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 Just What the Hell Did I Get Myself Into? (Grubby & Unity)

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PostSubject: Just What the Hell Did I Get Myself Into? (Grubby & Unity)   Sun Nov 12, 2017 1:38 am

I'm gettin' nowhere fast. This place is a fuggen maze. I don't know how long I been hoofin' it but it's gotta be hours by now. The buildin's looked trashed and exactly the fuggen same, don't know how I'm gonna find my way back. Good thing I kept my territory marked. Naw I didn't piss on all the fences I could find ya fuggen ingrate! I carved my likeness in'em, so now if I gotta find my way back I just follow the shaved gorillas in the wood. Easier than a hobbit after a couple beers. Seriously those broads are easy, too. The sky ain't changed a bit neither, still that mass of black dark bullshit. Fuggen Plane'a Shadow, who the fuck even came up with the idea? "Let's make our own reality but make it fuggen dark and fill it with some goddamn weirdos". That guy needs to get a fuggen lobotomy to fix his fuggen damage.

So's I'm doin' as I did before and stickin' to the rooftops but I'm startin' to get tired. Been at this all night I think, a gob can only run so far 'fore he starts to feel it in the soles of his feet. I'm fuggen starvin' too, could really go fer some trail bread or a nice stew. Who the fuggam I kiddin'? I'd eat steamed shit with a grin on my face right now. Thinkin' I should start huntin' rats, it ain't like the fuggen place ain't filled with'em or nuthin'. I wanna stop, just wanna take a damn seat, lay my hands back and scream at the sky "YOU CONFUSING SHIT DICK SUMBITCH WHY THE FUCK YOU FILLED WITH FREAKS!? GO SIT ON A PECKER YA GODDAMN DARK PIECE'A SHIT!" but I don't cuz I'm dumb but I'm not fuggen stupid or nuthin'. I'm just tired and hungry and sick of all this stupid shit. And my balls are itchy.

...

...okay they ain't itchy no more but the other stuff haven't changed none. I ain't got much of a choice. If Hildebrandt wants to find me he's gotta use a scryin' spell or some other magic bullshit, I told him I might not be back for about a day anyway. Time to make camp, I'll work somethin' out. Always have, always do, and fuggen always will you hear me? I finally take a stoppin' point after clamberin' my way most'a the way up one'a the shit shacks that looks like a wizard tried buildin' a birdhouse with nuthin' but gumption, a broken wand, and about 40 pounds of LSD. ...I gotta admit I do like the fucked up houses, they're the fuggen simplest things in the world to climb. Have I mentioned that yet? Well I'm sayin' it again, this place is a goddamn rogues playground. This place'll work alright enough. The windows are dark and I ain't hear nothin' even after a minute, nobodies probably home. I clamber up to the third story and surprise surprise, the window ain't locked. Not like any strange green assholes gonna climb up here and invite themselves in, nosir.

The place is just as shitty inside as it is outside, covered in dust 'n shit. Looks like no one's been here for the better part of a year, there's some kinda weird fungus growin' on the baseboards, mold coated in shit coated in more mold. Perfect. Means no one ain't gonna bother me. All around the ground there's tidbits and trinkets of Azmodeus fuggen knows what and I don't fuggen care, but there's some clothes that smell like old people just lyin' all over the floor and spillin' outta the closet on the far wall. Looks like a bed to me, better than the roads or the hard floor. Ya gotta enjoy the little things even if the air's clogged with spores and liquid rancid I don't even wanna know. So's a pull out my pipe and strike a tindertwig. Might as well get my ass ready for bed.
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PostSubject: Re: Just What the Hell Did I Get Myself Into? (Grubby & Unity)   Sun Nov 12, 2017 4:39 pm

What a pleasant day its been. There is always so much going on in this strange, broken down community. So many different people of different shapes and sizes. People who walk different, others that talk different, some who act different and many more who taste different. Tsshehehe. There was nothing more fun than to watch the sleaze bags at play. Oh how they fought. They were so strange. Nothing like those back home, they were all dull. They went about their daily lives as if there was no fun or joy to be had. Sometimes she even believed them being chased, giving them that fear and terror was doing them a favour. Give them something to do. Unity knew at least she'd prefer that then to just be forced into a strict pattern of never ending chores. Urgh. There was nothing worse!

