Shopping for Fools [Alec]

Alec would nod lightly at what he heard.

“I suppose that is understandable then. Though if I may, why wouldn’t your opinion count?” he would ask as he gave the other a curious glance. It was true that Alec was a talker and probably tolerated the pointless better than others, but even so he was never one to discount other’s opinions. In fact, he was a strong believer in letting others state their mind even if the end results may trigger him. He preferred the open floor to one that blocked out or left out others thanks to a matter of different thoughts. The problem with his philosophy though was when he did react negatively people saw the surface view only and becoming fed up, they would blow what was really just his thoughts on the matter into something it really shouldn’t be. It was a sad case, but maybe because he was on the other side of the fence, he could understand the man a bit better...or at least have a mind open enough to try to understand him.

“Oro?” Alec would look over at the other as he seemed to make a contradicting statement, the expression on his face neutral until he saw the smile which in turn caused him to furrow his brows a bit perplexed. He would listen to the words heard before turning away with a slight smile on his face. When his spoke his words were a bit hesitant, but he spoke honestly enough.

“I am...actually kind of happy to that. On one hand, yeah it is probably going to get rough here and there, especially because I will explode and make a fuss, but if you are truly okay with my whirlwind of emotional baggage...then maybe this won’t turn out into games of hide and seek or pointless arguments. Though I don’t know. On the other hand, I think that I am a bit of a heavy burden to try and deal with. I am going to be square. I am more downs than ups to be honest and I kind of feel I will pull anyone down if I just be myself, thus why I pretend to be something else. I think this is the first time...I actually met someone that may be okay with me just as I am….Though can’t say for sure since I don’t exactly know you well enough to make that call. Even so you are still here, so...That is something. As for you not expressing things well, I think that is okay. Cause in the end, I have feeling if I or anyone just stopped to ask for clarification then maybe you would clear up the confusion...It's just guess though,” Alec would say before falling quiet a bit.

It was odd, but even not knowing the guy...Alec still felt okay speaking with the other like this. He couldn’t say for sure if it was the guy’s calmness or openness that did it, but something allowed him to be speak more freely with this one than he would with others. He felt okay with being vulnerable, his gut telling him this wasn’t the sort of guy to take advantage of this and use it against him. Though his gut could be wrong…even though that was very rare.

Alec would continue to move as he listened to the other. “Mmm Well, the good thing about that approach is at least you can hold your footing better when you are calm and focused. Emotions are great and all, but sometimes cloud judgement and in turn causes you to say something or do something you don’t want or mean to say. In the past, I was pretty bad about, but I tried to clean up a bit. Though, I don’t know how well I’ve done since I can’t seem to control flying off the handle for some rather silly things to this day,” he said with a somewhat embarrassed, yet light chuckle. Yeah. He still could improve in that area. Just how was the main challenge. Anyway…

“Yeah, you may fail, but you seem to be quick on the recovery side considering you bounced back easier from earlier than I did. Unless you wouldn’t consider that a fail?” he would look over at the other with a raised eyebrow. The guy could get cold and biting, but worse than what he saw? Was there something worse than that with this guy? And if so...would he even be able to survive that? It was a curious thing, but Alec kept his wandering thought in check as he simply waited to see if he got an answer.

Continuing on, Alec’s eyes would eventually drift away from the other as he heard what was said as a small smile came across his face. “I sometimes wish I could shut off like that, but I have the tendency to want to help and weather the stuff with the other than just block it. It might’ve save me some stress and losing hair if I could have done that,” he would say with a light chuckle before becoming slightly more serious again. “Well, you are still walking by me and you seem to stick by friends even when they are throwing stuff at ya, so perhaps your skill in handling it all isn’t so bad.”

Alec would give the other a small smile that while playful was more honest and genuine than poking. He couldn’t say much for others, but the fact this one didn’t run the moment he was set off was kind of nice. Not too many people in the past could actually handle this part of him and the one that he thought could ended up leaving him in the end; however, that matter was not for now, so he’d push the memory off as he kept himself rooted in the now.

In any case, the mood would lighten a bit as Sharaku surprisingly decided to poke back with his comment. To his words, Alec would give an amused “hmph” as his eyes turned to something else in the area. “I will take the words into consideration,” he would say the comment seeming playful enough, but one had to wonder if it was just play behind the smirk he gave the other. Regardless, Alec left that part a mystery for the time being as the situation didn’t seem to move for play territory.

