Maria Woodsworth [Endymion]

Ready for grading.

Alright here we go.
So the app as a whole is lovely; however, I am having huge issues with somethings.

#1
—Strength Name: Experimental Muscle
—Description: Maria tends to wear clothing that hides her arms very well. But once she takes on her alternative appearance, her arms are rather well-developed in muscle. To the very point that it seemed to explain why and how she was able to lug around such a cumbersome Demon Weapon like Sven with such ease as if it was made out of styrofoam. It is because of her strength that she’s capable of effective evasive, offensive, and defensive maneuvers with her Demon Weapon. Few normal humans are able to go toe to toe with her in strength alone since she is capable of surpassing her own limits at will. One can easily tell she was forcibly augmented. Goes without saying she can hit hard whether it be a punch or a kick. (Allows Superhuman Strength constantly, at a price. See Unstable Body.)

Mmmkay. There is a few issues here. First, it covers multiple things. Yes I can see super human strength; however, the maneuvers in my book seem to suggest a different form of strength outside of strength. Maybe agility or something, but not strength. So in my head it seems like a two in one deal which is fine if you have the weakness to counter it.

Now I see unstable body; however, it is quite vague. What are her limits first off? Also what other restrictions do you have to counter both the experimental body and muscle? In a nutshell, more weaknesses need to be added to balance that out. Also be aware if you are going to keep that covering multiple things a specialist in one of those areas is going to have the upper hand over you.


#2:
—Strength Name: Combat Ready
—Description: To go along with her physical enhancements, she has already been given some basic combat training which makes her ready to serve under the Queen. Her training was personalized to better make use of her enhancements. It focused on improving her intuition for danger and favorable situations. And as well as her ability to better predict her enemy’s movements despite any interference to her five senses. One could say she also practiced Chinese methods of jing ting, sensing forces, for this purpose which improved her marksmanship and precision in a way it increases the success of her anticipation of enemies.

Does this apply to all forms of combat? While I am okay with shadows or demons, I would need some more clarity if you are extending it to pvp.

#3
Demon Weapon:
Weapon Name: Sven
Weapon Description: A huge metallic weapon that has gun-like features which basically looks like that not only can it be used to penetrate materials, but it can be used as a bludgeoning weapon on its own. It is basically a pile-bunker which is made to use hydraulic pressure to cause the spike to extend out like a piston to cause further damage upon pressing the trigger once in an extended period. It can also be used to fire out bullets upon pressing the same trigger twice quickly and pressing down for an extended period for extended firing. There is a blue cross-like design to the side of the pile bunker.

Umm…no. I was fine until you added the part about firing bullets. Automatically it became a gun in my head, so I can’t let that go, but even more glaring than that is its function. It is fine  if it is just a weapon with a spike coming out, but a second function without an upgrade right off the bat? I am afraid that won’t work love. If you choose one or the other I would back off of it, but as it stands now I won’t let it pass.

#4
This is a me thing, but I would flesh out the history a bit more. As it is now, I don’t understand how she became reliant on the drug or how the Queen is involved in this at all. It’s a bit too vague for me, so please flesh this out a bit more.

In any case, I am gonna have someone else give a second opinion on this since I may be over-analyzing something here due to vagueness.

1) Fixed a bit for a bit more clarity for Experimental Muscle.

Spoiler:

2) It's mostly going to be just PvP. I really don't plan on using this strength for PvS.

3) Sven. It's literally just a Demon Weapon that stabs with a big metallic spike and I just installed a sidearm in it. I sacrificed two strengths for it to be a thing. So I won't be carrying around a sidearm soulbound except for the one inside the Demon Weapon. And then giving it a little boost with a human strength. That's all there is to it.

4) Added a little bit about the medicine and the Queen in the history. Not much, but I don't plan on doing anything too intensive for the history for now. Does this suffice?

Go Die wrote:

Maria Woodsworth
"My duty lies with the Queen."

