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Welcome, Welcome! You've probably guessed by now, but this is a text-based Persona RPG site for Atlus fans, by Atlus fans. If you're new to Shin Megami Tensei, this place can still be for you, so no need to dash towards the doors! Your first stop should be the introduction board so we can introduce ourselves. Then right after that, feel free to go through our vital information to get a good feel of the site. We hope you enjoy your stay, and if you have any questions don't hesitate to post them here. Ciao!

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 Make a Wish (Cecil)

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Steele

Steele


Posts : 1468
Join date : 2018-09-15
Age : 33

Make a Wish (Cecil) - Page 3 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Make a Wish (Cecil)   Make a Wish (Cecil) - Page 3 EmptyThu Nov 15, 2018 11:40 pm

Nadia was already starting to feel the familiar pressure in her chest from talking about it. Cecil being here made it better. The beautiful scenery made it better. It reminded her of how far she had come. Yes. It reminded her how far she had run. Sprinting, madly away from anything that resembled herself or her life. She'd snagged up people like Cecil and Kendra and brought them along on her mad dash away from things. A fact she seldom allowed herself to consider.

But now, Cecil was shaking with anger...but also with understanding. She could see the shared pain behind his eyes and she turned as much as she could to look at him. In the closeness of the saddle, it wasn't easy.

Beneath them, Micah was munching on flowers contentedly. Nadia had a hand on the reins and a hand on Cecil's still, now lightly caressing his knuckles as he held her tighter. His words didn't make her feel better. In fact, it gave more concrete shape to the ache in her heart. It forced her to a knowledge the hole there. That feeling as she studied him quietly, didn't go away as he moved against her. She straightened so that he could come in close, relished the feeling, but a dull ache was in her bones now. And it wasnt something she had the strength to run from. Not any more. As he brought her in, she bowed her head. He was trying comfort her, trying to help her push past it.

But all Nadia could manage to do was cry. His reaction had pulled at the threads of her strength. And in his presence she felt...maybe that was what needed to happen. So she let herself feel it this one time. Closed her eyes and for the first time in her life admitted out loud "No, Cecil, you're right, It's not okay."

She leaned back against him. Seeking the closeness. She pulled his hands up around herself awkwardly. "I'm not okay."
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Infernal Zero

Infernal Zero


Posts : 2610
Join date : 2017-11-15
Age : 26
Location : Currently Unknown. Please advise.

Make a Wish (Cecil) - Page 3 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Make a Wish (Cecil)   Make a Wish (Cecil) - Page 3 EmptyFri Nov 16, 2018 12:02 am

He was absolutely fine.
Nadia was not.
It was his responsibility to make her feel well.
Nothing was going to keep him from fulfilling it.

Carefully, as Nadia moved his hands around her, he adjusted himself bit by bit til he could properly wrap his arms about her and envelop her in his embrace.
Gently he squeezed her in his arms, a silent presence as the tears fell.
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Steele

Steele


Posts : 1468
Join date : 2018-09-15
Age : 33

Make a Wish (Cecil) - Page 3 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Make a Wish (Cecil)   Make a Wish (Cecil) - Page 3 EmptyFri Nov 16, 2018 2:11 am

There was silence then, for the most part. Only Nadia's soft sniffs and the padding of the horse as he munched his daffodils. Nadia let herself cry it out for a few minutes, and it felt like something was draining out of her. She couldn't tell what it was, but the feeling that was left over when the tears lay drying on her cheeks was warm. It was still empty, but it was warmer somehow. She just breathed and listened, eyes closed, to the sounds around her. Cecil's breathing, the rubbing leather of the saddle, the wind in the trees.

Now she could be okay. Or be okay with being not okay, for a time.

Finally stirring, she sniffed and grabbed at his arms with her fingers. "I think about them sometimes. Like the other night when I was on stage. If I disappeared that night...the next day would just be another day at the office for them. But you were there. And you cared what I did, that I stayed safe." She smiled lightly, though he probably couldn't see. It was a fond smile. "It meant the world to me. It still does. And then when you came today, and told me we could do whatever I wanted even if it made you uncomfortable..." She laughed a little, a tiny rueful laugh, at the memory of his face when she'd suggested the bathhouse. "That meant the world to me too. I meant it when I said it was enough to have you here. I've told you before but, when you look at me, I feel like I have a place in the world." Are you going somewhere with this, girl?

