Two Totally Stable People Left Alone (Tomomi / Nadia)

Nadia nodded comfortably to Tomomi, and his words of concern, smiling softly, but a little sadly, in recognition of what he was talking about. The Gun...So Tomomi had seen it. She'd thought he might have. And he dismantled it, he'd said that much. As much of a pain as it would be to put back together, she understood his reasoning in wanting to make Nadia safer for herself. But he didn't want Cecil to know he'd done that, or that Nadia had had the gun out at all. After all, what reason would she have had for it other than the truth? Still, she didn't quite agree with Tomomi, but now, after the fact, she definitely didn't want to tell Cecil about it. She didn't want to see that hurt face anymore, and it would undoubtedly come back if he knew, so she nodded.

"You're right. He would be upset. But on a broader note, maybe you should try making him uncomfortable. I do it all the time, and he grows from it. He's like a turtle in a shell." Nadia giggled. "He might actually learn to like it outside his shell if he is made to try. It's seemed to work so far." She smiled fondly. "But in this instance...you're right. I think it's best if we just...move past this. There's no reason to keep dwelling on...well, on my problems."

At hearing what Nadia said, Tomomi froze. Force Cecil out of his shell? What that could mean was so many things, and he wasn't sure he was comfortable with it. His breathing picked up, but no, he couldn't panic. But, could he tell her about it? How he felt about what she'd just said? In a way, he had to, he couldn't just let it fester and form a rift between two people that were supposed to be there for Cecil.

Shaking, Tomomi turned to Nadia, sniffing as he mustered up his courage to speak, voice shaky with emotion. "I... I-I'm sorry, and please don't take this the wrong way, but... I... I don't agree with that... Forcing Cecil to change... Or, forcing anyone to change... While I know it's not what you're doing, that's so so close to torture... Doing something until he likes it... What would happen if that in turn makes him become too changeable? What if Cecil loses himself because he's so used to h-having people decide what he likes? What if... What if someone found out, and manipulated that?"

He sighed, shaking his head once more and curling up to himself. "I... I know you won't do that to Cecil, and that you aren't... But... Please, don't try to force him out of his shell... I think it'd... It'd be best if he comes out of his shell of his own a-accord..."

Nadia's face became stricken as Tomomi spoke. Her face, which had finally become clear and soft as usual, became rigid and pained. When Tomomi finished speaking, Nadia opened her mouth, but the words were soft. "I don't force him. I ask him, I prompt him. It's not...It's not doing something until he likes it. It's doing things he's never done to find out if he likes them or not. It's the same thing I've been doing for myself since I left home. Perhaps I worded it poorly..." To be fair, the concern that she was pushing Cecil too hard into things was one of the reasons why she had removed herself from the equation entirely, but she had never forced him outright. Having it worded like that...made her realize just how pushy she hadn't been, but it also brought into glaring focus the reasons for her...episode.

Her eyes sunk to stare at her knees as her fingers pulled at hem of her nightshirt. "But even though I never forced him - not really, I did think after our conversation after the movie that maybe he was only saying okay to those things because he was trying to make me happy, and not out of any real desire to spend time with me. That thought terrified me. It's why I pulled away from everyone. Because I didn't want to be the person you're talking about. If the only way I could be a part of things was by forcing my way in - I thought it would be better if I didn't exist at all." She thought he might have something to say about it, that she shouldn't kill herself or something along those lines, but they had already had that coversation, and she would hold up a hand if he started to inerject something like that.

"Don't worry, the three of you proved me wrong today. And I'm...I don't have words to express how much that means to me. None of you had to come. I didn't ask you to, but you did anyway. I know that I don't have to push. Cecil will come...even if I don't call. And I'm going to try not to be as pushy as I have been. Because what I really want is for Cecil to take me somewhere I've never been. We can show each other new things and grow together. Isn't that what relationships are about?" She smiled at Tomomi then, looking up, and despite the pleasant expression, there were tears in her eyes.

As Nadia explained what she meant, and how she felt about things, Tomomi felt a pang of guilt. As she spoke more, and as she visibly grew more distressed, this guilt grew more, as he realised how bad it was that he had doubted Nadia. Of course she wasn't... That he was so worried boggled him. As she began to talk about not wanting to be around or exist anymore, Tomomi's eyes went wide in panic, and he went to speak, only to be stopped by her hand, and listening. When she finished, and looking at her tearful smile, Tomomi felt his eyes tear up in return, before looking away in shame at his own doubts.

"I... I'm sorry... I... Yeah, I agree... I just... I worry about him, probably far too much than is healthy... I won't ask any further, or bring up that again. I know you won't do anything to hurt him, and I... I shouldn't have doubted. I'm... Thank you..." Turning his head again, Tomomi returned the smile, expression bittersweet.

