Alchemy Fer Idjits [Grubby's Work Thread]

Now I know what yer thinkin' there. Grubby, what's all this money fer anyhow? An' normally I'll tell ya yer momma ain't as cheap as she looks but I'd be lyin' through my teeth if I did, so I'll tell ya the real reason. Money's worth somethin' an' worth somethin' to everyone. Now thing about money is it represents work ya done an' how much it's worth. Ya got more valuable stuff folks'll pay a higher price fer it. Yer work's hard to learn're hard to do an' ya get to charge more. Now money ain't everythin', yer talkin' to a goblin here. We learn to get by on scraps an' trash an' I can damn sure get more done with a rusty pocketknife than some greenhorn with a dungeoneerin' backpack an' some magic knick-knacks but fer everythin' else ya gotta have money, that's the way the world works. Wanna sleep somewhere's? Well ya can sleep on the ground out in the cold're ya can pony up some gold an' stay in a safe tavern. Wanna have a refreshin' drink at the end'a the day? Well if ya can't grow yer own hops an' let's be straight her only a couple'a jagoffs got the time an' the land fer that yer either stealin' it're payin' fer it. Now some people'll tell ya that money's everythin'. Some people're also pretty gatdamn stupid. Gold'll getcha far on the promise that it's gold but it can't ever getcha all the way now, that's what ya need skill fer. Or smarts. Or just some good ol' fasioned daggum grit I tells ya. A man with all the gold'n the world can't ever beat a man with all the skills're smarts in the world, he's just eatin' a bit better'n not sleepin' in piles'a hay on the side'a the road.

Now why the fuggam I talkin' 'bout this now? S'cuz things ain't how it used to be back in the day. Ya ain't gotta work a lick fer yer bread no more if'n yer smart about it. Just gotta be luckier're got a good idea. Now some people take to connin', some folks'll play the market, but they ain't workin' fer it they let the money work fer them. Now that's real smart there. So today I'm gonna let the money work fer me an' I gots a good idea, a real classic there. I know me a wizard, gonna turn lead into gold. Went ahead an' asked Hilderbrandt if'n he could do me this 'lil favor in between tryin'a get us the hells home. That man needs a damn break I tell ya what, 'lil side project'll do'im a world a good. So we's down in what's left a the guild hall there, home away from fuggen home as close as we can get it. Hilderbrandt's got the place covered'n fuggen candles'n books, ya got Alabastor with his holy symbols'n shit 'round the bar, El'Sino'or got her own room which I'm thankful fer cuz it's less time talkin' to her whiny ass an' I got a 'lil corner carved out with stackable boxes. Got my scoutin' station all set up, got some takeaways, bug-out pack, sleepin' mats, tools you fuggen name it if it's useful it's within' two steps. Walk in the door there with a heavy bag over mah shoulder, pouches filled to the fuggen brim with metal.

"Aright there, got me as much lead as I can find in this here shithole without takin' the pipin' apart. 'Least most'a it anyways," I says, dumpin' all the findin's I got all over the table.
"Hmmm... yes, yes very good Grubby," he tells me, strokin' his beard. The hell is it with wizards'n beards? Think with all that readin' they do shavin' just ain't come to'em. He inspects the metal fer a bit just like I did to make sure it's lead but we both know it is. Hilderbrandt's got his way with the color'n the sound, I just bite it. Lead's got a certain amount'a give to it, softer'n steel're copper is. Ya bite hard enough it's got a certain amount'a give to it.
"Vaguely impure though I can understand how difficult it must be to acquire pure lead in such a ramshackle domain as this one. No matter. I suppose we'll just have to separate the chaff from the wheat, so to speak."
"Long as it ain't causin' ya too much trouble there, Hilderbrandt. 'Preciate the favor like this, I ain't wanna put ya off from doin' yer work no more than ya gotta."
"Quite alright friend. I must admit it's slightly cathartic to engage in such work I'm familiar with over the endless, ceaseless equations of star charts and omniversal quadratic formulae. And you say Junction has... 'jumped'?"
"That's what they's been talkin' 'bout there. That's what the boomin' was ya heard a few days back. See, figurin' we ain't on the Plane'a Shadow like I thought-"
"Yes, as I've discovered."
"Well if yer so fuggen smarter'n me I ain't gonna tell ya the rest, now clamp yer jaw shut an' listen to an old man. Well, ya figured it but this place ain't exist in just one spot, keeps on dimensional portin' around every so often."
"Much as the lost Ruins of the Moon Goddess as I understand."
"Yeah like them Moon Ruins, only this place goes everywhere it can go an' not just 'tween two planes."
"And this 'jumping' you speak of?"
"We up and went somewhere's else. S'why ya heard the boomin', ya got buildin's merged in other buildin's there, happens everytime it do it. S'why this place looks like Azmodeus's fuggen toybox."
"Pheh, what a sloppy method. Even magic has a failsafe for that sort of thing. At least proper magic. I hypothesize this a crude device or natural phenom. Moreover I conclude that my work for the past few weeks has all been for naught."
"Ya sure seem to be takin' it well there ol' geezer."
"Oh Heavens no, I'm absolutely livid. I just need time to process it. I had an inkling when I noticed the star charts were suddenly wrong once more, t'would explain it. At the minimum this alchemy is quite relaxing yet alas, I'm already finished."

I look down at the table there an' he ain't fuggen lyin' a damn bit. Couple'a different piles a metal, some bigger'n others but in the center'a the runes he drew there I saw...
"This is it? Outta all that lead, a good damn 30 pounds'a the shit this is all the gold that come from it?" I pinch the nugget 'tween my fingers there. Damn thing's so fuggen small I could fit it up my nose if'n I wanted.
"Equivalent exchange my dear Grubby. Gold is inherently magical, lead is... not. I have condensed the mana from the lead into a tighter form whilst simultaneously shaping a container to store it, hence why you see gold. That gold in your fingers is worth just as much as all the lead you've brought me. In intrinisc value, that is."
"Well ain't that a kick in the fuggen pants there." I take the gold an' pocket it. Least it's worth fuggen somethin' to somebody. "Thank ya kindly there Hilderbrandt, s'posin' I should be hittin' the trail here. Gonna have to get this gold to market fer somethin' we can use. You'll catch wind'a me here 'fore too long, might be a few days. Gotta keep eyes on the shop I got fer a time." An' with that I hobbled my wrinkly green ass out the door. Beggar's can't be choosers now, ain't stickin' my hand in a sleepin' gnoll's mouth. Gonna pawn me some gold I tell ya.

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