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 New England-Style Fish Tacos (Grubby & Lucian)

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PostSubject: New England-Style Fish Tacos (Grubby & Lucian)   Wed Dec 06, 2017 8:40 pm

Y'know, it's always good to get outta the fuggen Slums. It gets real down in the dumps down in the dumps. Everyone's fuggen hungry and gnawin' on boots 'n shit and the streets smell like piss and half the motherfuckers wanna rob ya and the other half wanna kill ya. Yeah I got it, it might be the safest place to be with what we got goin' on but it's fuggen tragic, lemme tell ya. Makes me just wanna punch a gnome in the fuggen mouth. Well... everything makes me wanna punch a gnome in the fuggen mouth, but this might make it better. Rainbow cookie-makin' motherfuckers probably crashed the market, I don't fuggen know, but shit's bad and ya gotta blame somebody, right? But anyways I'm up in the bazaar, kickin' my feet up and drinkin' in all the shit I ain't usually get. Place actually smells nice fer once, like fresh leather somebody rubbed with apples. People're given' me strange looks though and I don't fuggen blame'em but fuggem, I can be here if I wanna be. Yeah... that might be fuggen important... Okay, so people are givin' me the stink eye there probably cuz I'm swimmin' around in the damn pond.

I gotta say it feels kinda nice. Water's warm and the good kinda warm, not the a hundred people piss in it kinda warm that makes yer skin crawl. Been there, done that, fuck you asshole not doin' it again. So's I'm goin' fer a 'lil swim up here, the fuck is wrong with that? Ain't my fault these prudish sissy giblets ain't wanna get their feet wet. It's a free fuggen market, I can do what I want. 'Sides, ain't too often I get to bathe. ...no. No you shut yer whore mouth, this fuggen counts! I'm countin' it goddamnit! But I ain't up here to turn up smellin' like tulips, I'm here cuz no one else is takin' advantage a the situation. They got a resource right in front of'em and I ain't seen a damn person yet go fer it, lazy jagoffs just don't wanna put the work in. I already got one, figurin' I can go for another, what can I say I'm a hungry old gob. ...whaddya mean what the fuggam I talkin' about? Aright, aright, lemme show ya. Just lemme... get this... fuggen wrigglin' 'lil bastard here... GOTCHA YA FUGGEN SCALY SCUM SUCKIN' COCKTEASE!

I pull myself outta the water feelin' pretty damn high and mighty, got that flounderin' asshole. Grubby one, fish less than that. Stupid piss-drinkin' ass-smellin' bottom feeders ain't never seen me comin'.



"Mmmyeah... yeah that's gonna fry up real good right there..."
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PostSubject: Re: New England-Style Fish Tacos (Grubby & Lucian)   Tue Dec 12, 2017 12:00 am


"What the hell do you mean "might or might not be poison"?! I almost fed that to my family and guests last night!."

The merchant Lucian was at odds with didn’t bother with a worded reply, simply performing an intricate series of gestures with her multiple arms at his general direction instead. “Don’t make a fool of yourself. I know when I’m being insulted.” The president retorted in a somber tone through metaphorically gritted teeth. “You better reimburse this, or would you rather the police find out the kind of fish you’ve got for sale?” Really, this lady...

“That’s what I thought.” Lucian said as he picked up the VC that was rightfully his from the counter. He was, of course, no stranger to meeting people that he couldn’t stand, but for someone to be so utterly careless that they would come this close to being a death sentence to a customer… It almost made him want to sympathize with the Horsemen’s cause. Almost.

Walking away with a bag around his wrist and his hands in his pockets, the President paced through the streets of the commercial district, keeping an eye out for any stores that sold something that at least even remotely resembled fish. After last night’s cooking endeavor, Lucian had come to find that cooking was actually fairly entertaining. With little else to do in his excessive free time – provided he were unable to investigate the matter of the failed jump further, of course – he’d been motivated to go into the commercial district with a list of ingredients (though with a market as… universal as this the ingredient list was more of an ingredient suggestion guide), spare money and his patience. Despite this, however, his luck had proven to be thin, as for what felt like an hour now he’d been unable to come by any fish that would be safe for him to eat. Was this simply poor luck, or a cosmic statement on the survivability of humans? For now, he took comfort in believing the former.