“That is true and to be honest, I never understood why some like to explode like that, but every now and then I got one that decided I needed to be…”educated” on the matter when I accidentally stepped the wrong way. Kind of ridiculous and frustrating, but it is a thing unfortunately. Even more so when preference in gender doesn’t really lean with the norm,” Alec would say with a light shrug. It was one of those strange aspect of his life that after a while he just stopped questioning and when confronted with it just brushed it off. He honestly didn’t see the point people were making when they decided to go on their self-righteous speeches. It was almost like it was crime to play. Anyway, he probably go on all day about that one, but for now he would not.

“I play more than jump. My upfront nature probably overbearing, but at the same time a good test to see if there is even the slimmest of chances there. I am not rushing to the finish line, but if folk blow up in a bad fashion to my flare then I leave it alone. I can’t exactly win someone over who is already throwing stones at me from the get go...at least not the ones that are telling me don’t even try. When I settle on actually being serious, I have the tendency to pull back a bit and take it slower. As much of a goofball as I can be, underneath it all I understand these things take time. I am just more open about my likes from the get go, but even so...a like is not the same thing as love. You want to get to that point? Then we have to seriously work on it,” he would say.

Yes, he was flirty and loose with his ways, finding himself unbound by anything unless he was serious about the relationship. When he was serious, he dropped the play and focused on the one he was with, being loyal until the bitter end...or until something came up that told him to get the hell out of dodge.

“Nah. It’s good. My words are just my opinion on the matter,” he would state and then shaking his head with a smirk he would continue. “Oh, I hear ya there. The extremists are on either side can be quite...er...passionate about their position. Sometimes to the point it’s harmful…” Alec would say trailing off at the end. Yeah, extremists….

While his playful attitude faltered for just a second, he would bounce quickly enough as the subject turned to men versus women in the drama queen department. “Oh really? I’ve never really encountered one much worse than a woman so I cannot say. Though I won’t doubt it considering we are just as human as they are,” he would say kind of amused at the idea of a man out doing a woman in the drama department. He remained more or less amused before the conversation went into land of short answers and silence once more; however, it did not last long as a different topic rose to disrupt it.

To the words said, Alec would rub the back of his head as he frowned a bit in thought. “Mmm. Well, you have more mercy than myself then and perhaps an even thicker skin. I know things could be much worse, but I just can’t open myself as easily once burned unless I know the trolling is in good fun. When it steps out of the play arena? Well...I don’t do so well swallowing it. Guess I seek something more stable and less flighty when I am serious about being with ya,” Alec would say in calm tones despite the subject matter. He may have been many things, but even the nicest of people had to draw a line somewhere, no?

“Trust others...Hmmm…” Alec would ponder that for a moment as he drifted from the book section over to the clothing section. He would casually look through the racks of clothing as he thought. “Well, I chose not to fully ignore, but at the same time, I find it hard to simply trust someone, with well myself so to speak, when they have shown signs of being trouble. Yeah maybe they can change, but from my experience...typically "I am sorry" is just another excuse to repeat what was already done in those situations…” Alec would say as he seemed to calmly scan the choices available to him; however, a perceptive person would be able to tell something was wrong there; however without further prying the man didn’t seem like he wanted to share. Regardless, he would bounce back up soon enough as he heard the other words.

“Well, I am not exactly throwing a final judgment with my ways. More like being cautious thanks to what I know. I do give second chances...I just have an odd way of giving them is all,” Alec would say before falling quiet for a bit to look a shirt. He seemed to be checking out the design on it and then making a face put it back before looking at another shirt. While his expression was neutral enough and his action calm, the air around Alec was slightly tense; however, it did not seem it was towards the other, but rather something internally that was bothering him. Even so he tried his best to play it off not wanting the other to worry and soon even this would be knocked off course as the chat took an unexpected change as the shadow within the man decided to join the fun.

To the response given back to his words, Alec found himself pausing in his browsing as he shifted a bit in his spot. He was bit uncertain where this was going and even more so because one seemed to want to tell the story and the other seemed to maybe not want that? He wasn’t sure. It was hard to read the chat between the two.

“Umm...I am not sure I would use that to describe him either…” Alec would begin and then hearing the rest of the chat, he would give an small and somewhat low uncertain “Ookay?” after hearing the discussion. While he was indeed curious, he did not fail to notice some undertones there that suggested that perhaps what he was about to be told wasn’t just an ordinary story...in fact if he could take that "for science" comment to heart, then said story may actually have to do with them...meaning the man and the shadow within.

It was this realization that made him wonder (after the fact GG Alec >>) that maybe this could be tricky territory. He didn’t exactly want to tread on personal space without the man’s consent, but then again...he wasn’t exactly saying anything to stop the shadow when he began...so maybe this was okay? He wasn’t sure, but it looks like the shadow would tell the tale anyway.

