Crusandwich[Maria]

"I really can't say that I disagree. I'm willing to do as much work as I can. But sometimes, even I have my limits. I'll have to talk to him later about my workload." She morosely sighed in agreement with him. Maria could handle training and attending school well enough, but these administrative duties to help the Cadets were rather draining. It made her wonder if Alex did any of this... Yeah, right. Even if he was a veteran Cadet before her, he was still a child who was busy all day playing his games like any of his age. Maybe it it really was time to talk it over with the Prince about this...

"That's... good. I was worried. Demon Weapons tend to have side effects on the body for some, from what I heard... I'm glad nothing happened for you. " Even despite all of her misgivings of the Prince, Maria gave a soft sigh of relief on the news of his current state. Nothing happened to him, this was great news. No one had to truly suffer after she was forced into that project and it wasn't fruitless either. Perhaps there was a silver lining to everything despite all of the horrible things that came to pass so far. She listlessly stared at the citizens walking past the restaurant through the window, as if pondering something. Maria hesitated, not wanting to ruin this wonderful luncheon. Perhaps it was better to save it for another time...

"You should. And besides, if you need a helping hand you can just ask me. I'd hate to see you overworked or being unable to train." A warrior needs time to train and maintain their form. If Maria was too busy with extra responsibilities she'd have to neglect on it, and the possible mental stress it could cause her as well. He hoped the prince wouldn't be blind to all the work he was putting on Maria and would listen. Sometimes he had his doubts if the Royal family was as benevolent as they presented themselves...

"I suppose i got lucky with Lamina Sanctus. Its not only useful but it also keeps me company sometimes." Perhaps it was due to it being an Angel, or maybe they had some compatibility which made their bond stable and without side effects, though it was more likely that the method to make Forgotten simply improved. He wondered if Maria suffered from said side effects, though he figured it was something personal to her. The thought made him worried for her health. His attention would be diverted from those thoughts by her next question however.

"No, not yet. Are there that many?"

It was heartening to have someone willing to help them, even if they might not be too suited for it. It was the intention that she appreciated. Not everyone had the golden key to solve problems or else the issues would no longer be a thing. It was almost suffocating at this rate, and perhaps it was time for her to talk to him about it. After all, he was a benevolent and competent leader, wasn't he?

She nodded in apparently relief on her face. That was one thing less the Cadet had to worry about. It was a great boon for the time being. To her knowledge, his operations and partnering was built on the foundations of her own partnership of her own Demon Weapon. But the main difference was, it was a safer, efficient, and better improvement than the last. Maybe there was an inkling that she was jealous for it. But, on the grand scheme of things, it couldn't be helped. Sometimes someone had to take one for the team...

"Don't mention it. I'm just watching out for a friend." The nun seemed pleased, Albrecht would remember this for the next time they sit down to talk though. Should the prince refuse to ease up her workload the Knight would be quite displeased, definitely would call him out on it. But again, he doubted such actions would ever be necessary. "I have realized we haven't trained together yet, we should do it sometime."

Albrecht would continue to listen to Maria, until now he had been ignorant to the influx of people joining the Cadet forces. Normally he wouldn't care much beyond the professional space but it seems that yet again it just pilled up more duties for the nun.

"I suppose i'll have to watch over some of them, during missions and patrols." His left hand scratched his head while he spoke. He didn't want to bother with the recruits, he just wanted to slay demons. But it seems like he'd have to. It hit Albrecht that they were talking about their jobs again, it seems like another change of subject was necessary. "I think this is the first time i see you wearing something that's not your nun habit or your cadet uniform. I must say it suits you."

"Mmn, I've noticed it too. I could use a real good workout. So maybe I can try to reserve the training room in the basement for us two." Maria supplied with a thoughtful look. She was well aware that while training alone meant a lack of distractions, sometimes two is better than one. You needed someone to help spot for you or even measure your own prowess against another as necessary. It's been for way too long the Cadet trained alone and it would be nice to have someone by her to get stronger together. While she was relishing the fact that Albrecht was beginning to grab the reins of responsibility, the next thing he said caused her to redden.


Just like that, her composure split apart in one stroke. It was amazing what Albrecht could do with his rugged charm. But maybe it was because Maria wasn't too experienced with the opposite sex in such an intimate manner. She loudly cleared her throat to regain her poise and to keep her blush at bay. It looked as if she had a thought cross her mind... and hesitated to bring it up as her fingertips traced across the wooden surface of the table and across the plastic menus.

