Did he want to feel this despair and sadness?

“Simon Farren did not die in an accident. He was not killed in an accident in his lab. He was shot and killed, by me. I killed Maria’s surviving parent, one who only wanted to keep his little girl safe. I killed the last blood relation Maria had, I killed….Simon Farren. I killed Maria's father.” The android said letting that sink in for a few moments, knowing that it may surprise her, and even shock her. If she tried to leave, then he would grab onto her, “Please…before you render your judgment on me…give me once chance to explain. Simon had been slipping; the loss of his wife was too much for him. He became obsessed over protecting his little girl. I thought nothing of it, I was programmed to keep her safe and found that his actions fell in line alongside my own. However, one night I discovered that he had taken Maria down into his lab…his goal was to eliminate my use by making Maria into something self-sufficient. He wanted his little girl to never be in danger by making her more than a simple human girl. Essentially he wanted to turn her into something like me.  He wanted to make her into a being without emotion, and had but one goal that it used only logic to perform. That one goal is self-preservation. When he explained it to me, I could not help, but consider his idea. It would go along with my goal of protecting Maria, but…every time I reached that conclusion…” The android trailed and from the looks of it…getting choked up, “I saw her smile…and she said my nickname. I just couldn’t let him go through with it, and when he reached for a remote device to disable me…I shot him. I was off my mark and he didn’t go down, he warned me that I would rue the day he died…then I shot and killed him.” The android said after a few seconds of pause…finishing his side of the story at last. He looked up towards the altar, “I…I look back and think about what I’ve done. I could have done so many things differently, I could have seen the signs of danger, I could have checked in on Maria sooner, I could have stayed the entire night with Maria, I could have taken Maria and run away.” He paused being silent, “I could have talked him down instead of shooting him. But…I didn’t….I…” The android looked away from Naomi, for a few moments before looking back toward her. He was done….his red eyes peered toward her looking for something…anything.  Hatred, betrayal, sadness, understanding any sign of emotion or response that he could cling onto for the time being.  For the first time in a long long time...the android felt as though he was at the end of his rope.

Naomi was too shocked to do anything when Alphonse confessed to killing Maria’s father. She couldn’t see this kindhearted person doing that to another human being, let alone the father of who was probably his most important person. Her first instinct was to curse and swear at him for doing something like that. He had killed somebody. He was a murderer. And now, that little girl was in his care? How could he live with himself? She was disgusted. Yet, she couldn’t find the words to describe everything building inside of her. Alphonse was… a monster. That’s what she thought, until he continued. He asked her to hear out his story, and she would at least give him that.

Once she heard the whole of his story, she would look away. She didn’t want him to see the look on her face at the moment. She would just have to speak to him like this, “I can’t say if you did the right thing or not. You did what you had to do to protect Maria, but you still killed her father. However… I think in the end you couldn’t be blamed for it. You were programmed to protect her. Whoever gave you that directive is that one responsible. They gave you the ability to weigh your choices and decide which was the best way to protect Maria. Whoever programmed you, they’re the one that set the first code you lived by. Whatever choice you made, to some extent, was the same one they would have made.” She was trying to tell him that he probably did the right thing, but she wasn’t sure how that would come across, “There is more than one way to protect someone. You can protect their life, you can protect their body, their smile, their happiness, their future, their humanity… Which one did you protect? Would her life even be worth living if she wasn’t really ‘Maria’ anymore? Would she have been the same girl you were made to protect? Whoever gave you the rule ‘protect Maria’, they must have given you an idea of what to protect. They wanted to protect a little girl from harm, and what he was about to do was the same as killing her. Maybe not in a physical way, but he was going to kill who she was.” She would finally face him, showing that her eyes were turning red and puffy from trying to hold back tears, “That’s why, what you did was right. You saved her from the worst thing. How would Maria be now if her own father had hurt her like that?” She really believed that he did the best he could with such an awful situation.

She had to keep holding back so she wouldn’t cry from knowing that a parent could even think of hurting their child like that, “Whatever you’re thinking right now, please don’t let it be bad. The choice you had to make was lose-lose, but you chose the option that saved her. And, any man that would do that to his own child wouldn’t have stopped. He would have shut you down and then destroyed that little girl.” Her words were beginning to sound like ramblings as she tried to say exactly what she meant to, “But… Someday, you will have to tell her. You can’t keep it from her forever. I don’t know when that time will be, but it will come. The longer you lie to her, the harder it will be. The more she loves and trusts you, the more she will be hurt and angry when she finds out you lied to her. That’s what happens. Extreme love warps into extreme hate…” She wanted to say something to cheer him up, but she couldn’t even think right now. This was all she could do.