So pushing down his worry a bit, he would simply listen as the other began. Oh dear. What had he gotten himself into really? He was right in thinking this was something to do with the pair before him and while the subject matter was not pleasant per-se. It hadn’t gotten to a point where the young man was disturbed by it. In fact, the expression on his face was quite calm...until he was asked a direct question. To this, Alec would blink as he looked at the other, a bit unsure how to answer that. He didn’t actually have to...No. Alec shook his head slightly as he cleared that thought away to think.

“Well...considering you just destroyed everyone around me...I would be pretty afraid; however...I wouldn’t let you kill me either. I would fight back even if I was scared of ya or out of my league. I would do what I could to live...” he would tell the other watching the pair for reactions before hesitantly asking. “...Why?”

Hmm. He probably took the earlier meaning too literal. To the words heard, the he would let out a low hum.

“Ah, I see. Well, I suppose you do have a point, even if I find that a little frustrating on my end and feel miserable when I actually end up doing said thing….” Heh. Life and its little knocks. While he couldn’t explain it. Some of those knocks hit harder than others and the effects lingered no matter how much a person said it was okay. He honestly didn’t want to hear that. The words making whatever guilt or emotion he had to contend with stronger. To be honest it had to do nothing with the world around him, but rather something internally that he could not fix….and in turn made him emotionally unstable at times. Even with the flaw, he kept that mess to himself most of the time. The only person that knew this flaw well had long since passed, so only hints of the issue was there.

It was not like anyone really wanted a unstable person…then again he had settled with that lot in life a long time ago. Regardless of the thoughts, the mood around the man remained calm enough as he shook his head lightly to clear away the clouds and refocus on the now. The lapse was a very small one causing only a few seconds of silence before he tilted his head at the other’s words. To what was heard, he would nod lightly.

“Natrual. I sometimes wonder about that…” Alec would say as he frowned lightly debating about if he should go further than that, but then shaking his head he would try again. “I will admit the emotional issues is a flaw of mine and while I would rather not place it on anyone, if you want me to be honest that unfortunately comes with the territory. I don’t think I am terrible, but a bad day is a bad day…hopefully you won’t ever have to worry about that if you decide to hang around,” he would say and then giving a light, yet sad chuckle he would continue. “Maybe we share that trait and just display it in different ways. I honestly try to keep the brokeness under wraps. Yes, I know it is a bad thing, but it seems to work better that way with people. Even if the results are empty on my end. I think…only one person actually got me as I am with no strings attached, but…I was only able to do that because they put in the effort to work with me….and I guess in the end that was all I really needed then…” and probably now, but he did not state that matter out loud as he shifted his mood into a slightly less sad one…though even that was a bit hard to do at the moment, so he didn’t push it far otherwise it really would come off as fake and forced. The end result of the effort made him seem more calm than mopey. Heh. He had to at least try to swim through the negativity within right?

“Maybe not, but the fact that you would try is more than enough for me at least,” Alec would reply back to the other’s words on confusion and clarity. Honestly, a try was more impactful than people knew. Even if one failed at it, the fact one attempted to do something was what mattered in the long run…or rather it was the try that left the most impact on him at least.

Speaking of trying, while the man did not seem to display much agitation, there was something about the way he rubbed the bridge of his nose hat caused Alec to carefully consider his next set of words. He wasn’t sure as he wasn’t that great at reading the guy, but maybe the topic that caused him to do that in the first place was getting under his skin in some way? He wasn’t sure, but instead of trying to make a comment towards what was said, he would simply nod.

“I see. Well, I guess we can leave it at that then,” Alec would say as he let the topic drop for the time being. If the other wanted to continue he could, but for the most part Alec would tread away from it a bit. Besides what else was there to even get at now?

As for the next set of words, Alec was surprisingly quiet as he listened to the other his calm expression crumpling a bit as he listened to the guy. When posed a question, he would look at the ground not answering at first as he heard the words that followed. When the other finished, Alec would glance over at the other debating about something before carefully stepping closer to the other making sure to let the other know he was invading his space with his action. If allowed to get closer, he would reach out with a pale hand and carefully wrap his arm around the other's and before moving in closer and to lean against him slightly. It was a form of a hug though it was in done in a way that they could keep walking without much trouble…if the other allowed this to occur for that matter.

If Alec was successful, the other would notice the was contact not out of love or trying to win the guy over, but rather one that came from the side of the young man that just genuinely cared about people. If he was allowed to stay where he was, he would stay leaned against the other as he kept moving as he spoke.