Today she had quite a few great encounters already, she had watched her brother hunt down some common druggy. Relishing in the fear and terror that shook his whole body to the bone, the twisted look on her brothers face when he was enjoying a hunt. There was very few things that brought her more pleasure. After she went exploring alone, watched two gangs get into a fight over some strange metal that honestly she wasn't sure what it was. Though at least three of those fighting she managed to catch the last shocked look of despair as a knife dug into their spleen and they fell, never to draw another breath. Tss. She would had probably had a good feast after they'd left if their blood wasn't all poisoned. That was one shameful thing about this place, too many of the people here took those strange substances that caused their blood to rot. Granted if she was desperate it'd do, but honestly she didn't see the point of it if she had easily obtainable critters to feast on instead.

Afterwards she had stalked something in-between the two. Some strange creature that had the face and tail of a rat, though it stood up like a person. Granted it was slouched, but it fascinated her beyond believe. Unity wished to had tasted it's blood, though she was far too curious on how the being acted to interrupt early before the creature unfortunately disappeared from site into what she could only presume was its home. That was actually why she was here now, deciding to take refuge in a nearby abandoned tower, it was the perfect spot to keep her hundred eyes out for when the being finally left its home once more. The musky old building had plenty of places for all fifty of her hive minded bats to perch happily, keeping multiple sightlines around the building in question whilst keeping herself out of sight of anyone else who may still be claiming this shit hole as their home.

An hour or so had passed by peacefully, or as peacefully as the Slums got. There was the odd gunshot in the background, people shouting down below. Though no one was disturbing Unity in particular. How boring. The vampiric creature was all but about ready to leave, she could always find the strange rat being another day to stalk and sitting around like doing nothing this was beginning to bug her. Though... Mmmm, what was that noise? Keeping all of her small bodies completely still, each bat would focus its hearing to the strange scrabbling noise they could hear. She was sure she knew that noise, it was a noise she had heard quite often. A noise she was fond of, a noise that would hopefully lead to some fun. Yes, yes, yes. Come closer. Closer to us my darling, we are ready. Ready for you to show your face. Ever closer nooowww, aannndddd... STRIKE!

With a sudden fluid motion, one of the many bats would make its presence known. Darting elegantly down it's shadowy claws made visible that snatch round its pray before her teeth quickly sunk into the creatures neck and drained it of its life. Lifting its head back up with a fanged grin, wrapping her under lip through her mouth to lick off the remaining blood that stained her mouth. The bat would hop back away from the rat that had made its futile attempt to scurry its way across the smutty buildings floor. It's attention being suddenly grabbed by a strange smell that wasn't present within the room a moment ago. The small creatures bright white eyes would suddenly twist round to lock with that of a strange, crocked nosed green... Thing. There was still not a word she had decided on of what to call the strange people that she met here, the word alien worked she supposed. But that was too plain.


Regardless, during her dead focused attempt to hear out and snatch up a quick and easy meal, somehow she had failed to notice this new comer enter. How intriguing. Though this game of staring had to end at some point, and Unity was eager to get the chance for something fun to do. Seems it landed right in her lap. "Well. Well. Hello there greeny. Didn't hear ya come in. Tssheheh." The tiny purple bat would take one hop closer to the new comer, tilting its head to one side as it's focus was taken by the pipe in its mouth. "Aww, just like the rest of the scum in these parts. Why you all have to go dirty your blood with that filth. Such a waste." The bat would shake its little head, all forty nine of Unity's other parts keeping silent in the rafters above, all now with their eyes closed to keep themselves even less likely to be noticed. Had to have some trick up your sleeve incase this guy wasn't friendly after all. Hopping from one side to the other, Unity would inspect the creature in full. He was a small one, that's for sure. Not that she could say much whilst like this, though the real question was... "So how'd you get your arse all the way up here, huh? Don't see no wings on you, nor a real reason why someone would bother to put the effort in to climb this high. Nothing but molding woodwork up here, Tsshehe. You should learn how to make better use of your energy." She'd offer in a sarcastic tone, baring two huge fangs for her size as she grinned. Oh what fun will this one bring.

