Wallowing Waters [Kansuke/Cecil]

"They do what you should be doing." Kansuke grumbled. Rare was the time that he felt any measure of authority on a subject that didn't involve property damage, but he felt it now, and it crept into a small grin. "They stop caring. They blow things off 'cuz they're done. They can't control shit out of their reach. You can't either, so why should you care?"

Well, this was familiar...and this time he wasn't in shitty mood to throw it back like that, so he had to actually think about it. And as he did, he let out a laugh filled with dark humour as he thought about it all. "If I stopped caring because it was out of my reach, then I would have very little to care about now and forever." His lips twisted into a bitter little smile as how little he could do. "But just because it's out of reach now doesn't mean it'll be forever. If I care, if I try...then, I might be able to reach these things...or reach to someone else who could change it. Better than not caring, giving up on it, and trying altogether."

"You got plenty of stuff in your reach." Kansuke grunted, adjusting in his seat to lean forward. He washed his back, rubbing at the nape of his neck. "If y'spend all your time stuck on what's out of your reach now, you can't help the stuff you can help now. You end up... well, y'know. Like you."

He splashed the water, disturbing his reflection. "The hell do I know about this, anyway. Yapping on to a stranger..."

Cecil didn't comment on that one...frankly, it was almost amusing. Maybe if he were someone else, that'd be an accurate comment to make - hell, if it was just about anyone else, that might be accurate - but he wasn't anyone else. He was him. And he sucked.
Still...he had a point.

Cecil shrugged, looking away. "I don't know...I'm not you."

"Clearly!" He barked a laugh. "I don't get how you're so wound up. You do what you can, and that's that. Right? What good is whingeing about what you can't do?"

Another splash, slightly more annoyed. "All we can do is what's within our reach. Just because somethin' might be in our reach one day doesn't mean we have to make it our problem. One step at a time - that's how you get shit done."

"I...I guess." Cecil's eyes drift, vision unfocused as he stops focusing on what his sight tell him. "You just...start thinking about these things, and don't stop. You think about certain things, and it goes on longer and longer, harder and harder to change how you're thinking the longer it ends up going." He shrugs. "You can't easily change your brain. Not just a snap of the fingers. Sure, sudden changes can happen...but almost never are they good."

"You're thinking way too hard." Kansuke grunted, giving up. He doused his hair one last time and pushed off from his seat, grabbing a towel and wrapping it about his waist. "Stew in here until you're sick - with a mind like yours, it ain't gonna help much. Just let it go and get on with your damn life."

What was this frustration coiling up his spine, curling his fist into a white-knuckled ball? Kansuke strangled the urge to punch something, if only to spare his knuckles from breaking. "Or don't. Up to you. The hell do I know, right?"

Cecil just sighs. "More than I do, I'd guess."
He let himself sink into the water again, holding his breath as he submerged and let the warmth suffuse him while his hair floated out.
...what would be different, he wondered, if he didn't come back up? Hung around til his breath gave out. Would he make it out of this? Would it matter if he did? If trying to get his head sorted out wouldn't affect things, would that?
...not for him, no. Things probably wouldn't be too different either way...or, well, it'd be different in a way that wouldn't matter to him. But it would be utterly cruel to those who were attached to him - those few of them, anyway. It would be an utterly selfish thing...piling on fears and worries one way and loss the other, widening wounds and ripping things away.
It was selfish, alright. And it was something he wasn't willing to do.
...it was concerning he even entertained the thought. Let alone that it felt so normal, like any of the other stray threads his mind brought to surface.

...Cecil brings his head up out of the water before he starts to analyse the subject again.

...Only to find Kansuke gone. Departed in a haze of frustration. He changed quickly and paid for his visit, disappearing into the city with nary another word.

Cecil's stubbornness infuriated him, much as his own stubbornness surely infuriated others. How hard could it be to relax? To let go? He'd spent many a night achieving exactly that.

He couldn't understand it, but something in Cecil's fixation - for it was too harmful to call resolve - grated at the seat of him. Gods willing, he'd force that kid to relax, even if he had to beat him into it.

[EXIT]

...they'd gone. He'd vanished into the air as he took himself beneath the water, leaving no traces to indicate their prior presence here or where they were now.
Somehow, the fact they'd disappeared without a word didn't surprise him.
For a while longer Cecil would remain in the springs, but as the seconds ticked by an ominous, foreboding being rose to the surface of his mind, and Cecil found it more and more unnerving to remain within them.

...it didn't take long from there to make his way out.
He...just couldn't feel comfortable in there, right now.