“You asked what I would do early if I were in your shoes. I would end myself right then and there. I am not sure how you did it or still do it, but I could not handle such a burden like that. It would tear me apart…and maybe in a way it has done that to you. I don’t know, but even so…I am glad you are still here even if you aren’t all sunshines and rainbows,” Alec would say his words low and surprisingly gentle. “I know we are strangers and words are sometimes just words, but even so know I am right here…I am not saying this to win you over or try to get into your business. I say it because I am honestly am concern and I mean what I am saying. I am right here and will remain here even at the end of it all if I survive this mess. So even if you have to leave, if you come back here. You’ll find me again. Right here…and if you fail to come back….I wouldn’t be able to leave you alone I am afraid. I would come searching for ya just to see how you are holding up. Silly I know, but this is just how I am and this is my long winded way of saying: You're not alone," he would finish and then let the other do with that what he will.

The words were true….and if the other found a way to twist that, then he supposed that was his deal. Even so he would continue to move alongside the other like this for a while longer his mood generating understanding rather than pity for the other. The road this one walked was hard and honestly he felt that words would not help the matter, but even so he had to try to help in some way. If anything could ease the burden even just a bit for the guy, he would be happy. Though how this would turn out was completely up to the other.

To the huff, Alec would raise his eyebrows slightly as a light sigh escaped him. He didn’t know what to do with this guy at times, but he supposed the reaction wasn’t completely negative, so he didn’t make a fuss over it. In any case, the light perplexity would be pushed aside as Alec smiled a bit and shook his head.

“I don’t know either, but I think in the end, they want me to conform. And unfortunately I ain’t for that load of shit and that firm stance set the world off for whatever reason. Not everyone, but too many for my liking,” he would say in regards to the subject matter of people and their explosive nature when it came to sexuality and what was expected of him as a guy in society. There was no way he would let the world tell him how to be him. End of story.

He would continue to browse as he listened only pausing when the playfulness vs. seriousness bit came to the front.

“Hmm. We are a bit different in approach. I like my games, but I am also not as dumb as some think I am. I know when I am out of league with the play and so stop and reconsider. Yes, I may say some things like "I like you" or "you are hot" off the bat. May even go on a tangent here and there. I won’t deny my openness or rashness in that department and maybe for someone a bit more picky this is a red flag to stay away. I am a goof and get that approach doesn’t work for all; however, if one were to stay like for more than the surface show, then they’d find I am not as big of a goof as I appear to be. Yes. I play and more than likely tease a bit just for the lols until I am quite certain you’re not running from me. In other words, if you display patience and tolerance for my play then, I start actually considering you seriously too and in turn adapt as I can. Doesn’t mean I love ya yet, but at least I know you’re serious enough to actually try in some fashion…and a try is a good foot in the door for me romantic or otherwise at least,” he would move his left hand to twirl a strand of his bang absent-mindly as his right arm moved across his body in a fold. “At least that is how I usually do things. Though with you, I was like what the hell. You really knocked me off my game,” Alec would say with a small smirk. Yeah this one wasn’t the normal run of the mill type, but even so the guy seemed to stay despite what happened both back then and now. And that persistence alone is what made Alec reconsider how to approach this in a serious rather than playful manner. He genuinely was trying to get to know the guy.

“Apparently really hard for some. It seems like you state your stance out loud and if it doesn’t match the norm, people look at you funny. It is weird, but something I’ve noticed in life. Even when you are like dude or gal whichever you prefer, I am so not into you, they still treat ya differently and kind of walk on eggshells around ya thinking if they zip up you can’t touch them…but that is just my experience with the situation.” He would say….extremist or not, it did not change the fact that 98% of the world always ended up frowning or making a comment when you were different. The thought made him frown a bit, but soon he was smiling again as he heard the comment on the drama queens that were guy.

“Haha. Alright,” he would say and then as the subject matter changed he his mood would shift a bit. “Well, I can be difficult yes, but I try not to hold grudges for exactly the reasons you state. I am not here to make the world my enemy or what not. I am trying to understand the world and who I am with to make it better. Not quite sure why the majority don’t want to take that route….Maybe it has something to do with being instantly pleased or something. Maybe people just don’t have the patience for that anymore…or maybe I am just old fashion in my ways. Kind of hard to say,” Alec would say stroking his hair a bit before pausing as the subject of mistakes were brought up. In an instant the mood shifted from playful to dead serious.

