Wired Life (Cecil)

The giggling only prompted him to flush further, and he worked more vigorously at the cables as he started to feel restless. "Y-Yeah, it...it'd be a good idea, yes. Can't, can't always be doing this stuff..." He swallows. "Oh, and, uh...thanks. Yes. Thank you."
Oh god, this felt awkward.

He tries to avoid working at the same spot Nadia is attempting to unravel, focusing on different sections of the colossal mess of wires. His hands jitter and tug with a little less care than he'd shown before, aggressively trying to bring the cables apart.

Cecil seemed to be tensing up a little, some of the jitteriness she normally associated with him rearing it's head. Not that she particularly minded, really. It was cute in a way, and she let him tangle with the cords a bit more as she reached to snatch a sip from her mug. She wondered what it was that was making him tense up. Was it something she was doing? Something she wasn't doing? Or perhaps the reality of their earlier exchange was hitting him now that they weren't lost in passionate fumblings. Whatever the reason was, she was determined to remain casual and calm herself. That would help him be more comfortable in her presence too, wouldn't it?

Nursing her cocoa, she decided not to fumble with the cords again. She didn't know what she was doing, and it seemed to be distracting Cecil from the task as well. Instead, she reached past him to the cord he'd set aside, and looked at either end of it, as though inspecting it's value. "What's this one do?" She asked curiously, blinking.

As she stopped, Cecil shot Nadia a confused look, but quickly went back to sorting out the cables. It helped cope with the nervous energy he felt, but at the same time, it was making it that much harder to work on what he was doing properly. Cables that seemed to be coming free jammed to reveal another he should have worked on first, and there was a mounting frustration as each bit of progress revealed further setback, slowing him down overall.

He finds himself taking a deep breath before turning to answer Nadia, quickly looking over the length of cable in her hands. "Just a USB cable. Few different types, but you usually use them to connect things to a computer, or for charging things. You could connect it up to your phone to transfer stuff between it and a computer if it was the right type."
He goes back to what he was doing, finding a brief reprieve in freeing one of the plugs from the chaos but finding even more annoyance in trying to get the other end loose.
On the tray, the other mug lays forgotten as he fixates on his task.

Nadia marveled at the cord for another moment before setting down and tacking up her mug again to blow and then take a small sip. She'd done her best not to make it so hot that it was scalding. Holding the mug, she watched his face as it contorted into a mask of vexation over the task, before setting down her mug and reaching a hand out to touch his fore arm.

"You don't have to rush or get frustrated, Cecil." She scooted closer to him, hand still on his arm, and kissed him lightly on the cheek, before doing her best to help him with the cords without getting in his way too much, just pulling her and there when she saw an opportunity to unravel a bit.

When the last difficult tangle came free, and the desired cord was freed from it's bindings, Nadia beamed. "So, this is the one we need, then?"

He halts at the touch, and lets out a sigh as he feels a softer one at his cheek. "Sorry. I just...I don't know. It's dumb. I don't know why I'm acting like this."
Letting out another sigh, he goes back to the cables, slowing down and just working through the cables with Nadia's help. Progress goes better, and he smiles wearily at the beaming smile Nadia makes as she holds the cable. "Yeah. That one'll power the TV. Should be another cable to connect the console to it when that's being set up, but...well, no need to do that for now. The power cable for that should be in the box, and as long as it has enough power you can just use it as a handheld without connecting to the TV."

Rubbing at his head, he grabs his hot chocolate and takes a sip, the warmth and flavour spreading across his tongue. The taste of marshmallows mixes with the chocolate, blending together to make a taste that would soothe any soul.
His lips curl up a little more as he just enjoys the drink.

"Are you tense? is there something else you'd rather be doing?" She asked hesitantly as he said he wasn't sure why he was acting that way. She was worried, but she had to trust that he was here because he wanted to be. Anything less was unfair to him, and would just needlessly drive down her mood. She took the cord as he explained, and went to plug it in near the TV, and then fished around on the back of the TV until she found a hole matching the shape of the cord.

Her fears were put to rest at his smile when she came back around to see him smiling at the hot cocoa. "I mix it myself, you know. If you want some, I can send some of the mix home with you." She chimed, smiling fondly, victoriously even.

She came closer to him, then overcome with a sudden urge, and as he set his mug down after one of his drinks, knelt down in front of him and moved in slowly to push her lips against his. Despite her attempts to focus on other things, right now she just wanted to chase that feeling from before. That closeness that felt like they were almost feeling and breathing as one.