Eventually, he found himself in an open, circular portion of the marketplace with a pond in the middle. Initially he paid it no special mind, but then he saw the goblin-like creat… goblin-like individual moving around in the pond, having apparently caught a pair of trout with nothing but his hands. Wait a second… trout? So they did have edible fish around these parts! Though… it didn’t look like anyone was selling them, maybe they were just there as decoration (If lady irony would have it, maybe they were inedible to nearly everyone else present, too). Normally he wouldn’t do something this out of the norm, but… he’d already spent generous money on the rest of the ingredients, having been confident that finding fish of all things would be easy. With merchants as difficult as these, he was not about to go through the trouble of reimbursing every last ingredient, and he certainly was not going to let that money go to waste.

Circling the pond unto the opposite side from which the Goblin was fishing in, Lucian sat with his legs crossed at the edge of the pond and stared intensely at the water in front of him, searching for any stray silhouettes or moving shapes. After spotting a particularly large fish swimming about a meter away from the Goblin, Lucian took the chance to put his powers to a more… practical use. Normally he’d have to use the flag to summon him whole, but… just the lance should be fine to summon flagless, right?

Apparently he was right, as after simply willing it into existence, Liber’s lance (concealed under the water to everyone except those extremely close) impaled the large fish and swiftly dragged it over to the edge of the pond where Lucian sat. With a victorious grin, Lucian dismissed Liber...'s lance from existence, held the fish in his hand and stood up, ready to go home… but maybe he should stay a while and see if he could catch an even bigger fish? He stood in contemplation for a few seconds, pondering whether to take his winnings and leave or allow himself to get a little greedy.

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PostSubject: Re: New England-Style Fish Tacos (Grubby & Lucian)   Fri Dec 15, 2017 7:28 am

So's I gots two fish and I'm thinkin' I can get more. Why? Fuck you, that's why. But nah really, I already got two a the slippery 'lil fucks. I'm on a fuggen role here, the good times just keep on keepin' on and I'm the one that's gotta make sure they do that. 'Sides, figure I might be nice and get the crew somethin' to eat too. I'd be a fat fuck if I could eat two fish by myself and Alabastor's gotta have three 'fore he quits his bitchin'. Greedy fuggen dwarves, lemme tell ya. Inventors of the all-you-can-eat buffet, called it afternoon snack. ...no, I ain't even fuggen jokin' here, that really happened. So anyway I'm goin' fer three and prolly more a these wrigglin' stank beasts an' I get lucky here. Got us a curious motherfucker right here, come to check out the fuggen drippin' I left behind. So it's right fuggen there and I'm right fuggen here and I'm not gettin' any more fish by makin' doll eyes at the swimmin' piece'a shit. I crouch down, set my other fish down, and I'm gonna fuggen go for that bastard.

I creep up to the water reeeeaaaaal quiet like and squat down on my haunches. I'm just watchin' the damn thing fer a while, need to figure out what way it's gonna take off 'fore I jump at it. I get a good idea, raise up on my fingers and toes and...! Fuggen pond explodes. I shit you fuggen not. BOOM! Splash! Fish is fuggen gone. Now I get fuggen startled and I talk a half jump and end up ass up in the water there. Now I float there for a while, y'know, just takin' a minute to let the what the fuck really sink in. Cuz I saw what fuggen happened, yessir, got eyes like a fuggen barn cat on a coffee enema. Fuggen goddamn motherfuckin' asshole shit baby cock suckin' sonuvabitch sorcerer stole ma goddamn stupid fish.

Strength:
 

I dive down under the water there and start wigglin' like a damn eel. I know, I know, it's fuggen weird but trust me, ya gotta swim like this. It's fuggen quiet not thrashin' in the water and it ain't take a lotta energy. Like crawlin' through a damn lake. Shit works, try it sometime. But I get wigglin' and I get right up on the motherfucker. Goddamn fuggen sorcerers, I know he is one'a them fuggers too. All'a them magical bastards always dress fuggen hoity toity with their tea and crumpets and thinkin' they're better than us poor ol' bastards cuz they don't actually gotta do shit to do shit. I'm out here bustin' my ass wrestlin' fish like a fuggen man does and this motherfucker just wants to mumble some mumbo jumbo and take it right the hell away. Nosir, not happenin'. That's Grubby's fuggen fish right there.