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PostSubject: Re: Just What the Hell Did I Get Myself Into? (Grubby & Unity)   Tue Nov 14, 2017 11:54 pm

I decide it's about high time to kick my feet up. Relax a 'lil. I got my pipe, I got some moldy-ass blankets, I got nowhere to go and most importantly I got no one to bother me. Win-fuggen-win right there. I lay down on the rotten cotton and swing one leg over the other, bobbin' it a bit as I suck down that sweet cherry. It's gonna be a damn shame when I run out, needa find somewhere in this Azmodeus-forsaken place that has something like it. With my luck it's probably powdered pixie jizz or smelted orphan hearts or something. Or a demon wants my soul for it. Jokes on those assholes, I already sold my soul fer half a bacon sandwich when I was a knee-high ankle biter. ...think they'll buy that? I dunno, I would. But somethin' tells me folks 'round these parts are a 'lil less willin' to make a deal. Actually, I'm kinda surprised my head ain't tore off yet. I been walkin' up to strangers and givin'em a howdy-doo without so much as a dagger and everyone just accepts it. Whata buncha fruitcakes. If I were me I woulda killed me fer bein' a prissy shit stain sin against the eyes, but I ain't so nice to dumbass goblins.

The spooky shit shack makes a lotta noise while settlin', sounds like trees havin' a three-way but it don't bother me none. My ears are open fer somethin' a 'lil different, the sounds of boots on wood. There's a particular sound to the stompin'a purposed feet an' if yer a gob like me you get the fear of it real quick. Specially now, y'know, bein' sans killin' iron. But I ain't as worried as I should be. I got a clear shot to the window, punk asses gotta beat me down three flights of stairs to take a whack at me and I don't see that happenin' 'fore I get the hell outta Piss City. So there I was, just puffin' away and havin' a gay ol' time lettin' my achin' back take five and my blistered feet get off the ground when I look up and see a bat starin' at me. I give it the stink eye a'course, lippin' at my pipe as I do so. S'long as I don't bother it it's not gonna bother me. It'll make a good early warnin' system besides. I just hope I don't get shit on, guano don't come outta leather easy. Don't ask me how I know that.

And then it started talkin' to me.

...well ...shit. Lookit that.

And like I woulda never fuggen guessed it starts mouthin' off about how my blood ain't pure and what the fuck I'm doin' there and how the hell I got there. Figured as much it didn't see me come in 'til I lit up. This fuggen pipe's gonna be the death of me, I swear to fuggen Mugblyat. So I figure it's either one'a two things. I'm in a vampire's domain, y;know, cuz it's not like a bat's fuggen chattin' me up or fuggen nuthin'... or it's a familiar. Now if it's a vampire I ain't worried. I know it ain't gonna bite me because I'm a fuggen gob and dogshit looks more appetizin'. Would you bite me? I'd rather fuggen hang myself, personally. And if it's a familiar then I ain't worried neither. Cuz if it's a familiar it's gotta be either a necromancer and I'm already dead and then, well, undead... or it's a warlock so fuggen incompetent he can't clean his own tower and I ain't scared'a slobs. I'll kick that pissant right in the goodie bits and do the Charleston out the fuggen door. And I also figure one more thing: I'm way too damn old fer this bullshit.

