How the Grub Stole A Buncha People's Crap [Galixicon Day]

OOC:

So's the people of Junction loved Galaxicon Day
But not this old Grub. No sir, no damn way.

I fuggen hate this shit, it pisses me off.
I rant an' I rave, I snear an' I scoff,

Cuz this here's all about sellin' shit that shines.
The fuck do I hate it? Cuz fuck you that's why.

Maybe I got a problem with the rich.
Maybe I'm old and just like to bitch.

But maybe the problem I got most'a all
Is that this bein' poor in this season just itches my balls

It's a pain in the ass, bein' poor, bein' broke,
That these jagoffs an' their presents is a huge fuggen joke.

But I ain't need no damn reason to be a surly damn prick
So you can stoop down real low an' suck my green dick.

I sees people all happy an' singin' in cheer
An' that shit's just like knives straight into my ear.

This shit right her pisses me right the fuggoff
So I think I'll show all these goddamn jagoffs

The fuck Galaxicon day is supposed to fuggen mean.
So's I sit in my shop an' I plot an' I scheme.

"S'pose I'll take all their shit," I say to myself.
I gotta stop doin' that, it's bad fer my health.

But I get to buildin' an' make me a sleigh.
Shit better look good, it took me all damn day.
S'got spinners an' rims and rockets real fast
If ya don't hold on real tight you might lose yer ass.
But how do I stop I bet you fuggen ask.
I ain't gotta stop if I just fuggen crash.
Put on some red robes as a finishin' touch
And contemplate why my dad ain't love me too much.

But I gots all my shit an' my tricked out ass sleigh
If yer doin' the speed limit get the fuggoutta my way!

I speed through the streets like a bat outta hell
Hittin' every package an' mailbox as well.

If I got suffer it ain't gonna be pretty
I'll make every damn body feel twice as shitty.

Cuz Galaxicon day's even more bad
When you can't even count a good Christmas you had.

So I'm gonna enforce the ol' Christmas spirit.
Shit's about togetherness or somethin' fuggen near it.

So's I sneak into houses an' take what I can get.
Slink under the tree an' I take all their shit.

And not one single time did I find anybody.
Til a kid came downstairs and he saw Ol' Grubby.

"Santa why are you taking our presents?" he peeped.
"Shut the fuggup asshole, get yer ass back to sleep."

So I load up my sleigh with all my stole'd swag
Got the whole damn neighborhood right here in this bag.

I got to the Top Ward, the top of it all.
Figure it's the highest spot I can drop somethin' an' watch it fall.

An' then I hear some confusin' ass sound.
I crane my ears an' listen to the singin' of the town.

They spent all this cash, all this money they paid.
An' I stole it all on Galaxicon Day.
They ain't even mad, more happy than not.
The fuck you mean I did this shit fer squat!?

An' it was said up in the Top Ward so they say
That the Grub's tiny heart grew three sizes that day.
Gotta talk to my doctor, this can't be good for me.
Heart growin' three sizes can't be fuggen healthy.

But I rush down the elevator with my bag and my sleigh
Got some funny looks but fuggem I say.

I get down in the Bottoms where I took all they scratch
I unload my sleigh an' I give it all back.

...I awoke in a cell when I heard a loud clatter,
Think I'm missin' my pants but it don't fuggen matter.

Fuggen hangover's killin' me, I wish it'd stop
but on the far side'a the bars I spy me a cop.

"How the fuck did I get here?" I asks aloud wonderin'.
"We threw you in here when we caught you plunderin'

Gifts from Galaxicon Chests, pickin' fights on the street,
and your pockets were filled with stolen bison meat.

But it is Galaxicon Day and you gave it back so
No one pressed charges, you're free to go."

I strut out that damn jail cell with a click of my heels.
I do a few handsprings an' some fuggen cartwheels.

Then I get a bit woozy an' I ralph on the floor,
But I ain't stickin' around fer this shit, got my ass out that door.

So what's the moral'a this story I bet ya wanna know.
It's don't get shitfaced on Christmas and just stay the fuck home.