Oh Captain my Captain

Tykal stood looking out at the dark nothingness in the distance. He liked the helm. He could see something other than metallic walls and it was quiet. He stood silently, his arms resting at his side rather than in the pockets of his slacks. His once white shirt covered in what appeared to be soot stains giving the button up a sort of smokey decal look. His pants were scuffed and there was a small tear over the right knee. His emerald eyes peered out lifeless between strands of his brown hair that laid like a mop that just happened to fall aesthetically on his head. The dim lights shared some of their color with his pale skin. He looked a bit worse for wear but the expression on his face was a familiar one. He was physically present but his mind was elsewhere. From the outside he seemed rather stoic just standing there. A young boy battered from conflict taking a moment to look forward. Appearances were often deceiving.

Tykal felt drained both physically and mentally. The battles took their toll. The new place he found himself, the new faces, and strange happenings took far more than the battles. Tykal was struggling to make sense of anything. Existences erased by shadows. The demons were even worse, they looked like they were in so much agony. Tykal couldn’t help but feel some regret for defeating them. It was kill or be killed so Tykal did what he had to. Survival was the reason but why did it feel like an excuse. Even those robots they fought. He knew nothing about them but what if they were like Jonny. Did this make him a murderer? What kind of karmic justice would be coming for him. Tykal was conflicted there was such a huge lack of knowledge that if only he had he could make a better informed decision. The power of persona stabilized his existence somehow and being able to harness Agni’s power felt good. Though from personal experience, if something feels too good to be true, it usually comes with a myriad of strings. Tykal hated feeling so unsure. It made him anxious. His own form of personal torment. He’d rather be getting hit with those light arrows again than have to focus on processing everything but that was all his brain could find solace in right now.

Tykal let out a groan bringing his hand to his brow and shaking his head. He seemed to be back in the realm of reality. The light returned in his eyes and his expression grimaced. The endless mental circles were obviously taxing him. He grabbed the railing in front of him hard while mumbling something under his breath. “Think if you go to sleep you’ll wake back up outside. Just one of those super realistic dreams. Maybe you just ate some bad mushrooms?” Tykal spoke to himself chuckling at his own cynical stupidity.

The Captain walked into the bridge while Tykal was there. He smiled at the young man before approaching him to gaze outside.


He asked softly. "As much as it would bring me joy to be able to tell you this is all merely a hallucinogen-induced adventure, it would be unkind to lie to you." He spoke calmly and in his usual mannered voice. There was something soothing about it, like it was calming Tykal a little just by listening to it and observing the Captain's lips moving.

"How did Agni serve you?" He asked after a few moments of pause. Tykal had lost Agni's power after the danger was resolved. "Do you... miss his strength?"

Tykal turned when he heard the captain. His voice was so soothing it was almost mystical in a sense. He couldn't help but find a strange facet of intrigue with the Captain. He didn't quite trust him completely but something in his gut didn't scream that the Captain was a threat. Besides he seemed to be in the know how on this world and it was his ship. Tykal gave a shrug, "Thanks. The honesty is noted but I think I would've preferred the lie."

Tykal paused when the Captain talked about Agni. Agni certainly did his job and it felt great having the power of a Persona, even if it wasn't his. There was an uncomfortable silence as Tykal put his curled index to the bot of his lip as he thought of what he wanted to say. "I... I don't think 'miss' is the right term. I won't lie and say that Agni's power wasn't euphoric or empowering in away I've never experienced before but. I don't think I miss the power." Tykal looked away, "I miss home. I miss a world where everything could be explained I guess." Tykal leaned his back against the railing, "I keep trying to see the bright side in all this. I mean I'm a teenager literally drifting through space. That's phenomenal. Albeit briefly, I had super powers and magic. So why does am I not able to be just be excited with all this newness. Why is it so... uncomforting" Tykal looked back at the Captain. "You know I think this is the most fighting I've ever done before. Fighting supposed to be a bad thing but it was so exhilarating. I never saw myself as someone who could harm others so easily. It's alarming." Tykal seemed to be rationalizing to himself more than to the Captain directly. He couldn't maintain eye contact for more than a few seconds before looking away at something else as if sustained it would hurt him or something. "I'm pretty sure I made allies with a demon" he said chuckling through his words, "I don't think good guys hurt others and make friends with death koala's. Am I a bad person?" Tykal asked this time looking at the Captain for some form of validation.