"Anyway...I guess what I'm trying to say is that well...I've been thinking about it. And especially now, like this, with you I..." She hesitated, new, unused words were on the tip of her tongue. They were powerful, dangerous words that she'd been debating on the meaning of. If someone like her even had the right to use them. But in this moment it felt right. And when had she ever been the type to hold back when something felt right? "I...Think maybe I love you." She finished finally, sheepishly looking over her shoulder at him. He didn't have to say it back. In fact, she didn't expect him to. It was more a statement...an observation, than any kind of vow or promise or expectation - though if she was honest, he would probably take it one of those ways. Would she immediately regret having said it? was it a foolish thing today? Well, she'd heard somewhere that people did crazy things when they were in love, so maybe that was unavoidable.
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Infernal Zero

Infernal Zero


Posts : 2610
Join date : 2017-11-15
Age : 26
Location : Currently Unknown. Please advise.

Make a Wish (Cecil) - Page 3 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Make a Wish (Cecil)   Make a Wish (Cecil) - Page 3 EmptyFri Nov 16, 2018 3:01 am

It rankled. It ground and dug and raked and clawed to hear the way she talked about her parents, the pieces of shit that brought her into the world and abandoned as much responsibility for her as humanly possible. That was a special kind of awful, to willingly inflict that sort of pain and not even try to make up for it.

No. Push it down. Down with the rest.

Nadia was the important one, not them. She was the one here in his arms, reminiscing about how much the things he did meant to her. What the sentiments he expressed meant to her. What he meant to her.
And moments before his mind froze, she told him what she felt for him. And for all his trying he just couldn't reconcile that such a wonderful sentiment was being expressed to him...about him.
This time, he couldn't hide it away as his eyes watered and started to overflow. It was a cold shock that commanded his visage as the tears poured, sight on something nobody else could see as he held on for dear life so that they could never go anywhere, all while an old wound freshly exposed was torn open again.

This couldn't be happening. It just couldn't. He wasn't worthy of this. He wasn't deserving of this. There was no way he was anyone people would stick around for. Someone people would truly want to invest themselves in, to keep around them, to hold on for.
Otherwise, they'd be here too, wouldn't they? Both of them.
So why was this happening?
Why were neither of them here to see it?
There for him to tell them about it?
Why couldn't she still be here, just like she always was? Like she always promised she would be?

He knew she was out there...so what did he do wrong...?
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Steele

Steele


Posts : 1468
Join date : 2018-09-15
Age : 33

Make a Wish (Cecil) - Page 3 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Make a Wish (Cecil)   Make a Wish (Cecil) - Page 3 EmptyFri Nov 16, 2018 3:48 am

Nadia wasn't sure what she was expecting, but this...this she should have expected. Her lips parted idly as she watched him process. As that sadness of his welled up. He was looking at someone else now, somewhere else. She wanted to know where, who, when. It was like she was on one side of a door and knew all of the answers she was looking for were on the other side - but damn it if she couldn't find the handle to open it with.

Nadia's brow knitted together. Her own worries and sorrows forgotten for the moment. She hadn't meant to do this to him...and she wouldn't let this be how today ended. She she freed herself of his arms, and swung herself - with a clearly practiced pivot of her body - out of the saddle and onto the ground. Micah stirred a little, lifting his head to look at her. She patted the side of his neck and he went back to grazing.

"Come on, down here with me. It's not a pillow fort, but it's more cozy than a saddle." She cajoled, reaching hands up to help Cecil from the saddle.
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Infernal Zero

Infernal Zero


Posts : 2610
Join date : 2017-11-15
Age : 26
Location : Currently Unknown. Please advise.

Make a Wish (Cecil) - Page 3 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Make a Wish (Cecil)   Make a Wish (Cecil) - Page 3 EmptyFri Nov 16, 2018 4:09 am

No no NO NO NO
Cecil struggled with Nadia as she tried to free herself, his hold crushing as he tries to hold on-
Only for her to slip out of his arms, leaving him to stare at the blank space that she used to inhabit.


His head snaps to Nadia as she calls for him to come down, holding her hands out to him. For a moment, he just stares at her, a wet trickle still running from each eye. "R-r-right...r-right..." His hands reach for hers as if he's not even sure if they'll still be there by the time he reaches them, flinching back at the touch. He reaches out again, and with Nadia's help, he brings himself to the ground.
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Steele

Steele


Posts : 1468
Join date : 2018-09-15
Age : 33

Make a Wish (Cecil) - Page 3 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Make a Wish (Cecil)   Make a Wish (Cecil) - Page 3 EmptyFri Nov 16, 2018 4:16 am

there was something really wrong this time, Nadia thought, as she struggled to get away from him, and then to get him to the ground. Once there, she took his hand, and led him a few meters away from the grazing animal. Finally she sat, in a place where they could watch the setting sun between the trees, though it wasn't quite low enough for that yet - it was getting there. She patted the grass next to her for him to sit and, once he was settled, busied herself cuddling up against his chest, hoping he'd put his arm around her or something. Secure on the ground and nestled against him she finally spoke. "You can tell me, okay? Tell me all of it. I want to know about you. Please? I want to help, or at least just be here for you, okay? If it's because of what I said...It's okay if you don't feel the same. It's probably a little strange, I know..." Don't ramble, just let him breathe, Nadia.