"Yes. No. I mean the cables are annoying, but I do want to be here...that's what you mean, right? I..." He rubs at his forehead, trying to think about things. He was fine before, so why...
Ugh. He was a fucking idiot. Of course that's when it started.

As he turns his attention back to Nadia to try and elaborate, he feels lips on his before he has a chance to speak up. A little more of the nagging thought trickles away, and again the look she gave him earlier rises up in his mind.
He breaks away, slightly flush.
"Um, Nadia..." He seems nervous, again unable to meet her eye. "I, uh...how do you, um...look at me like you do? Like you did, ah, before. Earlier. Before I started being stupid." He coughs a couple of times, and clears his throat. "You...looked like you were seeing something really, truly, amazing. And...that was - that was me! I-" He groans. "What are you seeing? How can I see that, too? I don't get it, don't understand - but I need to understand it. Find what it is I can't see."

Nadia liked kissing. It sent fire through her veins and made her feel like she was a part of something. She was expecting it to last longer, but when Cecil pulled away and said her name, she opened her eyes, looking dazed. It took her a moment to realize he was talking, and she did her best to pay attention, blinking. As he spoke, that look he was talking about crossed her face again, like she was seeing everything beautiful in the world all at once.

"Cecil..." She reached up with a hand to cup his cheek, feathering her thumb lightly over his cheek bone. "My life isn't big or loud, it doesn't touch very many people. In my eyes, you are the most important person in the world. It's not a large list but...to me it's everything." She blushed and dropped her hand, letting it fall to wherever his was. the feeling of his fingers in hers was like an electrical connection, powering her feelings to keep them going. "I love everything about you, the way your brow casts a shadow over your eyes when you brood, but there is still a brightness in your eyes anyway. I love how hard you try to make everyone safe and cared for...and make yourself better, even if sometimes you can't do it all at once...I love how you smile when you see me." she giggled a little nervously. "It makes me feel like I belong somewhere...Cecil if you want to understand what I see when I look at you...I see a life for me that doesn't end in violence and pain. I see...everything that matters."

Still blushing, but determined to chase her high-handed words with a casual tone, Nadia picked up her drink off the coffee table and took a drink. "D-Does that help?" She asked, looking a little like she was hiding behind the mug.

This time when that look came over her, he didn't look away. He wasn't able to now, taking a shallow breath as Nadia's thumb run over his cheek.
All he could really do was listen as he looked on, listing little features in his expression that he couldn't fathom how she saw special and things he...wanted to say were nothing special, but that if he was being honest, he'd have probably admired if he saw it in anyone else.
It felt like trying to compensate, trying to cover for all he felt wrong with himself. But those things were something. Weren't they?

But what he represented to her...that was something else. Something far beyond him.
Perhaps that one was meant to be, though. He didn't have her past, he wasn't shaped as she was. Moreover - he didn't have the feelings she held for him.
But at the least, it was something he could try to acknowledge. To maybe finally feel happy about the way most people would, once he'd chased away the concerns he had for her that she was invested this way.

He let out a little laugh as Nadia shrank back, hiding away behind her drink with a blush. It was...kind of adorable, if he was being honest. "I think it does. Just a bit." He smiles wryly. "Don't get it completely, but...I'm at least finding a couple points I can acknowledge so far, even if it's hard to feel like they're something that are praiseworthy in me."
He takes in the sight once more, his expression softening as he let out another small chuckle, before taking another sip of hot chocolate. As he drank, he started to steal little glances, wanting to a see a little more of this rare shyness from her.

Nadia couldn't figure out where to put her eyes. When she met his, and he glanced back up at her, the fluttering feeling in her chest became unbearable and she had to look away. In the end she settled on the drink in her hand, bit her lip a little as she digested his words.

When she looked up again, some of the redness had faded, leaving a more confident fondness in it's place. "I don't think you're supposed to get it entirely. I mean I...I certainly don't understand why each of you - Tomomi and Kendra included - want me to stay around so badly. I really, really appreciate it, but it was a surprise to me that you would feel so fondly. And...I'm doing my best to live up to that regard by being the best me I can be. We can't ever really see what other people see in us...but we can honor those feelings in certain ways...I guess." She moved closer to him, scooting along the carpet, and settled beside him. She pulled her legs out from under her, hugging her knees to her. Resting her cup on her knees, and balancing it with a hand, she let her head fall so it was resting against his shoulder...and stayed that way for a little bit.