"*uurrRRUGH hack hack* ...mmmnn an' annoyin' fuggen bats that should mind their own damn business," I answer back as I cough up a lung, "Don't matter how I got here, maybe I hitched a ride on a magical fuggen carpet. The fuck do you care? Now pipe down, let an old man get some shuteye." Then I cover myself with a few ripped up shirts like a blanket, leanin' up against the wall with my pipe in my mouth. Of course I ain't sleepin', I might be dumb but I ain't fuggen stupid. The minute you go to sleep they get ya. Instead I'm gonna keep my hood over my eyes, tilted down real shady-like. If it gets closer to the ground in front'a me it'll see me watchin' like a goddamn hawk but I don't care. Maybe I'll scare it. That's what they never count on, the freaks of the night. They ain't got nuthin' to be scared of and that makes it fuggen terrifyin' when something comes along that manages to get the job done. Fuggit, I'm just about ugly enough and surly and old to be scary in my own right. And I ain't afraid'a no bat or vampire or whatever the fuck neither. I'll bite it's goddamn head off, means I ain't gotta go rat trappin' in the mornin'.
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PostSubject: Re: Just What the Hell Did I Get Myself Into? (Grubby & Unity)   Wed Nov 15, 2017 6:41 pm

With a slight snicker followed by a fanged grin, the bat, which happened to be the embodiment of Unity's calmness, would sit amused with the strange and quite honestly smelly green creature. Polyphons were a strange race, one that came in the form of many separated creatures that could come together to form one conscious person. Though when apart, even if they all work in tandem and are like a hive mind controlled still by one singular entity. Each of their splits held one personality trait close to them that they were forced to always show themselves as. So it mattered little what old rag clothes was saying to the creature, threaten it all he liked, tell it to leave or even insult it. This particular part of Unity would always be seen as calm and collected.

"Oh now, now. We were not trying to annoy." The bat would continue, despite the clear clues that the old fart wanted to be left alone. "Simply we seem to find ourselves sharing the same place of rest. Hm? One does not simply barge their way into a place they do not own without the least of expectations of finding someone else living there, no? We merely were being friendly, perhaps you didn't deserve as much. Tsshehehe." With a piercing snicker, the bats bright white eyes would seem to shine for a moment as they looked the potential meal up and down once more, shaking its little head in disappointment. That was, until the grizzly mans words caught its attention once more. "A flying carpet you say? Such a thing we've never heard of. Though your tone shows that of, what did that one guy call it... Sarcasm. So we suppose it would be unwise for us to believe such things without observational proof. Tssheh. We merely care for observation, is what we do best. Though it is never fun without a little... Context."

Ah, so a night sleeper. This makes sense. Suppose it is the same reason they choose to come up here if its what he's trying to do. Why a place like this though? Does he not have a place of his own to sleep, or was she wrong in the assumption that he didn't live here. It would seem odd if so, he didn't question why we were here at all, surely if he owned the place he would of been more defensive about it. Curious. Though many questions flooded Unity's mind, with the calmness side of her in the lead she would simply sit and tilt her head lightly. Watching the green man from a distance to see what he would do. There was no reason for her to disturb him, then again one could always still be a threat so keeping an eye on him was important and something she was good at. If the man bothered to look back up he'd simply be met by those two piercing white eyes staring at him almost unblinkingly. However after just twenty seconds had passed where no interactions between the two continued, without her focus on keeping the rest of her split selves away, her curiosity side couldn't help but to fly down beside her calmness. The pair of bats both now staring towards the poison blooded man both with the exact same seated pose and look on their faces. Literally as if they were mirror images. Was the strange man really asleep? It was ever so curious.

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PostSubject: Re: Just What the Hell Did I Get Myself Into? (Grubby & Unity)   Sat Nov 18, 2017 3:03 am

"*Ahrrrm!* Just gotta use yer imagination, pipsqueak," I tells it, clearin' my throat of all the bullshit that's buildin' up in it. Damn it sucks gettin' old. "Whole big wide world out there fulla things you never seen. Big ass towers made'a stained glass an' clouds'a cotton candy. Me? I'm filled with the wishes'a small children and I shit fuggen rainbows." I fold my hands over my chest, bouncin' a foot in the air over one leg. Pssssh, get fuggen real. Now all I said was bullshit because it's 'sposed to be obvious but who's never heard of a magic fuggen carpet? I mean they ain't common an' shit but they sure as the warts on my ass exist. Fuggen expensive though and the patterns suck balls. Always in red, too, never any good brown flyin' carpets. Tried to get Hildebrandt to spring for one once but he stuck with the broom. Guessin' he enjoys havin' a stick up his ass.