Maria had become bashful over his compliment. He figured the nun is not used to receiving them when regarding her looks... that and her attraction to him, although he didn't realize there might be more to it. Some girls perceived him as good looking and he was aware of it, he even had a couple of admirers at school much to his annoyance. Why they did was beyond his knowledge though.

"You think so? All i did was forget my coat." He really hadn't done anything different about his appearance, he never does. All he did was try to keep a clean and kept appearance, nothing else. Not long ago he'd be shy about compliments as well, but after having to deal with Patty that changed. Despite his attempt of lightening up the mood Maria asked another personal question. But it was Maria, she was like him so he would not fear to speak about it.

"After the divide i was alone. I was on my own for... a while. Then while on a patrol one of the knights found me. He figured i had potential to be a good fighter for having survived alone. That's what they tell me at least, i'm unable to recall much from the time before my training." There was also the possibility of him having committed murder at some point. That part they didn't tell him, he overheard his superiors discussing it at some point. "They instructed me for a couple months before introducing me to a squad were the veterans would be responsible for my training." He had companionship but their training was extremely practical, its how he got most of his scars.

"I still miss the burgers they served. They rewarded those who performed the best with special meals. I hope this place is just as good." Albrecht was set on getting Maria to relax somehow.

"C-coat or not, you still look great, Brother. Don't sell yourself short, ha ha..." She nervously and awkwardly tried to disengage from the topic. Oh dear, getting flustered from all of that. Really, it was growing apparent to Maria she had a long way to go when it came to socialization. Though, it wasn't all bad. Just as Jorge once told her, it was only a matter of time, patience, and trying over and over again. Bless his crusty and alcoholic heart. Sometimes that old man knew what he was talking about. But other times, she wished he'd stray away from the bottle to actually appear as sagacious as he really was.


"...Yes, I'm sure they'll meet your standards, Brother." She nodded with a strained smile. In a lot of ways, Maria wished she didn't broach on the topic. Certainly not because she hated his past. But, that she felt she was forcing something on Albrecht, was something the Executor really disliked doing. They were friends and comrades, sure. But she was feeling remarkably self-conscious about the matter. She took a small sigh before continuing. "I lost my family to demons and was torn to shreds by them during the Divide. I'm sure you've already heard similar stories as this too. The Church took me in as part of their... painful Forgotten program because I dying. It was the only way to save me back then and an opportunity to forward research. Ever since then, I've trained under Father Jorge and others to join the Cadets to help forward the Vatican's agenda."

The more he learns about Maria, the more clear it becomes they are alike, cut of the same cloth. They both had lost their families during the divide and were taken by the catholic church to become living weapons... though with Maria it seems like she was on the verge of death before the experiments. Albrecht himself got turned into a Forgotten for his battle prowess and berserk-like rage. She was likely one of the early ones, to put resources into a dying subject.

"Hate. I feel it everyday, when i wake up and i go to bed. Every day their kind is out there unpunished, it angers me deeply. I just want all of them dead, and i'll succeed or die trying." Some have asked what if they feel pain? What if they feel fear? What if they can feel compassion? For Albrecht, it would only make it better. The pain their kind inflicted would be returned ten fold. All he ever wanted was to fight, kill and then die either through combat or suicide once his mission was complete... Though ever since he came to Endymion things became confusing. When he though about the clowns and how most people were infected he felt like humanity should be purged as well, when he thought about Maria and Patty he didn't want this life of bloodshed anymore. "I honestly have given up on having a normal life. I'm not like the regular person...or the other cadets, they all have normal lives, families and sometimes even another job. Killing is all i know, and in the end all i'll have is my blade. It is why i didn't want to let Patricia get close to me." He wondered if it was the same with Brit for the Nun. "When i go to school or when i go out with her, it feels nice. But i'm denying my true nature, i shouldn't enjoy them."

She closed her eyes and pondered. Maria could feel the raw hatred from the Knight as he relayed each answer. In the end, he was the same too. They were so damaged that the only way to become whole was to lash back. To lash back was to regain any semblance of strength to move on to the next day... but was that all? Was that really what they needed? Were they simply denying their true nature by trying to reconnect with people again? It seemed awfully nice... to have friends and to stray away that bloody path. "I don't know... I don't know if we are denying it. I don't know if that's also a side of us that we crave because we lack something important in us. But..."