"I'll... I'll be honest. I... I think I have a crush on Cecil. It's not something I'd follow through on, and that doesn't make me dislike you two being together. But, I think... I think I was a bit jealous. Because you're giving him everything I can't. And you're making him far happier than I'd ever seen him before. So... I... Thank you. And I'm sorry for what I've said and done... I..." Once more, Tomomi bowed his head to Nadia, gulping and hoping he hadn't said too much, before continuing to speak anyways. "I just want him to be happy. And you, too. I never wanted you to be unhappy, and if me p-panicking like I did made you unhappy at all, I... I'm sorry. I... Forget I said anything, I um... I just want you to know, even though I've failed as I have... I really, really support you and Cecil... I promise."

The smile on Nadia's face didn't last long. She was happy that she and Tomomi were able to understand each other in some degree - especially after everything that had happened today. But his words, about having a crush on Cecil, sent a spark of dread through her mind. Her fears about getting in the way of Cecil and Tomomi's friendship - which she had thought had been carefully locked away - were suddenly laid out in front of her, vindicated. She went rigid, and it took her mind a few moments to catch up with his words.

When they did, the dazed and worried look on her face was too honest to hide. It was as if she hadn't heard him say to forget it - after all how could she? And of course he would support the two of them. It was Tomomi - probably the best and kindest of all of them. She was only just realized how much. And she had taken a possibility from him. Her existence had caused him pain, and try as she might, even with the memories of her friends fresh in her mind, the memories of the dark room with nothing to do but fret - the memories of white walls - it was all too much for her mind right now.

For a moment Nadia seemed to be having something similar to Cecil's panicked episodes, sitting stone still with a morose look on her face. She fought tears. "I...really was in the way. I'm so sorry, Tomomi. If I had known you felt that way I would have never...we would have never...I'm sorry." All she could do was apologize. Could she give Cecil up? She couldn't begin to know how. Could she disappear now? She had already promised she wouldn't. Besides, she wanted to live this life. She wanted Cecil in every way she had the capacity and understanding to want anything, and if a few ways she didn't understand. But the thought that that meant taking him from someone else was crippling.

As soon as Nadia's smile stopped, Tomomi felt his heart sink. He should have known. He should have kept his mouth shut! Stupid Tomomi! Stupid stupid stupid stupid! Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid!!

Then, following through with the signs that not all was well, Nadia began to speak and apologise. He should have kept his mouth shut, damn it! Calm down Tomomi! Calm. Down. Shutting his eyes, Tomomi took a deep breath, sighing deeply to himself, and trying to calm himself. His every instinct told him to panic. To just curl up into a ball and die. But he couldn't, not right now. He couldn't just leave Nadia like this. But, he couldn't just act either; god knows he'd... He'd... He'd fuck that up once before, no, more than once. He couldn't afford to keep doing it. So, calm down and think it through Tomomi.

After breathing to himself in a self-reprimanding silence, Tomomi looked to Nadia with sad eyes, shaking his head slightly as he spoke. "I... I'm sorry. I... I didn't say that to give that impression... Like I said, I may have a crush on Cecil, but not once did I think to act on it, Nadia... It's like... Um... Those celebrity crushes, you know? Like, you're... You're happy, and you love that person with your all, and you know it's unrequited, and you're just kind of okay with it. You're... You're not in the way, okay? You have never... Never been in the way. I... I'm sorry that I made you feel that you were, but, you weren't. You... You still aren't."

Trying his best to offer her a small, forced smile, out of sympathy, empathy, and regret, Tomomi continued. "I... I don't know why I opened my mouth like that, and I'm really sorry... I didn't say it to try guilt you away from Cecil. I don't want that, and I am really, honestly happy to see you two together. I just... I wanted you to trust me, and so, I wanted to trust you too... I thought that... By telling you how I felt, even though it was such a difficult thing, that maybe... Maybe we could be better friends... But, I... No, I'm not going to make excuses, I just... I'm sorry, Nadia. I um... I promise, I won't steal Cecil from you. He's not mine to steal, or anyone's to claim. He's... He's Cecil. He's my best friend, and he's your boyfriend, and that's how it is, and I am okay with that. I just... I just hope you are okay with that too..."

It took Nadia a little bit to respond. For a moment, she felt as though she was experiencing the world from a third person perspective. She could hear Tomomi, but it was at a distance. As was the thudding of her own heart. She blinked, trying to make sense of what she was feeling. Pain? yes, there was pain, but it wasn't for her, it was for Tomomi, who had endured something like this silently. There was sadness as well, and guilt. But at Tomomi spoke, her breathing slowed, and her eyes cleared. She just needed to breathe, to take it in and accept it. After all, he was her friend, and he had confided something important to her. For no other reason than to confide it. That was important.

When Nadia stirred again, it was to reach forward and take Tomomi's hand. "No, I'm glad you told me. I do trust you, Tomomi, and I'm glad you trust me too. I...I won't get upset with the way you feel. You're right, Cecil makes his own decisions. Neither of us own him. And I wouldn't want to. Even if you did steal him, if it was his decision, I would accept it." Even as she said it, a pit of worry was forming in her stomach, one that she was desperate to hide. "Cecil's Angels." She joked and reached for her tea. She was smiling comfortingly, but there was a sad acknowledgement there, and a promise that she would keep his secret even if it meant hurting him with her own relationship. Sadness and happiness were two sides of the same coin, after all, and their proximity was often closer than any could anticipate.