I peek my beady yellow eyes above the water, I ain't think he seen me yet. I came in off to the side and I'm fuggen green, I blend right into the damn pond. But I take a mouth fulla water and I spit it at the motherfucker to get his attention, only then do I start gettin' fuggen obnoxious like I get.
"Hey. Asshole," I says to the damn caviar munchin' soap usin' prick, "That's my fuggen fish ya got there, give it."
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PostSubject: Re: New England-Style Fish Tacos (Grubby & Lucian)   Thu Feb 08, 2018 10:24 pm

Hmm… now that he took a better look at them, what these fish were making up for in size, they definitely lacked in quality. He wasn’t picky enough (or currently wealthy enough) to return them, but they still looked a little old and worn out for his taste. Eh, they were still a good catch in the end, so Lucian took them home… or at least he would have, had he not been interrupted by the very same gobbling-like individual that had given him the idea to go fishing in the first place. Though now that he got a closer, less blurry look at him… Jesus, he was most Tolkien-looking individual he’d ever laid eyes upon. He really did look like a proper European Medieval Fantasy goblin… and acted like one too… and… smelled like one.

Your fish?” Oh lord, this was gonna be one of those days, wasn’t it? “I’m sorry, but I don’t seem to recall these belonging to you, unless you own the whole pond.” And if that did happen to be the case, maybe he should use it more often. “There’s plenty more fish abound, so why not just go for one of those?”

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PostSubject: Re: New England-Style Fish Tacos (Grubby & Lucian)   Mon Feb 12, 2018 11:08 pm

This jagoff's really gonna do this, idn'e? Well I tell ya there's a few things a rogue don't do, one of'em's takin' jobs that ain't pay on account a we're respectable businessmen an' we got an image to keep, not to mention that yer respectin' the craft by offerin' jobs to yer local Thieves Guild instead'a hirin' an amateur with a ballpeen hammer an' a death wish what wouldn't know silence if it came back from the store one day an' called'im son. An' the other one's gettin' robbed in broad daylight. Grubby ain't put up with that shit, nosir. This asshole ain't usin' no pretty fuggen words to make off with my damn fish, I had that slippery bastard fair'n fuggen square!

"Hard a hearin' with yer head that far up yer ass?" I growl at'im, pullin' myself on land. I take off my hood to wring the water outta it, I'm more fuggen soaked than a halflin's shorts after starin' down an orcish war charge.
"Yeah that's my fuggen fish, git yer own! Y'already know the whole damn ponds filled with the motherfuckers, why you goin' takin' fish outta an old man's mouth?" Lemme tell ya, I ain't scared a no damn sorcerers even if they ain't take my fish. Ruffles over there's got another thing comin' if he thinks he's gettin' his mitts on what I worked my wrinkly ass off to get. If ya got robes that fuggen nice you ain't need to be takin' shit from the hungry. Or the enterprisin'. I'm tryin'a make a fuggen livin' here.



"I was in fuggen pissin' distance a that there fish an' you fuggen know it, if ya can grab one'a them wrigglin' cocksuckers so easy why ain'tcha? Oughta be fuggen ashamed a yerself is what ya outta be."
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PostSubject: Re: New England-Style Fish Tacos (Grubby & Lucian)   Tue Feb 20, 2018 11:15 pm

Spoke like one too. Now, in this situation there were exactly two things Lucian could do. One: he could take the seemingly endless series of insults this goblin was spewing his way as a reason to start yet another argument (and from the looks of it, possibly even a fight) or two: he could be the bigger man here and look for something else to prepare for dinner; something with easier-to-find ingredients and without a latent chance of giving him and his loved ones food poisoning.

