Can't run from fate [Shun]

Subject: Re: Can't run from fate [Shun] Sat Feb 20, 2016 6:25 pm

Frankly, he was starting to get annoyed here. No matter how much he was willing to give things a second try and all that jazz, even letting up (he really did not have to even entertain Shun's offer in any way or form. He could have just told the younger to keep it to himself afterall and follow Shun's example on these matters), he still had his limits. And getting rather cutting responses to any concern or whatever was not really on his agenda. Just because he wanted to attempt getting along did not mean he would suddenly turn mellow and not say a word against the younger. That's not how it worked. He wasn't sure what Shun really wanted, but if it was complete willful cooperation just because, then he could get it out of his head. Simply because doing that would be ridiculous. He wasn't going to compromise all of his thoughts just to not evoke a negative reaction. ''You can be self assured all you want. That, however, changes nothing about the fact that your perception is only your own. I am not entitled to agree with what you say in any way or form, just like you'd say you don't have to agree with what I think. Therefore, you might as well save your 'not blind' comments to yourself, for you can't prove anything.'' He was really losing his mood by now. He didn't fancy this kind of wording. Insuinating you are right anyway very pointedly, but also playing generous by saying feel free. Choose one, instead of sounding all smug within the matter of few words.

Regardless, this was no good. Like hell did the younger have more on his plate. Because the things he was saying currently totally were not aimed to jab at him in some way and whatnot. Was Shun taking him for a grade A idiot or something? It wasn't that he had a problem discussing this and all. But he wasn't going to take this kind of behavior. Oops? Getting all snobby just because someone is concerned about your reasoning. Oh so proffesional, really. Tsk. This only sounded like Shun gloating his own ego by trying to sound 'smart' and calling him out on crap. Yeah, he certainly wanted help from someone who talked to him like that at any chance that came up. How about no.

Adding to all that was something that Shun didn't know (and probably wouldn't give a damn about anyway, based on the entire interaction). He both had a high tolerance, and did not. In many cases, he would end up reacting to treatment from others much more fiercely than would be considered normal. He could have extreme mood swings, and that wasn't something he could do much about in the end, for it wasn't exactly a conscious problem. Being put in situations like this one was only asking for trouble, sooner or later. And he was mighty irritated right now, no matter how much he was attempting to keep calm. ''I'd watch your mouth, to be honest. I'm sure you understand where I come from. Considering how have you been responding to me this entire time, and the attitude you are adopting towards my existence, I think I am entitled to at least wonder about your honest intentions. I didn't even say you were doing it because of that for sure. I simply implied I want to be certain of your reasoning before I decide on a sound answer. Precautions can be valid even when one does not have a reason to suspect initially anyway.'' Aka, don't whine about your credibility as if no one is allowed question it. It didn't even have to be because of a concern. In the current times, it is important to know that you aren't being tricked. And he was pretty sure he ought to be free to ask.

He would flash the younger a narrowed look. ''Yes, I think it does play a part here. Getting oh so defensive and calling me out simply because I exercise caution, refering to my ego and whatnot is hardly what I would call a professional behavior towards any kind of deal. Same with any comments akin to your 'thank Gaga.'. Very nice try, however. You don't sound like you are excluding personal things out of it, your personal interest included. Who says I care for you to meet my parents in any way, hm? You obviously don't like me, or care about me much. So what's with the sudden interest towards my family then? Pick what you really want.'' Because he would really want that kind of thing. Totally. A guy who kinda despises him having to do anything with his parents. Legit. He wasn't as lenient as that. Shun would have to stop resenting his existence before he would agree to such personal stuff. There would be no negotiaton on that. He had some personal boundaries he would not move.

As for the rest. There were many reasons why he would hesitate. Even if simply because he knew what Shun could be like with his words. He did not want to deal with any issues would the younger actually manage to speak to his parents and whatnot. Oh no. He would not trust what the younger could say and all, like a fool. They weren't on good enough standing for trust afterall. That's what Shun himself claimed a while ago. ''Perhaps because you are looking at it backwards, my dear. The lack of logic you speak of would be valid, had this come up before I offered to be nice to you and all that. However, you already quite clearly affirmed you don't intend to trust me at all, have you not? Thus, the 'other way around', as you call it, has already become pointless, I think. I can't get trust out of you. That much you made obvious after I tried. So then, I think by this point, I can safely say that I do not have to feel trustful towards you either. Because I have been given no reason to be.'', he would scoff. ''You refuse to even consider trusting me despite any of my efforts. And I am not obligated to extend a hand several times. I can draw a line too, and I will. You aren't going to get my trust in anything for free, when you aren't willing to give yours under any circumstance. It's as simple as that. I don't have to want someone like you sifting through my personal matters and background, only because you want to be professional and offer on the behalf of your capabilities.'' He could always find someone else, was he determined. Shun wasn't the only rich guy in the world, speaking of technicalities. Even he could call himself rich, if it was what he wanted. He simply didn't care for the value of money he owned enough to announce it to the world eagerly. And he kind of disliked the attitudes most high class people adopt, so he would gladly remain where he was. He'd rather his peace. Not for people to look at him based on the contents of his wallet first and foremost. He cared none for the kind of fame money can bring you. It was just a fake interest in most cases. Just people's eyes getting sparkly thanks to the money.

At any rate, his current level of irritation was probably visible enough on his face, no matter what he did. But he was kind of stopping to care as well. There was no peaceful talking with the younger. He already confirmed that a few times, had he not?