She exhaled and listened, hoping he'd give her some hint as to what he was thinking or feeling - she wanted to know everything.
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Infernal Zero

Infernal Zero


Posts : 2610
Join date : 2017-11-15
Age : 26
Location : Currently Unknown. Please advise.

Make a Wish (Cecil) - Page 3 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Make a Wish (Cecil)   Make a Wish (Cecil) - Page 3 EmptyFri Nov 16, 2018 5:39 am

Not at any point did Cecil let go - not as they walked, not as they sat, not as Nadia nestled herself into him and he held onto her with all he could muster to keep her there.
She wasn't going anywhere. Nobody was going anywhere.
Not this time.

He just...looked, at Nadia, as she reached out to him. As she asked him what was wrong and told him he could say, that she wanted to know and she wanted to help. That it was fine if he was like this because he couldn't-
"It's...n-not, not that..." He shakes his head. "I-I, I just...I can't. I can't. You've said so much and I want to say stuff and I owe you that much and I just, I-I just...I can't. I just, I just can't...it feels awful to deal with and it feels awful not being able to say, but I just can't..."
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Steele

Steele


Posts : 1468
Join date : 2018-09-15
Age : 33

Make a Wish (Cecil) - Page 3 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Make a Wish (Cecil)   Make a Wish (Cecil) - Page 3 EmptyFri Nov 16, 2018 1:56 pm

Nadia looked up at him with big, curious eyes. "Can't or won't?" she asked softly, maybe a little forlornly. She wanted to get over this wall. To see the root of the problem, but every time she got close he would shut down. He had a mouth, didn't he? "Can't" had nothing to do with it. He chose not to tell her. No, it wasn't good enough.

The hand on his chest became a fist, bunching up his shirt beneath her slim fingers, and she pushed him back with all her might onto his back. The action took effort, and with a small grunt she sat astride him, holding him down. "Tell me? Please? It is my birthday after all."

She leaned down and pressed a kiss to his lips. "it was interesting at first. Fun, even. But It hurts to see you this way. Please let me in, okay?"
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Infernal Zero

Infernal Zero


Posts : 2610
Join date : 2017-11-15
Age : 26
Location : Currently Unknown. Please advise.

Make a Wish (Cecil) - Page 3 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Make a Wish (Cecil)   Make a Wish (Cecil) - Page 3 EmptyFri Nov 16, 2018 8:27 pm

He flinches at the question.
Can't was what he felt. It was what he knew it was. It was painful and torturous and utterly insistent. Won't was a selfish, convenient word, for when you just didn't want to. For when it was easier.
This, he was convinced he would explode if he said, little pieces of Cecil dotting the landscape.

Even as she pressed him down and put a kiss to his lips, it wouldn't come out. He tried and he tried and the tried but his head felt like it was going to burst and lungs were going to implode and he cried and he cried and he cried buthe pressure just kept rising...!

He couldn't move.
He couldn't speak.
All he could do was pull Nadia in and hold her as he sobbed, caught in the tide of a broken dam.
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Steele

Steele


Posts : 1468
Join date : 2018-09-15
Age : 33

Make a Wish (Cecil) - Page 3 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Make a Wish (Cecil)   Make a Wish (Cecil) - Page 3 EmptyFri Nov 16, 2018 10:24 pm

As he continued to cry, refusing to answer, Nadia was angry with him for the first time ever, her face contorting into a pout. How was she supposed to help if he just--

Suddenly he pulled her closer against him as he sobbed, desperately, as though she would vanish otherwise. And she relaxed, anger melting into the grass beneath them she did her best to hold him in return, hands on his shoulders where they raised off the grass.

"It's okay...I'm...I'm sorry. I'm here, Cecil. I'm here." she closed her eyes against tears of her own.
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Infernal Zero

Infernal Zero


Posts : 2610
Join date : 2017-11-15
Age : 26
Location : Currently Unknown. Please advise.

Make a Wish (Cecil) - Page 3 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Make a Wish (Cecil)   Make a Wish (Cecil) - Page 3 EmptySat Nov 17, 2018 12:12 am

There was a certain stillness to the area as the two lay on the grass, little sound but the gentle breeze and the sobbing of the blond who had long withheld his tears. Little by little the pressure would ease, soothed by the reassurances of the girl in his arms and the sensation that reaffirmed her presence.