“Here.” Lucian said, extending the fish towards the Goblin. “If you need to make such a fuss about fish, you clearly need them more than I do.” He was still one hundred percent certain he’d caught them fair and square without any sort of foul play, but the last thing he wanted was another conflict about fish. Honestly, at this point fish in general seemed sort of unappetizing.

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PostSubject: Re: New England-Style Fish Tacos (Grubby & Lucian)   Sat Mar 03, 2018 3:32 pm

"Yer damn right I do, tryin'a make a livin' here," I says, snatchin' that there fish outta his hand. S'fuggen right, that woulda been my damn fish fair'n square, I didn't come out here an' get my small clothes all soggy just to get some fancy pants noble take from me what's mine. Worked my fingers to the bone fer these here fish. I smack the wrigglin' 'lil bastard on the ground a few times to get it to stop movin', ain't gonna need'em alive fer long. They's gonna go meetin' Mr. Grill there. Figure I got enough of'em, just gotta get the fixin's ready an' take the bone out'em. I pull out mah small knife there an' get ready to get scalin' right where I is. But I ain't do it yet, somethin's occurin' to me. Fuggen been here b'fore but on the other side'a things. Yeah yeah, fuggen goblin runnin' 'round stealin' some poor motherfucker's fish, ain't that a fuggen stretch. But I did it cuz I was hungry. Figure this asshole's gotta be hungry too, ain't like yer stealin' a purse full'a coins just some food. I ain't got no problems 'bout tryin'a get some grub in yer belly, jus' takin' it from folk what got it honest like. S'posin' leavin' this jagoff flappin' in his fuggen petty coat'd be a dickhead thing to do.

"Don't fuggen gimme that Four Eyes, ain't like ya fuggen worked fer it or nothin'. Gatdamn sorcery bullshit, fuggen mages ain't be appreciatin' a 'lil hard work. Just speak some damn gobbledy gook an' ya get what ya want there, ain't gotta get yer hands dirty're nothin'. Chaps my fuggen ass.

...but I'm s'posin' it ain't yer fault, figure just by lookin' at ya ya got taught fancy ballroom dancin' 'stead'a anythin' related to bein' a man so's I'm gonna do ya a 'lil favor'n give ya a lesson. Got yerself a knife there, longshanks?"


Now I ain't no saint but like I said, been here before, hungry an' takin' from honest folk. I ain't do it in no damn noble's robes I'll tell ya fuggen that but if this jagoff's after catchin' hisself a fish an' he's doin' it all wrong I'm gonna be a kind ol' man an' show the fuggen dumbass how ya do it there.
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PostSubject: Re: New England-Style Fish Tacos (Grubby & Lucian)   Thu Mar 08, 2018 2:19 am



Honestly, this was surreal even for Junction standards. Sorcery? Mages? He’d made the joke about this man resembling a goblin mentally already, but he wasn’t being serious; was he an actual goblin? At this point of Lucian’s life, more astonishing than coming face to face with a mythological creature was the fact that there just so happened to be a universe out there where at least one creature from Scarred-Earthen mythology was a real species. Sure, the multiverse is infinite and impossible and whatnot, but what would the odds of Junction visiting two worlds with a reality-fiction relationship (at least as perceived from one of them) in the timespan of a lifespan actually be?

…That being said, however, Lucian wasn’t exactly displeased. If anything, he found the massive coincidence to be quite amusing. There was something inherently refreshing about the goblin’s unpleasantries; maybe it was just due to the fact that for the past few years nobody outside of his family had approached him as anything other than either a total stranger or the world’s most important person. East side love is living on the west end, he supposed, even if the metaphorical east side was literally the very concept of being disrespected.

Seeing as the other people in the area had disregarded the interaction between him and the Goblin as just another Junction occurrence and moved on with their day, Lucian felt comfortable enough to extend his hand to the side and summon his Soulbound saber. “Does this count as a knife?” Knives weren’t usually as long as their wielder’s torso plus head and then some, but hey; tomayto, tomahto.