Posts : 1664 Join date : 2014-05-22

"Watch...your mouth..."? Shunnosuke didn't know how to react immediately. Was that a threat? Things escalated quite well. He could see Sharaku getting frankly irritated by the way Shun was handling the conversation, and well, it didn't faze the younger the slightest. He's entitled to lose his temper all he wants, Shunnosuke can't really control that. On the other hand, it was rather amusing how things, once again, escalated to that level when he wasn't even trying. "That's what you get when you try to be a good person for once", he'd say. In any stance, the teenager remained calm, just blinking a few times to Sharaku before manifesting himself in regards to all the big speech he had just heard: — Watch my mouth, you say? For what, exactly...? Because I said I wouldn't waste my money on an outside endeavor only to get revenge at you for egotistic reasons? That was simply the truth. If I were to do something against you...I would have done it already, I believe I have even told you before that. It wouldn't be hard, you know, it really wouldn't, considering how am I and what I have access to. However, my moral compass is not that questionable, and that said, I'll just pretend you didn't threat me just now. As for assuming I have personal reasons to bringing up the topic currently...hm, yes, there may be one personal reason for that... — He paused his voice for a bit, shifting his sight to somewhere else, letting the wind blow his bangs for a bit. His expression visibly changed to a more contemplative countenance. It was not an easy topic for him and not something he wanted to speak this time and to Sharaku, but if it were for the full disclosure, so be it: — I know what it's like when you feel you don't have your parents by your side. I know very well what it feels to be underappreciated by them. I used to think so about mine... But I also know by now they might not always have been able to show you their care for their own reasons. Some parents just were unprepared to have a child and therefore don't know how to deal with parenthood, some have their own different personality that might not strike as the most caring. And some might just need an opportunity of getting close and demonstrate their love albeit they sometimes can't create this opportunity. I don't know what's the case with your parents, but I'd like to believe that, after all these years, they still have hopes to find their son alive. "It's your family after all, and it's the only family you'll ever have. If you lose the ones you care for, you have nothing..." — Shun closed his eyes as he repeated these words he heard long ago. He still have them in mind and it helped him through the worst times. it helped him to mend their relationship with his family. It didn't help him to accept the loss of those he cared for, but...at least he could understand what those words really meant, and their weight in his life. While yes, he may have a degree of curiosity in knowing a part of Sharaku's past, he believes he should do it simply because it might in part help the older's feeling of loneliness and inner issues, whatever issues he had. A parental figure is important in anyone's life. That said, he turned his sight back to Sharaku's face. — Do you want trust? Then earn it. Prove that you deserve it rather than enforcing it and getting irritated when things don't go as you plan. Don't you think that you should have it at all costs just because now, only now, you're making effort in playing Mr. Nice Guy and appear like you want to redeem yourself. So far, you have done nothing in my perception to deserve mine other than imploring for revelations of personal things I'm not obliged to confide and going quite obsessive with the idea of me taking your friendship offers. This is quite odd, as I'm sure you might have other more interesting people in your social cliqué to spend such devotion in being pleasant, but regardless, I do have my reasons to preserve myself, reasons I was given. I don't really feel like holding any grudges on you for that, otherwise I wouldn't still be here having this extensive talk nor trying to assist with finding your parents, but that doesn't mean I forgot those very reasons. As for the reversed situation...I honestly don't even know what exactly I have done to not earn yours other than the "you went so fast on me it scared me", but quite frankly, that's irrelevant in my book. It's not like you owe me an explanation and that's the difference between us: I have enough maturity to understand that and respect the fact that you might not want my assistance, even though I can perfectly search for your family on my own, with or without your permission, simply because it's within my abilities. Ah! While we're at it, whether you'll allow me to give an advice or not, I should tell you this: such "aw, he doesn't trust me, so I won't trust him back, I'll draw a line too" mentality is quite childish and won't get you anywhere further. If there's one thing I learned in the past three years, through the goods and bads, is that whatever kind of positive feeling between two people is not something that should bloom expecting an equal return, if you care about someone for whatever reasons, then you should care about them without expecting anything in return. After all, it's not something that'll appear out of nowhere, is not something that you can demand from others. And, ironically as it sounds, that's exactly how you're behaving. — He said it all as calm as possible because, honestly, Shun didn't mean to get anger at Sharaku. He did mean it when he said he understood if the other part refused his altruistic deed. What could he do? Nothing. It was Sharaku's right. It wouldn't necessarily stop Shun from meddling in the topic far from Sharaku's eyes and doing his search here and there, but he wouldn't simply get mad at the man for this. Mainly because he was finding this all unnecessary. Was it really worth being angry at? All in all, he was as honest here as he could. He did learn his lesson, after all, and one person he should eventually thank for the painful lesson, oddly, was Sharaku himself. The other person...was not alive anymore to hear his thanks...

Subject: Re: Can't run from fate [Shun] Sat Feb 20, 2016 10:45 pm

Surprisingly enough, he was holding out enough to answer to what was being said for now. Albeit it must have been obvious at this point that he was at least struggling for some reason. It was a simple fact. Dealing with complex emotional situations was hard for him, as it was easily capable of making him go up and down, really. Balance was hard to come by once it went too far for the given moment. ''It isn't...about you saying you won't do it because of that. Although, I'm still not sure why would it be a problem that someone wants assurance in the first place. Your wording of some things is more bothersome. You think it feels any nice to have you talk about how I'm apparently putting myself on high pedestal simply because I want to know and the like? Saying things like that easily makes your entire presentation have an unpleasant edge right away....'' Well, did it not? He was quite sure no one would like being spoken to that way. And such only prompts a similar kind of response, making it a circle eventually, if kept up.