When she turned away the android believed he had failed to convince her of his story. He lacked the ability to use pathos like that of Kurosawa. Well he expected such a reaction, nothing he could really do about it at this point, it was the truth, and he decided not to keep it from her. However, when she spoke to him he rose an eyebrow, clearly confused as to why she decided to talk to a monster. He found her reasoning fairly solid, she was arguing because of how he was programmed it ultimately not his fault. That some part of his decision was the same decision that his creator would have made. He recalled the day of his creation when Simon first spoke to him about his duty and what it was. Was there still part of Simon that told him to execute him for the sake of protecting Maria? Was that his true intention? No...it was impossible that Simon predicted his own insanity driving him over the edge to consider such a decision. However, wasn't it possible that Simon changed his mind? Wasn't it possible that Simon had access to data, research, and statistics that he did not have access to? There were so many unknowns that Sentinel found it somewhat difficult to believe Naomi fully. However, he did feel something....something he didn't expect to feel from her words.

Comfort.

There was something in Naomi's words that brought him a degree of reassurance that he did the right thing. He glanced down at the ring on his left hand, a reminder of his duty according to Simon, it was Maria's mother's actually. Looking at it made him feel better even in the smallest way, it was meant to be a reminder that he was protecting Maria in her stead....their stead considering the circumstances. He saw her eyes were red and puffy...oh no, what had he done? She was going to cry. Though as she looked at him, she asked him to imagine as something different than what she was today. The android paused as he tried to imagine Maria not being...what he knew today. The image he saw on that day he killed Simon rose the surface of his mind, including all the times he had seen her smile since that day. He couldn't imagine Maria being any other way.

The android maintained eye contact with his friend's puffy eyes, as she spoke about that if he had not done it then Simon would not have stopped. That...that may have been true. He saw Maria's father's eyes that day...they were the eyes of a man who had accepted the path he had chosen as the only way to do it. It was the reason why he felt anger toward Lewis, he saw the same look in that man's eyes too. Though his face shifted into dismay as she mentioned that he WOULD have to tell Maria...he knew that...he knew that all too well. However, there was a fear in his heart about what would happen if he told her that. Could Maria still accept him as her guardian and caretaker, or would she hate him for everything he had done. For taking away the last person who she had a blood relation with. He looked at her, she looked so sad, if she would allow him to do so, he would hug Naomi. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for this to be difficult for you. Go ahead and just cry, it's alright to cry about it." He wanted to tell her to cry for him since he could not, but figured that would be inappropriate at the current moment.

After a few moments had passed, he looked toward the altar, "I know I will have to tell her. I am aware that she will hate me for it, but...I feel fear about what will happen afterwards. What if she won't let me protect her afterwards? What if she runs off and gets hurt or worse? ....Will she forgive me? This is a secret I have guarded for so long because of these fears, her entire image of me would be shattered." The android said, but even he had to admit that what he felt earlier...what humans call comfort was nice. It settled the glitch in his heart more than what his programming could. Glancing back down to the ring on his hand, he got the feeling that it would be alright, however that feeling was quashed as the fears he had surged forward. "I don't think I'm quite ready to tell her, I will tell her before she turns 13. However, she won't be the only one I tell, I have to tell the others about this too. Sharaku, Hyde, and Kurasawa." He said shaking his head a bit, "You all need to learn about this, keeping it from you all at this point will just distance our group. I don't want you telling them, they will have to hear it from me. It is better that way, plus I don't want you to cry about it again. This is my burden, and you should not suffer because of it."

When Alphonse told her to just cry, the tears building up in her eyes would flow over and roll down her cheeks, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be crying. All you did was tell me what happened. I didn’t experience it first hand, so it shouldn’t make me feel this way, but I can’t help it.” The tears continued as she wiped her eyes to try to get rid of the tears, “I’m sorry…” Those were the only words she could muster. She wasn’t just apologizing for breaking down like this. She was also apologizing for the fact that he had to go through a situation like that. No one should have to deal with that kind of thing, especially not someone as kind hearted as Alphonse. She felt awful knowing hwat he went through, but she couldn’t change it.