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PostSubject: Re: New England-Style Fish Tacos (Grubby & Lucian)   Sat Mar 17, 2018 5:39 pm

What's this jagoff doin'? Pull'in his blade on me's what he's doin' there, now that ain't smart I tell ya but ya know what they say about them humans. One'a the most broad races on the planes. So you got a buncha different kinds'a stupid from the village idiots to the arrogant educated bastards that ain't know how the world works. 'Least goblins is only one kinda stupid and that's just fuggen pants on head retarded there. Now I ain't 'fraid'a no sorcerer with a magic sword an' that's cuz I got me an escape route here, just gonna jump back in the water'n he'll never catch me. But I ain't think he's gonna do nothin'. If he is gonna put my foot so far up'is ass gonna be pickin' shit between my toes fer a week.



"The fuggare ya doin' there, human? That ain't no goddamn knife, s'a sword! Yer tryin'a catch a fish not kill a man, put that thing away 'fore I show ya mine! Pullin' yer blade on an old man like that, not a fuggen respectable bone in yer whole damn body there."

I bite his ear off mostly cuz he's askin' fer it, ya don't pull out yer sword in the town square like that! Ya want the guards to kick yer head in? Pull that shit on the wrong motherfucker and the only thing yer gonna be pullin' from then on is a fuggen blade from yer chest 'fore ya take the world's longest nap. Fuggen humans I tells ya. Not a one of'em got any damn common sense.
"Can't catch no fish with no sword. Can't do it with a knife neither but ya need it. What kinda man ain't got no knife anywhow? S'a fuggen necessity! Most useful tool you'll ever have! Peel some taters, skin a fish, cut some rope, holdout weapon if'n ya need one, s'even a screwdriver in a pinch. Tell ya fuggen what soon as we's done here you go out an' get yerself a damn good buck knife, Sally. Then I can't bust yer balls fer that no more." What kinda man don't got no fuggen knife on'im? That's somethin' ya always gotta have! Ya got yer coinpurse, ya got yer satchel, an' ya got yer knife, gotta have them things, can't go nowhere without'em not even 'cross the damn street.

"Aright, if you ain't got one we's gonna use mine but ya can't have it. S'my knife there." I get to lookin' 'round fer a bit, back an' forth 'cross the pond. Gonna need more'n a knife but this place is all city. But I get lucky. Got one'a them trees hangin' over the pond over there. I motion my head over to the tree.
"C'mere longshanks. Gotta show ya somethin'." Get my ass hobblin' over there, drippin' damn water the whole way. Ah I'll get dry eventually. Lucky fer me I hid my smokes'n tools by the grill over there, can't be gettin' my pipe wet now. I look up at the tree. Yeah... yeah that'll work good there...
"Aright jagoff, next thing. Break me off a switch there, one'a the thick ones like yer gettin' a walkin' stick. Gonna need them long skinny ones what bend, too, gonna need 'bout two of'em but I'd get more if'n I was you." Tree ain't too tall but I don't wanna climb my ass up there. If'n he's gonna learn how to fish he's gonna go through the whole process his damn self, he ain't gonna learn no other way.
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PostSubject: Re: New England-Style Fish Tacos (Grubby & Lucian)   Sun Apr 08, 2018 1:01 am

Unspoken casual fervent speciesism aside (seriously, the blade wasn’t even facing him. In fact, it was facing opposite to him. Even if Lucian tried to strike at him all he’d get is a face full of hilt), he had a point in that he probably shouldn’t summon it unexpectedly, even if no one was paying any particular attention to them anymore. “Well, I’m sorry; it’s the only sharp thing I have on me.” Technically not true, but summoning Liber was an even worse idea.

"I have a name, you know. It's Lucian." Endearing Goblin rough-edge or no, the president didn't much appreciate being mocked over something as trivial as money (even though he'd kill to have more money these days). Lucian followed Grubby’s instructions curiously and carefully. He wasn’t in any hurry, and this could prove to be interesting, so he supposed it wouldn’t hurt to play along. He could have used his saber to slice off the needed branches, but he was confident enough in his own physical strength (or, well, his own physical strength assisted by gravity) to simply break them off by hand. After getting one thick branch and four “bendy” ones, as Grubby put it, Lucian walked back towards the Goblin with the branches under his arm and his hand in his coat pocket. “If you don’t mind me asking, why are you going out of your way for me? A second ago you didn’t really seem like you were too enthusiastic about me even being here.” Sure, he’d given his reasoning of feeling bad for him and his lack of manly education or whatever, but perceived vulnerability didn’t normally make people’s attitudes towards other people 180, or at least not so immediately.