"You know...Cecil." She started after a moment, and her voice was soft. Her eyes half-lidded in comfort. "Most of the time I don't care if I live or die. Death could come at any moment, and it'd be okay. But when I'm with you...I really do want to live."

After a moment, Cecil nods at the words, planting a light kiss atop Nadia's head. "It's strange to me, too. I mean, I...I love it, but...I wouldn't have ever expected to end up so close to anyone either. I mean, I don't know Kendra that well, but...you and Tomomi? I have a best friend, and, ah, ay, um, a, aaa..." He coughs flushing. "A girlfriend."

When Nadia speaks up again, Cecil sighs softly, a conflicted expression on his face. "It wouldn't be ok, Nadia...it wouldn't be ok." He goes for another drink of hot chocolate, to find the mug empty. Making a minute shake of his head, he puts it down and slips an arm around Nadia. "I want you want it all the time. Feel all the time like you do with me."

Nadia was filled almost to bursting with giddy emotion when Cecil called her his girlfriend to her face. It didn't happen much, and sometimes she felt like he wasn't sure he wanted it. It was more likely that he didn't think himself worthy of it. But for him to accept it - accept her - filled her heart with happiness.

His next concern though, brought a note of pain to that pleasant feeling. It was a cathartic feeling, knowing that the deepest truth of her soul was something that made Cecil so sad. To her death had no emotion tied to it. It was just a thing that was coming eventually. Did she want to squeeze every moment out of the time she had? of course. But she had no special love for her own existence. And yet... "Then stay by me, always." She replied. The words came easily, like water. She really meant them, she realized, not ironically. Still, she knew he couldn't always be there, so she smiled, letting him know it was only a joke. "I try, Cecil. I do. But it's not easy. When I'm alone sometimes I feel like the darkness will swallow me up and leave nothing left. You said before that I should find professional help. I've been looking into it, actually. Just a little..." She trailed off. She did want to change, she always had. Ever since she had left home she wanted to be a new person. But more than anything, she didn't want to be the cause of that pained expression on his face anymore. She wanted to only bring him happiness. At what point had happiness become more important to her than sadness when it came to Cecil? She honestly couldn't tell. Everything since they had met had happened so fast. She hadn't changed much, but she felt like she understood herself more thanks to him.

Somehow, he felt he understood that. Not the bleakness and emptiness that seemed to pervade Nadia's mind, but the difficulty she found in trying to escape it. His issues weren't the same as hers, but they were both trying to get away from a grasp that seemed ironclad.
He shifts around to take Nadia in his arms and wrap her up in his embrace, pulling her into him so that he wrapped around her with a sombre expression. "That's good, you know. You're looking at it. Thinking about it. Considering it. It's not something that many people would be willing to do, for a lot of reasons. Even if they technically could."

Nadia made a small contented noise as she was taken into his arms, and just stayed there still, settling against him as if she were wrapped in the warmest of blankets. Her head against his chest, eyes closed, she sighed. "It's scary, but not as scary as the thought that I might make you sad like that forever. I want to be better for you, and everyone else. So...I'll try..."

She wanted to stay like this forever, feeling this warm and wanted. She knew she couldn't and she would absorb every molecule of his warmth into her while she could grasp it. Just like this, she'd stay for as long as possible, listening to the sound of his breathing. With a soft voice, as her hand came up to rest against his chest, she said. "I love you, Cecil."

He gives her a small squeeze, almost a confirmation to himself that she was there. A reassurance to himself. It was silly, she was right next to him before, he could see her and hear her as he spent this time with her...but she still nearly wasn't. Because of him. And that was terrifying like few things could ever be.
So, yes. It should be enough to see her well. But with her in her arms, snuggling into his chest...it was only this point that truly reassured him, where he could feel her frail form in his arms and the warmth it exuded.
So close. He'd been so close to driving away another he cherished.
But she was still here. She was still here...

He sniffled a little, holding her just that bit closer. He - he was scared, to leave. To go. To leave her to that pit that nearly swallowed her before, that encroached at the fringes of her mind whenever she was alone in this house.
His mouth closed and opened silently as Nadia spoke again. Words choked in his throat, things he wanted to say but couldn't manage to get out. They had a form, and a shape, but he couldn't give them the life and essence they needed to manifest in the world.
So, he frowns and kisses her forehead, giving up on the words for now. "I still can't believe this is real..."