"S-Sorry..." Cecil opens his eyes and looks up at Nadia, smiling tearfully at some private joke. "Pretty sure obsessing out over the thing that you were trying to avoid fixating on yourself and then breaking down on you right after doesn't make for the best birthday gift, does it?" He lets out a slight, dark laugh, filled with a somewhat twisted sense of
humour. "...just...take it slow, alright...? I'm...not sure how much I can handle at once."
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Steele

Steele


Posts : 1468
Join date : 2018-09-15
Age : 33

Make a Wish (Cecil) - Page 3 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Make a Wish (Cecil)   Make a Wish (Cecil) - Page 3 EmptySat Nov 17, 2018 12:51 am

Nadia leaned back enough that she could look down into his eyes, her own were starting to brim with tears and she was trying really hard to keep them at bay. She wanted to ask again what it was that cause him to react that way, but... instead she just gave a little laugh. "We always end up crying." She pointed out bemusedly, pulling up a hand to wipe at her eyes.

her hand dropped to thump lightly against his chest. "I already told you, having you here was all I could want for my birthday. But...beyond that. I've told you before that you don't have to tell me about what causes your pain but I... I think maybe you should. Talking about it could help. A little at a time is fine, but I want to know. I think about you a lot, but I feel like I don't know much about you. I know that there's a lot of sadness inside you. I know you want to help people, that you're kind and can be selfless." She giggled, "I know you like to hide in your shell when things are uncomfortable."

She looked down at her finger, which was absently tracing designs against his chest, "But I don't know about your family...or where you live, or how you grew up. I don't know what things you study in school, or what you want to do if we survive into adulthood. I want to know all kinds of things about you, Cecil. And I'm willing to tell you about me too, anything you want to know. Even...even if it hurts to talk about. Because I trust you...And I feel this welling up inside me like I need to go somewhere. And I can't go there without you."
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Infernal Zero

Infernal Zero


Posts : 2610
Join date : 2017-11-15
Age : 26
Location : Currently Unknown. Please advise.

Make a Wish (Cecil) - Page 3 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Make a Wish (Cecil)   Make a Wish (Cecil) - Page 3 EmptySat Nov 17, 2018 2:41 am

Nadia's comment is met by a roll of the eyes and a wry smile. "Not always." Noting the tears, Cecil pulls Nadia back in and starts working his fingers through her hair, playing with the strands. "Mostly that's just my job when I decide my usual depressing habits aren't enough. You're just dragged along for the ride half the time."
He chuckles to himself. She didn't deserve that. Things really were terrible that with all his stupid issues, he was the one she'd latched onto.
And yet, it was too late to separate and ensure that someone more worthy could step in in his place. Someone that deserved to have people like her and Tomomi around them, someone that wouldn't wear thin on those around them given time.
Someone that wouldn't shackle people to them when they got close so they could never get further away.

He listened quietly, fingers working...not deftly, but gently and thoroughly across Nadia's scalp, teasing at it gently. He wasn't sure about some of the things she was saying, but...well, it wasn't like he was when Tomomi told him he wanted to drag him into the future with him either.
He'd just trust she knew what she was on about.
"...right now, I just want to spend time with you. With...well, everyone who's decided to show up in my life and get me attached to them." He shudders, half laugh, half cry. "I can tell you one thing though! I have NO idea what I'm planning to do!"
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Steele

Steele


Posts : 1468
Join date : 2018-09-15
Age : 33

Make a Wish (Cecil) - Page 3 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Make a Wish (Cecil)   Make a Wish (Cecil) - Page 3 EmptySat Nov 17, 2018 2:57 am

Nadia was a little surprised to find his hands on her head. The kneeding motions were light, and kind of nice. She found herself closing her eyes and resting her head against his chest as he continued with the strange caressing. "Me neither...and I'm not sure if I want to have a plan. I want to spend time with you too. All the time." She sighed out that last part, finding it a little hard to focus on conversation when he was touching her like this. It made her feel very relaxed, almost sleepy. It wouldn't be the first time she fell asleep against him in some fashion. But falling asleep in the pasture wouldn't be ideal. Nights were getting colder, and she definitely didn't want to wake up shivering. The idea of taking him back home though...No, no, there was a point she was making, and all this petting was distracting her.

"Mmm... but what about the other stuff? Umm...like...what's your family like? Do you...still live with them?" She asked lightly, wondering if she should be doing something with her hands, but finding that all she felt like doing was laying there and talking while he massaged her head.
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