Can't run from fate [Shun]

Posts : 1664 Join date : 2014-05-22

For the majority of Sharaku's narration, Shunnosuke remained quiet, eyes widened and ears completely focused on what was told. He...wasn't really surprised. He did not know the details, but he wasn't dumb. After Hyde's disappearance, the whole chaotic atmosphere in Standasen changed as well, for the peaceful state it had always been. The sky cleared, the clouds dissolved themselves... Matching two and two together, he was able to form a plausible conclusion. — ...so that's what he went to do that night... — Once more, he shifted his gaze to another point. Thinking to his own, processing the whole tale. He should have followed him that night instead of going home, why didn't he? Maybe he was overthinking, for it was blatant obvious that Hyde's fate would remain unchanged regardless of his presence. But, at least, he would be there. For him. And to Shun, that's all that mattered.

...
"Thank you..."
So...Hyde really thought about him in the final moments, didn't he? Shun smiled. A smile of someone who could finally throw a burden from his shoulders, a dreamy smile of relief, but also a smile of melancholy. He shouldn't be happy about it, he hasn't been happy the last couple of years, dwelling over the loss of Hyde for too long, and the feeling won't vanish from one day to another...but at the same time, this may be a start. Knowing that Hyde didn't hold any grudges to Shun due to his overall troubling behavior made the young man much at ease.

— I should be the one thanking him instead. He was my first friend when I went to Zela... — The memories came back at full speed. — He was such an idiot, he used to wear that ridiculous cape all the time... — The same cape he now keeps as his utmost treasure at home. — I cannot complain too much, at one point of our lives we're all idiots, as much as it pains me to admit so. And... I was an idiot as well, for not looking at him better since the beginning... It was probably not easy to be around me, I'm well aware, but he stayed nonetheless... And so, I realized, maybe too late, that... — He bit his lip, making the grip on his self-embrace tighter. — ...I loved him. I really did, but it was too late. He had already found another one and I guess she was better than me. I don't blame him. He tried to tell me it would be mutual, but I was selfish. I got jealous and impatient at him for that, but I never wanted him to be mad at me... All I wanted... — "All I wanted was him to not be happy without me". He couldn't say that, however. It was something too shameful to be said out loud, and even if he tried, at this point he was sobbing so hard and so wholeheartedly the words would barely make any sense. — Hyde was living with me, at home. He had his own room. After a while, I got used to come at night and find him there, as family, watching TV or snoring loud at his bed. It became part of my day... I hope he had a good end of life. I don't know if he was aware, but I tried at least to give him that... I hope he forgives me for everything I did wrong, I hope he knows I would change that if I could. And... I wish I could have said good bye to him at least... — He buried his face in his hands, not saying anything further. Maybe there was more to take out of his chest, but Sharaku likely already had enough, and once emotions take over, it was hard to speak reasonably. Deep down, Shun was sure Hyde knew all of that. Hyde was never the type to be angry and negative towards anyone. And if he didn't, well, one day they'd reunite after death. He never believed in life after passing away, but...there's hope, isn't there?

Subject: Re: Can't run from fate [Shun] Tue Mar 08, 2016 4:31 pm

Hmph...

This could be categorized as a positive kind of result, yes? Regardless, Sharaku would opt to simply sit down on the ground, which would put him at around the same face level as Shun due to their height differences. And that's where he'd remain for now. There wasn't much else to do but listen. Interrupting the younger wouldn't serve him well, and he felt no need to do that in the first place. This wasn't a discussion, therefore it would be out of place for him to try and butt in.

''No person is truly bad deep down. If anyone knew how to preach that well, it was Hyde. I doubt he was ever really mad at anyone...'' That's all he would say eventually, once Shun was done talking. Being mildly upset is one thing, but being truly mad or angry at someone? He doubted Hyde would even see anything that needed to be forgiven in the first place. Even he himself hardly got angry at someone...at best they annoyed him severely. And he and Hyde were like night and day for the most part. That would make Hyde a saint. The idea was amusing.

He would close his eyes calmly, just waiting. He wouldn't force the younger into anything. Besides, he didn't trust himself to say something towards the rest of the speech without accidentally stirring the waters somehow. He and love were at odds afterall. He liked people, and he could probably pick favorites if he really had to, but love in that form? Not really. Perhaps it just didn't like him. He was so busy trying to keep on decent terms with everyone around him, that he hardly ever focused on one person specifically for too long. Was that why? He wouldn't know. Maybe narrowing his focus wouldn't help either. He would have to pick someone first, and that was an issue in itself. He took too much time to make a firm decision in most cases.

And so, he would just leave those matters floating for now....