...it wasn't like he didn't understand the whole family business. He was perfectly aware what the younger was getting at. As much as their situations weren't quite the same. What did it feel like...? He knew a bit, yes, but he hadn't even spent that long with his parents when it came down to it. Not as long as Shun had. Afterall, the younger has spent almost all his teen years and whatnot at home. Unlike him. It was confusing to regard it that way, but he could only rely on what he remembered of his feelings from long ago. What all he could even properly recall nowadays, for the things he dealt with later messed around with his perception quite a bit on their own. Thus, he couldn't speak of this whole matter in a very assured way. He would just shake his head. ''I'm not even...sure. For me, it's just confusing...It's been long ago. I don't even remember all that well...too much has happened since, and I can't recall how I felt exactly anymore. I have no idea what it really is, or could be...I can hardly say much towards this...'' Although, there were things he could say towards that last sentence. Yes. But not always. Family is a conceptual term. Your parents don't have to be your only family. You can also make your own with time. So saying it's the only you'll ever have...just didn't seem quite right. Unless there was more to it than how it sounded when said. As for the last bit. Technically, he did have nothing. He would admit to that. It was more a general term though. ''I haven't had anything for years. That much is true. And while I understand where you come from...and why that is so...I don't think this all rings true for me as is...even though I could attempt doing it..'' He would leave it at that though. He didn't wish to turn even this into a sort of argument. He would just say how he felt about it. As for why...? He understood the importance of family. Yes. But for him, it was too late for a reunion to make a lasting change, or an effect on his personal stand. It would perhaps be nice, and could clear up some things for both sides. He could get behind that. But that was the extent of it. For Shun, his family mattered that much more, because he was, and still is dependent on them in his own way. Comes in contact with them periodically and such. He? Well, he was just too detached from the past already, in its entirety. It was just some buzz in the back of his mind by now, if he had to somehow try and explain it. It meant little to his current perception of what is. For him, it would be more effective to find his own place in life here and now, instead of trying to solve puzzles in his past misunderstandings of that caliber. He certainly could go and do it, but the link was very insignificant at this point.

The rest...he wouldn't actually respond as much as one might expect of him, based on how these tend to go. It was just...it would probably only make it worse, were he to try and portray his side to the issue. And this much back and forth was draining his energy already anyway. Besides affecting his mood greatly, which was an issue as well. He couldn't let that keep going, lest he would do something he'd regret later. His tone would appear to be on the more weary side at this point. ''It's what it is. It's pointless for me to attempt addressing details of what you said. That's always been the issue. Perhaps the two of us knowing each other is unfortunate to begin with. It's always been only you. I've had slight arguments with other people, but it always got solved soon enough. With you, it goes too far, no matter how it starts. No matter what either of us says, it just turns bad somewhere along the way. It seems the two of us are way too different. We perceive most of reality in manners that contradict. All we do is keep misunderstanding each other, the moment we try anything past small talk. Sometimes, not even that works.'', he would sigh softly. ''I won't claim I can prove anything to you. Because in all honesty, I do not know if I can. You appear to want things I cannot give you, and the same goes the other way around. Perhaps, it's not meant to be. I wouldn't be surprised all that much. Not every person can be compatible with everyone else in the world. We may both try our best, but it would seem we just walk different roads altogether, in the end.'', he would look off to the side. ''I've never met someone quite like you before...that alone probably says a lot...Perhaps, trying to fix anything is a mistake in itself...It never worked that way with us...''

Posts : 1664 Join date : 2014-05-22

Hm, not what he expected. After such intimate confession about himself, the young one had hopes this would make Sharaku's mind lean towards an approval. It didn't. At least not entirely. It all sums up to "I'm not eager for it, but I'm okay", which wasn't quite as satisfying. Shrugs. — It's ultimately up to you. Make your choice and let me know if it's doable. — In the end, it was Sharaku's choice after all. After being alone for so long, it's no wonder he had this kind of conviction. It almost bothered Shun in the sense that he, somehow, thought that a small display of kindness would make the other happy. In any case, the intention is what counts. He could live with that.

— Mhm...perhaps. Perhaps it was not even meant to be for us to meet. — He gloomily said, slowly swinging back and forth in his seat, empty gaze aimed to nowhere in particular. That's a viable conclusion. After being at odds with a person for so long, he could only deduce that they simply are incompatible in every single sense. There's no need of drama for that, as there are over 7 billion people in the world and you can't expect everybody to like you, no matter how pleasant you can be, even though Shunnosuke, contrary to his past self, was not making efforts to being pleasant. That's part of him that changed in the few years that have passed. It never worked before, and thus he didn't feel like he should keep up with that. — It's a fault on my end, for I was the one who went after you back then, at the party... It all started there. I would change that and everything else that happened after if I could. But I can't, neither of us can... And to think that all this started with the involvement with Personas, Angels and anything magical that in the end, when it comes down to the real business, no matter what supernatural power we earned three years ago, they aren't good for anything in the real world. — Regrets. It all came down to that. His rambling might appear as random, but it didn't have necessarily to do with Sharaku. Sure, part of it was related to him and he couldn't deny that. If only Shunnosuke could return to the time he was infatuated and erase the feeling, things would be one hell of easier nowadays. However, it was much more related to other experiences he had been trying to cope with. Experiences that would come and go, back and forth, whenever he's distracted enough to allow those thoughts to wander inside his mind.

— "Want things I cannot give you", "someone like you". Care to elaborate? — Shun wasn't sure if someone's perception about himself should be asked, but well...what hurt would it do? He could take the criticism, although that doesn't necessarily mean he will agree with that. And he should feel a bit honored that he was so special, wasn't it? At least in his mind, yes, the fact he has always had this "on-again-off-again" relationship was something unique, even if "unique" doesn't necessarily mean something positive in the common sense. A negative angle of standing out, so to speak. Of course, if he were an airheaded happy-go-lucky person, he'd be loved by many, but in the long run he would be sacrificing his own well being and own individuality for the sake of reverting whatever loneliness he might feel, and that's not how he thinks. Not nowadays, at least.. Being submissive haven't worked completely, even when he tried up to a certain line, and he was never the type to back down in face of a challenge or a conflict. Perhaps this is were the hardships from their interactions come from.

Subject: Re: Can't run from fate [Shun] Sun Feb 21, 2016 2:12 pm

He would sigh. ''I know. I'll probably need to think about it first though...'' He couldn't blurt out a sure answer just yet. This wasn't just a little thing, and he would rather not regret being hasty on this matter. It wasn't an issue about how good or how bad the idea sounded. It could be either, but it depended too much on whether he could even deal with something as extensive as that right now. On top of the fact that it would mean both an involvement with past long gone, and the more recent one, thanks to Shun being in the picture of it all. Many times, he felt better when he did not have to think about or poke into things that happened more than three years ago and further. He would have to consider it carefully in the end.