“The mistakes you speak of are what I call trivial. I don’t consider the flubs of life something to hold a grudge over and in the normal sense I can say yes. A person can be flawed and piss off you. We aren’t perfect, so I don’t expect you to not make mistakes. In fact, I expect them. I make them myself easily enough; however….” Alec would look away from the other as he was quiet for a moment as he did what he could to recompose himself and figure out how to word what he was about to say next. He was very uncomfortable with this next topic, but he felt a clarification needed to be made on what he was defining as a mistake. When he thought he got it all straightened out, he would look back at the other, clearly stressed about the issue, but still needing to word the pain. “I think I did my fair share of being loyalty and perhaps in a sense...the other was loyal too. I also I think I did my fair share in trying to accept “I am sorry” as true….when in realty it was the excuse needed to keep…the suffering alive… When you come across that sort of mistake…from someone you thought cared for you…you don’t trust as much anymore. Even when they say “I am sorry” and aren't harming you in the same fashion...the backlash from such an event exists and in turn throws up some walls...that are not easily taken down...“

His voice would catch in his throat stopping him from going in further for now as he looked down at the ground taking the moment to recompose himself and to keep the tears that threatened to come from actually spilling. It took him a moment, but he would eventually look back up at the other a bit more calmer as he gave the other a drained smile. “Yeah…it can be pathetic if you hold onto the wrong lessons…” he would say and then closing his eyes a bit, he would sigh lightly.

“Maybe so…but perhaps the caution is for valid reasons…doesn’t mean the other party is closed minded. Just quirky as you said,” he would say, the after effects of the emotion still lingered there, but slowly he was going back to himself. About time story time rolled around he was stable again.

When he heard Shaku’s words regarding the shadow’s behavior, Alec would give the other a sheepish smile as he brushed his hair slightly with his hand.

“Well, that is a hard not to do when it’s your face I am looking at when he is speaking," Alec would admit before his hand shifted to pull absently at his bangs as he heard the shadow speak. Heh. Guess they had their own way of dealing with each other. The dynamic was indeed interesting and much different than himself and his own shadow. It was...kind of cute causing the man to relax a bit more as he gave the pair a light smile that would fade as the story went on. Titling his head at the other as the shadow went on, he would respond back to the other's comment on being weaponless.

“I dunno, but weapon or not, I’d still fight. Humans do surprising things when they want to live,” Alec would say and then hearing the rest of the story, he would be quiet for a bit as he observed the man before him with an unreadable expression and then looking off to the side slightly, he would smile as his eyes closed and he bowed his head, his fingers still playing a bit with his hair as he heard the question.

“A person who has a kind heart and isn’t in it just to live for himself. Despite species or what not, he didn’t want to kill you and maybe in the end that is what you needed. Someone not trying to kill you. Maybe that was one thing that calmed your desire to kill all that came before you. I can’t say for sure though since you are even more of a stranger to me than him, but even so he is no fool. Just open minded and willing to take a chance with an unknown. Besides you can’t be all that bad if you allowed such a thing to occur,” Alec would say as his eyes reopened and he pushed his glasses up a bit as he looked over at the other.

“Worth it?” Alec would repeat as he looked at the other with a small smile. “It is exhausting to be honest, but it is a thing I honestly cannot shut off. It just happens,” he would say with a light shrug. It was unfortunately a natural occurrence for him. He wasn’t sure if it was his thought pattern on life or something else that did it, but the lingering misery always came and stayed. Maybe something was wrong with him upstairs if someone like Sharaku was questioning the matter...Or maybe he simply thought too much about trivial things. He wasn’t sure at all and there was honestly no other way to describe the issue. He understood it didn’t make logical sense, but it still not change the fact it just happened.

As for the suggestion given, he would simply huff as he looked over to the side a bit as he continued to move.

“Solve it… Heh. I’ve been trying to do that for years. Nothing works, or rather what does work is too powerful for my liking. I don’t actually want to be a zombie just to be chilled,” he said as he looked over at the other the small smile still in place. He wasn’t expressing agitation with the words or his action though. It seemed he understood it was a huge problem that he did not have a solution to quite yet, even so he wasn’t offended by the words said or trying to make the point an argument.  He was simply making conversation at this point. In any case, he seemed pretty chilled with the whole matter for one reason or another - though whether this meant he was mentally exhausted or simply resigning to something else within was unknown. Either way he was being more calmer than before.

His attitude would remain calm still as he heard the comment in regards to tries. “Hmph. Perhaps or maybe we simply view the word “try” differently,” he would say as he reflected a bit on the situation. They both seem to interpret meanings differently, he missing the point most of the time while the other seem to translate what he was getting at a bit differently too. It caused a strain, but somehow...they were still face-to-face. Still talking, but how that was a thing he wasn’t sure. Even if the other had decided to stick around a bit more as of late...he had to wonder if he actually annoyed the guy to some degree...Maybe...or maybe he was simply annoying his own self and thus why he thought that way. It was hard to say. Regardless of this, Alec kept the thoughts to himself as the mood shifted both from drop conversations and actions done.

To the other’s rather subtle reaction to the whole comfort thing, Alec would stay nearby for a bit hearing the words before he pushed off the other in a gentle fashion and resumed walking by his side as he gave a very soft sigh as he shook his head.