“Also, if you’re going to rope me into fishing lessons, I’d at least like to know the name of my tutor.”

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PostSubject: Re: New England-Style Fish Tacos (Grubby & Lucian)   Thu Apr 19, 2018 1:17 am

Fuggen humans. Don't never know what to do with'em. Bunch of'em I met dumber'n a box a fresh dogshit, bunch more's sharper'n a knife. Ya got a shit load a the bad ones an' a handful'a the good folk. At least ya know what yer gettin' when yer dealin' with orcs're dwarves're fuggit, even gnomes for Azmodeus's sake but ya can't ever tell with humans. Chaps my ass there. This one look like he couldn't pour water outta a boot with instructions written on the heel. A'course I can't read none so I'd prolly fuggit up too but a sword'n a knife are just different tools! They ain't interchangeable! Just try peelin' an apple with yer fuggen sword, you'll cut yer fingers'n look like ya got a few screws loose while doin' it.
"Like I been sayin', that's yer damn problem! Need yerself a good knife, every man gotta have a knife on'im. S'way the world works. Ain't got no knife on ya yer gonna be doin' somethin' stupid like fishin' with a damn sword. I ain't seen no one fish with no damn sword! 'Cept Orgnar but that big bastard broke the laws'a fuggen nature by screamin' at it an' hittin' it a bunch. Y'ever see someone build a raft by just jammin' the wood together an' gettin' it to stick? That shit ain't the way ya do it but I'll be damned if it weren't fuggen impressive."

Lucian. Fuggen Lucian. That ain't no man's name, sounds like a fuggen half-elf to me. Even dresses like one, keyword bein' the dresses. Buncha prissy wenches all of'em, 'specially the males with their powdered wigs an' brushin' their damn teeth. Fuggen disgraceful.
"Lucian? Ya some kinda noble? Lucian ain't no man's name, gonna call ya Lou. Lou sounds like he chews tobacca an' goes trappin' in the fall. Lucian sounds like one'a them tea-drinkin' scone biters." S'hard on the ears but it's the fuggen truth. 'Sides, man's got a choice what people call'im an' he sticks to his sword there. My folks ain't name me Grubby but it's the name I went with, that's my story'n I'm stickin' to it. I watch skinny britches break off some switches there, gets some good ones.
"Give'em here, longshanks, an' open yer fuggen peepers real good." I take the small ones with my knife there, carve off a few strips. Ya can get three of'em usually, s'good enough to get the job done. He asks me why I'm helpin'im. Truth be told it churns my fuggen butter to see someone get this kinda shit the wrong way. S'like watchin' a man gettin' kicked to death by a horse, s'fuggen terrible an' ya should prolly stop it if'n yer able.
"Ya fuggen kiddin' me? S'like lookin' at a puppy with a tin can stuck on its melon, can't just let that poor bastard go runnin' scared in the damn street. 'Sides, yer a human. Can't blame me fer not takin' a likin' to pinkies given the history." Get my strips an' start tying the knife to the stick. Makin' a spear there, son! That's how ya do fishin' the right way!
"Yer just gonna... loop this motherfucker 'round like this... cross the hilt'n under it a couple times... see? They call that an Orcish Spear Lash, s'quick, dirty, an' she'll hold fer what ya need'er."

All these damn socializin' humans, always gotta be doin' the meet'n greet there. Back in the tribe ya never got to know someone's name fer years! I went by Big Nose til anyone cared to ask me what they called me an' I was damn fine with it I tell ya. Ain't no harm in tellin'im anyway, odds are I ain't gonna recognize'im later. Them pinkies all look the same to me. 'Cept fer the hair. Damn I miss havin' hair.
"Name's Grubby. Short fer nothin', name's just fuggen Grubby. Go ahead an' stick that there spear in the water there, get a feel fer the displacement. Yer gonna wanna thrust a couple inches high to bag one'a the scaly bastards."
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PostSubject: Re: New England-Style Fish Tacos (Grubby & Lucian)   Sat Jun 02, 2018 3:55 am

Lucian can’t help but chuckle out loud when Grubby announces his new nickname for him “Alright then, Lou it is.” He then quickly realized this could have been interpreted as condescension. “Sorry, it’s just… reminded me of something, is all.”