''Yet, we did. Maybe there is a meaning to it all....'' Not that he knew what it would be. They met two years ago, and they did today as well. Were it not meant to be at all, it probably wouldn't coincidentally happen twice. Or maybe, fate was playing games with them. As much as he didn't really believe much in all that. He would actually chuckle lightly. ''And I didn't say no when you did. So the blame is on both of us in that case. But...I don't think I would change what happened, even if I could. I'll admit, it wasn't a pleasant ride for either of us...but it could have always been worse. And well, I'd like to think that both of us learned something from it. Afterall, people learn from their mistakes. We're still both in one piece and whatnot, so we didn't end that badly....'' He didn't believe that turning back time to erase bad circumstances was what would help anyone. That's avoiding responsibility in a way. Some burdens, you just have to handle and accept. No one is free from them in entirety. That's the darker side of life for you... ''Hm. We can still use a part of our powers even now. It's anyone guess as to what they are good for...I probably shouldn't speak on the behalf of that, however. I've always handled them differently than the rest of you...'' A Persona was a part of you, but in the end, it was just in your mind, or its own entity when you called it out. He was physically bound with his Shadow, and even had to use himself to actually properly cast any skills and such. He couldn't run from it even when everything was on the downlow, for his Shadow wouldn't just poof for the time being, or leave him alone (they talked to each other a lot, alright). His appearance alone was proof of that, amongst other things.

He would look out into the distance when Shun asked for an elaboration. At the very least, he was in a calmer mood right now, so it was easier to think. Still, he didn't find it easy to come up with an answer. ''Ahm, well, that's hard to put into words. Perhaps it's just a feeling...and it may also be our differences at play. We come from different worlds, even. You're rich, alright. And I can't deny I am too, kind of. However, you enjoy your money, and would use it publicly and all that. I never really cared much for people knowing my wealth. High class society means nothing to me. Most of those people are fake. They only look at you based on the contents of your wallet. I don't even like moving in those kinds of settings let alone showing off what I own, which is something you live with naturally, thanks to your family's upbringing. You care for things I do not and vice versa, in many cases. In the end, we clash. The things you may find utterly important and would scoff at another person for not following and so on...I am likely to honestly not give a single damn about. That alone causes a rift between us. We don't think alike at all. In the end, it comes down to that....'' Their values were too different for them to be able to satisfy each other in the long run. They may be able to function on casual terms, if they try...but more than that would only be exhausting. That's how he saw it, at least.

Posts : 1664 Join date : 2014-05-22

If there was a meaning to it, he couldn't see one. He still considered that meeting a great disaster. The things you do when you're young and naive... It's actually funny how now, three years ago, he could see clearly what a mistake it was. He didn't blame himself for that...after all, he had his reasons to pursue a relationship with Sharaku, even though they're more self-absorbed than anything. — That's where we differ then. I don't see anything positive that came after that encounter. Learning from painful experiences might bring good lessons, but they aren't the only way of learning. Besides, I really didn't need any more conflict in my roller-coaster life than what I already had, so yes, I could pass one awfully wrong decision if I could. — There was not much use pondering over it, anyway. Whether it becomes a topic for discussion or not, what's done is done and he said so countless times. However, it did grow a tiny seed in his mind. What if their supernatural powers, Persona powers, can bring the time back to the year prior to "The Event"? That's one thing he never considered before, one thing intrinsically related to his inner doubts, one thing he would keep in mind for future reference. Maybe someone might provide him the answers in those regards.

So...? — Hm, in short... — He blinked a few times. — I appear as I'm all about being materialistic and concerned about what good my money can bring to myself. Why am I not surprised? — He probably should be offended, shouldn't he? That was a good summary of what Sharaku said: someone boasting around about his status and gloating over how lucky he is to have born in a wealthy family He wouldn't exactly blame Sharaku, and though he was not satisfied with given answer, he could form his own response casually, without harboring any hard feelings towards it, simply because he knew he was different than that, and he owed this to a very specific someone. — Now I'm almost interested. What do you care for that I don't, then? — This would be entertaining to watch. Curiosity aside, he wanted to see how "different" Sharaku claimed them both to be, and Shun was quite sure this was just the older not knowing him very well to the point a statement such as his seems plausible.

Subject: Re: Can't run from fate [Shun] Sun Feb 21, 2016 6:32 pm

Yes. They indeed did, and greatly. Because despite the fact that Sharaku could see how their entire relationship could be taken as catastrophic, he would see it only as one part of the perspective. Sure, no one wants the bad in their life, but rewinding back could be even more dangerous...or end up making everything way worse. His life wasn't any brighter than Shun's back then, no, but he would simply accept biting more than he could chew, instead of wishing for something as foolish as turning back time. It wouldn't only be getting rid of the bad, but also everything good that happened within that timeframe. He wouldn't want to lose everything he had with all the people he knew, just for the sake of one bigger mistake. ''I prefer to see a silver lining in things. Nothing is only black and white afterall. Besides, it wouldn't only be passing on one wrong decision. You mess with time, you lose a lot. You'd probably revert time with everyone you knew during that period. You'd go back to not getting along with your parents, not knowing a lot of people you have met, and all those things. It would force changes for everyone else around too. Would you do it just because of one mistake, was it possible?'' Honestly, he saw that as rather ridiculous. No matter how could one mistake hurt, it wasn't worth this. Not in his book.

He would just sigh. No, that was not what he meant. The whole money issue was something he used as an example to illustrate his point, because it was probably the most obvious difference he could come up with at a moment's notice. Odd though. For Shun to immediately assume it was refering to him being materialistic above else, it would mean the younger either thought of himself as so to an extent, or found it to be an offending topic when someone brought up wealth in relation to him, without it being an obvious praise. Either way, it was slightly aggravating. Just because he used an example, shouldn't automatically mean he was boxing someone like that. If he wanted to list everything they could be different at, he would kill his vocal chords, and he was also sure Shun would not care to listen to him for that long. He had to limit it to something. Apparently, money was a bad topic to pick for it. ''No? I used the difference in approach to money as an example, for it was the easier one in my opinion. That's all there is to it. I'm just saying you care about your wealth much more than me. If you want to see my words in the more negative way, I can't stop you.'', he would state calmly, as much as he had the urge to just roll his eyes at the 'not surprised' remark.