As Nadia started coming back out of herself once more, Tomomi felt a wave of relief. Good, he hadn't sent her back into a suicidal spiral, which was the last thing he wanted to do about that. At her taking hold of his hand, a surprised look crossed the boy's face, but it soon found itself replaced with a concerned but relatively calm smile, one aiming to provide reassurance. Listening, he tried to ignore the sadness in her voice, and listened to her feelings on it. Then, at the mention of Cecil's Angels, the boy gave a light, kind hearted giggle for a brief moment, nodding his head and finishing his own tea. "Right. Cecil's Angels."

Giving a slight chuckle, Tomomi sighed over his cup, the fatigue of everything that had happened hitting him like a wave all at once. "Thank you for um... Not being upset about that. I know just then wasn't the best time to say what I did, I just didn't want to leave it unsaid for too long, and then it cause a problem for, well, any of us later on." Smiling wearily now, he set his cup down, and looked to Nadia with a wavering expression. "Just um... P-please don't tell Cecil. I know I just said it was best in the open, but, I d-don't know how he'd take something like that and... I really, really don't want to risk my friendship with him, or your relationship with him, over something like that..."

Coughing, Tomomi wiped at his eyes. "Ah, um, nevermind... Re-regardless, I um... I'm glad you're feeling better, and that you um... Want to stay. I mean it when I say I care about you. You are a great friend after all."

A soft smile was spread across Nadia's face as she listened to Tomomi talk. It was good, this honesty and candor between friends. It made her feel guilty, a little. In honesty, as long as she got some of Cecil's attention, she'd be happy to share it. But it had to be up to Cecil, and something told her that would be strange for him, having to go between one and the other and always feeling like the other was missing out. It was better not to consider that, or bring it up at all.

She had sympathy for Tomomi, and she recognized that under slightly different circumstances the conversation could be going the other way. If it were her in his shoes, she would want everything to be the same, without guilt. So she would respect that feeling, and do her best to ignore the knot of guilt she felt. Instead, she favored her friend with a small smile. "I never thought I would ever be anyone's friend. Let alone a great one. Thank you, Tomomi. I won't tell Cecil. You're right. It would make him feel awful. He would want to fix it, even though there is nothing to fix." She giggled a little. silly boy.

"But, you look tired, Tomomi, you should lay down. Oh! I know. Lay your head here!" She situated herself better so that she was sitting correctly on the couch, and patted her lap, indicating him to rest his head on her lap.

if he did so, she would softly massage her fingers through his hair, along his scalp. A soothing practice she'd picked up from Cecil. It had a calming effect on Cecil, maybe it would have a similar relaxing effect on Tomomi's Anxiety.

At Nadia saying she won't tell Cecil, Tomomi continued to smile, offering a small thumbs up. The somewhat disastrous day was at least beginning to look up now, with Nadia and Tomomi having come to an agreement regarding Cecil, and what Tomomi personally felt was a better understanding just as friends. In fact, the mutually verbal confirmation of friendship was equally refreshing.

When Nadia mentioned how tired he looked, Tomomi grew mildly flustered, somewhat embarrassed by the fact he'd let it show. At her suggestion to lay down, the boy nodded slightly, voice drearier than before "A-ah, um, s-sure...",. Shifting his position to lay down and place his head where instructed, eyes shutting rather quickly after adjusting position. Even further relaxing was the scalp massage, which seemed to only highlight to Tomomi his fatigue. Not very long after she'd started, it wouldn't be hard for Nadia to find out that Tomomi had thus fallen asleep.

Nadia breathed out a contented sigh as she massaged Tomomi's scalp. It was a strange sensation. When she did this for Cecil it felt intimate, a deepening of her bond with her love. With Tomomi it felt...like a different sort of closeness. She wondered fleetingly if this was what it felt like to have an older sibling - or a younger one. It was a feeling like she could be counted on to comfort and support this person no matter what. It was a type of belonging altogether different from what she felt with Cecil. The realization of their differentness seemed to solidify in her the importance of each one. Without Cecil, she would lose a piece of her heart, and without Tomomi, she would lose a piece of her will and spirit. They would keep pushing each other forward, carrying one another if they must. As she thought about them both, and Kendra too, bounding along behind them, the feeling of completeness that swelled up in her chest was agonizing.

With a contented sigh she watched Tomomi's face smooth from one of anxious concern to a more peaceful mask of sleep. She kept massaging him for a little while, letting him drift deeper before her hand slowed, and eventually stopped. One hand on his shoulder, the other tousled in his hair, Nadia leaned her head back against the couch, and drifted back to sleep herself.

Tomomi of The Lovers Arcana and Nadia of The Death Arcana's bond has deepened further.

Rank 6.