The Biography

Birth Name: Maria Woodsworth Aliases: Miss Terminator, Brit-aboo Gender: Female Age: 18 Birth Day: 5/20 Arcana: Chariot Place of Residence: Sunlake Palms Academy Semester: 3rd Year Class: Class Zero Sorority: Tea And Crumpets Club Part/Full Time Job: Aide in Church/Volunteer Worker In Many Places Appearance: A young girl who seems approachable to many people. She seems disarmingly harmless with her height of 172 centimeters and 135 lbs. She wears an uniform-like attire with a gray skirt, black blazer, and a yellow shirt with a neat green bow tied near her neck. Her glasses does a lot to make her seem even more harmless to many. She seems to stand out a little bit with her blue hair and equally blue eyes. Maria also wears a nun-like attire when she goes to work at a Church to help manage its facilities in its community. Interestingly enough, she has tattoos on her body which was a result of the experiments to grant her a Demon Weapon. They also serve to hide the scars on her body, making them extremely difficult to see if no one has a very discerning eye. School Uniform: Nun Clothes: Alternate Appearance: Her attire is rather “modest” and easy to move around with in an one-piece dress with a skirt that was also sleeve-less to reveal her developed arms. Maria wears dark blue stockings with metallic plating on them. They seem to mostly be there for the aesthetic, whatever that is for her. As well as blue-white gloves to help better use her Demon Weapon. Her alternate appearance was not made to hide her identity at all due to her alignment to the government. Alternate Appearance: Personality: Friendly and out-going, Maria can be easy to get along with just like any other person. She is dutiful to her obligations to her school, her community, and to the government. She can usually be seen taking her time helping out any of these institutions. Whether it be cleaning up the classroom, helping the Student Council in things, or helping out her local Church. She can seem a little bit of a model student like this, though it doesn’t mean she’s very great at her studies. Of course, she is something like a pacifist in such settings. However, she can get a little bit snarky and passive aggressive if annoyed enough which normally it does take some time to reach that extent. Or even vindictive if someone drives her far enough to warrant it, which is usually rare. Given that she can be vindictive, she has a bit of a two-faced nature. One being rather critical towards others. But she mostly keeps those thoughts to herself. However, the internet is a completely different beast, just like the majority of the world. She has a bit of a "channer" behavior, where she can get a bit worked up and bumbled about like a moron. It makes one wonder which one is the real her. Despite appearing to be someone who is selflessly committed to community service, a lot her is just trying to have a sense of normality that she would lack during her job as a Cadet so that she wouldn't lose her mind and sense of being "normal". A lot of the mediocrity was what helps her stay level with her sense of reality. But her greatest contributions to the government has always required her to become the opposite of what she is usually seen as. Cold and even sometimes unsettling, she usually follows every mission to the very letter like she was trained to. However, she is only human in the fact that there are times when this facade can crack and cause her to reconsider her objectives, especially the ones given by the government. While not aiming to truly act against the government and the Queen, she has her own scruples which complicates her own choices in life. But nevertheless, her loyalties heavily lies in the government and the Queen. Heavily because she has her obligations to her establishment for saving her at the time of the Great Divide. Regardless, she prefers to put up a strong facade. Despite what she has become, Maria does not want to appear weak and ineffectual and tries not to look like it. The Forgotten more or less wishes to appear fine, but as her body is wrecked with the drugs and experiments for allowing to attain Sven, she does have some self-loathing of her current state. Her views on those who wield supernatural powers are complicated. While she does understand there are some who wish to be alone, she could not understand some of the Psyche Terrorists who try to harm the populace. Thus, she performs her job without impunity to enforce the Queen’s justice. But she does look on sympathetically to those who don’t wish to use their powers to harm the innocent and the powerless. Her hatred of demons is rather considerable. With her family eaten by them and her body was torn to shreds, it can be rather understandable. It was because of them that she has this body now. She seems to tolerate Sven since she does have to work with her. But as for other demons, she does not willingly spare unless required for the task. Nevertheless, she is a vindictive person against these supernatural entities. Lastly, she does have a fondness for British culture. Which is why she created the Tea and Crumpets club, even though she is the only member.