Frankly, he hardly wanted to answer to that one honestly. Shun seemed to have the habit of turning his words into things he didn't truly mean at times, just like it was proved by the money thing a moment ago. Made it pretty hard to talk about things that held any importance to him just like that. Well, he could say something. But sadly for Shun, he wouldn't be very detailed, or bring up very personal matters. He wasn't in the mood to risk what would happen if he did that. Nor was he interested. ''For example, you seem to hold fashion in fairly high regard, yes?'', he was sure he was not really wrong on that one, from what he had observed in the past. At the very least, it should apply well enough. ''I can dress well, but that's usually the extent of that. It's just clothes. They can help, but what matters in the end is the person wearing them, not what they are wearing. That's always been my stand. I'd have no problem wearing almost anything, if it came down to it.'' He could be plainly careless towards the whole matter at times. It just wasn't important enough, compared to the person in question. ''There are a lot of other things I could mention, but I'm not necessarily interested in giving away any secrets. We already agreed that arguments are pointless between us, and I don't want to risk another one over something. It would seem that personal topics tend to invoke such a lot.'' That was true as well. He just wanted some peace right now. Not stressing over what he said and what he would get in response.

Posts : 1664 Join date : 2014-05-22

The answer was immediate. — Yes. I would. I said so. You're not the only reason, in case that's across your mind. There were other things I regret in the year, things I could change much easier and things I would rather not have happened... For example, I would have a better approach to my family, since you mentioned them. I wouldn't get involved with the Angels' Event to begin with. Lewis Rhodes wouldn't be arrested for crime. And... — He had to pause for a bit, and for a moment it was like he had lost his breath at all only for his face to turn melancholic, obviously melancholic again. — I would still have Hyde around... — The thought crossed his mind more often than not. What if that was possible? What if rewinding time could indeed be possible? What if? Everything else seemed to matter little and, by the time, he didn't even think of the possibility of losing the few bonds he formed in the mean time, for they were simply a few. And well, you can always form bonds again if you're devoted enough to tie them up. But you can't bring the dead back, no matter how much you wanted it, or how much you try to move on...

— Well, I'm used to your words and overall opinion towards me being negative, anyway, despite the recent attempts to paint it differently. Before, you were never too eloquent to begin with, not that it affects me anymore so I wouldn't mind if you stated it once more. I can endure it well enough nowadays, as you're probably aware by now. — He shrugged, not really concerned. He didn't even mind being considered materialistic. If there was one thing he was taught, is that he could be way more than what people thought of him as long as he remained faithful to his self and his own principles. That, honestly, he did. So it came down to other people being able to realize that under the "bitch" attitude if they wanted to. If they didn't....well, that was their business. — Oooh, the fashion predilection is really one issue to point out? I thought it was something worth concern, but if such futile trait is really something to ponder, I'm relieved. — He had to snicker and chuckle contemptuously at that. It was so ridiculous that he didn't even believe he was going to explain himself in the matter. — Yes, I do care about fashion. This is the career I've chosen for myself and I won't succeed at it if I don't hold it in high regards. However, I don't decide someone's value based on how you dress. If anything, I'd simply state some people have no taste for clothes whatsoever. Naomi with her green hood is a vivid example of that and, despite the abhorrent looks, it never stopped me from associating with her. You are very well another example because, at one point, your clothes could make my eye burn and yet...here we are, aren't we? — He could mention Hyde and his own father as well; the first used to have such a bad taste as to wear a cape at school at times, and the latter...well, he needed his help more often than not with a proper social attire for important meetings, so yeah. Point made. In the end, despite some people having absurdly poor taste and notion of fashion, he wouldn't object their company based on that. At least...not nowadays. Not anymore.

Subject: Re: Can't run from fate [Shun] Mon Feb 22, 2016 6:49 am

''Don't worry. This has nothing to do with me. But with everyone. By turning back time, you would mess with everyone's life. You may not like what happened to you, but some people may have gained good things for themselves, perhaps even some of those you know. They wouldn't be happy about this, about losing everything like that. Besides, there's no guarantee that it wouldn't happen all over again. Or even go much worse than before. For all we know, it would even mean forgetting everything, so you wouldn't even know what to not do again....'' There was just so much wrong that could come from that. And it wasn't even right to rob everyone of all they accomplished for your own gain, really. He would certainly refuse. The last years weren't the best they could be, but he would not want to turn everything back, no. As for the last thing...Hyde. Well, he could get behind the sadness of losing someone you were close to. It sucked, alright. But...people die. They all will eventually. It's so easy. It could even happen through a car accident or an unfortunate circumstance of any type, really. And it can happen anytime. You can never truly prevent someone else's death. Then again, he had very...lenient views on death. After coming close to it several times, even through his own actions...well, he just took it as something that is. He didn't like the idea of people he knew dying, but he knew it could happen easily....''...Hyde..chose his destiny. Perhaps, he could have lived a while longer, but he sacrificed himself for others without thinking. Still....it's what it is. I have no idea how much you know...but he was most likely going to die in the end, regardless of what happened. He knew about it a good few months ahead of time. There was probably nothing that any of us could have done about it. It...hurts to lose someone. It does. But everyone will die eventually...we can't go reversing it, thinking we are special and deserve a person back. Then, everyone would feel entitled to bring people back...and no one would be dying as is normal...'' That would be pure chaos, most likely. There were already billions of people on Earth, even with normal death rates. Let's not be stupid and mess it all up somehow. Everyone living for as long as we wish was a nice ideal...but not realistic at all, in the end. ''Who knows...perhaps he's happy wherever he is now? We wouldn't know, but all we can really do is hope his death wasn't in vain. Afterall, he did all he could...'' It was still a sad topic to think about. But at least, Hyde went out as a hero in his own right. People surely wouldn't forget him. Not those that knew what he's done.

