A Moment's Respite [Cecil]

He could hear the group before he'd even turned the corner into the hall, the muttering, giggling and laughs giving the albino a good enough if idea of what was most likely going on.

Gossip.

As he'd turned the corner, he saw a group of students, mostly female from what he saw. They seemed gathered around someone, a boy who he assumed was about his age. Blonde hair, and... earphones? Would explain to a point how... stoic the other seemed.

Gozai twisted his expression into a disapproving scowl, or at least a convincing imitation of one. On the inside though, he was smilling, smiling at just how petty it was, all these nobodies going on and on with their pointless blabber. With his approach, the murmur that the various conversations had melded into was turning more... decipherable.

Oh, you remember that time he almost burned down the chemisty lab? Still can't believe how he did not get expelled."


"Oh,my god, really? Then you mean he..."

Gozai tuned out the rest of drivel from his mind, as he started thinking. The mention of moonshine seemed to make something click. He gave the youth another glimpse, expression shifting to one of pity. He could recall the moonshine incident, at least what had filtered throguh the rumor mill. Was this the boy then who had been one of those in the middle of that deabucle? What was his name? "C... Ce... Cedrick, maybe?" He thought to himself, unsure, uncaring.

"Hey look who it is, it's red-eyes white virgin himself." One of the gossips, a girl, called out mockingly. Though the mocking never did fail to light that twinge of anger, the trained mask that was his face did not flinch, giving the harpy no satisfaction of a reaction.


Another girl, maybe 16 at most had spoken. The fake tan sprayed onto her skin looked about as terrible as the obviously silicone-enhanced bust that was about to pop a button off her blouse.

The crowd began to move away, leaving Gozai to wonder how a bimbo like that had even gotten into a school like this. The only reasonable explanation he could find was that her parents had most likely paid to get her a spot here.

But with the crowd leaving, the all seemed a lot more... quiet. His gaze turned to thr group of gossips, andd the back to the youth. Thoughts raced in his head, as he formulated his approach. Should he leave or...

And that's when the idea struck him.

The look on his face shifted to a mask of concern, but internally he flashed a wicked grin.  His pace slowed, his path beginning to deviate from its original course as he approached the boy. Coming close enough, Gozai seated himself almost next to the other, leaving just a bit of space. "I h-hope you don't mind me sitting down here." He said in a timid tone, that little bit of stutter there. He hadn't waited for the other to take off the headphones, or even stopped to get their attention. As he waited the response, Gozai looked at the other, though his gaze would wander, avoiding eye contact.

Cecil wasn't completely of the fact that there was chatter going on around him. He wasn't even unaware anymore that some of it was about him, not from the looks his way spotted out of the corner of his eye. He'd caught a snippet of it before as he was going around the school, and decided then was the moment that he really needed to be listening to anything other than that. It was bad enough when he first became aware of the way people talked about him - there was only so much more that he could take listening to from there.

He looked as someone settled in by him, noting the disappearance of the other group. Speech tickled at his ears, but it was barely distinguishable over the sounds of his earphones. He brings the music to a halt as he looks over at the boy next to him. "Uh...sorry, um...what did you say...?"

About as expected, the earphones had blocked out the words from the others senses, but how much of the rest had not escaped his notice? Gozai couldn't say for sure. He would hum, before speaking back in response. "Oh, uhhh... I was just asking if you minded if I took a seat." He would reiterate on his previous question, again avoiding that eye contact. Lack of confidence, that was what he tried to convey.

He didn't even really wait, at most a few seconds before following up. "But uhhh... Seeing as you're not immediately protesting my presence, I guess it can't be all bad, right?" He would ask, further playing up the timidness on his tone. His pale hand came up as he spoke, rubbing the back of his neck, eyes  closing as he capped off his question with an awkward chuckle.

Gozai couldn't quite shake off that sense of trepidation at the back of his head. For now he hoped the other wouldn't be so perceptive as to notice his falsified mannerisms. While messing the charade up now wouldn't mean anything in the sense of lost time, but letting his social mask crack even a bit at school could prove... dangerous.

An small smile and a shake of the head were Gozai's reply, a relaxed mask passing over Cecil's own features as it tended to. The deception went overhead, a lack of social experience and a failure in the blond's perception coming together to make the subtle signs from the stranger pass without notice. "Why would I?" He shrugs, scratching at the back of his head. "It'd hardly be right to try and get rid of you just for trying to sit down here."

A shake of the head? A lot of ways one could interpret that, even with the smile that accompanied it. That trepidation began to build up for a brief moment, Gozai feeling a tenseness creeping up the tips of his fingers. Both trepidation tend tenseness soon enough found relief however, when the other spoke. He would chuckle awkwardly a the response, an internal sigh of relief accompanying it.