The young nun didn't speak of her own reasons. Yet he felt like he knew she was on the same path of vengeance of him, there seemed to be a form of unspoken understanding or maybe it was her thoughtful expression paired up with the short answer. The nun spoke again, this time with a sorrowful expression while speaking of her fears of loss.

"I... don't to lose you or her either." The knight added. He cast his sight down at his own hands laying on the table, his tools of violence and anger. "But all i know is fighting and hate. I'm not normal and pretending to be feels foolish..." By trying to pretend he was normal he had to hide his desire to fight, but when he did that there was nothing to him. Just a boring shell that had trouble fitting in, its why he felt like his true self was denied."...And selfish, i fear i could hurt others."

This whole situation just made him feel more justified in his opinions. He invited Maria out but quickly the hatred was revealed. He should really isolate himself from Patty after all.

Maria felt a flush past her cheeks with the words Albrecht uttered. The fact that someone else cared about her felt heart-warming. But, it also made this entire conversation even more visceral. Could they even be said to be normal any more? In the end, would they hurt the ones they actually cherished as they continued this path? These were questions that were difficult to approach, but ones they needed to make the first step on.

"I thought about it too many times. I felt... a lot of guilt. Before, I kept throwing myself into battle, thinking it was the best decision I could ever do out of my situation. So I can feel whole again from what I lost... But now, I'm not sure... And, it scares me." She slowly spoke each word deliberately as she admitted to her battle brother. It was painful to open up. She knew they shared similar pain. They shared similar struggles. But the true question here now was, can they make similar triumphs?

His fists clenched upon hearing her question. He had the urge to say "When i die", after all it had been a part of him for so long. When he woke up to when he went to bed, he could feel the rage and the desire to keep fighting. But again, ever since coming to Endymion that changed.

"I don't know. Sometimes it feels like it will never end, but then there are times like it was never even there." The Knight's head shook. It was all too confusing, these new feelings he learned in this city, even if he was an outsider who couldn't fit in and even if this was a place he'd never call home he found new companionship, they were calming presences in his life. "Its disorienting to say the least. I don't think i want it to go away, it has given me strength and motivation so many times... Perhaps to temper and master it should be the way. Just seems impossible at times."

She finally heaved a sigh, as if feeling a kind of release from his answer. It only served to reinforce her fears. Paradoxically, it felt odd to have that assurance that you were right. Maria gravely conducted her gaze towards the Knight while hugging herself by her arms and across her chest. It took her months and even years of mulling over. A question, or rather a series of questions, that she couldn't dare bring herself to ask anyone within the Church or even the Cadets. Until now. "It does seem impossible, doesn't it? It's so easy to fall into it. The carnage. The violence. The hatred... It burns... And it's scary... but it's wonderful. Is this what it means to be human? Can we even call ourselves that anymore?"

"I guess i forgot how to be human and can only pretend, weapon or maybe even demon is more appropriate. Sometimes even when i'm with Patricia, i get lost. She tries to help but i don't think she understands what is truly happening. When i tried to keep my distance she only got hurt..." Albrecht was reminded of all the times he just spaced out and dipped into his hate. And then he was reminded of the time they fought T. "If i was in charge when fighting T things would probably have turned into mindless slaughter. I never had felt such hatred for a human." His fists clenched.

"...I should go back after eating, i don't belong here." There or anywhere, endymion was not his home and civillian life was not for him. Caged, training or killing... That's how it was meant to be for him.

There was only silence. Every word he enunciated was a truth that held over her as well. They had something to cherish, but to put them away for their safety risked losing them as well. It made her wonder if Brittany could ever understand--no, she wouldn't. The cheerleader knew of the reality that assailed them together. She knew why Maria had to continue fighting. To push her away even after all of this was just asinine. But, in the end, is that what she would have to do...?

"I've never met a Psyche-Terrorist as vile as he. No one so dangerous either... It proves that we must earnestly gain more strength and cunning," Maria agreed grimly. She looked back in distaste at what he was and what he represented. Psyche-Terrorists like him and the entirety of the Infinite Jest, they stood for everything the Cadets sought to prevent. It made her blood run cold should it come to pass. Even despite it all, with the burden tethered to her, there was no other way to deal with this situation. There was no negotiation, only opposition.