Posts : 1664 Join date : 2014-05-22

It took him a while, a rather long while, until the constant crying and loud sobbing ceased completely. It wasn't bad... Shunnosuke needed to pour it out. He had not have a chance to do it at home because, out of a weird sense of altruism, he believed his family had enough problems on their back for a self-centered child to feel in his right to add one more weight on their bags. That and he didn't really feel at ease opening up to his grandfather and his mother, no matter how stable their relationship are nowadays. His father...well, they had a pretty good fatherxson relationship as of presently, but there were other reasons for Shunnosuke to avoid bringing up the topic to him. Reasons that made him travel back to Azores for a change... As for close friends, he still didn't have many. Most of his college peers are just that, college peers. So...who is left? Who would he talk to about it? The only one...was Hyde. And Hyde was dead. If he were alive, Shunnosuke sure would run to him without blinking or thinking twice; then again, if he were alive, there would be no need for that in first place. A paradox of sorts. Perhaps there was another person, but first he had to find him...that is, if he's still interested in keeping the Kurosawa close, which he doubted severely. As odd as it may sound... Sharaku was the only person he could confide such intimate, deeply personal things about his core. And oddly, it felt good. But it felt bad too, for when the teen lowered his hands, the first thing his eyes could spot was the face of the older man right in front of him.

— ... — Some seconds of more silence have passed. He did feel better, he couldn't deny that...as well as he couldn't admit that he was thankful for being given the chance to understand what truly happened to Hyde and to know that he didn't die keeping negative feelings towards him. As for the man right ahead...oh Lord, he would have to express gratitude to him, wouldn't he?... — ...Hm...I think it's getting late.... — There wasn't much else to say, was it? Maybe there was...but he didn't know how to.

Subject: Re: Can't run from fate [Shun] Tue Mar 08, 2016 8:31 pm

It could be a wonder as to what he was thinking about this whole time, but Sharaku certainly knew how to be completely silent for undefined periods of time. Actually, in many cases, he would prefer that to a lot of empty small talk. Silence was nice when it wasn't outright awkward. Okay, it wasn't exactly silence in this case, for Shun was crying, which was quite easy to hear, but still. The concept was the important part here.

He wouldn't make any move until Shun quieted down and looked at him. Maybe he could tell that he was being looked at, maybe not. Still, he would open his eyes slightly as he shifted around, letting his chin rest on his knee. For a moment, he wouldn't respond to the comment about time, observing the younger languidly. There were two options. Agree, or make up a reason to drag this out. For some reason, he wasn't particularly fond of either. Then perhaps both. ''I see. If you want to go now, I won't hold you back. There isn't much more for me to do, unless you want something.'' It was useless to force more talk after that, so he wouldn't. Not unless Shun expressed his own desire to initiate something. Or the younger could just leave. He was keeping the options open.

Posts : 1664 Join date : 2014-05-22

— ... — So, the options were up to him, huh? There wasn't much he wanted at that moment. Or perhaps there were some things, but he was well aware by now that you can never have everything and everyone you want. That's something his family failed to teach him, the main source of his often spoiled behavior at times. But it's as they say, "what family doesn't teach you at home, life will teach you at the streets"... — Maybe I want a coat. Maybe I want you to tone down the intensity of your stare, it's making me uneasy. Whichever comes first. — He said, finally. His tone was more an attempt to sound playful, as playful as the situation would allow. Despite of that, he was true in one thing: he didn't enjoy being stared at after such emotional outburst, which caused him to simply shift the focus on his glance time and time again. — If there's nothing for you to do, perhaps it's time for you to leave and follow your way home, no?

Subject: Re: Can't run from fate [Shun] Wed Mar 09, 2016 8:30 am

O..kay? He wasn't really staring hard though, and he would just find it odd to inspect the swings for no reason. Hmm. ''I'd offer, but I don't even have a coat for myself at the moment.'' Didn't cross his mind when he went out, and he hadn't expected to stay out this long either. Circumstances turned it around, however. Thankfully, he wasn't greatly bothered by the cooler weather. It wouldn't be the first time, and knowing himself, last either. He could do away with wearing only a shirt for now. As long as it didn't start snowing out of nowhere or such. That wouldn't be fun. And as for the other one..? He would huff faintly, turning 'round to lay down on his back and putting his hands under his head. This way, he was pretty much looking up at the sky unless the younger stood directly in his vision. The grass could be more comfortable, but his back was just about done for today anyway. ''I could. But I'm debating staying out tonight to watch the stars or something.'' Ridiculous? Maybe, but he would probably actually enjoy doing that. At least outside has fresh air, and a nice view in the sky. He was going to be on his own regardless of whether he stayed out or went home. The differences were minimal, and he was always more keen on being out.