"Well uh, you know, people can get kinda superstitious about my... Condition, at times." He paused, another awkward chuckle. "And even those who'd rather not be around me out of ignorance usually want little to do with someone who's an easy target for bullies." His expression took on something of a sad tinge.

He then paused briefly, visibly opening and closing his mouth a few times as if to speak. All part of the act. Finally he'd "muster up" the resolve to speak up. "I heard some of the awful things those other students were saying just now. If you... Don't mind me prying." Again a pause. Is it... Is it like that often?"

Cecil seems confused about what he could mean about a condition for a moment, and the moment of realisation a little later can be seen on his face as he occurs - a sudden clarity coming to his features. Even if he hadn't thought about it before, red eyes, let alone skin that pale wasn't exactly ordinary. His mouth opens to speak, and clamps right shut again as it becomes apparent Gozai was trying to say something, waiting it out. Bad enough how easy it was to jam the words in his own throat - he didn't want to do that to someone else.

The relaxed look he tries to maintain falters a little, and while it manages to hold on, it's expresses a more melancholy sentiment than before. "I...imagine so. Didn't really listen enough to know before, and it was...kind of a shock to hear what people were saying. I can imagine what happened recently only made it worse..." He sighs. "...I try to make sure I just don't hear about it. It's not going anywhere either way, so...might as well try to avoid letting it bother me even more."

did he see a shift in his expression? Gozai couldn't say for sure. "I'm probably just imagining it." He thinks to himself as he listens to the other speak. As the youth finished talking, the albino would nod, while giving a small hum of acknowledgment.

"That's actually not a bad approach, blocking it all out." He spoke as he gave the other a look, trying to emulate something akin to a somewhat encouraging tone. He then exhaled somewhat loudly through his nostrils, and shifted his gaze away and up, toward where the ceiling and opposing wall met. "It really does horrify me to think of all the horrible thing one human can be ready to say of another, I just can't wrap my head around it. What does it achieve?"

Cecil shrugs and turns his head away, looking down. "Not really much good. Make you feel better, about yourself or otherwise. Control other people and the way they think. Hurt people and degrade them, or just give you some sort of rush. There's a lot you can achieve that way..." He swallows, and gives a long sigh as he hunches forward. "...and that's the most frustrating part. You're doing this at someone else's expense, and all this incentivises it."
A hand runs through his hair, grasping at the strands. "And if they have incentive, if it benefits people...they'll do it."

Okay, that went in a direction he hadn't expected. Gozai stayed silent as the other spoke.He'd had his ear on the rumor mill for much of his time at the school, but he found himself starting to wonder if the rumors even covered the full extent going around this kid? Something to figure out another time, perhaps.

"I- Uhh... I d-didn't mean to..." He would stutter his response his face now turning toward the others face, still trying to avoid that driect eye contact, but actually looking in their direction. "I'm... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have... Brought up that subject." As he spoke, Gozai's expression shifted to a mask of sadness, with hints of guilt thrown in for good measure.

Cecil jerks up, shaking his head and trying to wave it off. "No! Nonono, it's, it's uh, it's ay, ah, ugh...it's...it's fine. Really. I..." He grits his teeth, glancing away. "I guess I've just thought about this too much myself. Thought a lot about...people stuff, I guess. There's only so long you can bash your head at something without starting to get an idea about it."

A small, bitter laugh escapes Cecil's lips. "I wish I could say people did these things for no reason. I...really, wish. It'd make things easier. But I can't."

Yeah, that had hit a sore point, it would seem. He'd have to be a bit more careful with how far he took things. Gozai's gaze dropped   as the other said it was okay, when clearly it really wasn't, at least that's the impression he got. "O-Okay, if you say so."

He'd continue listening o the other, trying to formulate a response in his head. I... I really try not to think about other people too much. Because the more I think, the less I feel like I understand them. It's almost funny, if it didn't feel so tragic at the same time." He would pause again, letting out a small sigh. "I think.. People do things for reasons, some for the right reasons, some... not so much. Some have good intentions but are misguided in their approach." He spoke, a dispirited tone taking over his voice.

"I like to imagine that some of those other students. The ones that say all those awful things, about you, about me. That they know what they are doing is wrong, that their intentions are-" He began talking again, his attention seeming to drift a bit, until he would cut off his little monologue. "Sorry. I guess I just kinda started thinking aloud there." The albino would shake his head at this, eyes closed.