“Maybe you don’t talk as much as you think. Maybe you’ve just found yourself around a person that feels too much,” Alec would say, his voice calm and his behavior surprisingly not hurt by the brush off or answer given. It didn’t seem that he had walled himself off, but he did seem to submit to something with this final action. This submission became rather clear first with his statement being rather to the point versus whiny. Following that the whole trying to adapt act seemed to evaporate as  Alec took a few mental steps back to re-evaluate the situation before him. The shift wasn’t huge, but there was a noticeable difference there. Even so the mood swing wasn’t a lash out of disappointment or anger. It was acceptance and nothing more…

The more the conversation moved on the more apparent this acceptance of the situation became.

“Maybe there isn’t a standard, but for whatever reason the people I’ve run into certainly believed there was one. Otherwise...I don’t think they would’ve said half the things they did. Unless they were just being impulsive at the moment. That is always a possibility,” he would state and then hearing the words on being a goof, he would snort slightly amused.

“You know I never thought that I would hear someone suggesting that to me, but then again … I have never gotten this off my game before either,” he would say and then hearing the comment about being as charming as a cactus, his lips would surprisingly curve into a smile.

“Just like I never thought I would to be compared to a plant...” he would chuckle softly before continuing. “Though maybe I shouldn’t be surprised. I believe all my charm was lost back at square one. I am pretty sure thos feelsy personality of mine only further dulled the shine,” he would say the words playful showing he wasn’t taking offense at the situation, but rather taking the blows as lessons. They weren’t pleasant to swallow, but he did swallow them and just decided to grow from them rather than let them beat him down.

“Maybe you are more fortunate on your path than myself,” Alec would say and then hearing the other words, Alec would fall silent considering the matter a bit before nodding. “True. Unless the goal is to be miserable in life,” Alec would say with a light smile before the crash came when the subject changed to mistakes. It seemed the other misinterpreted his intent with what had been said and this in turn caused  Alec to sigh a bit.

“My clarification wasn’t trying to destroy that. In fact, it just proves that we were on separate pages...which sparked the clarification to begin with,” he would begin as he took of his glasses to rub the bridge of his nose.  “...Also I did not take it personally... If it came off that way then it further proves just how bad I am with wording things or keeping my emotions in check. As for your question. It depends. When I am already under pressure or frustrated, then yes it takes me some time to pull myself out of holes and untangle myself from the feelings and stress, but on a normal basis I am not like this. I am actually more chilled and laid back to be honest…” he would say his voice calm and with a hint of gentleness to it. He would fold his arms as he continued, the oranges in the bag hanging lightly from his hand.

 “You didn’t really trigger me. My mind was already there. As for your concern, I think you speak perfectly clear….I think the fault actually lies in the way my brain interprets what is being said. I mean I understand you on the surface, but...at the same time my interpretation of what you mean by your words have been widely wrong through out all this and even some of your interpretations about what I have said or do have been wrong too. Granted my own imbalance is no help to the matter, but even so. I think most of the flare comes from misunderstandings...” Alec would scratch his head at this thinking.  Now how did one fix such a messed up situation? He wasn’t too sure at this point... and to be honest the more he pondered it ,the more lost he became. He honestly didn’t want encounter to end this way, but it had. So now it was a matter of what to do with the mess now that it was there.

Regardless of this, the young man remained calm enough as he bit down lightly on the handle of his glasses, shaking his head at the matter when he could not find an answer to his wandering question. In any case, his violet eyes would narrow as he brought the other’s slightly blurred features into focus as he continued to hold the glasses in hand and listen.


Silence. Had this one stepped on a nerve? No. Not at all. The silence actually came from Alec pondering how to answer what was posed.


 “It is true a normal person does try to not hurt the ones they love and if they do that they do their best to keep the event from happening again. And to be frank the situation I speak of seemed like it was going that way. My partner at the time was always kind and charming. The sort you never peg as abusive, but one day he had a bit too much to drink and just let me have it. I thought about leaving then and there, but my partner apologized and said they could change. My partner...followed through on this. We went to get him some help and for a year things really did seem okay. Then one day, he went off me again for something little. After the second time I did bail. I gave my second chance and he betrayed me. So, I picked up my broken self and tried get all back my life,” he would say his expression unreadable and his voice calm as violet eyes studied the other. Yes. He was fooled twice, but who wouldn’t be fooled when someone pretended to genuinely try to get better? Perhaps the situation wasn’t as bad as the stress of speaking on it made it sound. Regardless of this, the conversation would drift from this topic eventually as story time and the concept of this shadow speaking while seeing Sharaku’s face came up.

To the words spoken, Alec would place his glasses back, his hand pushing them up as he smirked.

