When the Flying Brown Hits the Spinning Round [Grubby Work Thread]

Aright jagoffs, listen the fuggup. This is a big fuggen deal. I know Ol' Grubby has some fun times and some whacky hijinks but this ain't one'a those. Like gamblin' on a fart this little situation I'm in got a real chance of turnin' to shit without warnin'. I know, I know, I been a good guy since I been here. Ain't take nothin' that belongs to me, ain't threaten people all that much, I ain't even trespass and I fuggen love tresspassin'. Don't tell me where Grubby can't go. Fuck you. But like I said, shit's different now. The money's runnin' out and I'm fuggen desperate. As you know it ain't about me, it's about my friends and if we ain't got money we're fuggen screwed six ways from Sunday. Hildebrandt layed something heavy on me the other day and now I ain't got time fer idle bullshit. The clock's tickin'.

...that's it. The clock's tickin'. Just cuz we's in fuggen Wonderland don't mean that time stopped in Orelia. That fuggen necropheliac at the Crimson Keep is just gettin' stronger and stronger as he finishes his ritual and ain't no one but us to stop'im. He figures we got a month before he's done and everythin' turns to fuggen cinders an' ash. Means I can't fuck off like I'm doin', I gotta get serious. So now I'm gonna turn to what I'm good at: thievin'. Nah, nah ya got me wrong there, I ain't gonna go topside and hold up some rich folk. Even if it'd be easy. I got standards is what I'm sayin'. They're low standards but fuggen whatever. Anyways I'm gonna be like that one asshole in the tights that fucks up bad people or some shit, forget what the fuck he's called. Swallow Face or some dumb shit like that. Nah, I'm goin' after the jagoffs that fuggen deserve to get their shit stole'd. I'm goin' after other thieves.

So I'm creepin' through this fuggen twisted buildin' here an'... the fuck do ya mean which one? How do I fuggen know, they look the fuggen same! Somewhere in the back alleys, a real shit show- I know that ain't fuggen descriptive enough, shut yer cock holster and lemme tell the damn story! Fuck you, I'll be descriptive. It's dark. It's damp. It smells like shit. Bad people like to come there. And no, it ain't Grubby's ass crack. This is the part where I laugh but this shit ain't funny. I coulda fuggen died tonight. So I'm up in the rafters'a some burned out buildin' not even the rats are gonna live in. Place just reeks'a fuggen thugs. Ya never see normal people 'round places like this, always abandoned like a half-elven stepchild. It's fer a good fuggen reason and that reason is nothin' good comes outta places like this. It's when ya see shit movin' around in there ya gotta be worried cuz whoever or whatever it is just don't give two shits 'bout nothin'.

Rafters are creakin' but I'm takin' it slow. Whole damn place is creakin' and churnin' and threatenin' to collapse in on itself. I kinda like it, makes more noise than I ever fuggen could. So's I'm crawlin' up on my hands and knees like a damn chimp as I make it 'cross the room. Big open room down there, filled with holes in the damn floor an' broken glass 'n shit.
"Man I wish they'd just get this over with. I'm too damn sick to deal with this today."
"Shuddup. I'm not feelin' so great either but to my benefit I also gotta put up with your bitchin'."
"If we're being fair I've got the flu. You're just hungover."
"You're about to have a head wound too if you give me any more lip."
Oh yeah, also some dumb motherfuckers in it. I forgot that part, shit happens, whoopity fuggen doo da. They ain't gonna see me anyway. They're bigger'n me and they got more small clubs, one'a them's got spikes on his, so I just crawls my way on by and out the storm winder. So I got me shimmyin' across the lip a the roof and I don't like it one bit. It's fuggen looser than human pussy and anyone out here can see me even if anyone in there can't. But I go a room over, get up on the second floor. I keep on my tiptoes, rollin' my feet like my cousins taught me so I ain't make no paddin' footsteps. Then the cracks in the floor start tellin' stories.
"Fifty thousand."
"We agreed on sixty."
"I agreed on nothing, whether the old man did or not."
"Well our agreement was sixty thousand for the shrooms. Take it or leave it."
"You see, I'm not so sure shrooms cost so much. You can just find them out in the forest lying around."
"Whether or not you believe how hard it is to find good shrooms makes no impact on our deal. These are Wicked Truffles, they can stimulate in mild doses and kill in moderate ones. And they're hard to find, you can see why I charge such a price."
"Of course, because you can. But I'll take them."
"I'm glad you've come to your senses but I'll wait to see the money first."
"You misunderstand me."
clik- BANG BANG BANG..............whump
"I said I would take them."

Now you see why I don't feel bad about robbin' assholes. Shit if I woulda got unlucky that woulda been me. But whoever that was down there seems like he's done with all his killin' motherfuckers an' shit. The goons just pack up and leave. This is the part where I wanna say that I got heroic and stopped'em. This is the part where I wanna say I swiped the treasure right from out under they're dumbass noses. But I'm dumb, not fuggen stupid. I ain't takin' those chances and while I might do shit I ain't proud of I keep doin' it cuz it keeps workin'. I run through that dead guyses pockets instead, take his watch, the whole shebang. He ain't need it no more, figure I'll get some good coin outta the shit. I ain't feel good about it... but money's money. Sometimes ya gotta eat the scraps.