“A noble?” Lucian stopped to consider what his response should be. By the most technical of definitions, he… wasn’t not upper class, kind of sort of, but even back in his own world that title was rather empty as it stood. “Well I… used to be, I guess.” Probably the most accurate answer he could give without delving into his needlessly complex and overly hurtful-to-think-about life story.

Lucian would listen intently to Grubby’s instructions as he made the spear himself. He was expecting he’d just want him to make it himself, but this worked too, he supposed. Once the time came to actually toss said spear, Lucian did as he was told, called upon the memories of forced school Olympics and math, and managed to hit one of the fish safely enough, though just barely off to the side. Whatever the case, it was wounded enough that it wasn’t going anywhere any time soon, so Lucian proceeded to retrieve and bag away the fish. “Well, it’s more intricate than my usual method… but admittedly, somewhat more gratifying in the end.” By his usual method he meant using a fishing rod and/or having Liber do it, but whatever way Grubby wanted to interpret it (read: “stealing”) he didn’t really mind at this point.

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PostSubject: Re: New England-Style Fish Tacos (Grubby & Lucian)   Thu Jun 07, 2018 11:21 pm

I look the jagoff up'n down. Sure, used to be one. An' ain't the ruffles a dead give away? Swear to fuggen Azmodeus only one'a them hoighty toity motherfuckers would run around with a tablecloth stickin' outta their collar there. Looks fuggen ridiculous, an' I happen to know a thing're two about bein' funny lookin'.
"'Course y'are," I says, "I been around a few, met mah share. Ain't even 'bout yer clothes, ya fuggen ooze caviar-eatin' dandy outta yer damn skin there. S'in the way ya talk'n the way ya stand. Coulda been dressed'n  rags an' ya wouldn't a fooled me none. Yer fuggen tea'n crumpets down to the soul there, Lou."

I watch'im line up there, got some kinda stance. Thinkin' he woulda done somethin' like this b'fore. When he actually nabs one that there settles it, prolly learned some'a that knightly bullshit're some such even fer a sorcerer. Don't rightly look like a war mage but mage armor happen to be a thing what exists. Certainly ain't outdoorsy and sure as shit ain't no warrior.
"Ain't half bad," I says, suckin' my teeth a bit, "Fuggen sloppier'n wet dogshit but ain't half bad fer not doin' it. Fer starters ya ain't wanna throw it less'n ya got a rope. Lose yer spear yer out a good knife, fuggen ferget the spear altogether. Takes thinkin' with technique like all that's worth doin'. Gimme that spear there, boy. Wanna show ya somethin'."

He'll prolly gimme it but if'n he don't that's okay too. Got my magic knife on that there spear, I can just summon it back if'n I really wanna. Gonna show'im how ya do it there, can't go thinkin' yer gonna catch yerself a fish. Just like any other kinda huntin'. I start scannin' the pond fer signs a the bastards, figure this time'a day they's gonna be in the shade.
"...so the fuggare ya doin' stealin' fish from old gobs, longshanks? If'n ya can do it yerself'n yer a fuggen noble anyway think ya'd be eatin'... hrrrrrmmm what do you noble types eat ...braised wolf anuses're some shit people ain't 'sposed to instead'a doin' magic'n a dirty pond."
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PostSubject: Re: New England-Style Fish Tacos (Grubby & Lucian)   Fri Jun 08, 2018 5:47 pm

The desire to tell this goblin half-jokingly, half-seriously to fuck off with that tea and crumpets shit was strong, but Lucian already knew he was dead-out carrying a damn knife, so he decided not to trust in his chances, high as they may have been.