The Potential

Strengths: —Strength Name: Experimental Muscle —Description: Maria tends to wear clothing that hides her arms very well. But once she takes on her alternative appearance, her arms are rather well-developed in muscle. To the very point that it seemed to explain why and how she was able to lug around such a cumbersome Demon Weapon like Sven with such ease as if it was made out of styrofoam. It is because of her strength that she’s capable of maneuvers with her Demon Weapon, such as balancing on the very metallic tip of the weapon to do a kind of flying kick and other similar maneuvers. Few normal humans are able to go toe to toe with her in strength alone since she is capable of surpassing her own limits at will. One can easily tell she was forcibly augmented. Goes without saying she can hit hard whether it be a punch or a kick. (Allows Superhuman Strength constantly, at a price. See Unstable Body.) —Strength Name: Experimental Body —Description: After a couple of years of forcing experiments on her own body, she’s capable of near superhuman feats. Her ability to perceive through her five senses and her motor functions were most notably enhanced along with the basic physical functions of speed, strength, endurance, and reflexes. This is something that is most required in order to handle a special weapon like Sven, her Demon Weapon, which was extremely cumbersome by human standards to begin with. —Strength Name: Combat Ready —Description: To go along with her physical enhancements, she has already been given some basic combat training which makes her ready to serve under the Queen. Her training was personalized to better make use of her enhancements. It focused on improving her intuition for danger and favorable situations. And as well as her ability to better predict her enemy’s movements despite any interference to her five senses. One could say she also practiced Chinese methods of jing ting, sensing forces, for this purpose which improved her marksmanship and precision in a way it increases the success of her anticipation of enemies. —Strength Name: Gun Attachment —Description: Her side-arm is attached to her Demon Weapon, just right above the spike. It seems to be a personal preference for Maria. Especially when she’s clearly made to be a heavily offensive attacker. It also becomes part of the Demon Weapon in that it can be used to facilitate its own unique attacks. —Strength Name: Gatling Gun —Description: Already attached to her Demon Weapon, it provides an extra bit more firepower than usual side-arms. Granting it a 15% boost in Gun damage. ----- —Floating Strength Name: —Description: Weaknesses: —Weakness Name: Experimental Body —Description: Her body has been pumped with drugs to the point of complete dependence. Only the government would be able to produce what she needs, unless someone finds out a way to replicate it. Until then, she is under the government’s thumb for pretty much the rest of her life. And if she cannot get her necessary drugs, she could die within three days. After each successive battle in one day, her overall stats will decrease by 5% until capping at 15%. It resets until the next day under the assumption she gets her ready-made drugs from the government. —Weakness Name: Unstable Body —Description: As enhanced as her body is, it is prone to breaking itself if she goes past her limits as in functioning past the normal capacity of a human being. In fact, she could easily snap her bones if she hits too hard or tear her own muscles. If she surpasses her limits constantly for three turns, something will break in her body at a 20% chance (Randomizing the chance on the third turn). She can make use of Sven normally without breaking anything while not surpassing her physical limits, but movements will be slower and complicated as expected within the realm of reality without willingly to surpass her limits. —Weakness Name: Hyper-sensitivity —Description: Due to the enhancement of her five senses, it is quite possible that it can be used against her if someone is capable of doing so. Through over-stimulation of her senses, she can actually be hindered significantly. Such as extremely bright light that would actually blind her or very horrid smells that maybe overwhelming for Maria. —Weakness Name: Weapon Jam —Description: After every three posts of constant use, the side-arm inside Sven can jam up to one turn before being usable again. —Weakness Name: Heavy Weapon —Description: Her Demon Weapon is large and cumbersome. Normal human beings are unlikely to be able to use it very effectively. Thus, it necessitates Maria's physical enhancements in order to make it a more viable weapon. ----- —Floating Weakness Name: —Description: Demon Weapon: Weapon Name: Sven Weapon Description: A huge metallic weapon that has gun-like features which basically looks like that not only can it be used to penetrate materials, but it can be used as a bludgeoning weapon on its own. It is basically a pile-bunker which is made to use hydraulic pressure to cause the spike to extend out like a piston to cause further damage upon pressing the trigger once in an extended period. It can also be used to fire out bullets upon pressing the same trigger twice quickly and pressing down for an extended period for extended firing. There is a blue cross-like design to the side of the pile bunker. Weapon Image: Spoiler: Weapon Attack Type: Pierce Weapon Element: N/A Side-Arm Weapon: Side-Arm Name: Sven Side-Arm Description: Refer to Demon Weapon. Side-Arm Image: Refer to Demon Weapon. Side-Arm Attack Type: Gun Side-Arm Style: Machine Gun

The Background

History: Maria Woodsworth has been your average city girl as long as she and many others can remember. While helping out the Mom and Pop restaurant after school at times, she watches over a lot of her younger siblings that don't seem to learn how to stay out of trouble from time to time. She wasn't exactly what you call a model student back in her younger days. Nevertheless, her life was pretty typical by all means. It was by the Great Divide that her life was turned up-side down and it happened without warning. After being witness of her family's demise by the hand of demons, she was soon a victim of being eaten by one. Yet the government's, or rather, the Queen's involvement during and after the event had saved her. However, Maria's body was "broken" beyond recovery by normal means. Thus, she was soon delegated to a program to create Forgottens. The very thought of it would horrify her upon hearing the option. But, after some time for thought, Maria would agree to the procedure. It would take months of excruciating pain to attain success. Many of the scientists at the time would wince at the expletives she screamed out each minute at the demons. But, she felt grateful for being alive and to remain whole. There were still regrets of becoming completely dependent on drugs to stay alive. Her life is now tied to her Demon Weapon which allows her to survive her wounds. However, she faces problems from synchronization issues that is eased by the drugs. Without them, she may actually find herself 'eaten alive' by the very weapon she wields. But at the least she now has a strength that allows her to fight off Demons. It was because of this opportunity that Maria would fight for the Queen and her hegemony because the Queen gave her another chance at life. A chance where she can actually fight back at the monsters that took away her family.

^Original Sheet.

—Floating Strength Name: Church Service
—Description: The Sunlake Palms Church is the home of the Black Scriptures of the Church Militancy. Like any division, they are complete with experts and professionals from many walks of life and have devoted themselves into the service of their Lord and by extension, the Vatican. They serve Endymion through services of training, blessings, and other related actions.

https://newarcana.forumotion.com/t5350-recognition-closed#58428