"Lies are temporary solutions, only the truth can open the gates of a brighter future." The Captain replied with a reassuring smile, framed by his eagle-like glare. He listened to the boy speak his mind out in regards to his emotions, only taking the occasional opportunity to nod in response. His smile ever so slightly perked up when Tykal mentioned the euphoria that arose from wielding Agni and the exhilaration that came from fighting. These smiles simply melded naturally into his ordinary smiling disposition, however, there was one moment that unmistakably invoked a genuine reaction from him; when Tykal asked his question.

The Captain's smile widened, prompting him to gaze deeply into Tykal's eyes as he took a couple of moments before replying. "There is nothing wrong in choosing a path of your own. Demons are beings of desire that spread destruction wherever they set foot, yet they are also capable of thought like intelligent life. You've simply indebted the demon to the point where it saw you as someone who could protect it and provide it with sustenance better than it could on its own. The Drop Bear is indeed your friend, but it is also still a Demon." He gazed out into the starry space. "I have no qualms with Drop Bear remaining on this ship. In fact, I have been nothing but pleased with the amount of determination you and your company have demonstrated. And yes, this includes the Drop Bear as well. If anyone complains, direct them towards me and explain them I am perfectly fine with this. There is no reason to distrust Drop Bear's intentions."

He turned back to Tykal before continuing. "How does hurting Shadows and Demons-beings that are out to harm you-make you feel?"

Tykal met the Captains gaze finding himself admiring his eyes more than he did the genuine reaction and wide smile. He was still listening but his scattered nature of his mind found himself focusing past looking at him in the eye and rather looking into his eyes. Tykal could see his reflection in his eyes for a short moment before his mind blanked. Nearly all of his mental focus was on the Captains words while his own eyes went dim as they were simple there not truly processing information as he gazed.  When the Captain talked about demons and drop bear in general Tykal broke eye contact and looked at his curled index at his lip, "Provide it with sustenance? I can't guarantee it's safety if attacks anyone. Truth be told, I'd probably end up slaying it myself."

There was a long pause as Tykal had to imagine the scenario playing out where he'd have to kill the bear. The idea was troubling. He genuine liked the bear despite it being a demon. It seemed harmless even cute like a plushie.  He felt a bit better when the Captain explained that he'd be safe and that there was no reason to distrust Drop Bear.  Tykal didn't exactly trust any of his new companions exactly. He was cordial with them as they gave him no reason not to be but trust wasn't fully formed yet. He relied on them in battle sure but that was different. He'd keep his walls up and continue diplomacy but he was far from true trust. Even the Captain seemed like he knew more than he was letting on. Maybe it was just Tykal's gut feeling it wasn't like he had any evidence to prove otherwise.

Tykal finally spoke when the Captain turned to him and questioned him on his feelings. How did it feel hurting shadows and demons out to harm him? It was a complex mixture of emotions. It there was a rush of adrenaline, an empowerment knowing he was strong enough to contend with literal monsters, a shame over his actions and how it felt, regret after the fact, a strange empathetic sadness for them. How to answer the question seemed to catch Tykal and glue him in place. "I...I don't know really. I know I have to defend myself or I'll die but I don't like the idea it's my life or theirs either. They have life-like intelligence. The gods created everything, that has to include them as well. And please save the whole, well we have to consume life to sustain life speech. Maybe it's because we're so similar that I find it so abhorrent."

"Yes, sustenance-food. I reckon Drop Bears are fairly similar to Earthly animals that have died out in the past so it might be a herbivore or it might also enjoy eating our canned rations." He gave a short laugh as he placed his hand over his lips, pondering on what Tykal was saying. It was interesting to hear the boy would slay it himself if it hurt somebody.

He listened closely to Tykal putting his emotions into words, giving no further hints or nods as to what he was thinking. Either he kept it under control or what Tykal was saying simply wasn't that surprising or interesting or whatever had cause him to stutter in his expression earlier in this discussion. "Haha, I will refrain from giving a lecture on killing or being killed. However you feel about this conundrum, I do not believe there is a wrong way of going about things. Now, excuse me, the ship is still in the state of emergency, I must be on my way."

The Captain walked away.

[Captain - Exit]