She would sit there and allow the tears to stop coming before she continued speaking, “I can’t tell you if Maria will forgive you. I don’t know if she will let you continue protecting her. Honestly, she may hate you when you first tell her, but she may forgive you in time. If you don’t tell her and she finds out herself, she will hate you even more and probably never forgive you. So, you have to tell her as soon as possible.” She could already feel the sadness and the anger Maria would experience when she learned the truth. It wasn’t hard to imagine, “Because, if you don’t tell her, that’s the same as saying that you think she can’t handle anything on her own.” She believed that a girl Maria’s age should understand what was happening, “Also, you may have to apologize for taking her father from her, but you don’t have to apologize for saving her. You have to make that very clear.” He was only guilty of one thing, not the other, “You don’t have to now, but soon. Okay? As for the others… Are you really ready to do that?” She could tell she had stumbled upon it by accident and it had caused him pain to tell her. She didn’t want him to experience that over again with the others.

The android tilted his head at her when she explained why she was crying. A soft smile spread across his lips, "Naomi, it's fine there is nothing for you to be sorry about. In fact your ability to empathize with friends and those you consider close to you is a reason why I admire you. Don't feel bad about crying, I appreciate your concern, it means a lot." He was doing his best to comfort her and let her know that it was alright that she was crying. She might not have been there, but the android certainly appreciated it.

Once she had stopped the waterworks she began to speak again, letting him know how to handle Maria. "Yes...I will keep your advice in mind. I will apologize for one, but not the other. I will tell her, I am preparing myself to do so...I know she has to learn it from me, but it is difficult to do so. She can handle herself, but I can't bear to see her cry. I saw it after the incident and I never wanted to see it again. However, like you say, it is something that I must do. I must tell her, it's just hard...perhaps harder than you can imagine. My existence has always been to keep her safe, I...I can't imagine what my existence would be like without her in it. I have the group, but she is such a critical part of it. It frightens me to imagine her all out on her own without me." The android said looking away from a brief moment, before looking back to her.

"As for the others, now that I've told you...perhaps I feel better with sharing it to them. You all are not directly affected by these events nor were you involved. Furthermore, if we're going to be fighting and putting our lives in the hands of one another then it is better that we remove our secrets from the shadow. And you don't have to be there, chances are I will tell the rest individually as I did with you. It allows me a chance to explain myself without concern of interjection. Furthermore, I can get their honest opinion on the matter. Though I can imagine Sharaku's being along the lines of telling me that it is already done and there is little I can do about it now. Not to mention I should get advice from others to see what they think about it all." The android said glancing back down toward the ring...maybe he should pass it down to Maria. It's what Maria's mother would want...right?

Naomi would simply nod when Alphonse told her that her concern meant a lot to him. She wasn’t exactly proud of this moment, but she was glad that he found something good in it. If he hadn’t se probably would have ducked under the seats and hid for her life, “At least I didn’t make a complete fool out of myself. That was embarrassing…” Alphonse would probably never believe it now, but she wasn’t the crying type. They just suddenly all came out when he told her about what happened back then.

A small smile would cross her face when Alphonse mentioned being unable to imagine Maria as a part of his life, “You remind me of my mom. She’s been saying the same thing lately since I’ll be ready to head out into the world in about a year. She’s been so worried that she’ll never see me again, or that I’ll forget all about her. Honestly, I could never do that.” Her eyes would turn down toward her tablet, which had many of her photos on it, “My mom has been with me my entire life. She is the one thing that has always been there and never changed. Even if we fight sometimes or one of us yells, it doesn’t change our entire relationship. I think that’s how most people think about those that raised them and that’s how most parents think.” She meant to say that Alphonse was like a mother worried about her child leaving her behind, uncertain about what was waiting for the two of them in the future. She could tell just how close the two were, and she was sure it wasn’t just from his side.

Her eyes would move back to Alphonse when he spoke about removing all their secrets from the shadows. She found herself agreeing, but she wasn’t in the mood to talk about her own demons after what Alphonse had just said. One heavy, emotion per day was her limit. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him, she just didn’t want to talk about it right now, “You’re right. This is something you have to talk to them about. I can only wish you good luck when you tell them.” A laugh would escape her mouth when he spoke about Shraku’s likely reaction, “I wouldn’t be surprised. He’s very calm in general.” Even when he spoke to her about his past. She really was starting to feel like the only one not owning up to her dark past. Granted, it was nothing like those two, but it was something she would have to share someday. She would follow his gaze to the ring on his finger, “I can’t read your mind, but whatever you’re thinking about… I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” She had said all she could up to this point.