Pickin' Some Bits (Grubby's Work Thread)

Subject: Pickin' Some Bits (Grubby's Work Thread) Sat Nov 11, 2017 9:16 pm

So here I am, stuck in this damn maze'a houses that looked like they gone through an abortion. Lucky fer me that means it's hard to navigate through this damn place. Y'know, that'd be a problem fer anyone that wasn't a gob but this is sorta paradise. If paradise were soaked in piss and ya always went hungry, that is. Reminds me'a home, good ol' Karangar, what with yer majestic rivers filled with garbage and yer crime. Fuck you Karangar, piece'a shit city. But that's what makes me so lucky, I got experience in a place like this. Everyone else here looks like they lost in the goddamn sauce or just got into the game. This is gonna be a fuggen cakewalk.

Now what am I doin' all the way out here in the shifties? Fer one I'm tryin' not to catch a knife in the back, fer two... lotta valuables around a dump like this. No dumbass, not valuables like coins and whatnot, this ain't the fuggen ritz. Scrap, scrounge, castoffs, whatever ya wanna call it there can be a lotta useful treasure mixed in with the trash. Right now that's my job to find it. I ain't take my thieves tools with me when we ported out and I been kickin' myself in the dick ever since. Didn't even have my dagger. You fuggen kiddin' me?! What kinda rogue can I call myself if I ain't at least got one knife on me?! Us shifty ass kidney shankers're covered in the 'lil sharp sumsa bitches. So now I gotta go acquire one. Fan-fuggen-tastic. So there I am! Skulkin' and sneakin' through some decrepit-assed buildin's that look like they'd come topplin' down if ya more or less farted in their general direction. But I gotta find the goodies and ain't no one else lookin' here. Not like I'm findin' anythin' out where it's picked clean.

Stalkin' around it's quieter than an elf that just lost a chess game to a half-orc, real spooky shit. Nuthin' but the sounds of me coughin' a bit under my breath cuz I'm too fuggen old for this goddamn crap. Ya got the drippin' a standin' water, ya got the loud creaks of the settlin' shit shacks, and ya got... that ain't right. That shit ain't right, hold on. ...yep, yep those're voices, I gotta keep real low. Just outside of the fuggen abstract piece'a shit I happen to be squattin' in I hear two jagoffs carryin' on, conversation goes a 'lil like...
"You find anything yet?"
"Naw man, naw. There ain't nothin' in this place but old buildings and rats."
"Rats are good eatin', man. You gotta take what you can get when you can get it."
"Think I'll pass, ask me when I'm more desperate."
"Heh, sure thing man. So what now? You feel like takin' a look around some more?"
"Naw, this ain't workin', there's nothin' here. We can either move over to the Shanty Town and take our chances with the gangs or... you know."
"Know what?"
"We could start trying a little harder if you know what I mean."
"Sooo... lookin' around some more?"
"No you dense mothafucka! I'm talkin' about robbin' some bitches!"
"OOOOH, okay. I'm pickin' up what you're layin' down. But... who we gonna rob? Everyone around here's as poor as we are. You got the gangs over in the Shanty and security up in the Core and..."
"If we can't get quality then we get quantity. Find some weak mothafucka and just beat him 'til he's on the ground and take what he's got. After maybe two or three guys we have to find somethin' for fuck's sake."
"Yeah! Yeah, yeah right, let's do that!"

...so needless to say I don't come outta my hidey hole cuz I'm a 'lil bitch and I like havin' all my natural teeth. I ain't even get a good look at the fuckwits but I know fer a damn fact that I'm the sleaziest lookin' most peasant-assed jagoff in all'a this Azmodeus forsaken shithole. And I ain't gonna doubt their kinda logic cuz honestly breathin' is one of my favorite activities and I would like to continue doing so.
"*RuuuuUUUU-huh-hack!*"
"Hey, wait! You hear somethin'?"
Aww son of a cock-suckin' slut!
Really gotta quit the pipe, really gotta quit the pipe. Now they got clompin' boots comin' over here and I think that one's got a club on'im. And me without my goddamn dagger. Let's be honest, I don't wanna hurt nobody, but I'll sure as shit stick a sharp pointy object in some asshole's kneecap in a fuggen heartbeat. I gotta think'a somethin' and I gotta do it quick or Old Grub will be worm grub. What do we got here... old bed... closet... ah, there we fuggen go! I clamber my tiny ass on top of the dresser sittin' there on the far wall. It's dark as shit, they'll never see me up there. So's I stay still as a fuggen statue as they bust the damn door in. Yep, there they are, two of'em. Prowlin' around like they expectin'... well, like they expectin' a gob to come outta the shadows and take'em fer a ride on the crimson express. Can't blame'em.
"Hello?! Is anyone here?! It's cool, you can come out, we're looking for survivors!"
Bullshit yer fuggen not, I'd give you a new throat hole if I had my iron on me. You'd never see me comin'.

And then it happens. Fuggen magic is what it is. Asshole casts Sunbeam and lights me up like a freakin' Festival tree. So's I'm just sittin' there frozen and he looks at me and I look at them and 'fore they can do nothin' I press my back up against the wall and drop the dresser on the big guy.
"Holy shit, what the fuck is that thing!?"
"Get me outta here, dumbass!"
"Oh shit! Oh shit!"
The skinny one takes a swing at me with the club he's got but I'm just too quick fer his limp dick. I sidestep it and unleash my secret goblin martial arts.
"Ki-YAH!" BAM! Punched that fucker right in the stones and he drops like a goddamn sack'a bricks. So's what do I do next? I do the sensible thing a'course. No I ain't steal from'em, we rogues got a code to follow. But I take his damn small club and head fer the fuggen hills is what I do! I get three steps out the door and barrel into the next buildin' over, few moments later I hear those jagoffs taken off down the street. Dumbasses.

At least now I get to scrounge fer scrap in piece. I get a decent haul, some bobby pins, candles, even found me a tinderbox. Good shit right there. All in all I can't complain. ...I'll fuggen do it anyway, cuz I'm older'n dirt. Kaaaaa ha *cough wheeze*.

Subject: Re: Pickin' Some Bits (Grubby's Work Thread) Sat Nov 11, 2017 10:03 pm

You have earned 3000 VC

+10% for being very well written!

+10% for an interesting work experience!

Total, 3600VC

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