''Hmmm? But being used to something is not the point, is it? Do you always see everything only as you are used to seeing it? If you do, then you're kind of not opening yourself to new opportunities, by hanging onto what once was. And while eloquency may not be my strongest trait to begin with, I wouldn't want people taking me for granted just because they got used to something already. Don't you dislike that too, in a sense? You may be able to handle it well, but it isn't nice to have people criticize you based on what you've done in the past even now, is it? We probably all do it in a way. Relying on experience is a thing...but perhaps, we hold onto it too much at times...'' He seemed to be moreso contemplative as he spoke this time. It was actually a good question. What was better? Trusting past experience, or being willing to not take it in mind when approaching similar situations? Hmm, perhaps a healthy mix of both was the go to. Be willing to trust, but know how to keep precautions too, just in case. He was starting to analyze concepts a bit too much again....Ah well.

He would snort at the tone Shun used towards the fashion matter. Exactly why he chose that, and not something more personal. He didn't care for that kind of talking to when it concerned more important values. No thank you. Besides, those things were ones he wouldn't tell to just about anyone in general, so someone who gets contemptuous so easily has a zero chance in hell to hear it, really. There were parts of his private thoughts he would not discuss unless he was comfortable enough with a person. And could believe he wouldn't get judged for it somehow. Which he couldn't in this case. ''Well, I can't say I am relieved, really. You want the truth why I chose that? Precisely because it is one of the most insignificant matters. I don't want to get contemptuous snickers and the like for things I really care about, thank you. Most of those, I wouldn't even casually tell someone I am on good terms with. Which as we all know, is questionable with us.'' There was no point in lying. That's how it was. As for the given explanation. Well, in a sense, it was okay. On the other hand, did Shun have the right to call people's clothes tasteless left and right? Eh. At this point, he was just thinking of questions that had no clear answers. ''Well, thanks. Although, not everyone likes their choice of appearance judged, whether it does cut the deal or not. And seeing as it can make your eyes burn, you do mind it to a certain extent. Such is bound to make some sort of impact eventually.'' And he wouldn't enjoy it. Even if it was only limited to getting looks from the younger. Not for too long. When you don't really care about what is supposedly not good in another's eyes, it would start getting on your nerves eventually. He was fine with fashion as it was, but a big focus on it in general could happen to grate his nerves. Even if only subconsciously. In the end, it really depended on the approach. He could enjoy something, but hardly when it was mostly a subject of scrutiny.

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All in all, he stood by his point of view, simply shrugging at the mention of "other people gaining good things". If they did, so they could get it again the second time. He didn't really mean it as if he would change everything in everyone's life. He just wanted to change HIS life. For better. As for the redhead's destiny, Shunnosuke was aware of that. Hyde haven't told him exactly, but he attempted to. With time it was clear that he was going to die. He noticed that, maybe too late to do something about, but...he knew. It didn't mean the pain would be lesser just because he would be previously aware such misfortune would eventually come to them.

— . . . — The swing seat would gradually slow down its motion until it stopped completely. Of all things Sharaku could have said in an attempt to mend the pain and maybe, only maybe, make the younger accept the past, these were definitely the worst words to use. Shunnosuke looked back at Sharaku for once, remaining silent and visibly surprised. Shocked, even. His eyes and the intensity of his stare, though, said it all. The Kurosawa was not furious, for once, and that could be an accomplishment itself. He didn't even have the strength to be furious, or rather, he held a mix of emotions inside. He already felt guilty over Hyde's passing, and upon what he heard, he was...sad and, in a higher degree, utterly disgusted at these very specific words. Not that the rest of the speech was much better, oh no. It was good old same, "he did it for everybody", "he might be in a better place", "it's part of life" and so on, cliché people repeat to make the whole acceptance of death better. Implying that his motivation is based on feeling "entitled and special to deserve someone back", however, is on a whole new level. Why would Sharaku say such thing if he didn't think that's what the younger thought of himself? Did it matter? While Shunnosuke would be tolerant for everything else, that fraction of Sharaku's speech was not passing. Not at all. — I did say you are not eloquent, but... — He paused a bit, holding his breath, keeping his thoughts together. Of course he could anticipate the guy defending himself by saying Shunnosuke took it wrong, twisted his words, or he didn't mean that. Nothing that really makes what was said less nauseating. — ...that's low, even for your type. That's cruel... This was never about feeling entitled or special. But...you know, I won't explain anything to a person who was never in good terms with me or him to begin with. I simply don't expect you to understand it, and how could someone like you do? You have been alone most of your time. You don't have anyone who cares about you and you don't care about anyone else either, not even your family... Not even me, anymore. I remember how I was scared of you dying back then, I felt something similar to what I felt for Hyde, but now I can only feel disgusted and disappointed at myself for even thinking you were someone worth the concern. I feel sorry for Hyde because he really looked up to you, he made efforts to being friends with you, and this is what you dare say... Maybe if you had a person dear to lose, you would take think twice, but...you don't. You're too empty for that... You are hollow, you are cold, you are insensitive, you are gross, you are... — His tone was not purposely offensive; on the contrary, it was as calm and crystalline of a tone as he could. Weak, even. He couldn't help, though, that his words could be hurtful in a way, as he was torn himself. He had been for a while since Hyde's death and who knows when he will move on. His hands would, slowly, let go of their grasp on the seat's chains, and so Shunnosuke stood up, not looking back at Sharaku anymore. It wouldn't do any good to him, and he didn't want to end up crying in front of the other. This is why he avoided talking about personal matters with him. This is exactly why. Sharaku wouldn't understand and, on top of it, he would say any new jackassery out of his mind that enforced very much why Shun sees him as nothing but a jerk. — I was wary around you this whole night, and you just proved to me why. From now on... Don't talk to me or come close. Ever again...

