Just Fuggen Kill Me Now [Grubby's Work Thread]

Beep...beep................. beep...

Aright, so I done fugged up again. Knew it was gonna come down to this one'a these days. Desperate times call fer desperate measures an' brother, I'm as desperate as they come.

Beep.................beep...

Gonna need funds if we's gonna hunt this skin-takin' sumbitch down an' make'im try out his own medicine there, but that means work an' my shop ain't doin' so hot right now. Gotta find other ways to make ends meet, an' ain't nobody lookin' fer no handy workers at the moment. I'm fresh outta time an' outta luck, son. Gonna have to bite the hilt an' rip this arrow out. Just gotta remind myself this fer the good a everyone involved, monsters gotta die an' I need money to pull that off. Ain't nothin' to be ashamed a. 'Cept fer all of it. Jimminy fuggen Christmas the hell'd I get myself into?

Beep......beep..................beep...

So there I am behind the register, ain't got my hood on, bald ass head gleamin' from them shinin' magic lamps what they put inside. Got me an apron on, ugly piece'a shit. An' I'm runnin' 'lil doodads an' knickknacks o'er this shinin' red cross sign at the end a the counter belt. Toha Heavy Industries jagoff, got me workin' fer the enemy. Biggest ball bag sack a circumstances I ever been in. I'd rather shovel cow shit than be where I is, but they's the only place hirin' an' I'll swallow my pride fer work. Ain't nothin' to be ashamed a fer earnin' some bread an' puttin' food on the table. Now workin' fer the Man's somethin' ya should try to avoid but it's the only hope I got.

This'd be a pain in my ass since I can't damn read but they made it easy fer me. Just slide them black lines over the red glowin' cross an' the screen'll come up with what they got. If it don't match up ya press this button over this a way an' ya call fer Steven to go getcha the real price. Then ya touch that there happy face what comes up an' ya thank'em fer shoppin' Toha. An' at the end a the day ya take off the apron, go home, get three sheets to the fuggen wind an' maybe kill yerself cuz yer already dead inside. I tells ya I been doin' this fer four hours now outta six an' I'm ready to swan dive off the fuggen Top Ward. Have a nice day sir, thank ya fer shoppin' Toha. Kiss the greenest part a my ass ya gatdamn weirdo, I ain't know what kinda sick fuck buys rat poison, dog food, an' a shovel an' a burlap sack together but I sure as shit ain't hope he's havin' a good fuggen day. I tell ya I feel for the poor bastards what gotta do this day in an' day out, woulda tripped an' fell on my dagger throat first if I had to do this every single damn day.

Get a customer walks up to me, more like floats up to me. Like a human but fatter'n fuggen sin. Looks like a thumb if fuggen thumbs could let themselves go, ain't got no legs, skinny arms on some sorta... Tenser's Floatin' Barker Lounger, I don't fuggen know. But he come up to the register, an' what's he fuggen got? He got cake, pie, fried fuggen chicken, a big ol' tub a mayonnaise, about six damn containers a smoked sausage, puddin', an' at the end of it all, get this, an apple. I can't help but smile'n shake my head. I get to slidin' that fatass's food cross the glowin' X there.
"Might not wanna be keepin' the doctor away there, looks like ya could go at any minute," I says. Now Belly Rolls over there makes a sound what I'm assumin' means he ain't preciatin' what ah said. Sounded like a fuggen beached whale if'n it contributed nothin' to fuggen society.
"How p-b-b-b-bositvely rude!" His fuggen jowels shake as he tries to shake his fist. Hot dayum, the wobblin' a that arm fat could stir the fuggen seas I tells ya.
"If'n I wanted to be rude I woulda told ya we sell rope in aisle 3 if'n yer tryin'a kill yerself. That'll be 51.47, pal."
"W-B-B-B-B-Buuuuut was th-b-b-b-baaaaat...!?"
"Yeah, yer right there. Ya need a neck to hang yerself first, even if ya could don't think we sell anythin' that'd hold. Said that'd be 51.47."

Now his chins started fuggen sloshin' 'round his damn torso connector, ain't callin' it a neck an' he's bobbin' up an' down tryin'a make a ruckus. Now this ain't make my day good but it makes it a whole damn lot better watchin' a cow try to tip itself over. Ain't never seen that in all my years.
"How d-b-b-b-b-bare you! D-B-B-Bo have an id-b-b-bea who I am!?"
"'Course I do, yer that fat greaseball motherfucker what's payin' 51.47 or rollin' his ass outta this here store on an empty stomach. Gotta be a first for ya."
"Wh-a-a-a...! Y-y-yoooouuuu...!"
"Figured ya'd choke on a chicken bone 'fore ya did yer words, move it're lose it pal. Good life advice, too." Now this asshole knows better, ain't anywhere else he's gonna get this shit. He pays me an' moves on. Then I get to see the boss man hoverin' over my shoulder, he's human too. All these damn longshanks I tell ya. An' he ain't lookin' too happy.

"Grubby you're fired," he says all of the sudden like that. I clap my hands loud an' shake my fists to the sky.
"Fuggen FINALLY! Been waitin' fer that all damn day, swear to fuggen Azmodeus."
"I don't think you're a good fit for the Toha Brand, we wish you good luck in all your future employment opportunities."
"Blah blah blah save yer damn speech," I says as I take off my apron an' throw my hood back on. I toss it at'im. He ain't even react, just lets it rest on his shoulder there.


Boss man sighs.
"Grubby I'd pay you that much to get you to leave right now." I stand there fer a sec, eyein' the bastard.
".....double're nothin'."
"Get OUT, Grubby!"
"Yeah yeah I'm fuggen goin'," I says, waltzin' out an' throwin' my middle fingers up, "Hope ya have a Toha Heavy object whack ya in the damn nose, I'm outta this joint motherfuckers!"

........retail. Worse than any lich I fuggen swear.

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