"Seriously...don't worry about it." Cecil sighs, and simply shrugs. "People do things for all sorts of reasons, yeah. Good, and not. Maybe some of them do comprehend what sort of thing they're actually doing, and care about that. But I'm not so sure a lot of them do. Or...maybe I just don't like the idea that they're fully aware and continue on anyway, something driving them to continue. That they can't stop doing it, or...just don't care that they are."

Cecil blinks a couple of times, and chuckles awkwardly as he looks away. "...yeah, uh...not the only one who thinks out loud."

Gozai would nod to the other. "I guess there's a degree of comfort to be found in both approaches. With the assumption of ignorance, there's an easy target to assign blame..." He'd say, trailing off while putting emphasis on that last word. He would pause, letting those words float in the air for a brief moment before resuming.

"There's catharsis to be had in blame. I wouldn't fault you, or anyone in your position for that. But..." Again he paused, again for sake of emphasis. "If one were to consider that peer pressure is probably involved quite heavily, at least from what I've observed during me time. Some join the bullies to avoid becoming the victim themselves. But if we were to remove the peer pressure, all the positive feedback for those awful things they do..."

He paused, turning slightly where he sat to face more toward the other, leaning in a little closer closer. "Once you strip all that away, do you think their actions bother them? Does all the horrors they've inflicted on others ever come back to haunt them?" Gozai spoke, by now his tone had become a lot more even, a lot more... serious.

He would then whip back, before letting out a awkward chuckle. "Haha, sorry 'bout that, I think that's the psychology courses starting to show." His tone was back to it previous, low self, if perhaps just a smidge more chipper.

...easier to assign blame to people if they're ignorant of things...?
Cecil frowns. That...didn't quite feel right - at least, not to him. Ignorance, while not an excuse, at least provides hope that realisation may come and alter things for the better...assuming they're not wilfully ignorant, anyway. They could do it. They have this potential.
But the outlook just seems more bleak if they're doing it while aware. There, there's something that needs be overcome. Something more troublesome than not knowing better.

Like...that. Peer pressure, the oppressive force that it is.
Cecil withdrew into his thoughts at that point, not quite noticing as Gozai diverted from the topic as it all played out in his head.

"...maybe some of them. Others might just be too wrapped up in relief that it's not them to be willing or able to acknowledge they have an issue with it. Just...push it down, ignore it all, so they don't have to feel bad. To not have any push to put themselves at risk to avoid the feeling, or to avoid having to feel terrible as they continue on." He shakes his head, expression twisting. "It's all a vicious cycle. Starts with one or two people, and more join in to avoid them. That makes them more oppressive, and pushes more people to do the same, a growing mass of cruelty filled with people who never wanted to be there, all convinced everyone will turn on them if they don't go along with it. If they knew none of them wanted part of this, they might realise the few who actually want to are outnumbered and dispel, but..."

He pauses.

"They don't. So you get all of them stuck alone in a growing mass. Small groups maybe, but nothing that makes them feel safe. And then things continue, until they come across someone who cannot or will not become part of that...their main target. All the while, people in that group are probably still getting harassed, thinking they can manage if they just turn some of it onto other people."

"...I don't blame them, but...I'd still prefer to be stuck on the receiving end than be part of something like that."

Cecil remains stuck deep in his thoughts, churning it all in his mind.

Was the other even paying attention? Or had he just gone too far there? Question began popping up in the albino's head regarding the situation. Questions that were swiftly tossed to the proverbial back burner when the other began speaking.

Turns out he'd quite a lot to say, a lot of it making some very solid points, points he already was quite aware of, but Gozai still played his own expressions as though a lot of this was news to him. But he listened intently, taking it all in, a nod here, acknowledging hum there to show the other had his attention.

"You know... When you put it all like that, actually makes me feel kinda sorry for them." He'd pause for a moment, weighing his options for what to do next. Clearly he'd hit on some sensitive topics, and he had a hunch feelings might be running high. He'd have to defuse all that, lest the situation escalate.

He drew a long breath, before raising one hand, and bringing it onto the others shoulder, his eyes tracing up to their face, ready to meet his gaze should he turn it. "I..." He'd begin, only to pause for a moment, closing his eye for an exhale, before opening his eyes again to continue. "When I brought up the subject of blame, I... With what I said, I never meant to assign blame on the person, but to assign blame on their ignorance. The two may be tied closely, but are still separate."

He paused for a moment, to let the words sink in. "But you speak the truth, to victimize them for their ignorance would make one no better than the bullies." With that, he pulled both his gaze and his hand away, the hand in turn coming to stroke the bridge of is nose as the albino let out a small noise like a groan.