I GOT ME ONE (Grubby & Ria)

Welcome to the Slums ladies and germs. Fer like the whatever fuggen time. I spend too much damn time here, shit ain't good fer my health. Feel like I'm gonna get fuggen trench foot walkin' ankle deep in piss all day is what I'm feelin' like. Heard some people like it here. Thems the freaks ya gotta watch out for. Ain't no one in their right fuggen mind enjoy it in this rat's nest dump of a fuggen hellhole. I mean I wanna be here too but I ain't fuggen enjoy it none. It's safe here as fucked up as that is. How the fuck is the Slums safe I bet you wanna know? It's fuggen anonymous. Good place for a group a people to not exist, stay off the fuggen map an' all that shit. I don't know this fuggen place from the freckles on my ass so I'm not takin' no chances with it, better we just mind our merry fuggen business til we get all the shit we need. I'm willin' to bet someone'll have it out fer the wizard at some point, he's fuggen good at strokin' people the wrong way. Bet it'll be a drow too. Fuggen spider-eatin' jagoffs.

But we can't just stay here forever, we gotta get movin'. Me an' the fuggen hippie can't be the only ones runnin' around this damn rusty shit carnival cuz we don't know what we're lookin' fer as good as Hildebrandt does. So I'm makin' damn sure we can move when we gotta. That's what I'm doin' today. Got my map all laid and I be markin' spots, findin' 'lil nooks and crannies to hide supplies in. Loose board here, missin' brick there, sometimes I tie'em off on rope to the grates on the sewer drains. But I mark each an' every one and I puts it down on the map like a fuggen green fugly squirrel is what I do. And ain't no one gettin' ahold'a Grubby's nuts if I got anythin' to say about it. I'm at my newest spot, this one's by one'a the lifts leadin' up to the shops'n shit. Maybe a dozen an' a half blocks or some shit, I ain't good at the math but it ain't a far walk. This'll be the last short rest. I find an alley off the main way and I get lookin', gotta find me a place to hide the stash'a goodies in case we gotta make a break fer it. Less we got to haul the less we got to lose. Yeah... yeah I think that shit's gonna work. I'm gonna put this crap up in the gutter up there, ain't no one gonna check it. I get to climbin' then, time's fuggen wastin'. It's high the fuck up but I ain't got no problem, this shit's mah job. And we gotta move soon.

Aright, time to get to fuggen work. This shit ain't gonna hide itself. I smack my tobacco outta my pipe on my heel, sad to see it go but the last thing I fuggen need while I'm danglin' a couple'a stories up is embers rollin' back in my eyes and makin' me fall off the damn roof. I really gotta switch to the chew but it ain't the fuggen same, shit'll just eat at me til I'm back on the pipe. But I put out my smoke and I get preparin'. I take a good look at the wall in front'a me. It's about three an' some change stories up, lotsa handholds up the left side an' a drainage pipe that run to the roof. Could prolly climb that whole damn thing up but that'll make me look obvious an' I don't know if it can hold me all the way up. Good if I start fallin' though. Gotta stay away from the front'a the windows, that's the last thing I'm needin'. But I think I'm good to go. I look left. I look right. I check over my shoulder, don't see no one givin' me the stink eye so I s'pose I'm good fer now.

I wait for the street to get a 'lil more empty 'fore I scramble up the wall like a goddamn chimp. I'm waitin' a fuggen while too, too many damn people wanna get on this fuggen lift. Geez Louise people, it ain't even fuggen good up there. Sure it ain't smell like piss and you prolly won't get stabbed fer what ya got in yer pockets but down here ya got... uh... gimme a minute... ah fuggit, get the fuggoutta here, I'd go too if I didn't have a job to do. I get my chance when the lift takes off, not that many people waitin' that much no more. I start takin' a couple steps, then I start joggin', then I take a sprint at the wall. I kick up that shit like you wouldn't believe and get me up a story, catchin' my fingers on the brick level. I shimmy over 'cross one a the windows there so's I can get on the moldin', I climb up that shit too. It ain't hard, just hard to do it quick an' without gettin' seen. But I ain't done yet, got me another story I gotta get up. This is the part that's gonna get me fuggen seen I fuggen bet. I stalk over to the drain pipe all quick like, hop up to grab it, then jump up to pull on the gutter'n swing myself up. I get'er done in about ten give or take, not bad fer three stories but I remember I could pull a flat six in my youth. Damn it sucks gettin' old.

I duck down on the opposite side'a the scaffold when I get to the top, ain't no reason to get my bony ass spotted once I already got the fuggup here. So's I'm gonna put the shit in the gutter, tie it off with some rope so it don't slip down when I see somethin' that fuggen pisses me off. A door. There's a fuggen roof entry up here. Tables an' chairs an' umbrellas too. That means any ol' jagoff can just come up here an' check on why the gutter's got a backflow. Just my fuggen luck. Aright, plan fuggen B. Sooooon as I fuggen think of it.

I can't put my stuff up here where people are gonna find it, that just ain't gonna work. Someone'll take my shit an' that ain't what it's there fer. This ain't a gift motherfucker, this here's a cache a items what'll help us travel light. But I can't put it up here with the risk a people stumblin' across it, can't have no buncha jagoffs runnin' off with our stuff. Fuggen gutter rats'll smell the valuables and they're gone 'fore ya know it. I stand back up, ain't no use hidin' if everyone'n their fuggen mother can just waltz on up here. I look around, peer out the places below, the other rooftops. Gotta find me a place to hide this crap but I tell ya it's a real head scratcher. I grumble to meself scratchin' at my face, gotta think this out. Can't put it down on the street so close to that lifin' haul what goes to the top, people're gonna find it if'n I drop it in the drainage runoff even if I tie it off. Can't put it up here. Other places is too high fer me to put it up. Not that I can't get to'em but clamberin' up seven stories ain't fast an' it's gonna get me spotted. I gotta be able to get my mitts on this shit real quick like if I'm gonna get my mitts on it at all. Dagger ain't doin' you no good if it's 'cross the room, ya understand?

So's as I'm ponderin' what I gotta do next I hear somethin' a rogue trains to listen fer: the click of a fuggen latch. Now it's a good thing I ain't put anythin' down yet. Now I'm a fuggen dumbass but I got my moments, an' I know just any ol' bastard can come up here. So what do I do? I ain't even look is what I do. I lean on the lip of the roof there an' I get my pipe out, strike me a tinder twig. Fuggit, I'm s'posed to be here, ain't no one know any better. 'Sides, if I run into any trouble I can just jump off the fuggen roof, ain't met anyone that'll follow a gob down that way. 'Cept barbarians but they're crazy motherfuckers anyway. I seen one try to stop a horse and cart with a dropkick once, that was fun to watch I tell ya. But this is the last dead drop I gotta make, it ain't got nothin' in it I can use. Waterskin, couple'a bandages, set'a picks, couple'a gold pieces if we need'em, about thirty feet a rope. Ain't no dagger in that bag, no bolts, left that shit along the way. Ah I ain't worried anyhow, just annoyin' I gotta stand up here smokin' on my pipe 'stead'a gettin' the job done.