Posts : 1664 Join date : 2014-05-22

He simply shrugged on the first remark. He wasn't asking for a coat to the older. And besides...he was not too keen on accepting kindness from him, anyway. Now...watching stars? That's...something he had not done. As in, ever. Well, to not be completely unfair, he did that with someone else...but he has not seen him a while. — ...I see. — He lifted his head, way up high. The sky... Regardless of how much torn he felt inside, the sky would remain beautiful, a black mantle ornate by the little lights of far away stars. — It's been a while... — A smile came across his lips, as tiny and shy as possible. He wasn't used to appreciate nature, definitely it wasn't his department. He'd much rather count his dollar bills, his expensive pairs of shoes in his closet and organize them by fabric, type and so on. But...perhaps counting stars wasn't that bad. Shun was not opposed to try a different outcome in life. Stars were usually a sign of hope, and after feeling lonely, unappreciated and depressed for a long while, he was now feeling strangely hopeful. — One...two...three...

Subject: Re: Can't run from fate [Shun] Wed Mar 09, 2016 4:07 pm

How odd. He would have thought Shun would look for a way to end this meeting as soon as possible, based on the previous comments of it being late and about him possibly going home. It wasn't that it made him uncomfortable or anything, but he did wonder as to why was the younger choosing to linger around. By this point, a lot of conversation between them was unlikely, and he definitely wouldn't shoot for it. It just wasn't a good idea in his opinion. Shun choosing to stay was intriguing, but he knew better than to push it just because of that.

He would glance towards the younger briefly, as much as he could in his current position. And leave it at that. He was tempted to ask something, but he kind of didn't want to interrupt other in his counting, so it would have to wait for now. Soon enough, his stare would turn back towards the sky. Unlike Shun, he didn't really bother counting the stars. There were too many, so it was impossible to ever come to a final number, and he was quite content just looking at them and thinking about other things unrelated to math. ''Hm....''

Posts : 1664 Join date : 2014-05-22

After a while, it grew a bit tiring to voice his score at loud, but he remained keeping track of them in silence. It's like counting sheeps, but more entertaining. Sheeps jumping a fence are just that...but starts forming intricate patterns and a myriad of drawings in the sky are definitely something else. Regardless, eventually the effects would be the same, and no wonders he was starting to doze off for a bit. If he weren't sit on such unstable place that reminded him to not relax completely or else he'd fall and get hurt, probably he'd feel much more comfortable to give in to his numb feeling. — ...Hm. — He looked at Sharaku, who kept staring at the stars. What were in his thoughts, he wonder? Did he suffer from Hyde's loss as well? He hardly would believe so... Sharaku's not that type and he didn't like Hyde, that's very much clear. And ironically, he was the one to whom Hyde run to and confide most things Shunnosuke was only able to know now, just now, two years past his death. What does that say about them? What does the jealousy he felt about this say about himself? — ...Thank you. For telling me what happened...and for being there with him when he needed it... — He looked back at the stars again, fingers fidgeting on his lap, wondering about some things. Things he was not used to keep in mind... — I promised him I would always stand by him and I wouldn't let him die without me. I failed my promise...but it makes me feel slightly better to know he wasn't alone when it mattered...

Subject: Re: Can't run from fate [Shun] Thu Mar 10, 2016 10:23 am

It was very easy to get lost in thoughts during the relative silence, which was exactly what Sharaku did for a while. In fact, he paid little mind to the actual stars. They were just a point to look at while musing about completely unrelated matters. They didn't matter in reality, but he could still appreciate the aesthetical sight. Inspirational, maybe? He would get pulled back to reality when Shun decided to address him, blinking a few times to clear his mind before glancing towards the younger. ''No need. I just did what felt right. I'm glad it was of help to you, though.'', he would smile lightly, his expression complacent. Whether Shun would believe him or not, he was honest about what he said...albeit it felt a little odd to him to get thanked for certain things. For he did not really see that as something worth much of a thanks. It wasn't something he needed to make himself do against his wishes or such, really. That's what he would say. Although it was perhaps just the fact that he wasn't prone to taking credit for himself most of the time.