I wiggle the pipe around in mouth a bit, passin' it from one corner to the next. Even if I'd been dog tired and was actually gonna grab forty winks instead of playin' peekaboo with some freaky familiar I wouldn't be able to get any kinda sleep with all that yappin' it's doin'. When I was knee high I could fall asleep anywhere. Standin' up, sittin' down, in the middle of pinchin' a loaf, didn't matter. But I got pampered by some nice things over the years, things like bein' inside and not sleepin' in my own shit puddle. Don't miss it a bit, I was a stupid 'lil shit back then.
"Sure like to run yer gums, don't ya? *wheeeeeze*" I grumble at the flyin' rat, "Don't know if this is yer place an' frankly I ain't plannin' on leavin' while the moon's still out. If it is you should probably pick up a fuggen broom or some shit, I'm just sayin'. I ain't gonna be no bother anyhow, I'll be gone 'fore sun up." Of course I'm talkin' out my ass, ain't no way I'm gonna fuggen stay here tonight with talkin' fuggen animals. The fuck do you think I am, a druid? ...I swear to fuggen Azmodeus if that even crossed yer mind I'll knock yer damn teeth out. I may be dirty but I'm no damn longshanks hippy.

But anyways, I'm just waitin' for the excrement to hit the rotatin' blades so to speak. Ambush is comin', it's just a matter of time. Vampire, wizard, fuggen Santa Claus in assless chaps, I don't know what's comin' but oh it's comin' and when it does I'm gonna get my ass movin'. Why don't I go now? Cuz I don't fuggen wanna, that's why. And maybe I wanna find out what we're gonna be up against, this a scoutin' job. Gotta know what uglies are hidin' in the closet, waitin' in the wings to throw the lube right in the trash and take all'a fer a ride on the lap sausage. Hopefully... it's another fuggen vampire. Cuz that simplifies the problem, only gotta have the one thing and that's a silver knife. Warlock makes it just a bit more awkward and necromancer? I fuggen quit, good luck assholes!

And I notice it gets quiet. I heave a big breath just to sell the act'a sleep but I been starin' at the sludge between my toes the whole damn time. Really gotta bite them fuggen toenails short when I get back to camp at the enda the week, I'm startin' to look like a wildlin'. But it gets quiet, deader 'n a gnome in... kinda anywhere. Those 'lil bastards got a tendency to go tits up at the drop of a fuggen hat. BUT ANYWAY it gets quiet and I, bein' the roguish type, don't like when it gets too damn quiet cuz that's when you fall on a dagger half a dozen times. Place is still like a high elf in bed. All casual like I raise my filthy-ass hand to my hood and lift it up with my long-ass fingernail. Gotta get them bit off too. And what do I see? Just the bat. Wiiiiiiith a friend.

"Aah fuggen shit..." There's two of'em now. There ain't never two of'em, more like a shitton. And I ain't a fuggen scholar or nothin' but it ain't a stretch to figure that both of'em talk. So I look at it and it looks at me. It looks at me and I look at it. I know what's goin' on and I'm pretty sure that... those... fuggit, it's a that now, I ain't playin' this damn game. I'm pretty sure that thing knows what's goin' on too. So fuggen tired'a this bullshit, stupid-assed Shadow Plane with yer goddamn monsters and shit that goes bump in the night and cryptic motherfucken jagoffs. So I do what it ain't expectin'. I take a puff of my pipe, blow some smoke out my nose... then I lean back and get comfy.
"Ya fuggen done it now, pipsqueak. I'm up, I'm up. I ain't gonna look no better without any beauty rest and that shit's on you. Whaddya want?" If I'm bein' honest I don't wanna fuggen chat with the damn thing, I wanna find an abandoned hayloft, kick up my feet, rub one out and go the fuck to sleep. But it looks like that ain't happenin'. Whatever, I'm fuggen ornery, fuggen try me.
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