He should go home by now. There wasn't much left to say, in regards to this topic or any other that the conversation brought up. Everything else mattered little, anyway. Even the autumn breeze that made his body shiver was insignificant. And so, if he wasn't stopped from going, after a few seconds in the same spot thinking, he would begin walking his way back home.

Subject: Re: Can't run from fate [Shun] Mon Feb 22, 2016 10:23 am

This time around, Sharaku would seriously end up rolling his eyes. Yeah right. Go ahead, think that everything being said is aimed at your person, sure. God, can't he say something general anymore? Besides, he wasn't wrong. People aren't meant to go as far as trying to bring people back by turning back time and whatnot. That is against nature itself, and the point of it being wrong has nothing to do with feeling grief. If you don't feel any entitled, then why, pray tell, do you consider yourself so mighty that you think you could attempt screwing around with the past, hm? Being really sad about someone's passing is fine. Refusing to accept and creating illusions about how you can change it...not really. Definitely not after two years have already passed. That should be quite enough of a grieving period for one to at least realize they need to accept it, not mope about it so much. The fact that a few words can push you so deep into denial and make you start spewing hate for someone only shows how unbelievably hardheaded you are about it all. Oh sure, he was so cold and whatnot, based on that short phrase alone, as if it was all he ever said. He'd sooner believe he was an alien. By this point, he was growing quite immune to Shun's plentiful accusations. For they were mostly a product of personal feeling, rather than anything else. And Shun was quite adept at judging based on the few things he picks out and sees as unacceptable.

But he wasn't going to keep playing this game. Not when the younger thinks calling him crap like that based on his perception of a few things that were said is completely valid like this. He was having quite enough. ''I'm not sure why for the love of God, do you always assume that when I say something, it is refering to YOU or your feelings about the given situation. I can very much speak in general as well. You talk about how I don't understand, but you seem to understand crap about my point yourself. This has nothing to do with me not caring. It is about what is acceptable and what is not. Life and death are a part of one whole. People die, and that's how it is. We can feel grief over someone's death, but there is a line as to how far we can go with it. You can't consider rewinding time because something screws up, because someone dies. It is not the last time bad things happen, and it never will. Your parents will eventually die too. So can anyone you know right now. Perhaps you should consider focusing on those that are alive now, instead of hanging onto the things and people that have already passed on. Or you might find out that you will look at the present too late to enjoy anything again.'', he would shake his head. ''And yes, I dare say that. Because no matter how we feel about it, death is a part of everyone's life. It hurts, but falling into pieces everytime someone you care about dies solves nothing in the long run. It's been two years. How come you still can't accept what happened? Instead, you insult me over being a little more levelheaded about it than you. Honestly, if you think that I am insensitive and gross simply because I'm willing to understand that the past and people's lives and deaths are not to be messed with just like that, without severe payment, then too bad. Now, that is something I don't care about, because I will not change my mind on it regardless of what you say.'' He wasn't in the mood to try being specifically eloquent about this one, so if Shun found something to pick on again, he honestly couldn't care less. If what he has said previously was worth such words, then he kind of didn't feel like being too acommodating.

He would just snort. He would state what he had on his mind, but remain standing where he was. Shun was free to walk off, unless he had an intention to say something back.

''I'm not really proving anything. Because if only a few words out of everything a person says can prove to you that they aren't worth anything, it's just sad. I'm not trying to be anyone's ideal. When you can condemn someone based on such little things that happen here and there, whether you have proof that they are intended as you think they are or not....then perhaps yes, there is no worth in it for me either.''

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Whether the teenager wanted it or not, the words did get to him. More than he'd like to admit, and this was the sole reason why he stayed, despite his initial protests and obvious displeasure with Sharaku's presence and troubling wording. He didn't react immediately, though. The words were still sinking in, and while he opened his mouth to say something, whatever thoughts he had didn't verbalize right at the same instant. And for a while he'd remain like that, leaving for others to wonder what lies in his mind, until a sentence was said:

— I don't expect you to understand anything. You were never able to understand me at all and you never made any effort to do so...

He sat down again to the swing seat. His sight, lost to a random point at the ground, or to his lap. It didn't matter to where, what mattered is that his head was pending low enough so his side-swept bangs, now portraying the brown natural color he inherited from his gather, could cover his eyes and a nice fraction of his face. Maybe Sharaku would see it, depending on his angle, maybe he wouldn't. If he did, it would be visible for the older that the look in his eyes was pretty much empty.

— I wasn't there when he died... I don't know what happened... How it happened... Everyday I wonder if he was alone, I wonder if he thought of me when he was dying. But I don't know any of that, and I will never know. I had to search every corner in these islands for his body, I had to look after every morgue and when I finally reached out to him... He was there, lying in front of me, motionless... And cold... — The memories hurt him more than any punch to his guts would. His face showed this very clear, as there was a visible expression of sorrow and pain. As intense as a physical pain to the point Shunnosuke, intentionally or not, was taking it out of his chest things he has been keeping inside all of this time. Things he would rather try to deal with alone but he never could and, as a result, he turned into a different person. Someone who used to be exceptionally sociable, given the position held in the social scene, turned sour and aloof over the time. — Everybody is growing older... — The voice came out finally, weaker, difficult... Hands reaching out to his own arms in some kind of embrace, an embrace from himself to himself, for he was the only person who bothered to comfort his own. And every time he tried, he failed out of guilt. A guilt he could never get rid of, a guilt that formed tears flowing and rolling down his face, regardless of his immense efforts to not demonstrate any weakness in front of the man he was trying hard to despise. — Even I am turning into an adult, and everybody is changing too. Everyone else is different after these years, but... Hyde... He isn't. He didn't have a chance to change as well, he was not given that chance... He'll always remain the same, because time stopped for him... Why does everybody have to grow up but him only... Why is he the only one?... H-Hyde...

Subject: Re: Can't run from fate [Shun] Tue Mar 08, 2016 8:37 am

''?''