“You could do a lot of things, but I hardly think this situation could get worse,” he said as his hands dropped. “However, I am not going to turn my back on ya. Even if it is his face and your voice I hear up here,”  he would tap his head. “I still have my manners and face whatever is talking to me,” he would say as he gave a grin to the other.

“Maybe I would’ve. After all, everyone is different at their approach to things,”  Alec would say as violet eyes seemed to glow only slightly as something within stirred a bit. As for the next set of words….

“I said I would fight back to survive. This does not mean I’d kill you. More like just beat you enough to keep you down a bit,” he would say and then shifting his weight to the left he would continue. “The average kid would stand no chance, but you are running under the assumption I was normal to begin with. I wasn’t like him when I was a teen, so I could actually handle claws and fangs if threatened. So my words still stand. I would fight. As for the rest of the world? Well, I wouldn’t expect most to hold their ground against a creature of your standing, but he did. So that counts for something no?” he would say and then hearing the other comment he would give a mischievous smirk. “So you say,” he would tease the other and then hearing Sharaku’s words he would chuckle.


“Do I really? I mean won’t that cause a problem for you since you live with him?” he would ask with an amused chuckle his mood seeming to get better now that the situation had shifted a bit from the gloomy and all too serious. The mood would remain as he heard the last bit of conversation.

“Aww. You want to run already?” Alec would say and then tilt his head at the pair. “Are we making you uncomfortable?” he would ask his question mainly at the shadow more so than the man, but either could answer if they wanted too. Regardless, the words held playfulness to them, so this wasn’t to harm or strike arguments. If the other was legit uncomfortable, he would apologize, but for now he remained playful.

When someone suffered from internal stress due not to the world, but by simply having to live with themselves, the end outcome was always varied. On one hand, a person could fight with it and conquer it freeing themselves from the chain. Or one could submit to it and be miserable for the rest of their life. Alec straddled the wall between the pair. He didn’t exactly submit to self loathing, but it could not change the fact that when things came down on him, he fell pretty hard and struggled under the weight of his personal critic. This personal critic, it was always there beating him down as he struggled to get up. It was the thing that stressed him out the most and frustrated him to no end for there was no way to shut the thing up. It put him in foul moods and caused him to view himself in a negative light for a long period of time before he could pull himself back up. No amounts of “it is okay” or assurances that he had done nothing wrong could save him from the hell hole. He simply had to find his own way out of it. As for placing that madness into words? Well, he did the best he could with explaining it and the end result? Heh. The other party was still not getting it.

To the words spoken Alec would shake his head as he closed his eyes with a small smile. “It’s fine. I think…maybe not understanding is best here. You won’t have to worry about sorting the extra baggage that it would bring. Leave that me. I’ll find my way back to my feet in time,” he would say in soft calm tones as his eyes reopened once more. They would continue to move along the pathway at a casual pace.

When the silence came, he would glance up at the other catching the action the other made when he brought up solutions to his problem, but he took note the other was strangely quiet. Did he have nothing to say about that? Or was he thinking about something? Alec would go back to looking ahead as he asked a simply question to that. “Whatcha thinking?” he would ask before becoming quiet again as he moved to look at something else as he waited for an answer. He would remain quiet giving a small “Perhaps” to the whole try translation thing, but nothing more from there. There honestly wasn’t much more to add to that than what had already been said, so he left the topic there for now.

When his mood shifted as he came to an acceptance within himself about some fact about this situation, he would catch the look the other gave him and even the narrowed eyes as he was studied. The gaze made him a bit uncomfortable, but even so he decided to face it head on rather than run from it or assume he was about to get scolded for something he said or did. It was a mental struggle, but he did what he could to block out the critic as he listened to what came next.

“….” Alec was quiet for a moment as his eyebrows furrowed a bit in thought before his face was relaxing again as he shook his head. “I do feel a bit more than others and perhaps I can be considered a bit oversensitive. I think…Heh. I think I think too much and yes. I do act on what I believe is right; however, I learn from being knocked about a bit,” he would say as he looked up at the other with a small smile. “As for the explanation while it does give me something to think on, I think some of what was said slowly sunk in over the time I’ve been around you. It just took me a while to understand it is all and when I did understand it. Well…here we are,” he would tell the other as he remained mellow as they moved along. “Don’t take my mellow attitude as something bad. I am not down in the dumps about what happened. The reason I backed off was because I saw a truth is all,” he would say as he rubbed the back of his head a bit. His moods were at times hard to gauge, but what sometimes seemed like a negative reaction was really only him taking a moment to think. This case was one of those thinking moments.

