Letting Your Voice Out [Gabe/Susan]

Gabriel had been incredibly understanding, though she was not certain if she had been disappointing or not. He was very focused on the two of them enjoying themselves and Susan had been incredibly uninteresting or morose, it would not surprise her if he was unimpressed with her. It further cemented in her that she was not cut out for this sort of dating experience. She had been shivering by the end of her performance and quickly and quietly left the stage without comment though froze when she heard clapping. He... w-was applauding her. The small woman stood like a deer in the headlights for a few moments before hurrying the rest of the way from the stage. This was something she just... couldn't process. She was unaware of how to proceed, how to think of things or react to them and it was somewhat... she did not know. She relayed the same to him as he asked her, clutching her skirt and looking to the floor as she shook in embarrassment.


There was no time to process it and she had never been good at such things, with other people let alone herself. Clearly she had been loathe to approach the stage and given another opportunity... even then she was uncertain. Was she relieved to have gotten it over with, or glad she had gone through with it...? She was embarrassed for certain. Should she be...? Was his applause uplifting or did she find it patronizing...? Did she feel accepted or mocked...? Was this a good thing...?
Susan did not know. She did not have time to sort it out.

".....I-I am g-going to sit f... for a bit," she stammered, gliding past him in a nervous shuffle to pour herself another glass of ice water. She huddled on seat uncomfortably as her eyes lost their luster and she retreated into her cozy headspace, sipping now and again and trying not to make eye contact. Susan was horrible at these kinds of interactions. She did not understand things this way, not very easily. Feelings and emotions were difficult for her to grasp, they weren't easily understood or as orderly as facts were. Nothing about them could be quantified or organized. The businesswoman had known this all her life, that her way of processing the world around her was fundamentally different than that of others and she took measures to work around this weakness of hers yet it was still impossible to mitigate it completely, much to her dismay. She would attempt to work through her feelings and the situation objectively instead, her own personal opinionated judgement could not be relied on. Especially when she had no idea what she was doing. It would take time before she could produce an answer and even longer before she could rationalize and vocalize it.

It took a while for her to realize, a couple of minutes in fact, but it dawned on her that she was participating in a date and should not act like this. Appearances were important and she was displaying a poor one. Susan grasped her face and shuddered slightly.
"...I-I apologize, I-I did not mean to be offensive just now. It is... th-this very......I-I do not often do th-this sort of thing." She downplayed her answer. Susan did not want to appear like some unnatural robot or insinuate that she did not "get" her own emotions. She did not want to inform him that she observed the world in terms of logic and data points and that basic human functions such as how she was feeling never factored into that on a day to day basis. Those she worked closely with would sometimes joke that she had a second brain instead of a heart and she would laugh and secretly wonder if they were correct. But as time went by and she had more time to think she would regain more control over herself. She supposed she should act positively if he had done so. But the small woman would attempt to be truthful at the same time.

".....I-I suppose it was a good experience a-albeit uncomfortable...!" she laughed incredibly nervously, silently wishing she had never opened her mouth to begin with. She cringed but decided to go on immediately, lest he take her comment poorly.
"W-we were speaking about how our experiences can change us as people, and even if I had... b-been hesitant to come onstage and sing I believe a-and was nervous through the entire thing that can be one of those experiences overall that can affect how I make future decisions. .......I-I am still unsure how I am feeling, b-but I am leaning toward positive...!" She spoke her last remark as a proud child would have. It was a small triumph but she was starting to re-remember that she was a human being that possessed emotions and not an analytical robot, oft she would forget and continue to be surprised. But this was an opportunity for growth.

She would look into his eyes as her mood improved and she tried to remain more upbeat and talkative. Susan briefly weighed whether or not she should be direct or encouraging but settled on the latter.
"I was actually very interested in hearing you speak about it...! I happen to enjoy those conversations very much...!" She hadn't told him that the more emotional aspects were her weakspot nor that she would be more comfortable with them, and honestly she wished she could have been more supportive when he had gone so far out of his way to applaud her and make her feel included but you had to crawl before you could walk. She looked at him expectantly with a smile.

"You know, some of the best experiences take you out of your comfort zone. After all, you won't have any sort of growth without those new experiences. Sometimes it makes you feel crazy, other times you understand what it's actually supposed to mean to you. Maybe at times, you won't get exactly how that experience helped you in the long run for days or months to come. Then it just hits you with an "oh, I kinda get it now" scenario. Do you know what I mean by that? I mean, its ok if you don't, it was just my own little way of helping you with the nerves. "

However, Gabe did give out a playful laugh when she said that it was somewhat positive.

"Alright, I'm happy that it is. I wasn't too sure about what you liked, I was hoping that I didn't make a mistake by taking you here because you were unable to have any fun in the process. At the very least, maybe I can put those thoughts to rest for the time being. "

When she wanted to hear more about what Gabe was going to say he blushed a bit after making a semi-loud cough.


"Well.... the reason why I said nevermind was because sometimes I tend to ramble too often and.........forget my last sentence if it seemed like an overload. It's a bit embarrassing...."