Sometimes, Shun could really confuse him. One moment, random parts of his speech are apparently worth getting extremely upset over, and a moment later, the reaction is upside down. And Sharaku didn't think he was changing his talking style back and forth without knowing about it. At least, not enough to inspire such highs and lows in his opinion. It was fairly confusing, and he already regarded his own moods as confusing most of the time, so it was a feat to make him think the same of someone else. Regardless, he had every mind to comment about what Shun said at first, but after a moment of consideration, he would choose to let it pass for now. He didn't want another turn around this soon. Still, how was he to understand when Shun was making himself extremely hard to understand? Effort is easily null when the other side hardly responds to any try. It's easy for it to seem like no one is trying when you view it that way, and act hard to figure out by base. 'Never'. Well, any of his past attempts usually fell on deaf ears, or caused some sort of mayhem. There was a reason why he was hesitant to try at times. Back then, Shun was avoiding telling him what was wrong all the time, so what was he to do? And when the younger finally did, it turned into a big blow up. That pattern was constant, and did not help his effort attempts at all. When you complain about how people aren't trying, and then you act out in some way when people actually do try to find out what is going on or pay you closer attention...well, what kind of message are you really sending? The issue was only made worse by the fact that he wasn't the best at dealing with a lot of random irrationality. Sometimes he made it, but often it was a struggle that would tire out both sides. If only because of the fact that he had a tendency to not always base his opinions on firm logic as well. Put two of that together, and it's a mess in most cases.

''Effort is a subjective matter.'', he'd say simply, leaving it at that. Afterall, everyone only saw the effort they let themselves acknowledge, which often didn't correlate with the real amount of it being present.

''....''

As for the Hyde matter...well, there were two ways to go about that. But with Shun, he never knew for sure as to what choice would actually bring the better outcome. It seemed to vary, so he might as well just pick what struck him as better at the moment. If the other disagreed then so be it. He would shift in his spot a bit. ''Do you want to know? I know what happened and why. I could tell you if you're interested.'' Afterall, he had been around when it happened. Not that the whole fight with Nesoi was any pleasant, and something he'd want to recall under normal circumstances, but he would offer regardless.

He would move a bit closer, but not do much else. He didn't really want to risk it right now. Shun could be unpredictable at times, and it was likely he'd just get pushed away for trying, if only because it was him. ''He took his chances elsewhere...He chose to sacrifice himself to let everyone else walk forward. If he hadn't...maybe neither of us would be alive now. There's no real answer why. Death has always been a mystery..., but, you cared for him, right? He may not be able to grow up physically, but he still lives in the memories of people that knew him, as long as they choose to not forget. I don't think he would want you to be this sad over him. He was always trying to cheer people up. He gave his own life so that you could keep living your own and find happiness. Can't you do that for him...?'' Honestly, it was hard to decide on what to say. He could understand what Shun felt in a way. But he didn't really know what was the right way to approach it. Or maybe it was that he was overthinking it too much at times, making it complicated instead.

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Huh? He raised his head again, trying to look at Sharaku. It didn't help that his hair strands were in the middle of the way, imperfectly falling over his blurry, reddened eyes giving him the loose, unclean and careless appearance he never had. The pole dim, nocturnal lights could be nauseating when you're already feeling the worse possible... Now, that's something he didn't expect. Was Sharaku with Hyde the moment he died? Why? Why Sharaku of all people? They never got along well. There's so much he could assume from that, but he chose not to. Not until he heard what there is to listen. — ...tell me. — His heart sure was racing this time, like a festival drum. Despite sounding as hoarse was a whisper, Shun sounded certain. Perhaps more certain and sure of it than he could, but what was there to lose? He had already lost what and who mattered, and he suffered for it too long to be hesitant now. — Tell me everything. Did... did he say anything about me then?... — After all, hope springs eternal in human's breast.

Subject: Re: Can't run from fate [Shun] Tue Mar 08, 2016 1:06 pm

Right. Guess he would have to talk about that then. As much as the thought of it didn't excite him at all. Plus, the way Shun was asking was making him somewhat uneasy. The obvious answer was no, but he wasn't stupid enough to say just that. Because he was certain that the younger would take it the wrong way. Even though not mentioning someone doesn't really mean that the person doesn't care about you. Hyde was barely alive at that point. Obviously, he wouldn't talk essays about everyone he knew. There was no time for that. The redhead has barely been able to say as much as he had in the first place.

...he disliked having to make decisions like this. Still, he couldn't just lie. The truth is what it is, even if it hurts. ''A few of us got trapped in an odd dimension, and were forced to go head to head against the father of the primordials. Sometime during the fight, Hyde showed up to help...even though I still don't know how he found out about it. It was...not going well. Some of those that were there alongside us kept getting knocked about pretty badly. Hyde being himself...decided to end it himself, without giving us much chance to protest.'', he would sigh. ''He kind of blew himself up using his power, together with the entire dimension we were at, as well as the God. Whatever ability it was that he used....he paid for its power with his life.'' That was something he did not know much about.

''He did wake up briefly after that..but not for long. He didn't even have much time to talk. But from what he did say...I can tell you that he did care about everyone he knew. He said that he was happy that he didn't fail this time, and managed to save everyone else. He certainly didn't regret what he had done. He wanted everyone to keep walking to seize their own future.'', he would say, staying quiet for a moment after that, contemplating what else should he say. He didn't remember all Hyde said word to word, and even if, there was no point in detailing things that were meant specifically for other people.

Hmm, what else...ah wait. Well, one good thing came from this. He almost totally forgot about something. Then again, it wasn't like he had been in contact with the few it concerned since then. He would smile sadly. ''Now that we're talking about this though, I remembered something. I'm supposed to tell you 'thank you for everything' on his behalf.'' If nothing else. He ought to keep it in mind for a while longer. Hyde wanted him to say that to everyone from the old team, but he hadn't seen them in two years, and he completely forgot that for a moment. That said, he would remain quiet. He only gave a brief story, so Shun could ask for details if he really wanted to.

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