Lucian gave Grubby the spear without much opposition. Tempting as it was to prove that he wasn’t just some high society, pride-incarnate, pride and prejudice resembling douchebag, he severely doubted the goblin would want to hear a sob story about how his daughter’s looking thinner by the minute and at the moment he couldn’t really afford to buy good quality protein (not that he’d get her to eat it if he did manage to find some cheap enough, mind you). “I’m just low on funds. Used to have a lot of money, now all I keep of those days is this suit, so I’m out here looking for ways to feed my family without having to eat my damn stipend. I considered selling the suit, but my daughter would never let me hear the end of it.”

“Also, braised wolf anuses? I'd rather eat paint.”

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PostSubject: Re: New England-Style Fish Tacos (Grubby & Lucian)   Sat Jun 09, 2018 12:05 am

I take the spear an' hike it over my shoulder there, jerk my head fer longshanks to follow me.
"Gonna wanna look fer where the fish gather y'are. 'Bout this time'a day they's feedin', ya can use that. Get some scales from what ya caught'n sprinkle'em on the water're look fer the lilies like we's doin'," I says. Listen to'im say a bit. Makes sense. Ya can't take it with ya, an' I imagine ya get ported to this hell hole ya ain't gonna have hund'rds a gold on ya. Just means ya gotta bust yer hump. Great equalizer there, can't say I disagree with it. Makes the skills ya got bein' poor valuable, gotta have somethin' people can use. Then ya find what yer all about, happens with all'a us. Reminds me a the good ol' days there fer a minute.

"Knew a fella like that, went by the name'a Bai're. S'a fuggen drow though, nasty fuggers. Sociopaths all of'em. Now this motherfucker here got outta the Under'n robbed a stage coach, didn't know what was valuable so he stole the food'n fancy clothes. We find this starvin' motherfucker on the side'a the road in a wrinkled-ass noble's getup, smellin' to the High Planes beggin' us to take'im in. So Alabastor does, good ol' bastard but dumber'n shit when it comes to common sense. We take this jagoff with us fer a good fortnight're so til we get to the inn, whole time he's singin' songs but like he's 'fraid a somethin'. When we get to the inn there we catch'im eatin' the spiders outta the corners a the room. Strangest motherfucker ya ever did meet."

Fuggen drow I tells ya. Even the good ones is fugged in the damn noggin. I spit on the ground after speakin' so long.
"...ain't no moral're implication to that story, just like tellin' it. Ain't no damn sense in that one's head I'll tell ya, just some poor jagoff like you reminded me of it. You ain't no drow though so ya prolly ain't half as batshit, s'hard to beat a drow in a contest a fuggen who's the bigger psychopath. But you noble types eat some'a that weird shit, like fish eggs'n pigs feet. Wouldn't raise half a brow if ya told me a cow's afterbirth was some kinda delicacy." As I'm talkin' I'm keepin' my shadow outta the pond, can't scare'em away. I get down in a crouch but on one knee, gives me more reach an' I can yank the fish out if'n I wanna. I raise the spear over my head, holdin' it like I would a knife at the back end with one hand.
"So ya wanna hold it like this here, like ya was throwin' it but yer gonna stab down like yer puttin' some iron in a man's chest. Gonna wanna aim an inch high fer every... hrrrmmm... three'n a half foot or so ya be thinkin' it's under the water an' fer the bigger part a the fish. Yer lookin' to spear it through so's ya can pull it out, ya understand?"

I wait fer a good long while, musta been two minutes in quiet 'fore a get a good strike in. My hand jabs down quicker'n greased dogshit an' gets one right through the middle. I lift it up at an angle, puttin' the back end down low, make the fish slide to me if it's wrigglin' an' I draw'er in. S'a good size, ain't too big, ain't to small. I swing it over to Lou over there.
"This'n's yers, just beat it on the ground a couple'a time til she stops movin', it'll be fine. Takin' yer spear though. Got some fishin' to do a my own. You scratch my back, ya understand?" I says. I'm bein' more'n generous a course. Didn't have to give'im that one fish, caught it on my lonesome. Made the spear too. But he did gimme the twigs so we'll call it square.
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