The businesswoman nodded her head in agreement, hanging on to the pleasant conversation. She was much more accustomed to this area than she was performing in front of... anyone, really. Public speaking was never a problem for her since she could speak to her topic and explain in an area of her expertise, though singing was much more personal and nerve wracking. She was amused by the irony of how she felt about the topic.
"Mmmhmm!" she hummed in affirmation, "I agree, although I see things the opposite i-in a certain sense. I am mostly aware of these opportunities and seek to find them when they can be beneficial, though... i-it does not make it ea-easier to actually commit to doing them. Eheheh..." Susan laughed nervously though happily, she was quite aware of her own reservations and cowardice. It did discourage her from the riskier and more embarrassing things she could do to better herself, but she sought workarounds and much more comfortable alternatives when she could.

"I-It is definitely an experience...!" she crooned with shaky laughter of her own. To be frank, Susan did not enjoy going to karaoke, though she did realize that it could be beneficial expositional therapy for her own social anxiety. B-but she was having fun spending time with Gabriel...! He was incredibly easy to speak with, insightful, and so ambitious! The timid woman would readily attend karaoke if it meant she could have the deep conversations she sought. She would not want to spoil his experience by vocalizing it. Though she would take this opportunity to inform him of her preferences.
"I am often a much quieter girl, I enjoy long walks and... museums and... anywhere it is easy to hold a conversation. B-but I do enjoy the occasional adventure like this one." Though as he himself grew bashful she would straighten and adjust her posture, turning more to face him. It gave her a sense of comfort to remind her that he was just as nervous as she was, this being their first date after all. It set them on equal footing.

She would smile sweetly as Gabriel stammered through his own words as she had all evening.
"It is alright, Gabriel. Some of the best experiences take us out of our comfort zones! I remember someone telling me that once," she would tease, "It would be unfair if I were the only one embarrassed all night, mmmhmmmhmm...! ...please Gabriel, I will not judge you, I enjoy listening to you speak your mind. What are you thinking, Gabriel...?" She happened to find it quite exciting listening to him, allowing herself to open up a little. Yet she spoke of fairness, and he would like for the both of them to enjoy themselves, so she came up with a mischeivous compromise.
"I would love to hear what you are thinking about...! I-if you would like to, after we are done speaking, w-we can sing a duet." The prospect terrified her yet at the same time it was very exciting...! Susan was... not... looking forward to getting on stage again, b-but she would predict it would be a memorable bonding experience.

"W-well......"

Deciding that he would just end up telling her what he was thinking, Gabe would sigh in resignation as he bit the bullet and gave her full opinion that he was withholding. It wasn't as if it was anything bad, it was just the fact that sometimes it takes a moment to remember what he was going on about if he was recently distracted. In this particular case, Susan made for quite the distraction for Gabe.

"It was more a line of "fate" with every decision that we make in life, it turns us into the person that maybe we were always meant to be. The good and the bad balance each other out and the end result is, well....you and me. "

He did seem quite flustered... perhaps she had chosen to... tease outside of her comfort zone too much...? It was difficult to tell, she was already incredibly outside of her basic level of interaction that it was difficult to tell how what she said would impact him. ...Admittedly it had taken her a bit longer to realize that when Gabriel had said forget his last sentence he may have actually literally forgotten rather than being coy. As he chose to go forward she would gently chew on her tongue, feeling regret for misinterpreting his words so carelessly. She spent the next few uncomfortable moments inside her own head hoping she didn't offend him... though what he had spoken of begged to differ.

To be absolutely truthful... the romantic connotations of such an admission sailed gently over the small woman's head. She was much too enraptured by the topic and what it meant in a broader sense, scientifically, philosophically, even on the quantum level of if "fate" existed or not. As such she would dive happily into the topic although lacking several context clues.
"Yes, I do agree, although... good and bad aren't always clear at times. We are as we are and the sum of our experiences, which guide our actions and create who we are as people. Though... which traits that come of that being good or bad is highly subjective in most cases. It is difficult to define what is "good" and what is "bad" as witnessed by the very existence of philosophy. I believe we are as we are, people with aspirations and goals, and what is "good" and what is "bad" may change depending on the current social climate. It is "good" to defend one's homeland but not to fervor, it is "bad" to steal but not to support a starving family, for instance, such as in Les Miserables." Susan looked up to think for a moment before continuing.
"I am... uncertain about "fate". It is simple to connect the lines of the past yet difficult to divine the future, and if it is able to be changed or set in stone. If you struggle against fate is it defined that you would struggle against it? I personally do find it fascinating, and LaPlace's Daemon is a very good thought exercise."

The businesswoman beamed happily though obliviously. Frankly she was happy to have found someone with which she could feel comfortable discussing topics such as this. Though... as reality set in her calm smile cracked. He had held up his end of the bargain thus she would as well. Her friendly smile twisted into a panicked grimace as her eyes became a bit more flighty.
"W-would you l-like to begin si... singing again, Gabriel...?"

"Of course, and this time.... we can sing it together!" Gently grabbing her hand, Gabe would place his drink down and carefully lead her to the stage with him. He didn't want to see too assertive or forceful, but Gabe was quite excited about the opportunity.

"Ok, lets do this one together!!!"

---

Sharing a song and a bit of laughter. Gabe made sure a taxi was there to pick up Susan afterwards and that she got home safely.

-end