''Hyde and alone doesn't even fit together.'', he would laugh under his breath faintly. ''In any case...I don't think it's your fault at all. You couldn't have known what was to happen. You didn't fail your promise on purpose. I'm sure he knew you would be there, had you known.'' Despite being goofy as all hell, Hyde could be decently perceptive at times. He just expressed it in very exaggerated ways, which was why it caused a lot of friction between the two of them, for example. Hyde knew how to rub him the wrong way at times, but he didn't really dislike the redhead. It just wasn't obvious to a less perceptive person, because most of his convictions were something he hardly voiced to others. Even when he appeared to say a lot about himself, it still wasn't nearly all. And yet, he gave the impression of being more approachable. How ironic. Shun could be a nice person deep down, but he rarely showed it on the surface, having the tendency to appear a bit judgmental. Just like how he said he found Hyde's cape ridiculous and all that at start, dismissing the redhead firmly for a good while. Sharaku on the other hand was exactly the other way around. Oddly so, he could be very pleasant on the outside and during the first conversations, but was extremely capable of setting a foot down when people dug in. Perhaps that was why people gravitated to him more often, because he seemed nicer on glance, while Shun was the opposite of that..showing the niceness much later, if people managed to stand the scrutiny.

Posts : 1664 Join date : 2014-05-22

Can't run from fate [Shun] - Page 4 BmolfoE

— ...I guess they don't, yes. — He didn't laugh at all, Shun simply wasn't in the mood for cheery reactions. But it evoked in him a tiny smile, almost imperceptible for the inattentive kind.

— ... — "Had you known". It didn't serve as a comfort. Regardless of how others may paint it, resorting to this type of situational, hypothetical what could have been is never something to be said because...simply it doesn't mater. What could have been of a situation can vary, what matters really is what happened and the concrete results achieved. He repeated that to himself for the last two years: "it doesn't matter what I could have done, it matters what I did. And what I didn't." And as of now, his thoughts have not changed in that respect. It was his fault, because he could have known if he was more open to Hyde... Hyde would have told him about what would happen eventually... If Hyde didn't, it was inevitably his fault for not giving an opening for trust. Shun would never fail his promise on purpose, but he wasn't oblivious to the fact that it's a consequence of purposeful past actions. He might be harsh and frank to others, but he was also harsh and frank to himself at times. — It's about time I should head home... — And so, he stood up. Not immediately, however. After completing the sentence, he remained in his seat thinking until he finally moved to leave it, a few steps on the opposite direction... And so, Shun stopped midway, turning to Sharaku one last time, without saying anything. He was on the verge of saying something, and yet he didn't. The glance lasted for so long as it was on the borderline of becoming awkward and unappealing before, with a discreet, hasty and unwilling wave, he parted his ways, no words said at all. There wasn't much to say; on the other hand, there was a lot to think over, a lot to come in terms with. In time, that's what would happen. But for now, Shun'd rather end the tiring and chill night...

( Exit. )

Subject: Re: Can't run from fate [Shun] Thu Mar 10, 2016 12:56 pm

It was obvious enough that Shun wasn't willing to actually accept his words. Albeit, that may never happen. The two of them were processing what happened very differently, and Sharaku had a feeling he would never truly understand where exactly was the younger coming from. In his opinion, there wasn't even anything to actually 'know'. At best, Shun could have accomplished Hyde telling him more about the fact that he was going to die. However, the redhead himself only knew as much. No one knew that he would die exactly that night, not even Hyde himself. Soo...how could it be Shun's fault that he wasn't there? The only way it could have been done differently was if Shun had kept following Hyde's every step non-stop, never leaving the redhead alone to make sure there was no chance of this happening. Which would be an unhealthy behavior in the first place. The reasoning for self-blame was really making no sense to him in this particular case. Some things are just pointless to take such serious blame for.

The hypothetical nature of his statement had been pretty much just a force of habit. He always prefered to look at things in terms of possibility, which was also why he was more likely to look at the present and future nowadays. When the past was being brought up, he would go with the flow, but he still had the tendency to turn more to speculating than taking it as bland facts. Besides, looking at matters in terms of 'what if' can make you realize things you haven't noticed before. Because it forces you to actually consider the given situation on a deeper level. It wasn't even about whether the possibility mattered or not. It was just his style of thinking, really. Concrete matters didn't always interest him as much.

But...there was nothing to say. Shun was stubborn in his own way, so he doubted the younger would truly attempt to understand his point of view on it. And perhaps it didn't even matter, because it's not like either of them would go and change their ways in the end. Still, he wondered for how much longer was Shun going to keep that outlook. Either blaming others for things, or blaming himself. What's it good for to always look at who is ultimately in the wrong? It just brings extra attention to the bad things in life. ''Have a good night then.'', he would nod towards the younger, not really moving from his spot on the ground. Most likely, he would end up staying out for a while longer at least. He had nothing better to do anyway....

~Exit~

Posts : 6498 Join date : 2013-07-06 Age : 29

.........Sharaku and Shunnosuke can form a social link if they choose to...

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