Regardless of the behavior, Alec would eventually respond to the comment on people and what they had to say. “Maybe not, but they are gonna say it any way regardless if you did anything to them or not. People will just say whatever sometimes,” he would say with a light shrug to the matter. Couldn’t stop people from talking now could ya? As for that thinking comment…

“Heh. I am sure there is, but I think I told you before I have the tendency to leap before thinking, so what did you expect?” he would say seeming to take the comment well enough before he met the gaze at of the other as an eyebrow raised at the others choice of words. “Amusing? I guess.” Alec would say with a light shake of his head. He didn’t see what was so amusing about his fail, but he suppose some people had their own ideas and views on what they saw. So he didn’t question it too much as he shifted his weight. “Maybe so,” he would say in response to the feelsy comment. Yeah, he understood it wasn’t his feely personality alone that did this, but he was sure it added onto whatever cracks were there. Anyway…

Alec would give a light “hmph” as his lips curled into a small amused smile. “Well your way definitely can keep you out of trouble. Too bad I am not as good as walking away from an interesting face or behavior as you are.” Honestly he liked interesting characters both to look at and chat with. Sometimes this brought about good fun and at others it brought about trouble. Even so it was mostly good fun for the man unless of course the person he targeted proved more than just a good source of entertainment. In the end, everyone had their own way of life. Whether it was to be selective or playful, people always choose what worked for them….and sometimes what worked was being miserable. “I don’t think there is much to say about that. Some just like pain for some reason.” Though why some choose pain was always a mystery and one that got the young man tapping his lip in thought for a moment. He would remain relatively calm until the whole deal of apologizing and triggers were brought up.

After that whole deal came about Alec’s mood would remain on edge as he watched the other with a narrowed gaze. The gaze could be taken as anger if one were to judge by his serious expression; however, his vibe was far from it. He was honestly mentally drained and simply considering what was being heard in a calm fashion. He would let the other speak before taking a breath and releasing it slowly to calm himself. When he was composed enough, he would speak.

“No. Your reaction was normal enough,” he would say. “And perhaps I could’ve reacted better to what was said even if my mind was elsewhere at the time,” he would say as he looked off to the side thinking for a bit before violet eyes returned to the other. “Yeah. Maybe that is for the best….” he would say his voice mellow once more a he did what he could to collect himself. He…honestly wasn’t trying to be trouble, yet the more he tried not to be it the more he seemed to slip up and become exactly that. It was a bit frustrating even more so when he couldn’t find what triggered him in the first place. Yes the memory was hard to swallow, but there was something else that made the reaction more explosive than needed to be. Though what it was he wasn’t quite sure. Deciding not to pick at the wound for now, he would take the next part a bit better as he folded his arms at the other’s words.

“Well see that is the thing. When we first met the guy didn’t drink or anything like that. He was honestly chilled. Sure when he got angry he could be threatening, but he never touched me. And he didn’t drink as much as it seems. When he was with me, that was only time I remember him being wasted that badly. And maybe if it was only that one time, I could say that it was the alcohol that made him do it; however….he did it again without the alcohol, so maybe the tendency for him to do what he did was always there and he hid it well just like he did when he seemed to be getting better. Maybe in the end there was really no way of saving him no matter how much time was invested,” he would say his words calm and his personality stable this round as he seemed to have picked himself back up from the earlier break.

From here, Alec would remain stable enough his lips curled into a slight smirk as he heard the words of the others. “Back then I actually had the skill to fight back and do some damage,” he would begin and then hearing the rest, he would chuckle. “Though nowadays, I highly doubt I am any better than I was then. If anything I may be worse since I haven’t really had to use the skills for a while now. Even so, I wouldn’t just let you run me over if you did come at me,” he would say…not exactly bluffing either. Even if he had no chance of winning that still didn’t mean he wouldn’t try his hardest to get away and survive. It was just his nature. Even so he wasn’t saying this to mock or belittle the creature that spoke to him. No he had no doubt the creature was powerful and perhaps even more powerful now. Even so he wasn’t going to be afraid of him. If things did get ugly, he would simply have to deal with them then. It was as simple as that.

“Well why would you have to debate about that? It should be pretty clear humans are the furthest from normal you can get,” he would say to the shadow and then hearing the sound made to his tease he would only smirk. Maybe the shadow wasn’t as bad as he made himself out to be. On the note of good and bad, what was happening here?

While Sharaku seemed to be okay with having a grumpy counterpart, the situation seemed to change with shadow’s last comment and the conversation that followed. To what he heard, Alec narrowed his eyes a bit as he studied the other with an unsure smirk.

“Fun and run? Just what is he planning to do that I should consider running?” he would ask as he watched the pair before him. Just what was he up to and why was the shadow worried about his sanity? What could possibly go down that was worse than what already had occurred?